oh monstrous, oh monstrous

JD. 30s, white, nonbinary dyke, they/them/e/em. wife guy in training 💍. ttrpgs & accessibility.

[vixvigil]

it’s never a normal temperature anymore it’s always some fucking bullshit

[keplercryptids]

in my head I've been counting down to my wedding day and it's like, sweet, that's nine days from now, yayy. what I have NOT been counting down to is the day we actually leave for our wedding and 2-week honeymoon road trip. which, in a great panic a moment ago, I realized is FIVE days from now !!! anyway brb packing

[keplercryptids]

hey it's officially july. you know what that means..

I'M GETTING GAY MARRIED THIS MONTH 🥰💖🥹🌈🥳🪻💍✂️🏳️‍🌈✨🧡

[chainmail-butch]

Hi, its me. The warmest creature in the world. I love you. Im the warmest creature in the world and I love you so much and I need to be in your lap right now. Yes, I know about the heat wave. That's okay though because I was already the warmest creature in the world so I don't mind. I love you and you need to let me sleep in your lap right now. I'm soooo warm and I love you sooo much. If you say no you'll be saying no to a thing that love you. Let me sleep in your lap. When I fall asleep I get warmer. I love you

[bugwars]

It is imperative that the customer remain unaware that employees drink water, it frightens and scares them to think of an employee as having human needs

[crabussy]

you are alive on a planet with insects and whales and diatoms and mycelium networks and puppies and your human friends. literally so awesome to be a living thing

[keplercryptids]

the most lesbian household thing we've done this week is name our houseplants Clio, Mnemosyne, Terpsichore, Urania, and Melpomene (based on their personalities, of course).

[theriverbeyond]

honestly getting cozy in bed is one of the top experiences one can have on this green earth

[keplercryptids]

today I got my tattoo touched up (more gray now that it's healed, also added spots on the magnolias, which are cute and help with hiding the man beneath them lmao and which I am trying very hard to love even though they look less like magnolias and more like lilies now. it's fine!) and then wandered in my favorite cemetery for an hour. sat in the grass and watched a baby bunny chew on the weeds. I am one with nature now, etc etc

[mildmayfoxe]

1) any stretching is better than no stretching

2) any vegetable is better than no vegetable

3) statistically you will never be the worst person at anything, there is always someone in the world who is worse at stuff than you are

[keplercryptids]

I didn't plan anything for solstice because it snuck up on me (where did spring go) but I did repot all my plants! which feels solstice-y. and I also got a new little aloe plant friend.

[stuckinapril]

They weren’t lying when they said that as an adult you have to fight for your life to practice your hobbies

[stuckinapril]

They also weren’t lying when they said that when you fail to do so your soul shrivels up inside your body and dies

[keplercryptids]

making the forbidden 1pm coffee. but in my defense I've earned it 🫠

[keplercryptids]

in basically a month I'm gonna have a WIFE

[b0nkcreat]

eyes emoji was the perfect invention for nosy people. like 👀 whats going on over here 👀👀 i just wanna know #LetMeKnow 👀👀👀

[keplercryptids]

I need non-lesbian authors to STOP writing sapphic books like this!!

[image description copied from alt text: text from a book. Highlighted: "Her vagina opening like it was gulping, latching on like a clingfish." A sad face and exclamation points are doodled over the text.]

[image description copied from alt text: text from a book reading, "Heloise's hand is on the back of her head, pushing her, and her face is against warmth and fungus and soaking and heat and slime and sticky and clam and buttered tortellini and slug trail and meat and ylang ylang and pulse and wet and squashed jasmine flowers, and she is licking and sucking." Many adjectives are highlighted and "noooo!" with a frowny face are doodled at the bottom.]

(the book is worry doll by laura mcpherson-brown and it's going directly onto my list of "lesbian books for straight people." also it's just not a very good book lol)

[keplercryptids]

there's some disbelief in the notes that this is real and I assure you, these passages are in a real published book (worry doll by laura mcphee-browne, I got the last name wrong above, oops) that I spent real american dollars on like a chump

[keplercryptids]

I need non-lesbian authors to STOP writing sapphic books like this!!

[image description copied from alt text: text from a book. Highlighted: "Her vagina opening like it was gulping, latching on like a clingfish." A sad face and exclamation points are doodled over the text.]

[image description copied from alt text: text from a book reading, "Heloise's hand is on the back of her head, pushing her, and her face is against warmth and fungus and soaking and heat and slime and sticky and clam and buttered tortellini and slug trail and meat and ylang ylang and pulse and wet and squashed jasmine flowers, and she is licking and sucking." Many adjectives are highlighted and "noooo!" with a frowny face are doodled at the bottom.]

(the book is worry doll by laura mcpherson-brown and it's going directly onto my list of "lesbian books for straight people." also it's just not a very good book lol)