hello! this is my first chapter for my new steddie fic, and I am so SO excited to start posting it!
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Summary: Eddie Munson is trapped in a life where he feels like a burden. He needs a purpose, someone to take care of.
Enter Steve Harrington, father of twin girls, who is in desperate need of someone to take care of his daughters, and maybe himself.
Warnings for this chapter: swearing
Words: 3.7k
The collar of the stiff button-down scratches at Eddie’s neck. He has the unflinching urge to reach up and scratch, but that hardly feels appropriate right now, especially given the itch is coming from somewhere close to his mating gland. Despite being in an otherwise empty room, he knows that there are people milling about somewhere beyond these walls, and he’d be embarrassed as hell if one of them came back to find him itching at his neck like some kind of diseased freak.
Okay, maybe he’s projecting. Maybe that’s a very normal thing to do, and he’s just so out of tune with being around people that he can’t get everything together in his brain. Yeah, maybe that’s it.
He’s still deliberating about the stupid tag or string, or whatever it is that itches, when the door swings open. Eddie’s not proud of the way he jumps at the sound.
A woman stands there, well-dressed and business-like, a kind smile on her face. “Mr. Munson, correct?”
Eddie stands, subtly wiping his hand on his jeans before offering it for a handshake. “Yes, that’s me.”
The woman smiles at him, a twitch of her lips like she’s amused by his gesture, but she takes his hand nonetheless. “Great. Mr. Harrington wanted me to apologize for the delay, his meeting dragged on a little bit longer than he expected. He’s ready to see you now, if you’ll just follow me.”
Eddie nods, reaching behind himself to grab the only two items he brought with him to this interview, his leather jacket and a file folder that contains one measly sheet of paper masquerading as his resume. It’s not super impressive, so he’s hoping his thoughtful presentation of it will make up the gap.
As he follows the young woman down a series of corridors, she introduces herself. “I’m Robin, Steve’s assistant.”
“Nice to meet you,” Eddie says politely. He racks his brain for an appropriate question to ask her, of the job, the potential employer, anything. The only thing he comes up with is, “So, what does Mr. Harrington do? This is a, uh…” He glances around them at the opulence, trying to find the right word for it all. “A very prestigious-looking place.”
Robin snorts. The sound, so out of place in the stark white hallways smelling of rich lavender and patchouli, startles a small giggle out of Eddie, and immediately puts him at ease. “He’s the CFO of this company. I couldn’t even begin to explain to you what all the company does, all I know is they buy a bunch of smaller ones and sell them off, and I think maybe manage the ones worth keeping?” Robin shrugs, then leans into Eddie with a voice like she’s telling a secret. “I wouldn’t bother asking him either, he’s tried explaining the logistics of it all to me for years and I still have no clue what he’s talking about half of the time.”
Eddie laughs at that. “Right.” He nods. “Thanks for the tip,” he whispers back.
His guide grins at him, coming to a stop at a large oak door at the end of a hallway. There’s a nameplate directly next to the door, and the name Steve Harrington glints at him in bold, gold-plated letters. That sign alone probably cost more than all of Eddie’s personal belongings, he thinks bitterly.
“Alright. Steve’s a little scatterbrained sometimes, so don’t be alarmed if he asks you something like, four times,” Robin says, gesturing to her head with a vague fluttering finger. She drops her voice before speaking again. “He did mention that you were like, at the top of his list of candidates, so try not to be too nervous, okay?” She smiles, like that’s supposed to be encouraging.
Eddie feels like he’s going to puke. That’s possibly the last thing he wanted to hear, and if anything, he’s even more anxious than before, knowing the man already has expectations of him. “Right,” he says, straightening his shirt out nervously, reaching up and ensuring that all his frizzy hair is still tucked neatly into the bun he’d crafted earlier. “And you’re positive he’s okay with a male omega applying to be the nanny of his kids? He knows that, right?”
Robin smiles, but something glints in her eyes like she knows something he doesn’t. “Positive. You’re gonna do great, Eddie.”
Before Eddie can even question how she could be so sure of such a thing, Robin is leaning past him and rapping her manicured fist against the wood, twice, three times. “Steven, your eleven o’clock is here,” she calls out politely.
Eddie is going to pass out, he’s so goddamn nervous.
“Send him in,” a voice calls from behind the door.
Robin reaches for Eddie’s wrist, squeezing gently. “Good luck,” she whispers quietly before stepping back, gesturing Eddie forward.
He takes a deep breath, then grabs the handle, embarrassed at how his sweaty hand sticks against the cool metal. He clears his throat, then enters the room.
The first thing he notices is the amount of natural light. It doesn’t take long to pinpoint the culprit, a massive wall of windows situated just opposite the heavy oak door, which closes gently behind him as he steps into the room. The next thing his eyes flick to is the massive desk just in front of those windows, and then to the man standing directly in front of that desk.
He’s tall, probably six-foot at least, and lean, his body one long, gorgeous line leaning back on his desk, his hands tucked casually into the pockets of his charcoal gray trousers. He’s got a white, expensive-looking button down tucked into those trousers, a blazer that matches his pants hugging his arms and shoulders nicely. Eddie’s eyes travel up the length of him in a couple of seconds, but it feels like hours in the quiet stillness of the room. Then his eyes meet soft brown ones, and he knows immediately that he’s fucked.
“Hey there. I’m Steve, you must be Edward?” The man says politely, stepping forward and holding his hand out for a polite, business-like handshake.
And fuck. Either the man doesn’t believe in scent-blockers or they just aren’t fucking strong enough, because as soon as he steps forward, Eddie is engulfed in the scent of soft vanilla, the most homely, comforting scent he’s ever had the pleasure of smelling, he’s sure. There’s something underneath it, too, something a bit stronger, almost like a bourbon, and Eddie immediately knows this man has got to be pure alpha. No other designation would smell that good to him, he’s almost sure of it.
He realizes, belatedly, that Steve is still waiting for him to move. Great. Now he looks like an idiot.
“Eddie.” His own voice surprises him, and he gives himself a mental high-five for being able to speak without sounding like an absolute fool, when internally, he’s screaming. “I go by Eddie,” he elaborates when Steve quirks an eyebrow, returning the handshake and praying his hand isn’t still sweaty.
“Alright, Eddie,” Steve says with a smile. He gestures to the chairs in front of his desk. “Please, have a seat.” He steps back to his desk, and Eddie expects him to go behind it to his own chair, so he’s a little surprised when instead, Steve takes the seat adjacent to Eddie’s. “Do you mind if I sit here? I hate having a desk between myself and someone else when trying to have an interview. Makes me feel like a douchebag,” Steve jokes.
Eddie nods, filing away the language. So this man clearly isn’t going for an overly-elaborate farce of professionalism. Either he’s just like that, or he’s trying to trick Eddie so he’ll slip up and look like an idiot. He decides to tread carefully, just in case. “Yes, sir, that’s fine with me,” Eddie replies with a nod.
Steve’s face flickers with something vaguely displeased, but he nods. “So, let’s start with the basics. Tell me about yourself.”
God. That dreaded question.
Eddie forces a pleasant smile on his face before he begins speaking. “Well, I’m from a small town not too far from here. I wanted to move to the city for, um… personal reasons.” He hopes the lie isn’t too obvious. He didn’t want to move to the city at all, but Steve doesn’t need to know that. He just needs to be impressed with him and give him a job.
“Sure,” Steve says neutrally, more so just bridging the gap of silence that stretches out after Eddie hesitates. “Where did you work prior to applying for this job?”
Eddie is sure his face is pink. He knew the question was coming, but it still embarrasses him, just a little. He tries to cover it up by glancing down at his file folder, sliding the one sheet of paper out of it and handing it over to Steve with a nervous tremble in his hand. “Um. I’ll be honest, sir, I haven’t had much experience in… this sort of job.”
Steve skims the paper quickly, and Eddie can’t help but watch the way his eyes dart across the page. It’s not much. His education was nothing impressive, just a high school diploma, no college. The work experience wasn’t anything to write home about, either. He had included working at his uncle’s automotive shop, since Wayne had agreed to serve as a reference if he needed it, and since Mrs. Henderson had allowed him to put her down too, he added babysitting to his experience as well. Dustin, the now twenty-year-old baby-to-be-sat in question, probably wouldn’t find the humor in that, but hey, what’s a little fabrication over something that had occurred nearly seven years ago?
“Right,” Steve says, glancing up from the paper to Eddie. “So, this is the only professional experience you’ve had?” He doesn’t sound judgmental, just curious, but Eddie still shrinks in his seat, embarrassed.
“Uh, yes, sir.” He glances down at his hands, cursing himself for not wearing his rings today. He would love to have something to fiddle with right about now. “I, um… Can I speak candidly, sir?”
Steve nods, leaning forward to place the skinny resume on his desk. “Please,” he says, gesturing for Eddie to continue as he sits back, crossing his left ankle over his right knee.
Eddie doesn’t let his eyes wander to where they want to. “Right. Well, I haven’t had… a great couple of years, if I’m honest. I wanted to…” he sighs, shakes his head. Feels stupid before he continues, “I wanted to be a musician, so I’ve spent the past few years out of high school working for my uncle while doing gigs and things on the side, hoping to go somewhere with that.”
Steve perks up, looking interested. “Oh? What sort of music do you play?”
Eddie smirks, almost laughs. “Um, metal,” he says. He hates to be that guy, the one who judges someone’s music taste on their appearance - but come on. The guy had perfectly-styled gelled hair, and a suit that probably cost more than Eddie’s first car. It wasn’t a long shot to guess the guy probably listens to Harry Styles or The Script, some shit like that.
“Ah,” Steve says, giving a vague nod. Bingo, I was right, Eddie thinks coyly. “So… what happened there? Are you giving up on that dream?”
And that… sort of stings. He’s not heard it said so bluntly yet, but Steve, this stranger, has just hit the nail on the head. “Uh, not exactly,” Eddie says, trying hard not to bristle at him. “I’m just… putting it on pause. Considering other options, I guess.”
Steve nods, like that’s a perfectly reasonable thing to do. Eddie can’t explain why, but that irks him a bit. “Okay. So, why this option? Other than babysitting, you didn’t mention any previous child-rearing experience, so why do you want to be a nanny?”
And isn’t that the million dollar question?
Wayne had thought Eddie insane when he told him about this job, excitedly showing him the newspaper clipping like a kid showing off a star sticker on a test. He’d actually asked Eddie if he felt okay, if he was sure this is something he thought he wanted. Eddie understood the concern, since it really wasn’t like him, but…
But the thing is, he’s getting older. He’s already twenty-six, unmated, and no prospects in sight. And after that night, the night his band sort of fell apart, he was hyper-aware of something missing from his life. The idea of a family, however vague it had been before, was plaguing him now, everywhere he went.
He’s not sure how the hell to explain that to Steve, though.
He takes a deep breath, and tries. “I know this is going to sound selfish, but… at my age, I’m not sure I’ll ever have a family of my own. It’s something I want, obviously, but things aren’t really looking good, and it hit me recently that I don’t necessarily have to have it the way everyone expects me to. I just thought…” He shrugs, figuring he’s already shown all his pathetic cards. No point in hiding this one. “I thought that this way, I could at least have that experience of raising children, and be able to enjoy it while I’m still relatively young. And also help out a family who needs the help, of course.” Eddie admittedly tacks on the last part for posterity’s sake, but judging by the look on Steve’s face, it works.
“Huh,” he hums, giving Eddie an appraising look. “Well, I have to say, that’s probably the most unique answer I’ve heard to that question.”
Eddie’s heart sinks. Shit. Did he already blow it? Goddamn it, if he could just learn to keep his mouth shut, then-
“Can you cook? Do basic house chores?” Steve is asking, still looking at Eddie expectantly.
Eddie blinks, then nods, a little confused. Surely if this wasn’t going well, he wouldn’t keep asking questions, right? “Yes sir, I can,” he answers verbally, remembering his manners at the last minute.
Steve nods. “Perfect. My children are in school, so you won’t have to worry about having them there around-the-clock, but I will expect you to do some housekeeping duties while they’re gone during the day. You’ll have your own room, and we can negotiate days off, which you will spend at your leisure, of course.”
Eddie stares at him. “Um. What?” He asks, a little more blunt that he’d intended.
His interruption seems to startle Steve. “Hm? Oh, yes. I’m offering you the job, if you’d like it.”
Again, Eddie stares. “Are you… You don’t have any more questions for me?” Suddenly he’s a little desperate, suffering from emotional whiplash after thinking he’d bombed this just minutes ago, and now he’s being offered the job? What?
Steve blinks at him, his eyebrows crawling up that beautiful, clear forehead. “None really come to mind. Why? Do you think there’s anything I missed?” He sounds vaguely worried, a little crease forming between his eyebrows, like he’s trying to figure it out.
Eddie shakes his head. “No, I just meant - sir, you don’t even know me. And you’re just going to - just offer me the job?”
Steve gives him a look like he’s the strange one. “Um. Yes?” He laughs then, and Eddie hates that he finds the sound so attractive. “That’s kind of how this goes, I think.”
“You don’t want to know anything else about me? If I know CPR, or how to change a diaper, or-” Eddie is well aware he’s rambing, and apparently his self-destructive tendencies run deeper than he could have ever imagined, because here he is, probably ruining his chances of getting this job entirely.
“My children have been out of diapers for years,” Steve interrupts, a small smirk on his lips. “And I can teach you CPR, or how to do any other things you might not know how to do. Being a parent isn’t knowing everything on day one, Eddie. People have to teach you things, and I wouldn’t expect you to know everything.”
Eddie gawks at him. That sounds baffling, coming from the man interviewing him to basically raise his children. A thought pops into his head then. “What about your mate? Would they have more questions for me?”
Steve’s face darkens then, and Eddie instinctively cringes back. Shit.
“I don’t have a mate,” he says evenly, his voice a few degrees colder. “It’s just me and the twins. And, to assuage your concerns, Eddie, I’m not worried about you not having tons of experience. You’re exactly what I’m looking for in this position.”
“And what’s that?” Eddie can’t help but ask.
Steve gives him a little smile. “Well, for starters, you’re an omega, and I want my children to be omega-reared. So that ticks that box.”
For some reason, that sort of rubs Eddie the wrong way, but he swallows it down, nodding. “Okay,” he says neutrally. “And that’s it?”
Steve shakes his head. “No. You’re also smart, polite, and your concern for how I’ve conducted this interview tells me more than any nosy questions ever could. You’re sitting there, terrified that I’m going to put some strange man in charge of my children without even getting to know him first. So I know you’ll be protective of them, and look out for their well-being. That means more to me than whether or not you’ve changed a diaper before, Eddie.”
Eddie sits there, in silent shock. Or maybe, he thinks passively as he studies the easy grin on Steve’s face, maybe it’s awe. He’s in awe of how this man conducted this interview so seamlessly that he learned things about Eddie that Eddie couldn’t have adequately conveyed in any other way. “Oh,” he says dumbly.
Steve gives him a sympathetic little tilt of the head. “And I mean, we’ve already conducted a background check. You can’t really hide anything from me, sweetheart.” He shrugs, like it’s truly as simple as that.
And maybe it is.
Still, Eddie has a few concerns. “Right. So you know all you need to know-”
“For now,” Steve interrupts. He smiles when Eddie gives him a look of astonishment. “I expect I’ll learn more things about you, working together in this capacity. And in getting you trained to take care of my children, I’ll learn what you know and what you don’t know.”
Eddie wants to roll his eyes. All of that feels like semantics, comparatively speaking.
He shrugs instead. “Okay, sure. But… earlier, you said that I’d have my own room… Will I be living with you?” He almost flushes at the idea of it: unmated omega living with an unmated alpha and raising his children? This would be scandalous back in Hawkins, he’s almost positive.
Steve looks surprised that this is Eddie’s main concern. “Well, of course. It would make it far easier on everyone, I think, if you were already living with us. That way your days won’t have to start quite as early, and when I travel - which I do quite a bit - you’ll already be prepared to stay with the children.”
It makes perfect sense when laid out so simply. Eddie nods, satisfied with that explanation for now. His brain catches on another tidbit, and he decides to go ahead and ask. “You said you have twins? Is it just the two of them, or are there others?”
Steve has a conflicted look on his face, pride and sadness all rolled into one as he reaches forward, grabbing a picture frame off his desk and handing it to Eddie. “Yeah, it’s just the two of them.” The picture is cute, the two little girls standing with their arms wrapped around each other’s shoulders, grinning at the camera widely. They look quite a bit like Steve, but their hair is curly.
Eddie smiles at the photo, his heart melting a little. “They’re gorgeous. How old are they?” He glances up at Steve, finds him staring at the photograph with an adoring look.
“They’re six. The one on the left is Ivy, and the one on the right is Jasmine. They’re…” Steve shakes his head, a stupid smile on his face. God, Eddie’s heart hurts. “They’re my whole world.”
Smiling vaguely, Eddie gently sets the photograph back on the desk. He hadn’t actually accepted the job yet, but now he knows… This is what he’s been wanting. This semblance of family, the caring alpha… None of it is really his of course, but his-adjacent is just as good.
“I’d love to accept the job,” he says, finally making eye contact with Steve once more.
Steve grins. He looks visibly relieved, the tension melting from his shoulders almost instantly. “Perfect. Could you come Sunday to get settled in? You’ll start officially on Monday, if you can, but I want to go ahead and get you situated.”
Eddie nods. Today is Thursday, so this works out perfectly. He’s been dying to get out of his uncle’s hair anyway. Living with someone who can barely financially support themself has been difficult these last few years, and having that part of his life finally sorted out is a huge weight off his shoulders. He wonders if it’s a noticeable relief, like Steve’s was.
“That sounds good to me,” Eddie says.
Steve nods, standing up, and Eddie follows. “I’ll get Robin your information so she can send you the address and let you know what time to be there.”
“Alright,” Eddie says, holding his hand out for a final shake. Steve smiles as he takes it, and Eddie pretends he doesn’t notice the way their wrists bump together. Not nearly enough contact to scent each other, but the risk of it is a little exciting. That’ll certainly be something Eddie has to get over before Sunday. He can’t be crushing on his new boss, the father of the children he’ll be raising. That’s just a recipe for disaster.
“Well, it was lovely meeting you, Eddie. I’ll see you on Sunday, okay?” Steve gives his hand a pleasant squeeze before letting go, his hand finding its way to Eddie’s back as he gently guides him to the door.
Eddie nods, his leather jacket still clutched in his hands. “Yes sir, see you then.”
Steve’s face still does that same twitch when he hears that, but he nods, sending Eddie off with a smile and a gentle pat on the back. “Bye, Eddie. Drive safe!”
The door shuts between them, and Eddie almost slumps against it in a mixture of relief, frustration, and disbelief.
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Steve Harrington learns a lot of things about Eddie Munson in the months following Vecnapocalypse.
He learns who Eddie's favorite bands are and what toppings Eddie likes on his pizza. He learns that Eddie likes to talk, but is also frighteningly observant. He learns what Eddie is like when he's high, when he's drunk, when he's exhausted after weeks of shitty sleep plagued with nightmares. He learns all of these things and more, and he’s surprised to find that he really, really likes what he learns. Because Eddie is weird and loud and quirky, but he's also kind and attentive and the sort of person who just wants to bring a smile to your face when you're hurting, and it's good.
Eddie is good.
The thing Steve learns that he can't seem to stop thinking about, though, is that Eddie is undoubtedly the most physically affectionate person he's ever met.
It starts in the hospital, less than forty-eight hours after Vecna's defeat, when Eddie wakes up. Steve is on Eddie Duty at the time, keeping watch over a man who hasn't woken up since nearly dying in the Upside Down, when suddenly... Eddie's hand twitches. And Steve does what anyone would do - he scrambles to grab hold of it. He takes Eddie's hand and squeezes, and sure enough, Eddie squeezes back and then he just... won't let go. Eddie’s fingers stay curled around Steve’s even when his eyes flutter open, and the nurses come in to check on him. So Steve holds his hand until the drugs pull Eddie back into slumber, and he doesn't think much of it.
Only, after that, it's like the floodgates have opened. Eddie is touching Steve constantly. He's linking their arms while they walk out of the hospital for the first time. He's sitting so close during movie nights that their legs press against each other. He's resting his head on Steve's shoulder - sometimes even dozing there. Or when Steve is tired, he's pulling Steve towards him so Steve can have a few minutes to close his eyes, secure beneath Eddie’s arm.
It's weird, at first, but it's not uncomfortable. Just... different. So Steve just goes with it.
By the time a few months have passed, he's so used to touching Eddie that it hardly feels like anything more than the natural next step when they eventually start sharing a bed.
They're at Steve's house the first time it happens - loose-limbed and sleepy from the joint they shared earlier with Nancy and Robin. The girls have taken the guest room for themselves, and Eddie doesn't even bother to ask where he's going to be sleeping. He just follows Steve to his room and climbs under the covers beside him - both of them stripped down to just a t-shirt and boxers. Steve doesn't question it, not even when Eddie scoots a little bit closer, eyes wide and searching, and brushes Steve's arm with the backs of his fingers.
"Night, Stevie," Eddie says softly, fingers drifting leisurely back and forth on the skin of Steve's bicep. It feels nice. Soothing. It makes him feel strangely warm inside.
So Steve just smiles, wishes him goodnight in return, and lets himself drift off to sleep.
The second time, they're at Eddie's. Steve has rushed over to the trailer in the middle of the night after receiving a frantic, post-nightmare phone call from Eddie. Steve takes one look at the metalhead’s red-rimmed eyes and trembling bottom lip and pulls him into a crushing hug.
Eddie clings to Steve like he's afraid to let go, and Steve lets him. Eventually, they end up in Eddie's bed, but they still haven't let go of each other. Steve lays on his back and wraps his arms around a trembling Eddie, who pillows his head on Steve's chest. Eddie is wrapped around him like a koala, and Steve thinks it should be weird, being so close to another guy, but it's not. It just feels safe, and he gets the best night's sleep he's had in years when they finally find sleep again.
Then, it just sort of keeps happening.
Sometimes, Steve calls Eddie after a nightmare, and Eddie makes the drive to Loch Nora to cuddle Steve back to sleep. Other times, it's the other way around. Sometimes it's neither, and it's just them making excuses to stay over at each other's houses ("I had a beer, so maybe I shouldn't drive"; "I don't wanna drive home in the rain"; "your place is closer to work anyways").
Eventually, they stop making excuses altogether after the night Eddie looks at Steve in the dim light of the trailer and simply murmurs, "I don't want you to go."
After that, most nights look something like this:
Eddie, wrapped around Steve with his chest to Steve's back, pressed together from head to toe, sharing warmth to fend off the broken limbs and cursed bats that haunt their nightmares.
Steve, running his fingers through Eddie's hair while they wait for sleep to take them - Steve on his back, and Eddie with his head resting on Steve's chest and an arm thrown across Steve's stomach, draped across him protectively.
Eddie, curling towards a trembling Steve after a nightmare, foreheads pressed together while Eddie uses gentle hands to wipe away the tears and murmurs soft comforts until the vice around Steve's lungs loosens its grip.
Steve, spooning Eddie from behind, his own knees tucked into the backs of Eddie's, his face buried in the warm juncture of Eddie's neck, and Eddie's soft curls brushing against Steve's cheeks.
It's just them - Eddie and Steve and Steve and Eddie - in the darkest hours, night after night. Sharing breaths and trading secrets and granting trust until one day, Steve wakes up to the feeling of Eddie's warm body against his own, and Eddie's soft breath on his skin, and he realizes that somewhere along the line, something changed.
Somewhere along the line, between nightmares and secrets and achingly gentle touches, Steve fell in love.
And, God, he's still falling.
Eddie wakes only moments later, rolling over beneath Steve's arm so they're no longer spooning, but facing each other, his big, brown eyes landing on Steve's to fix him with a sleepy smile. It's beautiful. Eddie is beautiful, and Steve can't believe he didn't see it before.
He grants Eddie a smile in return, along with a soft, raspy, "Hi."
Eddie's smile widens. "Hi."
Steve stares at him for a long moment, gaze lingering on Eddie's long lashes, on the freckles that dot Eddie's nose and cheeks, so close now that Steve could count them, if he wanted to. He thinks he probably will, one day. The look in Eddie's eyes is soft and open, and the unabashed love shining through them nearly knocks the air from Steve's lungs.
"Did you know?" Steve asks softly, brushing their noses together. "Did you know that I'm in love with you?"
Steve hears Eddie's breath catch. He watches Eddie's eyes widen. "No," Eddie breathes. "But I hoped. God, I fucking hoped."
Steve swallows as his entire body tingles with emotion. He's so happy he sort of wants to cry. He thinks he might, if Eddie keeps looking at him like that - like Steve is a goddamn miracle. "Yeah?" Steve whispers.
Eddie nods, a wobbly smile forming on his lips. "Yeah, Stevie. Don't know if I would've survived, if it was just me."
Steve can't help himself. He kisses Eddie's forehead, lets his lips linger there for a moment before pulling away. "It's not just you, Eds. Promise."
And that morning, Steve Harrington learns yet another thing about Eddie Munson. He learns how Eddie kisses - like Steve is something beautiful. Precious. Worth taking care of. Like Eddie loves him, and Steve loves Eddie.
Steve learns how Eddie kisses, and he thinks it's probably his favorite thing he's learned yet.
When they first start dating Steve comes to learn that Waynes nickname for Eddie is “critter” or “the critter” (used interchangeably) and at first steve is like, scandalized. Bc how could you call your child that.
And then he started spending hours of his day with eddie and he realized oh my god, this man is more possum/raccoon/alligator than man. He’s a fucking trash panda. A porch monster. He’s a fucking critter.
When Mike Wheeler, red faced and still faintly tear stained, asks him how he knew he liked both Steve doesn’t know how to tell him it was his sister.
Before Nancy Wheeler it had only been boys. Before Nancy Wheeler Steve had been sure he was gay and knew well enough to keep it to himself; dating around enough to earn himself a protective reputation. Before Nancy Wheeler there’d been Marcus Summers, from the baseball team, during freshman year. Steve had gone to every game, and had been forced to make up excuses about schoolwork and his other commitments when asked why he hadn’t tried out for himself. Before Nancy Wheeler there’d been Tommy Hagan. The summer between seventh and eighth grade had been very kind to Tommy, he was sunkissed and boy next door sweet, Steve had wanted to hold his hand and count the freckles across the bridge of his nose.
Before Nancy Wheeler there’d been his first love, a boy who only visited one summer, the year Steve turned ten. His name had changed every time they hung out but he’d favored E’s. Eli, Emmett, Elliott, Eric, Excalibur, Excelsior, and once for about an hour Wayne. His hair brushed his chin in pretty brown curls and his big brown eyes were always bright with excitement. He always got storm off mad when any of the other boys they’d played with that summer said he was acting like a girl, E would run off to the woods and Steve would always follow. E always came up with the best games anyway, he didn’t like playing soccer or HORSE or anything else with rules that couldn’t be bent; he preferred imagination games where they were knights or wizards. He didn’t laugh when Steve said he always liked playing house, but never wanted to be the dad because why would he want to be someone who never wanted to spend any time with his kids. E who, while insisting on being called Samwise all day, was his first kiss.
Cause he knows what Mike wants to hear. He’s seen the way Mike and Will have danced around each other since the last portal closed. He’s heard the things Mike has said to and about Will. He’s heard all about the week that Will was in the Upside Down. He’s heard all about the summer of ‘85. He’s heard all about the final off again that seems to officially mark the end of Mike and El romantically. He knows that Mike wants him to say that he’d never even thought about boys before he met Eddie. That there’s just something special about Eddie that makes him want to give up his lady killing ways. That Eddie was different. That it was okay that he was having these scary new thoughts, maybe Will was just an exception.
And Steve doesn’t know how to have that conversation. When he realized he liked both it was a relief, that maybe he could have something normal and wouldn't have to spend his life lying or hiding.
But Eddie was different. Eddie was special. Eddie was probably it for Steve which is scary in a different way that he’s not ready to touch yet -- not when it’s only been three months.
There’s never been another girl since Nancy Wheeler, not really
There will never be another boy after Eddie Munson.
So he tries to help, as best he can. It’s easier with Eddie there, not quite dozing against his shoulder -- the kid’s emergencies always seem to come so late at night these days. “When I was ten, there was a boy whose name kept changing who decided prince charming should get to kiss his faithful knight. And when I was sixteen, your sister-”
Mike’s goodwill diminishes quickly as his sister gets introduced to the conversation.
“Stevie,” Eddie says. It’s not an admonishment for bringing up Nancy. It’s awestruck and watery. “You remember that?”
“Of course I remember the first boy I ever loved," that word catches up with him a second later. Remember.
Cause there's Eddie with his riot of brown curls and his Bambi eyes. Eddie, who has explained why soft feminine words chafe against his skin leaving him itchy and anxious. Eddie, who has an Uncle in Hawkins. Eddie who moved to town the summer before he entered high school with a buzzed head and his mother's last name. Eddie who finally settled into an E he liked best.
"Wheeler, here's a tip from me to you," Eddie says, his advice is always better received than Steve's anyway, "if you have to ask you probably already know."
"Straight people don't really spend much time wondering if they aren't really straight," Steve agrees.
They don't rush Mike out the door, a crisis is a crisis and even in the wake of new discoveries Mike deserves to be heard out. Deserves a chance to cry and rage and feel those emotions someplace safe from his Reaganite father -- just as much as Will deserves to have someone who knows what they want come to him, deserves better than experimentation.
They cross the bridge from late into early by the time Mike sets off. The sun is creeping up over the horizon and Mike looks solid, certain; the dawn hints at the man he is growing up to be. Though every instinct of Steve's begs him to drive the kid home, Eddie's soft hand lingering at his hip holds him fast. They wave instead, encouraging Mike to go home and to bed before he does anything; knowing his front bike tire is already pointed toward the Byers-Hopper place.
"The first boy you ever loved, huh, Stevie?" Eddie teases before the door has even managed to click shut.
"And the last, I'm hoping, if I play my cards right."
"You were always pretty good at that. You were the only person that summer who called me by my name, except Wayne."
"It was your name." He knows that's too simple. Knows how hard Eddie has had it, continues to have it. But that summer it had been that simple, Eddie trying on names like shirts each one fitting until they didn't. "For what it's worth, I like Eddie a lot more than Excalibur."
"Oh fuck off, I was going through a fantasy knight phase. Which I know you remember."
"Right a phase, and how much longer is this fantasy 'phase' going to last?"
They're the kind of tired that makes you feel drunk, when Eddie tackles Steve and sends them both to the floor and to giggles. Eddie might not have been his bi awakening, but Steve is pretty fine with him being his everything else.
Hello! I wrote this/posted it to ao3 back in September but I haven't had access to this tumblr (or a laptop, thanks Santa) since July, so I wanted to post it here now that I can!
read on ao3
Summary: iydlmp Dan and Phil through the trials of tribulations it takes to plan a wedding... and the wedding itself (sort of).
Word Count: 25.6k
Warnings: swearing, slight angst
June
Wedding planning… is a lot.
Like, a lot.
Dan never really put much thought into just how much work goes into it before he got engaged and had to start planning his own, but there’s just so much to do. And it seems never-ending; with every decision made there’s always at least three more that pop up right behind it.
So to say that he and Phil are exhausted is an incredible understatement.
“If I have to look at one more fucking flower,” Dan threatens solemnly as he all but slams the car door shut, turning the car on with jerky, angry movements.
Phil snorts as he snaps his seatbelt on. “Thank god Levi and Charlotte agreed to babysit today, I think we’d have a whole swear jar full by now.”
Dan huffs as he pulls out of the lot of the third florist shop they’ve visited today. “This is the worst,” he says, ignoring Phil’s remark entirely. “Like, in theory I knew that of course it would be a lot of work, but this is absolutely madness.”
“Told you we should’ve started planning sooner,” Phil says, rolling down his window as Dan merges onto the motorway. It’s a nice breeze, even as hot as it is outside, and Dan takes a moment to breathe and calm down before he replies.
“Yes, but we picked October because we knew that we would have more time to plan this summer,” he reminds his fiancé for what feels like the thousandth time.
“Yeah,” Phil says with no particular inflection in his voice. It still manages to grate on Dan’s nerves, however.
“You-“ he starts, his voice sharp. Phil looks at him, and he looks so exhausted, just like Dan feels, and that’s enough to make all the fight drain out of him. “Where did we need to go next?” He asks instead.
Phil lets out what sounds like a breath of relief, and Dan really wants to be hurt by that, but he’s not. “Home, I reckon.”
Dan turns to him with a start, and he can feel a frown tugging at his lips. “No, I thought we still had to go-“
“Hon, we’re both exhausted and frustrated,” Phil says, putting up a hand when Dan tries to argue. “I think we can call it a day. Maybe we’ll do some more shopping or planning online later. But honestly…” he sighs, pushing his glasses up to rub at his eyes. “Honestly I just want to go home and snuggle with you and the kids.”
As usual, Dan can’t deny a request like that.
“Yeah. Okay, yeah. We’ll go home.” He reaches across the console, hesitantly brushing his hand against Phil’s. Luckily, Phil doesn’t seem to mind, turning his hand over and lacing their fingers together immediately. “I’m sorry I’m grumpy,” Dan adds for good measure, sneaking a look at Phil’s face.
Phil smiles, squeezing Dan’s hand. “It’s okay,” Phil says. “I know you’re just stressed about everything.”
Dan nods, chewing his lip in contemplation. “You know I’m only stressed because I want this to be the best day for us, right?”
“Yeah,” Phil nods, but something in his voice is doubtful.
Dan squeezes his hand and risks another look away from the road to gauge Phil’s response. “I’m serious. I don’t care about anything else. I don’t care what kind of flowers we have, or what the color scheme is, or the fucking cake. That’s going to be our day, yeah? So all I care about is that we have the best fucking day.”
Phil laughs a little, but squeezes Dan’s hand again, his other hand coming up to stroke Dan’s knuckles. “Yeah. That’s what I want, too.”
“Perfect,” Dan says with a breath of relief. “So no more stressing about silly things, alright?”
“Okay,” Phil replies after a moment. “But can I just make one request?”
“Of course,” Dan replies. “It’s your wedding too.”
Phil hesitates. Dan strokes his thumb over Phil’s wrist gently, and this must comfort him enough to come out and say it. “Can we maybe talk to a wedding planner? At least a consultation?”
Dan’s first reaction is to recoil from the suggestion, the control freak within him hurt by the very insinuation that he couldn’t plan it all himself. But it has been stressful, and his mood swings have been harder on Phil than anyone. So he puts that part of him aside and agrees to look for a wedding planner to consult with.
“Thank you,” Phil breathes. He sounds so relieved that Dan feels a genuine pang of guilt.
“Of course,” he says again. “But if they suck, we don’t have to keep them, deal?”
Phil presses a long kiss to the back of Dan’s hand. “Deal.”
~~~
July
“How’s about a chapel?” Lauren, their well-intended but irritating new wedding planner asks in her nasally voice. She’d come with decent reviews, but her real selling point is that she was one of the only event planners in this part of the country that wasn’t completely booked for the next three months.
Dan is starting to see why.
“A chapel,” he deadpans.
Lauren nods, her stupid blonde ponytail swinging with the motion. “Mhm! There are several chapels in the area who have availabilities in October, as per your request, and-“
“We’re gay,” Dan interrupts. Phil nudges him to stop talking, but honestly, Dan is so over all of it at this point. “We’re very obviously gay and you want us to get married in a chapel?” Dan continues, sarcasm wrapping around the word like a curse.
“Dan,” Phil warns under his breath.
Lauren’s cheerful demeanor slips away a bit, and she looks a little uncomfortable. Dan is unfortunately too agitated to care. “Well… it was just a suggestion, of course. You don’t have to-“
“No,” Dan says immediately. “No, we’re not getting married in a chapel.” His tone is clipped and honestly rude, and he’s fully expecting it when there’s a sharp jab to his ankle.
“Daniel,” Phil hisses. Dan doesn’t even look at him. Phil sighs, and Dan can imagine the apologetic look on his face as he speaks to the trash wedding planner. “I am so sorry. Can we have a few moments?”
“Of course,” Lauren says, her tone slightly less bright than normal. “Take all the time you need, I’ll just pop inside for another drink. Would either of you like anything?”
“No, thanks,” Phil replies on behalf of the two of them.
Dan watches as Lauren nods, gives him a nervous look, then disappears into the cafe they’d agreed to meet at today. It’s nice enough, and it’s close enough to their realtor’s office, where they’ve spent most of the morning signing papers, working on closing on their first home. Dan tries to allow himself to daydream about a house that’s really theirs, but of course Phil doesn’t give him the chance.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Phil hisses as soon as the door shuts behind Lauren.
Dan takes a leisurely sip of his coffee, pretending like his hand isn’t shaking as he does. “Nothing,” he says stubbornly.
“Bullshit,” Phil says immediately. “You’re being a dick. You’ve been acting like this ever since we got here.”
“I haven’t,” Dan lies.
Phil makes a strangled sound of frustration, and Dan glares at the hetero couple that looks their way.
“Listen,” Phil starts. “You said you’d try. I know the first meeting with her didn’t go great, but she’s the only one with the space in her schedule to help us, and-“
“Didn’t go great?” Dan parrots, his voice edging on disbelief as he finally turns to face Phil head-on. “She asked if we were brothers! She thought I was helping you plan a wedding to a woman!”
Phil clenches his jaw. “She already apologized for that,” he says evenly.
Dan scoffs. “She’s a stranger, Phil. I don’t have to forgive her for being homophobic.”
“She’s not- ugh!” Phil groans, throwing his hands up to cover his eyes. He rubs them harshly, and Dan almost says something about his contacts, but bites his tongue. Phil is quiet for so long that Dan is starting to think maybe he did blind himself and is too pissed at Dan to admit he needs help, but when Phil speaks, it’s like Dan’s heart drops to his feet. “Do you even want to marry me?”
“I…” Dan stutters, so startled by the suddenness of the question. He’s startled all over again when Phil drops his hands, turning to stare at Dan with a hard gaze. “Of course I do.”
“I’m serious,” Phil says, ignoring him. “Is this what you want? Because the last few weeks… I’m not gonna lie, mate, I don’t think we’ve been treating each other how two people who want to be married should be treating each other.”
Dan isn’t sure which part of that hurts the most. The “mate” where he’d usually hear a “babe,” or the fact that Phil feels like this.
“Phil, I…” Dan stops. He realizes that this isn’t the place for this conversation, not when their half-wit wedding planner is hovering by the door to the cafe, clearly pretending to be busy while she waits for some sign that the coast is clear. “I want to go home,” he says quietly.
Phil sighs. “Dan, if you don’t want to go through with it, just tell me now so-“
“I do,” Dan interrupts quickly. “I do. But I want to talk about it… at home. Is that okay?”
It’s probably the softest tone he’s taken when speaking to Phil in like a week, and something about that seems to soften Phil as well.
“Okay,” he says finally. “Let me go talk to Lauren, and then we can go.”
“Alright,” Dan says. “Will you tell her I’m sorry?”
Phil looks like he’s about to argue, probably tell Dan that he should do it himself, but something stops him. He nods instead, handing Dan their wedding planning binder and gesturing to the car. “You can go ahead, I’ll just be a minute.”
Dan nods, and as soon as he’s out of earshot, he pulls his phone out, finding a familiar number in his contacts. He’s got a half-formed plan in mind about what he can do to fix this, and part one starts as soon as the call connects.
“Hey, Dan.”
“Hey, Martyn. Can you and Corn do me a really huge favor?”
~~~
“Uh, what’s going on here?” Phil asks as soon as he steps into their flat. The kids are waiting at the bottom of the staircase, each of them with a backpack over their shoulders. “Dan?” Phil says, turning around to give him a look of confusion.
Dan gives him a little smile, reaching out and tentatively squeezing Phil’s hip. “I asked your brother if they could watch them for the night.”
“What- Dan-” Phil starts, and Dan can tell that he’s got a protest right on the tip of his tongue. Luckily, their daughter comes to his rescue.
“Dad, Uncle Martyn said that when he picks us up he’s gonna take us to get ice cream with Evan and then we’re gonna watch a movie at their house! And- and did you know that Auntie Cornelia got us some blankets ‘special for us to sleep over?” Amelia is talking so fast that her words are running together a bit, but Dan watches a fond smile spread on Phil’s face at her excitement.
“Wow, darling, I didn’t know any of that,” he says, giving Dan a sideways look. “Did you all want to go to stay with Uncle Martyn?” Phil asks, looking over and meeting Levi’s eyes.
Levi shrugs, but nods. “Martyn is teaching me how to play a new song, so…” He gestures pointlessly to his guitar case propped next to the door, and that seems to be enough for Phil.
“Well, alright. As long as you’re all sure,” Phil says, looking at Dan with another look in his eyes like we’ll talk about this later. Dan secretly, selfishly, hopes that he can distract Phil from that with what he’s got planned.
“What are you guys gonna do tonight?” Levi asks, sounding curious.
Dan hopes the look on his face doesn’t look too sketchy, but just in case, he turns away, going to put their wedding planning stuff in the kitchen, where they’ll inevitably end up looking over it again later. “Oh, not much, probably just wedding planning stuff.”
He hears the smirk in Levi’s voice when he says, “so is that why you asked Martyn to take us for the whole night?”
Thankfully, Dan is saved from the embarrassment of answering that question when they hear a chime, indicating Martyn is there to pick up the kids. “Just in time!” Dan says, aptly changing the subject as he goes to buzz him into the building.
“Alright, guys, remember to be on your best behavior tonight, okay? Mind Martyn and Cornelia, and do as they say. And if for any reason you want to come home, you just call us, alright?” Phil says, crouching in front of the kids.
The kids let out a chorus of agreements, and then Phil holds his arms out for hugs, which the twins are very quick to give him. “Love you guys,” he mumbles, pressing kisses to their hair.
“Love you, Dad,” they reply, almost in sync.
There’s a knock at the door then, and Dan’s quick to open it, smiling gratefully at Martyn and Evan. “Hi,” he says, gesturing for them to come in. “Thanks again, for doing this,” he says quietly to Martyn.
Martyn shrugs, slapping Dan on the back with an easy grin. “No problem, mate. You two going to have a date night?” He asks, waggling his eyebrows.
Dan snorts. “More like a saving-our-wedding night,” he says weakly.
At this, Martyn’s lips twist down into a frown, and Dan curses himself for saying anything. “Everything alright?” He asks quietly, glancing at where Phil is checking that the kids have everything they need for an overnight trip in their bags.
“Yeah. Maybe. We’ll see,” Dan says with a shrug.
Martyn squeezes his shoulder in what seems to be sympathy or support, and Dan tries not to feel like he’s being pitied. Luckily, the twins pass their inspections and rush over to give Dan a hug goodbye.
“Be good, okay? I love you guys. If you don’t pass out during the movie, try to call me before bed so Dad and I can tell you goodnight, yeah?” Dan hugs each of them, peppering kisses over their foreheads, despite their protests.
“Okay,” Jaiden agrees. “Love you, Daddy,” he says it like an afterthought before moving over to talk to Evan about a video game they’re going to play together.
Amelia gives Dan a long look when she pulls away from him. “Will you and Dad be okay by yourselves?” she asks, sounding very concerned.
Dan can’t help the surprised laughter that spills out of his mouth when she says it, but he schools his expression when he sees how serious her face is. “Yeah, sweetheart, Dad and I will be fine, I promise.”
She seems skeptical, but nods. “You can borrow one of my plushies if you get scared by yourself, okay, Daddy?” It’s the sweetest offer, and Dan’s heart practically melts.
“Sure, honey. Don’t forget to brush your teeth tonight, okay?” he says, glancing over at Jaiden to make sure the message is received.
They both nod, distracted with their conversation with Evan and their sleepover adventure. Dan turns at the sound of footsteps, and Levi is stood there with Phil, who is carrying his guitar case with a nervous look on his face.
“Martyn, are you sure this is okay? I didn’t know that Dan called, and-” Phil starts, his empty hand twisting nervously in his pocket.
“Relax, mate. Corny was thrilled when Dan called, she’s been dying for a big sleepover with all the kids. And you know I love spending time with the neblings,” he says with a grin, ruffling Jaiden’s hair playfully.
Phil sighs, but relaxes. “Okay, as long as you’re sure. But if anything happens-”
“I’ll call you as soon as I call the fire brigade,” Martyn says sarcastically, rolling his eyes. Dan hides a grin.
“Not funny,” Phil says, shaking his head. “And you’re sure you’ve got everything you need?” Phil says, turning to speak to Levi.
“Yep. I’m all set,” he says, making eye contact with Dan over Phil’s shoulder, giving him a look that screams help me.
“Alright, babe, they’re fine. You guys make sure to call or text and let us know if you need anything, alright?” Dan says to the kids, who give him various agreements. The twins are bouncing on their feet, ready to go, and Levi reaches out for his guitar like he’s probably feeling the same.
Martyn, bless him, picks up on this and jingles his keys, catching their attention. “Alright, ready to hit the road, everyone?”
Of course, the kids chorus their agreement, giving one last round of hugs and goodbyes before following Martyn out the door, promising to call later that night before bed.
In the silence that follows, Dan wonders if maybe this wasn’t his best idea.
“You called my brother,” Phil says. It’s not a question.
Dan turns to look at him, his shoulders crowding his ears as he prepares for the coming argument or fight. “I did,” he says softly, spinning his engagement ring around his finger nervously.
“And you asked him to watch the kids, without even asking me?” Phil sounds hurt, not angry like Dan was expecting.
“Um… Yes,” Dan admits. “But I kind of did it, like, to surprise you.”
“To surprise me?” Phil says, sounding disbelieving.
“Yeah, I thought-”
“Well I’m definitely surprised when my fiance makes decisions about our children without even trying to consult with me first,” Phil snaps.
There’s the anger.
Dan takes a deep breath. “Can we go talk about this in our room?” He asks in a timid voice.
He’s expecting some sort of argument about why they should fight in the foyer, a neutral place, but Phil sighs and nods, gesturing for Dan to lead the way.
Somehow that makes Dan more nervous than the shouting.
He leads Phil into their room, aching to touch him, to seek out some sort of comfort. He knows realistically that it isn’t fair, that Phil doesn’t owe him that right now. But that doesn’t stop him from crawling onto the bed, turning around and tugging Phil forward by his belt loops. Dan’s expecting Phil to follow, so he’s a little surprised when he resists.
“What are you doing?” Phil asks, with an unreadable expression on his face.
“I just…” Dan trails off, unsure. “I thought maybe we could…”
Phil snorts once, no humor to be detected in his body language. “Maybe we could what? Fuck away our problems?” Dan cringes. “Sex doesn’t fix everything, Dan.”
Dan flushes with embarrassment at that. “I know that, I just-“ he tries.
“Just what?” Phil nearly shouts. Dan flinches. “Just want to avoid another uncomfortable conversation about our future? Just want one last fuck before you tell me you don’t want to get married after all? Because I’ll be honest, Dan, that’s what it looks like from here.”
Dan doesn’t realize he’s crying until he looks down and his hands are splattered with tears. He takes a couple breaths, trying to calm himself down a bit before trying to speak. “I’m sorry,” he says, his voice small. “That wasn’t- that’s not what I meant. I just… just wanted to feel close to you, I guess.”
There’s a long beat of silence, and then Phil sighs. He moves to sit at the end of the bed, well out of Dan’s reach, and that hurts. “I don’t want to. I’m sorry, but right now I just- I need space.”
And that really fucking hurts.
“Oh,” Dan sniffles. “Okay.”
Phil meets his gaze, and his face crumbles when he sees that Dan’s crying. He reaches a hand out, just a little, but brings it back to his lap instead. “We still need to talk about this,” he says, his voice sounding apologetic. “But I think we both need space to think about what we want.”
“I thought… I thought you wanted to marry me,” Dan says in a near-whisper.
Phil studies him carefully. “I do,” he says, his voice steady and certain. “But I don’t think that’s what you want.”
“It is,” Dan protests immediately. And he knows, without a doubt, that it’s true.
“Okay,” Phil says, his tone disbelieving. “But something is clearly not working here. So I think maybe… maybe we should take some time to think about it, yeah?”
Dan can feel himself crying harder, can feel his chest burn as it struggles to catch a calming breath. “Please don’t leave me,” he gasps out, his voice thick.
Phil makes a choked noise, and Dan barely has time to process it before Phil is wrapping him up in his arms. “I would never,” he whispers. “Even if we decide not to get married. I’ll never leave you.”
“But… you want to be married to me?” He means to phrase it with a little more confidence, but it comes out as a question.
“I do,” Phil replies. “And it’ll take me some time to get over it if we don’t. But, right now… I don’t know, Dan. I just, I don’t know.”
Dan sniffles against his collar, and Phil gently pulls out of his grasp. “I think I’m going to go do some work in the office for a little while, alright?” Phil says, clearly his attempt at a quick escape.
“Okay,” Dan mumbles, pulling his knees to his chest, hugging himself in the absence of Phil’s warmth.
Phil climbs off the bed, and looks at Dan like he wants to say something but isn’t quite sure what it should be. He shakes his head silently before leaving the room, the door closing behind him with a soft click.
So much for Dan’s great idea to fix everything.
~~~
A few hours pass with Dan crying and staring at his bedroom ceiling, but eventually he sneaks into the kitchen to figure out some dinner. Luckily, Phil is nowhere to be found. It’s never really something Dan’s been grateful for before, so this is an entirely new experience for him. He tries not to think about it too hard as he makes two servings of toast, slathering on Phil’s favorite spreads, almost on autopilot.
He’s a little afraid to risk another confrontation, but the flat has been dead silent since their argument earlier, and Dan knows it’ll just get worse if Phil doesn’t eat. So he quietly plates up the toast and grabs two bottles of water before making his way to the office, knocking quietly on the door.
“Yeah?” Phil’s voice calls out. It sounds rough, like he’s been crying, and Dan’s heart constricts.
“Brought you some food,” Dan says softly.
It takes a second, but the door slides open, and Phil’s stood there, messy hair and red-rimmed eyes watching Dan with a hesitant look. “Oh,” Phil says, glancing down at the plate, a brief flash of joy in his eyes before they meet Dan’s again. “Thank you,” he says politely.
Dan shuffles on his feet awkwardly. He’s never felt like this with Phil, not like this. “Can I… can we eat together?” He asks. The question feels stupid tripping out of his mouth.
“Of course,” Phil says softly. He steps back so Dan can come into the office, moving to sit in the computer chair while Dan moves to the armchair beside the desk.
They nibble on their toast in silence for a few minutes, but it’s the most tense silence Dan has ever experienced. “Did you get some work done?” He asks to fill the quiet, glancing at the computer screen.
He’s just barely managed to read the words in the search bar before Phil is closing out of the tab altogether.
Alternatives to weddings
“Not much,” Phil says lightly, not meeting Dan’s eyes.
On a normal day, under different circumstances, Dan would push.
Tonight, he lets it go.
“Quiet without the kids here,” he remarks softly. He doesn’t want to fight about it again, but he can’t ignore the elephant in the room forever.
Phil glances at him sharply, but nods. “It is. I…” he starts, stops, then shakes his head.
“What?” Dan prompts gently.
Phil’s quiet for a moment, but finally he says, “did you know we were going to fight tonight? Is that why you asked Martyn to watch them?”
Dan squirms uncomfortably, because yeah, it was part of his reason. The other part was that he was counting on solving their issues and maybe celebrating with a more intimate activity, one he didn’t exactly want their children to be privy to. “I thought it was a possibility,” he admits after a few minutes.
“Oh,” Phil says. He nods, and it seems like maybe he’s settled some more. “Then, thank you. I’m glad you thought to protect them from witnessing that.”
“You’re… you’re welcome?” Dan says, and he can tell it comes out like a question.
Phil shakes his head, taking a long sip of water. “No, I know you didn’t do it for me. Just… I’m just proud of you because you’re a good dad.”
Dan can’t help the way his heart flutters with the compliment. “Thank you,” he murmurs.
There’s another moment of quiet, only broken by the sound of them munching on the crunchy toast. It’s good, although it is kind of a crappy dinner, all things considered.
“I should’ve ordered takeout or something,” Dan says, really just to interrupt the incessant quiet.
Phil gives him a little smile. “I’m okay with toast,” he says with a shrug. He’s nibbling on his last crust, and Dan watches him with a burning fondness in his chest as crumbs collect all over the tshirt he’s wearing. He looks a mess, all things considered, but Dan’s heart does some sort of weird flippy-over thing in his chest every time he looks at him.
“I’m sorry,” Dan blurts.
Phil blinks at him, his final bite of toast shoved in his mouth. “Mmf?” He tries to speak around the food, and Dan wrinkles his nose. He waits, not elaborating while Phil necks the rest of his water, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand inelegantly. “For what?” Phil says after clearing his throat.
Dan looks down at his abandoned slice of toast, scratching at the crust and watching a couple crumbs fall away. “For being a shit fiancé. And a shit person. And-“
“Dan,” Phil says firmly. When Dan finally makes eye contact, Phil rolls his chair close to Dan’s, resting his hands on Dan’s knees gently. “Honey, you’re none of those things.”
“I am, though,” Dan interrupts. “Especially lately. I’ve been a proper fucking bridezilla. And like… you deserve better than that.”
Phil squeezes his knees gently. “You’ve been stressed, and-“
“So have you, and you haven’t been a cunt about it like I have,” Dan mutters glumly.
Phil pinches his thigh before speaking like Dan hadn’t even said anything. “You’ve been stressed. Not to mention your new medicine has been messing with your moods. And I don’t hold your mood swings and mental illness against you, not ever.”
It’s ridiculous, but Dan can feel his eyes prick with heat at that. “Can I hug you?” He asks, choked up.
Instead of answering, Phil moves to sit in Dan’s lap, wrapping his arms around his shoulders tightly while Dan’s arms go around his waist. “Shh,” he says gently, petting at Dan’s hair and shoulders in comforting sweeps.
“I love you,” Dan tells him through his embarrassing sniffles.
“Love you too,” Phil replies, kissing his hair.
They sit like that for a while, until Dan calms down. “Fuck, I’m sorry,” he says when Phil pulls away, his tshirt adorned by a new wet spot where Dan’s tears have soaked in.
“It’s okay,” Phil says with a shrug. “It’s almost bedtime anyway.”
Dan nods, chewing on his lip. He’s only a little surprised when he feels Phil’s fingers gently brushing against his mouth to make him stop. “Are we okay?” Dan asks him, his hands clutching the fabric of his tshirt like a lifeline.
Phil brushes a curl back on Dan’s forehead, but stays quiet for so long that Dan starts to think that maybe they’re not. Eventually, he kisses Dan’s forehead and makes a little humming sound. “Of course. I’m sorry I got so upset with you earlier. I think I was just projecting my fears onto you, and then I lashed out.”
Dan blinks at him. “Well, considering my tomfoolery lately, I’d say you were remarkably restrained, bub.”
Phil gives a sheepish little laugh at that. “I’m serious, though. I’ve been afraid that you’ve been upset because maybe you really did want to call off the wedding, and I think that’s why I kinda flipped earlier.”
It’s weird to Dan that Phil is apologizing for what seemed like justified anger, but he doesn’t mention it again. Instead, he strokes a hand down Phil’s back. “You know I do want to marry you, right? I’ve thought about it for years.”
“Really?” Phil asks, almost shyly. As if he didn’t already know.
“Remember when Ian and Lauren got married? The whole time I kept fantasizing about it being us instead,” Dan admits. He thinks back on those days, to Ian and Lauren’s beautiful but simple ceremony. Dan thinks, kind of selfishly, that it would be nice to do something small like that, rather than the big thing they’re trying to undertake right now.
“I remember thinking you were so beautiful in your suit that day,” Phil says softly, stroking one of Dan’s cheekbones. “I was so proud to be your date.”
Dan kisses his collarbone before resting his head on Phil’s shoulder. “I can’t wait to be your date to our wedding,” he murmurs.
He can hear the smirk in Phil’s voice when he replies. “Luckily for you, I’ve got a spot in the wedding party with your name on it.”
They giggle helplessly, and Dan decides that yeah, they’re okay.
~~~
An hour or so later, they’re settling into bed for the night, and Phil turns to him with a thoughtful look on his face. “We should fire Lauren.”
“What?” Dan asks, pausing where he was just about to turn out the lamp, his brain on a completely different train of thought entirely.
“You don’t like her,” Phil states simply. When Dan starts to argue, Phil gives him a look. “You don’t like her, and I don’t think there should be anyone involved in this wedding who makes us fight like we did today.”
Dan thinks about it for a second, then nods. “Yeah… I hate to say it, but I think part of my attitude was just me pouting and being a bitch because I don’t like her.”
Phil rolls his eyes, but smiles. “I know. So, let’s look for someone else.”
Dan pretends to check an invisible watch on his wrist. “Uh, you think we can find someone who can help plan a wedding in three months?”
There’s a brief flash of panic on Phil’s face like he hadn’t quite thought about that part, but he shrugs. “Surely there’s someone out there who can do it. Someone who thrives under pressure or something.”
“Right,” Dan snorts. “Sure. We’ll do that in the morning before we pick up the kids?”
“Why not do it tonight?” Phil asks, gesturing to the laptop sitting in Dan’s lap. “I mean, we’re clearly not going to take advantage of the empty house doing other things.” There’s a slight flush on his cheeks as he says it, but he has a smirk on his face that means he’s serious.
Dan makes some sort of choking laughing sound, and Phil’s smirk slips into an easy grin. “Maybe a morning romp? I actually had something else I wanted us to do tonight,” he says, his voice a little nervous.
Phil moves his leg to press reassuringly against Dan’s, and he smiles encouragingly. “Alright, what’re we doing?”
Dan scratches at his clean laptop out of sheer nervousness. They hadn’t really talked fully about this, but he’s been thinking about it for at least a week. “I think we should write our vows.”
“Like, together?” Phil asks, sounding confused. “Aren’t they supposed to be a surprise?”
“I mean, I don’t think there are really rules about it, but I just meant like…” he gestures between them. “I just think it would be nice to sit together while we write them. And then read them to each other at the wedding.”
Phil smiles at him, a sweet, affectionate thing. “I think that would be really romantic,” he says, almost teasing. “Should they be handwritten?”
Dan snorts. “Well I don’t know about you, but I’m probably going to be sobbing by the time we get to this part of the ceremony, I’m going to need it typed out so I can read my own thoughts.”
Phil giggles at that, but nods before reaching for his own laptop. “Good point.”
They both start up their laptops in silence, and when Dan’s wakes up first, he goes to Spotify and selects his sappy instrumental music playlist.
The sound of a sweet violin causes Phil to flick his gaze over, and he quirks a brow when Dan meets it. “You sure you don’t want a little romantic midnight romp in the sheets before we do this?” He asks, waggling his eyebrows playfully.
Dan leans over and kisses him firmly on the mouth. “Yep. Write first. Sexy times later.”
Phil groans in some sort of fake-disappointment, but has a little grin on his face as he opens up a word doc and starts typing. Dan hopes he never forgets this moment, how it feels like he’s flying when he’s with this man, even in the aftermath of a shitty day full of arguments.
He turns back to his MacBook, cracks his fingers, and starts writing.
~~~
August
Alternatives to weddings
The words flash in Dan’s mind again, not for the first time this week.
They’re two weeks, almost three, into struggling to find a new wedding planner to replace Lauren, and as they’d feared, that’s easier said than done. Almost every event planning company they’d called had admonished them for the poor planning and said some variation of “this is the busiest season” and “we’ve been fully booked for months.”
And, sure, they could have planned better. But, as Dan has joked several times now, that was the wedding planner’s job.
Well, the joke isn’t funny anymore.
“I can’t,” Phil says, face down on the kitchen table. “If I have to hear one more middle aged Karen explain to me why she can’t even consider a consultation, I’m gonna cry.”
From the choked sound of his voice and his red-rimmed eyes, Dan believes him.
“I’ll handle calling the others,” Dan says, rubbing his partner’s back soothingly. “Why don’t you look over the guest list again, make sure we’re not missing anyone.”
Phil grumbles to himself, but gives Dan a grateful smile when he hands him the list. Anything to keep him from the phone calls, Dan figures.
Not that there’s that many left to make, he thinks glumly as he stares down at their potential wedding planners list, every name crossed off except for three.
Dan sighs as he dials the next number on the list. The assistant tells him that the wedding planner is out of office and he can leave a message, but they have this smug tone of voice like they know Dan is out of luck. The second one on the list doesn’t even answer.
By the time he dials the last number, Dan doesn’t have very high hopes.
“Hi, I’d like to speak to one of your event planners, preferably someone who specializes in weddings,” he says with false cheeriness when the person on the other end greets him. Phil gives him a side-eye sort of look, like his act is completely see-through. Dan ignores him.
“Sure,” the receptionist says. The sound of a keyboard clacking follows, and then Dan hears the dreaded question. “So when are you and your partner looking to get married?”
“October?” Dan says, biting his lip harshly when it comes out sounding like a question.
The keyboard clicking stops.
“As in… this October?” The voice says uncertainly.
“Er, yes. We’ve been planning it on our own for a while but then it was too overwhelming and the planner we found wasn’t a good fit, and-“
The voice cuts him off, but they at least have the decency to sound apologetic. “I’m so sorry, sir, our company doesn’t plan events with that short of a time frame during this season.”
“It’s the busy season, I know,” Dan says, dropping his forehead to rest in his hand in defeat. “I don’t suppose you have any recommendations or suggestions for us?” It’s definitely a last-ditch effort to save himself, but at this point, he’s desperate.
“Well… is it possible for you and your partner to scale it down?”
The question throws him off guard. “What do you mean?”
“Well, a lot of young couples get overwhelmed when they try to plan a big wedding on their own, but if it’s possible, perhaps you and your partner should consider something smaller. It might make it a bit easier to plan on your own.”
Dan thinks back to a few weeks ago, his conversation with Phil about Ian and Lauren’s wedding, and Dan’s private, fleeting thought that maybe it would be nice if their wedding could be just as cosy and intimate.
“Huh. Okay, yeah. That’s actually a really good idea, thank you,” he says, crossing this event planner off his list as well.
“I’m sorry we couldn’t be of more help,” the receptionist replies with a hint of real apology in their voice.
“Actually, that helped loads, really. So thank you so much.” Dan offers a polite goodbye before hanging up, and Phil is sat there staring at him with eager eyes.
“Well? Are we going to have a wedding?” He asks, his tone mostly joking.
Dan takes a breath. “That depends,” he starts. At Phil’s look of shock, Dan reaches out and holds his hand to sooth the bite of his words. “How would you feel about a smaller ceremony?”
Phil blinks. “A smaller ceremony?” He asks, clearly confused.
“Yeah,” Dan says. “I mean, think about it. We’ve got all these people we want to invite so we don’t seem rude, but the list of people I really care about being there is about a tenth of the people we’re thinking of inviting.”
“Okay,” Phil says slowly. “But… won’t that hurt some people’s feelings?” The question is such a Phil concern, but Dan remembers something Phil had said a month ago.
“Remember what you said about Lauren? And how there shouldn’t be anyone involved with our wedding that made us fight?” Dan asks, stroking his thumb against Phil’s wrist.
“Well, yeah, but that was, like, about the wedding planner. Not family,” he protests.
Dan rolls his eyes. “I’m not suggesting we tell your mum and dad to bugger off, babe,” Dan says, unable to keep the smile out of his voice. “I just don’t think we need every auntie and cousin there.”
Phil processes it for a minute, and finally he nods slowly. “I guess you’re right. And it would be pretty overwhelming for the kids to be around so many people they don’t know all at one time. Especially with them being part of the wedding,” he says.
“Exactly,” Dan says, smiling at him when Phil meets his gaze. “And we’ll all be stressed enough with the move, if we still get to do that in September, so I think this will make it easier on everyone.”
“Okay, yeah. You’re right,” Phil says with a nod and a little grin like he knew Dan wanted to hear it. “We’ll do a smaller ceremony.”
Dan reaches out and squeezes Phil’s arm gently. “Great. Let’s try to narrow down the guest list to the people who should really be there, and the others can just fuck off,” he says with a cheeky grin.
Phil tuts at him, but grabs a highlighter and the guest list. “I’m not telling anyone to fuck off, but I will help decide who you can say that to,” he teases.
Dan nudges their shoulders together, causing the start of a little light shoving battle that ends with Phil wrapping an arm around Dan’s waist to keep him still. Dan relaxes against his side, pointing out the names of people he wants there, or the names of people he doesn’t, and they do some quiet contemplation on how they hope that scaling down the guest list will help make everything less nerve-wracking.
Not for the last time, the words alternatives to weddings dance in his head.
Maybe this way they won’t need to consider those options, he thinks. Maybe this will work out.
~~~
September
“Babe? C’mere a sec?”
Dan waits patiently to hear the pounding of Phil’s elephant feet down their new stairs, but after a few minutes have passed and nothing has happened, he huffs and makes his way to the front of the house. They’ve only been in the new house two days, so they haven’t fully worked out the way sound travels in it yet, but with the lack of furniture and decor at the moment, he would’ve thought his voice would echo better.
“Philip!” Dan calls when he gets to the bottom of the staircase. He can hear voices upstairs, and the sounds of furniture moving, and he waits patiently for his fiancé to reply.
“Yeah?” Phil shouts back to him.
“I need you for a minute, hon.”
There’s the sound of one of the kids whining, and then the sound of something being pushed across the floor, followed by Phil’s lower tone. “Just a second,” he calls to Dan. There’s more low talking, and finally Phil appears at the top of the stairs. “What do you need?” He asks, taking the stairs a bit too quickly, which makes Dan’s heart do something nervous and uneven.
“Careful,” he warns when Phil nearly slips and grabs the bannister for support. “Don’t go breaking the goods a month before the wedding, now,” Dan teases, gesturing for Phil to follow him once he’s reached stable ground.
“Ha ha,” Phil says blandly, pinching Dan’s bum in retaliation, patting it gently to soothe when Dan squeaks. “I was trying to help Amelia set up her room. I didn’t realize how freaking long it would take to set up house from scratch like this.”
Dan laughs, but secretly, he kind of agrees. It’s definitely been a learning experience for the both of them, but Dan wouldn’t want to experience it with anyone else. “I know, it’s honestly kind of ridiculous, and we’re nowhere near even halfway finished,” he laments as he leads Phil to the back door that leads to the garden, where he’s been working on a little project of his own.
“God, don’t even remind me,” Phil groans. He glances at Dan when he pushes the door open and gestures Phil through first, and Phil steps outside with a weary expression. “Uh, what are we doing?” He asks, glancing at the fresh landscaping of their beautiful, spacious garden.
“Well,” Dan starts, placing a gentle hand on Phil’s back as he slowly leads him out onto their back patio. “I’ve been thinking about our wedding some more…”
“Uh-oh,” Phil jokes, turning to smile at Dan.
Dan rolls his eyes and pinches Phil’s waist very gently. “Funny,” he says dryly. “But seriously, since we finalized the house and started moving things in, I’ve just started thinking more about what we want for our wedding day, and I’ve come up with a sort of… unorthodox suggestion.”
Phil looks proper nervous now. “Okay… I don’t know what’s happening right now,” he admits.
Dan smiles. “I think we shouldn’t have a real wedding,” he says simply.
Phil blinks.
“Pardon?”
Leaning to the side, Dan flicks a switch on their outdoor electricity panel, and just like that, the lights that he’s spent hours meticulously hanging flicker on, bathing their garden in a soft light. They’re strung up high on the eaves at the edge of the house, but span further into the garden, criss-crossing and meeting at different places. The trees, the cute little gazebo, and even the swing set they’d bought for the children, are all anchors for the lights, leaving the yard looking as though it’s got a ceiling of twinkling lights over it. It’s not quite dark out yet, but it’s close enough to dusk that it’s absolutely breathtaking, just like Dan imagined it.
“Oh my god,” Phil breathes, turning and taking it all in. “Oh- you did all this? By yourself?” He asks, reaching out and squeezing Dan’s wrist. He can’t seem to take his eyes off the lights, his eyes sparkling.
“Well, I did meet with the electricians last week and asked if it would be possible to do something like this out here. They helped set up the right electrical connections and stuff for the lights I ordered, but uh… yeah, I won’t lie, I fucked off unpacking the kitchen so that I could do this instead.”
Phil turns around so quickly Dan almost gets whiplash, and before he can even laugh or squawk out a complaint, Phil is cradling his jaw gently in his hands and pressing their lips together. It’s a sweet, tender kiss, even with Phil as eager as he is. “It’s so beautiful,” he whispers when he pulls away, pressing their foreheads together but tilting his head so he can still see the lights.
Dan wraps his arms around Phil’s waist, squeezing him. “So here’s what I’m thinking,” he says quietly, continuing his earlier train of thought like he’d never stopped. “I think, scrap the whole small wedding idea.”
Phil rears back to stare at him, a frown adorning his pouty lips. “Dan, I thought you wanted to get married, you said-“
“Ah-ah,” Dan chirps, holding a hand up to get Phil to stop talking. “I never said we weren’t still getting married. I just said we shouldn’t bother with the wedding.”
Of course, Phil stares at him like he’s lost his mind. “I don’t get it,” he says finally. “I don’t get the joke, or whatever you’re trying to do here, babe.”
Dan smiles at him, and can’t resist kissing the little frown off his lips. “Sorry, I know I’m not making any sense,” he says sheepishly. “I do still want to get married, but I think there are alternatives to a wedding.”
Phil’s face goes a little pale, or paler, but Dan just waits patiently to see if he wants to comment on the fact that Dan knows he’s thought about it too.
It doesn’t take long. After a minute or so, Phil relaxes in Dan’s arms. “So you saw that, huh?” He says softly. He’s not upset, though, so Dan considers that a small victory.
“I just saw that you had googled it that night we fought so much,” Dan rushes to explain. “I didn’t like, stalk your browsing history or anything. But… I kept thinking about it off and on since then, especially when we couldn’t find a new wedding planner. So I did some research of my own.”
“Yeah?” Phil asks, sounding a little hopeful.
Dan nods, smiling as he presses another quick kiss to Phil’s mouth. “Yup. And for only five hundred pounds, we can have the whole ceremony done at a registry office and not have to worry about anything but getting ourselves there.”
“Wait, really?” Phil asks, pulling back. Dan nods, but Phil shakes his head. “No, I mean… isn’t that… I dunno, kind of cold? To do it in the registry office? Can we have anyone there with us?”
Dan frowns too. It’s not that he hadn’t thought of that too, but Phil had been more nervous recently about all the attention that would be on him and all the pressure of planning their own wedding by themselves and also enjoying it. His stress had been so bad he’d had weekly migraines since at least early August, so Dan thought this would be the perfect solution.
But when he explains this to Phil, his partner nods, but looks a little crestfallen.
“I… is that not what you want?” Dan asks quietly. “I just thought maybe it would be less stressful on us, and there’s other ways to celebrate the day, you know.”
“No, no, you’re right,” Phil says quickly, stroking a hand over Dan’s shoulder reassuringly. He look almost bashful. “I just… I wanted you to have your big ceremony and your glamorous outfit and everything. I know you were looking forward to the attention,” Phil says, with no bite in his voice at all.
Dan blushes, but doesn’t deny it. “That’s not important, though. What’s important is our mental well-being, and making sure that day is as stress-free and happy as possible, yeah?”
Phil nods, but still looks troubled. “Yeah… you’re right, I just… I don’t know, babe, I want you to have that too. I want us both to have what we want. The simple ceremony but the big party and everything…”
Dan hums, and looks out at the lights he’d spent hours hanging. He’d chosen to have this conversation with Phil out here after showing it to him mainly because he figured it would help ease Phil into the idea he’s just proposed, but now… Dan might have an even better idea.
“Okay, what about this,” Dan starts. “We’ve already ordered the cake and most of the food and stuff like that, so what if we just did a party, here, after the ceremony?”
“Here?” Phil asks, glancing around. His lips slowly twitch into a little grin, and Dan knows he’s already sold on the idea.
“Yeah,” Dan says, trying to hide his own smile. “Why not? We’ll get married at the registry office with the kids there, along with our families, and then we’ll all come back here for a party with some of our friends. It’ll still be small, but I think that’s even better, actually.”
Phil hums, looking around their garden with a soft smile. “Yeah. I think that would be really great, Dan.”
“Yeah?” Dan asks, nearly vibrating with excitement. This is the most cohesive plan they’ve come up with for the wedding so far. They’ve been so busy moving house that they hadn’t even picked a venue or flowers or any of that, so making this decision so quickly - Dan is a little excited.
“Yeah,” Phil agrees, leaning in and kissing Dan deeply.
Dan lets him for a second, but pulls back to give him a careful look. “And you’re sure you’re okay with that? With us getting legally married at a legal office, then coming back here to celebrate?”
Phil nods, kissing Dan’s cheek. “Of course. I think it’s perfect. I… honestly, I wouldn’t have admitted it, but I was nervous about being at the center of attention for the actual ceremony thing, like, with everyone we know being there.”
Dan nods in understanding. “I get that. Do you think you’ll be okay with your family and mine being there?”
“Of course,” Phil nods. “I would be devastated if my mum didn’t see me get married, even if it’s in a civil office,” he jokes. “She’d kill me if I even thought about not inviting her anyway.”
Dan giggles at that, hugging his partner even tighter. “That’s true,” he murmurs. Another thought occurs then, and he glances at Phil’s face to gauge his reaction. “You can say no to what I’m about to ask, but… it would mean a lot to me if we could still share our personal written vows.”
Phil smiles, and it’s so fond Dan is certain his heart will burst. “Of course. At the ceremony or at the party?” He asks, sounding a little nervous for the answer.
“Well, either is fine… but… if I’m honest, I kind of like the idea of standing up in front of all our closest friends and family and telling them how much I love you and why I wanted to marry you in the first place. I think it would be…”
“Romantic?” Phil fills in the blank easily, a little smile crinkling at his eyes.
Dan can feel his face flush, but he nods anyway. “Yes,” he admits. “We don’t have to, of course, but… if it’s okay with you, I’d like to do that.”
Phil seems to think about it for a minute, but ultimately he nods. “It makes me nervous, but I can tell it’s important to you. So, I’ll do it. We can do it at the party, with all our favorite people there.” His nerves seem to slip away, like he’s imagining just that, and it fills Dan’s heart with love to see it.
“Thank you,” Dan murmurs before kissing him again. This kiss is longer, deeper, and Dan is just thinking how he wishes it had the potential to go somewhere when a loud knock is heard from behind them.
They jerk apart with matching noises of surprise, and Dan is unsurprised to find Amelia stood on the other side of the door, her little arms crossed while she shakes her head. She’s the epitome of disappointment, and yet Dan thinks she’s the most adorable thing he’s ever seen.
“Dad!” She pouts when Dan opens the door, an apology she doesn’t wait to hear on the tip of his tongue. “You said you would finish setting up my room so I could decorate,” she whines.
If he weren’t so happy right now, Dan might be upset with the interruption. As it is, he just smiles, stroking a warm hand up and down Phil’s back in a parting gesture before pushing him towards their daughter.
“Off you go,” he says when Phil gives him a look. “Parenting duty is calling,” he teases.
Phil rolls his eyes, but he looks so unmistakeably giddy that Dan’s heart starts fluttering like a lovesick teenager. “Alright, but you better get back to unpacking the kitchen, now that you’ve done this,” Phil says, his voice teasing and light.
Dan grins, flicking off the lights before he follows them in. Amelia is already asking what they are and what they were doing out there, Phil telling her they’ll look at them later when they’re done decorating her room, and Dan can’t imagine his future looking any better than this.
~~~
October
Dan wakes up the morning of his wedding feeling refreshed and excited.
It’s such a whirlwind of strong emotions that he nearly feels sick at first, but he knows it’s just the nerves. He rolls over, expecting to find Phil still asleep, but instead his bright blue eyes are already staring right back at him. Dan startles a bit, and they both laugh. They wordlessly curl around each other, their lips finding each other with ease in the soft light of the morning.
“Good morning,” Phil says. His voice isn’t as sleep-rough and deep as it usually is in the mornings, so Dan knows he’s probably been awake for a while.
“Morning,” Dan parrots, copying the smile on Phil’s face. “T minus…” he pauses, scrambling for his phone on the bedside table with a flailing arm while Phil presses his nose against Dan’s neck and inhales deeply. Dan checks the time with a smile, running his fingers through Phil’s drooping quiff with his free hand. “T minus six-ish hours until the wedding,” he announces, dropping his phone carelessly onto the bed after he’s said it.
Phil has a soft look on his face as he reaches out, tucking a curl behind Dan’s ear. “Only six hours left for any escape plan you’ve got up your sleeve,” Phil jokes.
Dan rolls his eyes. “The only escape I’ll manage today is escaping this warm bed, I’m afraid,” Dan says with a very put-upon sort of sigh.
“Good,” Phil says, positively beaming as he rolls over, practically crushing Dan with a hug.
“Omf,” Dan grunts, laughing a little as he wraps his arms around Phil’s shoulders, hugging him close. “Do you think the kids are awake yet?” He asks quietly, one hand creeping down Phil’s back, brushing his fingertips teasingly against bare skin.
Phil shivers. “God, I hope not,” he breathes, arching into Dan’s touch. The movement causes his hips to rut against Dan’s, and they both take in a sharp breath at the friction.
Dan kisses across Phil’s jaw, nibbling a little as he goes. “Door locked?” He mumbles.
“Mm,” Phil hums. “I think so,” he says, but Dan can tell he’s not sure.
Dan pats his bum gently, placing one last kiss against his scruffy jaw before pulling away. “We probably don’t have enough time to make it special anyway,” he says, a note of apology in his voice.
Phil pouts, but doesn’t argue. “Yeah. Plus, your mum should be here soon to get settled in,” he says.
“Right,” Dan says. He tries to keep the nerves out of his voice. They’d asked his mum to stay with the kids for the following week while they go on their honeymoon, and Dan was undeniably anxious about it. But it had been Phil’s suggestion, and Karen had been so excited, and Dan really didn’t have the heart to go back on his word now.
Phil can obviously sense his discomfort, and Dan smiles at him weakly while Phil shifts, bringing their faces close together for a deep kiss. “It’ll be okay,” Phil whispers when he pulls back a little. He studies Dan’s expression carefully, giving him a sympathetic little smile. “The kids are excited to spend a week with Grandma Karen, and that has to count for something, right?”
Dan manages a nod, but allows himself to be distracted by Phil’s closeness and warmth. “Kiss?” He murmurs, puckering his lips.
Phil smiles, his eyes crinkling beautifully as he leans in and presses their lips together. Dan sighs into it, reaching up to cradle Phil’s jaw. He rubs the pad of his thumb along the stubble there, marveling at the feeling of it. It’s new, and a little different, but Dan loves it just like he loves every part of this man.
“Mm,” Dan hums into the kiss, letting his lips stray a little to brush over the stubble, shivering at the feeling.
“You really love that,” Phil says, his voice fond and bordering on amusement.
Dan feels his face heat, but he doesn’t deny it. “Wish you didn’t have to shave,” he sighs longingly.
Phil smiles, shaking his head. “You’re so silly,” he says, definitely amused.
Dan pouts. “I’m serious. I think you’d look so hot with a full beard.”
“Really?” Phil asks. The thought must be funny to him, and Dan watches as he lets out a little snort, then giggles.
“You would,” Dan argues petulantly.
Phil shrugs, like he doesn’t care to argue about it. Something else crosses his face then, and it takes Dan a second to place it as insecurity. “But… you’re okay with me shaving right? Like… you still like that too?” He asks, sounding timid.
Dan hitches his leg up, using it as leverage to roll them over, so that he’s the one pinning Phil to the mattress. Phil splutters at the quick change in position, but before he can say anything, Dan leans in and smothers him with kisses. He nips at Phil’s lip, licking into his mouth like they’ve got time for this to go somewhere, even though they both know that they don’t.
When he’s breathless and his lips are aching and shiny, Dan pulls away, staring down at Phil with what he hopes is a very intense stare. Phil looks bewildered, his hair wild and his eyes wide. Dan grins. “I love you no matter what, you goofball. I don’t give two fucks about what you do to your body, it’s your body. I just want to be the only one who gets to appreciate it.”
Dan had only meant to comfort Phil, so he frowns when tears well up in his eyes and he hides his face behind his hands. Dan sits there, dumbfounded for a second as Phil sniffles, shoulders shaking as he tries to get himself under control. Sitting up fully, Dan is careful not to touch him anywhere except where he’s settled on Phil’s hips, trying to give him some space.
“Phil?” Dan says softly. When Phil makes a noise, Dan reaches out carefully. “Can I… can I touch you?”
“Yes,” Phil says, his voice cracking a little. He reaches for Dan first, tugging him into a tight hug. He tilts his face, and Dan feels a line of wet kisses pressed to his cheek. “I’m sorry,” Phil breathes. He laughs a little, and Dan pulls back again to watch him wipe at his eyes. “God. I just… I really can’t believe I get to marry you. I’m so lucky,” he says, something like awe in his voice.
Dan blinks, and has to remind himself twice that he can’t cry right now. If he starts, who knows when he’ll stop, and he refuses to have a puffy face the whole day of his wedding. “I think I’m the lucky one,” he says gently, stroking a hand over Phil’s cheek. He leans in and gives him another soft kiss, and Phil squeezes his hip.
Before either of them have the chance to say anything else, there’s a knock on their bedroom door. “Daddy?” Amelia’s voice calls.
Phil sighs, a tired grin on his face. “You’re being paged,” he says.
Dan rolls his eyes, but he’s got a matching smile. “You wanna take a shower while I go make some breakfast?”
“Sure,” Phil nods. Amelia knocks again, and Phil snorts, patting Dan’s hip. “Go, go,” he says. “Before she breaks down the door.”
Dan sneaks one last kiss before climbing out of bed. Overall it’s a pretty great start to his wedding day.
~~~
It’s an hour or so later, and they’re mostly finished eating breakfast when the doorbell rings, and the only person arriving this early is certainly Dan’s mum. Dan stops mid-sentence from telling Amelia that yes she did have to wear shoes that match her dress for the ceremony at the registry office, and he’s sure his eyes are massive when he catches Phil’s gaze.
“It’s going to be fine,” Phil says automatically. “Do you want me to go answer the door?”
Dan wipes his suddenly sweaty hands on his trousers, shaking his head with a nervous gulp. He doesn’t even know why he’s so nervous. His mother knows he’s gay, and considering she was the first person he told when he realized he was in love with Phil, there’s really nothing for him to be nervous about. And yet, here he is. “I’ll get it,” Dan says, fiddling with his hair and pushing his chair away from the table. “Just…” he glances around at his family, flushing when he realizes they’re watching him with various degrees of confusion and amusement on their faces. “Nevermind,” he says, pacing out of the kitchen.
He’s a nervous wreck walking towards the front door, even though he knows there’s no reason to be. This is his mother, and even though she hasn’t really experienced this part of his life very much, it’s not a bad thing for these two parts of his life to intersect. He tells himself that it’s going to be fine, and repeats this mantra several times before he finally forces himself to open the front door.
“Daniel!” His mum greets cheerfully as soon as the door is open. She has a wide, easy smile on her face, and Dan allows himself to release his breath and put on what he hopes is a convincing smile.
“Hi, Mum,” he greets, gesturing her inside and reciprocating the gentle hug that she gives him. She’s not really a hugger, but this last year or so has changed that. It’s a change Dan doesn’t mind seeing, actually.
“I hope I’m not too early. I didn’t want to be in the way of you two getting ready for your big day, but I thought maybe I could help the children get ready if you and Phil needed me to,” she says, her words coming out quick and eager, like Dan’s are apt to do when he gets carried away himself. It’s a trait he normally finds annoying, but he reminds himself that she’s doing her best, and that she’s genuinely excited to be here, and that’s enough to make him give her a genuine smile.
“Sure, Mum. C’mon, everyone is in the dining room finishing up breakfast.”
He leads her through the house, promising to give her the grand tour later, as she’s not had the chance to see it yet, but she seems more excited to see the kids then anything else. She’s only really met them twice, but they got along great, and have had many FaceTime calls since then.
“Grandma!” Amelia squeals when she spots them coming into the kitchen.
“Amelia, love!” Karen replies, holding her hands out to catch the hug Amelia practically throws at her. “Oh, dear, I’ve missed you all so much,” Karen is saying, brushing Amelia’s hair back gently as she makes her way to the table. She crouches beside Jaiden and gives him a hug, smiling and nodding as he tells her that he’s got a houseplant of his very own to show her later. Dan watches this scene with misty eyes, and isn’t phased when he feels a warm presence beside him, a hand coming to rest on his lower back.
“Told you it’d be okay,” Phil whispers, and Dan can hear the smirk.
Dan elbows him anyway. “Shush. It’s still early,” he shoots back quietly. Secretly though, he’s thrilled. It does seem to be going well, and the kids are so happy to see her, Dan really doesn’t know what he was so worried about.
Even Levi stands to give her a hug, grinning proudly when Karen brags about how tall he’s gotten since she’d seen him a few months ago. It’s a warm moment, and Dan doesn’t bother interrupting, instead going to clean up empty dishes, dumping them in the sink and tapping the chore chart on the fridge to check and see whose turn it is to wash up.
“Phil, hon, it’s your turn to do dishes,” he calls, running the water despite saying that.
“Oh, don’t worry about that, dear,” Karen says before Phil can even move towards the sink. “You two go get ready for your day, I’ll take care of the washing up and sending these ones to get dressed.”
Dan frowns. “Mum, are you sure? We didn’t ask you to come here early to be the live-in maid, honest.”
Karen snorts, and it’s the most Dan-like sound he’s ever heard another human make. That explains where that quirk came from. “Are you really going to deny a mother who wants to clean up after her children?” She asks, glancing between Dan and Phil with her hands on her hips. Her gaze settles on Phil and she smiles, shaking her head. “I don’t know what you’ve done to my son, Phil. I’ve never known him to pass up on someone else doing his washing.”
Phil laughs at that, more than he should, Dan thinks, but he grins at Karen like he’s in on the joke. “Well I hate to say it, but I don’t think I can take credit for this one. He’s a stickler for his chore chart, and I think that’s more of a parenting thing than a partner thing,” Phil says.
Karen smiles and nods, but makes eye contact with Dan like it pains her to hear the ways in which he’s already a better father than his own ever was. It’s a fleeting moment of a twinkle of guilt in her eyes, and then it’s gone, and she’s shooing them both away from the sink. “Go, go. I’ll take care of this, and then get the children ready. We’ll be ready to go in no time.”
“Okay,” Dan agrees warily. “The twins have their outfits hanging on their closet door, and Levi, you’ve got a tie, right?” Dan asks.
Levi smiles and nods. “Yeah, Dad, you bought me one last week.” His lips twitch like he’s trying not to laugh, and at this point Dan really can’t blame him even if he does. Because he does recognize, vaguely, that he’s being completely overbearing and annoying right now.
“Okay. Right,” Dan clears his throat. “Well, you guys behave while your dad and I go get ready, okay?” He gives the kids as stern a look as he can manage, but they’re not really paying attention to him, already off and chatting with Karen, even asking to help her do the washing up. It almost makes Dan roll his eyes.
“Thank you, Karen,” Phil says, gently guiding Dan down the hall. “We won’t be long.”
She waves them off with a smile and a wink, and Dan lets himself relax and be led to their bedroom.
“Do you still feel okay about asking her to stay?” Phil asks once they’re in their room.
Dan nods. “Yeah. I feel better now that she’s here. I guess I just… I don’t know. I guess some part of me was worried that they’d be ignored or an inconvenience to her, like I was.”
“Dan,” Phil says softly. “Your mum loves you. Even if she may not be the greatest at showing it in the most obvious of ways, she does.”
“I know that now,” Dan nods. “It’s just… I can’t undo the feelings I had about that situation when I was a kid, you know?”
Phil drops the shirt he’d dug out of the closet onto the bed and steps right into Dan’s space. He wraps his arms around his waist, pulling him close and kissing the corner of his mouth. “I know. And I’m proud of you for trying to put those feelings to the side so that our kids can know their grandma. It means a lot to me, and I know it means a lot to them, and to her.”
Dan sniffles a little, but nods before tilting his head to capture Phil’s mouth in a proper kiss. “I love you,” he murmurs when they pull apart.
Phil kisses him again, short and sweet. “And I love you,” he says, smiling that soft thing that always makes Dan melt before pressing their lips together again.
Dan lets himself be kissed, but reminds himself that they really don’t have time for that right now. “C’mon, gotta get dressed,” he murmurs against Phil’s mouth.
A whine escapes Phil’s throat, and Dan giggles when he pulls away. “What?” Phil pouts when Dan shakes his head at him.
“Nothing, nothing. But, like, mate… you know we’re about to spend a whole week alone together, right? We’ll have all the time in the world…” Dan trails off, smirking at the way Phil’s pupils dilate, his tongue darting out to moisten his lip.
And he calls Dan easy.
“C’mon, let’s get dressed. Can’t have you going out in public like that,” Dan says, gesturing him to their massive shared closet.
Phil glances down at his very reasonable Pokémon T-shirt and pouts. “This isn’t even that bad, everyone likes Pokémon,” he argues.
Dan leans in to peck his cheek as he steps past Phil. “Not what I’m referring to, bub,” he whispers, reaching down and brushing his fingertips across the band of Phil’s joggers.
He fully expects the horny groan that Phil lets out, but the grip on his hips takes him a little by surprise. Dan can’t help but squeal a little as Phil tugs him back against his chest, kissing his neck with loud smacking noises as Dan giggles and thrashes in his grip.
“Little tease,” Phil mumbles, petulant as he squeezes Dan close.
“Shut up,” Dan laughs, with absolutely no conviction in his voice. He screams again when Phil starts tickling his sides, but he’s cut off mid-yelp when Phil’s hand flies up to cover his mouth.
“Shh!” Phil whisper-yells.
Dan snorts, then does exactly what Phil should have seen coming.
“Ew, Dan!” Phil squeals when he pulls his hand away, now covered in a fresh coat of Dan’s saliva.
Dan cackles maniacally, twisting in Phil’s grip and wrapping his arms around his waist in what he hopes seems like a sweet, repentant gesture. “Sorry, sorry,” he mumbles sweetly. When Phil relaxes in his grip, Dan grins, then strikes again, licking a wide stripe up Phil’s neck, delighting in the way he squeals and jerks in Dan’s grip.
They’re both giggling and poking and prodding each other like lovesick teenagers when they suddenly hear a loud knock on their door. Dan feels like all the air is sucked out of the room as they go quiet, freezing in their embrace as they wait to see which of their children needs their attention. Dan pretends he isn’t aware of the fact that they’ve been in here fooling around for probably ten minutes, while his poor mum is out there trying to wrangle their children without them.
“Boys, everything alright?” The voice belongs to Dan’s mum, and something about that makes Dan feel even more guilty somehow, like he’s still a teenager hiding a boy away in his room so his parents don’t realize he’s gay.
“Er, yeah,” Phil calls back when Dan doesn’t answer.
“May I come in?” Karen asks, the epitome of politeness.
Phil gives Dan an incredulous look, but Dan shrugs, trying to pull out of Phil’s grip. Phil doesn’t let him go far, but does call out a cheery, “sure!”
The door opens a crack, and when Karen sees that they’re only hugging, she smiles and steps into the room. “Fooling around before the wedding? That was bad luck back in my day,” she jokes.
Dan is certain his face is going to melt off with the embarrassment of hearing his mother say that. “Mum,” Dan whines, dropping his head to Phil’s shoulder, which is shaking with his silent laughter.
“I’m only teasing, love,” she says with a shake of her head and a smile.
“You didn’t get to do it enough when I was young, so you’re making me suffer now?” Dan asks, keeping his voice light so she knows he’s only joking.
Karen rolls her eyes when Dan turns to grin at her, but she’s got a small smile on her face. “Something like that,” she says mildly. “We heard screaming, and the twins were worried and wanted to check on you,” she continues, a knowing glint in her eye.
Dan blushes. It’s not like they were really doing anything inappropriate, but it had seemed to be going in that direction. And it’s not like their children haven’t accidentally interrupted any of their intimate moments, either, but with his mother there…
Phil clears his throat. He can probably sense Dan’s embarrassment, always so in tune with Dan’s every emotion.
“Right,” Phil says lightly. “Um… thank you for doing that for them, Karen. Not that we were, um…” he trails off, and when Dan looks at him, his face is flushed a gorgeous red.
“What he means,” Dan says, finally pulling out of Phil’s grasp. “Is that it’s nice to be able to have some space and a little privacy. So, thank you, Mum.”
Karen laughs, that knowing look still in her eye. “Don’t say I never do anything for you, dear. Now, is there anything else you two need me to do before the ceremony?”
Dan shakes his head, glancing at Phil for confirmation. “I don’t think so. You’re already helping loads just being here and helping the kids get ready, honestly.”
“Oh, it’s really no problem. I’m just happy to spend time with them,” she replies with a wave of her hand.
Dan can’t help but snort. “You think that now, but wait till it’s been a few days and you’re watching Peter Pan for the eighteenth time,” he says, rolling his eyes.
Karen rolls her eyes at him in turn, giving Phil an exasperated look. “This one likes to pretend he wasn’t addicted to Aladdin as a child.”
Phil laughs, like the traitor he is. “As a child? Dan still votes on Aladdin for movie nights more times than he doesn’t.”
His mum and Phil laugh over this, teasing Dan, and the ease of it all settles deep in Dan’s chest. This is what he’s always wanted, this quiet comfort between his partner and his family. He just never thought he’d actually see it. His throat tightens with emotion when his mum promises to bring some baby pictures the next time she visits, Phil’s eyes gleaming with mischief in response.
Despite the very real emotion threatening to overcome him, Dan decides that they really need to get this show on the road if they’re ever going to make it to the registry office on time.
“Alright, alright. You two can mock me more at the party this evening,” Dan says, kind of ushering her out the door in the nicest way he can think of.
Karen smiles, giving Phil another mischievous look. “With your mum in attendance, I imagine we’ll have even more stories to share.”
Phil laughs, his tongue doing that poking between his teeth thing it always does when he’s too happy to be self conscious about it. “God, I’m sure she’ll have loads to share, probably more than I even know.”
“I can’t wait,” Karen says with a smile. Her gaze focuses on Dan again, and somehow her smile softens even more. She brings a hand up to ruffle his hair like she did when he was a child, but the height difference almost makes him laugh. “I can’t believe my little bear is all grown up and getting married.” She doesn’t say it with any of the tears and emotion that Dan knows Phil’s mum will likely do, but he can tell that it’s a genuine pride in her voice.
Dan smiles at her. “I know, mum,” he says softly. Gently, and despite knowing that they don’t have too much time to waste on sentiments, he pulls her into a hug, letting her hold on as tightly as she wishes. It’s probably the first time in a long time that it wasn’t just an act of obligation, and when Dan meets Phil’s gaze over her shoulder, he can tell he’s not the only one getting emotional about it.
“Alright,” she says after a few seconds longer than they’d normally linger. “Enough of that, now. You two go on and get ready, I’ll see to it that the children aren’t tearing the place apart out there.”
Dan nods, smiling as she sees her way out of their bedroom and closes the door softly behind her. He takes a deep breath, trying not to feel overwhelmed with how wonderful she’s being. It wasn’t like she had been anything less than supportive when Dan came out to her all those years ago, but he never expected them to make it to this point- to the point where the day of his wedding to another man could be something exciting and joyful rather than stressful and lonely. It was a feeling he knew he was lucky to be able to embrace after all the years of torment he’d gone through in primary school.
“You okay?” Phil asks softly, and Dan smiles when he feels familiar arms coming to wrap around his waist and familiar lips pressing to his neck.
“Mm. More than okay, actually,” Dan replies, leaning into the embrace for just a moment. Just a moment, though, because as much as he’d like to, they don’t have time for this. “I’m marrying my best friend today, so I reckon I’m doing great,” he says as he pulls away from Phil and shoots him a smile.
As Dan goes to the closet to find the outfit he’d settled on for the day, he hears Phil laugh behind him. “That’s funny, I’m marrying my best friend today, too,” he says.
Dan grins as he tugs off the t-shirt he’s wearing, trading it for a dark, slate grey button-down. “What an odd coincidence,” he muses, continuing the joke.
Phil makes a noise of agreement, and Dan listens to the sounds of him opening and closing different drawers as he goes about getting dressed and ready for the day. “Maybe we’ll bump into each other at our weddings,” Phil says.
Dan snorts. “Maybe. I’ll be the one in… well, not white.”
“Of course not,” Phil laughs. “Why wear something classic when you can be edgy instead?”
Dan feigns an exasperated sigh. “Well, it’s not much, but someone has to be the cool one in this relationship.”
Phil smiles at him as he tugs on a nice black pair of slacks. “I love you,” he says, like he’s commenting on the weather. Dan is incredibly embarrassed to admit that it still makes his stupid heart flutter. “Even when you’re not cool,” Phil finishes with a smirk.
Making some sort of highly offended noise, Dan goes to find his own slacks, side-eyeing the pair adorning Phil’s legs when he doesn’t immediately find the pair he’s searching for in the dresser. “One, I’m always cool, it’s one of my many attractive qualities. Two, you’re wearing my fucking trousers, mate.”
Phil doesn’t even seemed fazed in the slighted, doesn’t even look down to see if Dan is correct. “So find another pair?” He suggests, waltzing over to the closet to find his shirt. Dan can’t help that his eyes are drawn to Phil’s ass, and he pouts when he notices just how much better he fills out the trousers.
“They’re my trousers,” Dan sulks as he digs in the dresser for another pair. “But… They do make your ass look good, so I reckon you can keep them.”
“Thanks, love,” Phil replies cheerfully, a little smirk on his face.
Dan rolls his eyes. Phil is such a fake bitch sometimes. But god, Dan loves him.
“On second thought, that might be the only nice pair of trousers I own, actually, so unless you want me in my jeans on our perfect day, you might have to give them back,” Dan says after his few minutes of searching wields no results.
“You know, if we had picked out our outfits sooner, we wouldn’t have this problem,” Phil muses from the closet. He sounds far too smug about being right, but Dan isn’t about to give him the satisfaction.
Dan snorts. “As if that’s my fault,” he says, shooting a pointed look Phil’s way.
His face distinctly pinker now, Phil clears his throat. “No idea what you’re talking about. You were too busy freaking out about packing for the honeymoon that you didn’t want to do this bit, remember?” Phil’s trying out his favorite half-truth diversion tactic, but luckily, Dan’s got over ten years of experience in dealing with this shit.
“Oh? And is that all I was busy with? Or did someone get me busy with something else, Philip?” He’s clearly just taunting him now, because they both know the truth, and they both know exactly what held them up from getting this task done sooner.
“I… that was your idea,” Phil tries, tugging his shirt on and steadily avoiding Dan’s gaze.
“Mm,” Dan hums, as if he’s considering the truth behind the statement, which he is not. “As I recall, I’m not the one who got on my knees and started-“
“Okay!” Phil interrupts loudly, his face flushed. Even after all this time, talking about sex still made him so embarrassed. It’s something Dan secretly coveted, and secretly hoped would never change.
“I’m only teasing, babe,” Dan says, stepping into a pair of trousers that probably belonged to Phil at one time. He fastens them up before stepping into Phil’s space and swatting his hands away from his shirt to button it for him. “I love you,” he reminds him softly, his eyes studying his fingers as they work down the buttons of the shirt.
Phil’s hand comes up to stroke Dan’s cheek gently. “I know,” Phil mumbles. “Love me so much you’re gonna marry me, right?”
Dan smiles, glancing up at him as he finishes the last button. “That’s the plan,” he replies.
Phil returns the smile, then presses it to Dan’s, for just a second. They don’t have time for it now, Dan reminds himself yet again, even as he deepens the kiss, but he knows they will very, very soon.
~~~
“Oh, Philip,” is the first thing they hear when they arrive at the registry office. Phil’s brother and his wife agreed to pick up their mum and dad from the airport and bring them to the office for the ceremony, but in light of Kathryn’s waterworks, Dan’s wondering if maybe they should have made this initial reunion a private one.
“Hi, Mum,” Phil says warmly, gathering his mother up in a warm hug. Amelia is tugging impatiently on Dan’s hand, waiting for her turn with Nana Kath, but Dan holds her back. This is a mother/son moment that he won’t be letting her interrupt.
“Oh, my baby. My baby is all grown up, isn’t he? Nigel, can you believe it, that our Philip Michael is about to be married?” Kathryn is all sniffles and misty eyes, and if Dan wasn’t so moved by it, he’d probably be uncomfortable.
“Alright, love, give the boy some space,” Nigel says in his even, calm tone. “No sense in bawling all over him now.” He winks at Phil when he says this, gently prying Kathryn away. He takes her spot, giving Phil a short but firm hug, and Dan knows the Lesters well enough to know that, despite his seemingly unaffected exterior, Nigel lingers a little longer than usual, like he, too, is emotional over this occasion.
“Enough of all this weeping mess,” Martyn announces, rolling his eyes. “Don’t you two have an appointment? Or does this place take walk-ins?”
Kathryn makes an offended noise. “I’ll weep if I please, Martyn,” she scolds. “It’s not every day your youngest gets married.”
From beside him, Dan’s mum laughs, nodding along with her. “Or your eldest,” she chimes in.
Finally out of her Phil-shaped tunnel vision, Kathryn spots Karen and lights up with the brightest smile, as if they’re lifelong friends. “Karen!” Kathryn greets, going to give her a hug. “It’s been ages, dear, how have you been? How is the kitchen renovation going?”
Dan makes eye contact with Phil as their mums start chatting, and they both roll their eyes good-naturedly.
At his side, Amelia huffs. “Daddy,” she whines. “Why is everyone ignoring me?”
“Baby, they’re not doing it on purpose, but sometimes adults need time to socialize with other adults before they’re ready to play with the kids, okay?” Dan tries to explain gently.
Amelia pouts. “Fine.”
“Maybe if you’d gone inside with Levi and Jaiden to get some water and find the loo, you wouldn’t be having this problem,” Dan continues, giving her a look. They’d wanted this time outside the registry office to meet up with everyone and make sure everyone was ready to go, but also to make sure the adults had time to greet each other and catch up without the kids involved.
Amelia, of course, could not stand to be left out.
“Grandma?” Amelia says sweetly, stepping just a half a step or so away from Dan.
Being the veteran mums and attentive grandmothers they are, both Kathryn and Karen turn around at the sound of her voice.
“Oh, my little Mia! Come give Nana a hug!” Kathryn says, crouching and holding her arms out. Amelia all but rips her arm out of Dan’s grip to skip over to her, and he has to applaud her ambition, honestly.
“Hi, Nana,” Amelia says, latching onto Kathryn’s neck and giving Dan a smug look over her shoulder.
Dan rolls his eyes but lets his daughter be pampered and spoiled while she’s got the chance. He turns to find Nigel smiling at them, and Dan briefly feels the absence of his own father, just a little. Not enough to make him overcome with emotion like he feels he sometimes is by the reminder, but enough that he reaches for Phil, threading their fingers together and squeezing tightly.
Phil smiles at him, that soft, kind one that he does, like he understands exactly what Dan is thinking, like some kind of freaky mind reader. His grip on Dan’s hand tightens just a bit, and Dan allows the gesture to calm him down slightly.
“Alright, I think we’re all here, so I reckon it’s time to get this show on the road, right, lads?” Martyn announces, clapping his hands together.
Dan glances around, half-expecting to see his own brother’s face somewhere in the small crowd they’ve got here. He isn’t particularly surprised to note his absence, but seeing all of Phil’s family there, when Dan’s own mum is the only one who could be bothered to show up for him… it hurts, just a little.
“Yep, we’re ready,” Dan says, before he can let the thoughts fester anymore than they already have. He glances around, noticing that he’s missing two children. “Er- actually, I probably need to run and find the boys. Phil, herd everyone else to the room we’re meant to be in?”
Phil nods, leaning in for a quick kiss, their usual parting gesture these days. “See you at the alter?” he jokes.
Dan almost rolls his eyes at the joke they’ve already made a thousand times, but smiles and nods. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
~~~
By the time he’s rounded up Levi and Jaiden, it’s almost already time for their appointment. He’s chastising them for going to the restroom on the farthest side of the building, neither of them paying him any mind, when he opens the door to the room they’d been assigned. He stops dead in his tracks once he gets there, staring at the two newest additions to their already-sizeable party.
“Nan!” He says, surprise and glee coloring his tone.
His grandmother turns and smiles at him, and Dan wastes no time making his way across the room to gather her up in a hug. He catches Phil’s eye over her shoulder and finds him smiling smugly, and suddenly wonders what Phil had to do with this.
Before he can ask, she’s pulling away, reaching up and patting his cheek gently. “Daniel,” she says, her voice kind and quiet. “I’ve missed you, young man. You don’t come see your old Nan nearly enough, you know.”
Dan feels a brief wash of shame, but she smiles knowingly, and he knows she doesn’t hold his absence against him. “I’m sorry. We really need to do better about that,” he admits. “I’m just so glad you’re here. I thought you couldn’t make it?” Dan asks, still reeling. “Mum said you didn’t feel like making the trip up.”
Karen snorts behind him. “That’s what she told me,” she says dryly.
Nan smiles and shakes her head, patting Dan’s hand gently. “Well I didn’t feel like it when I said that, but your brother managed to convince me,” she says, glancing over at the other newcomer, who Dan had pretty much ignored until this point.
Adrian doesn’t look too bothered by the attention, or lack thereof, and simply smiles at Dan when he makes eye contact. “Well… I knew how important it was to you for her to be here,” he says with a shrug, as if this is something he does everyday rather than the only nice thing he’s ever really done for Dan at all.
“Thank you,” Dan says, his voice wavering. He steps closer to him, pulling him into a brief but firm hug.
Adrian smiles and nods. “No problem,” he says. Jaiden tugs on his sleeve then, and Adrian reaches down to pick him up easily. Something about the gesture has Dan feeling a little choked up, and it’s a feeling he chooses not to examine too closely.
Before Dan has a chance to get weepier than he already is, he hears someone clear their throat from behind him. He turns, finding Phil smiling at him with an older man standing beside him. “Dan, this is Richard, he’s our registrar for the ceremony,” Phil explains, nodding to the older man. “Richard, this is my fiance, Daniel.”
Richard smiles kindly, and reaches out to shake Dan’s hand politely. “Lovely to meet the both of you.” He quickly turns business-like, delivering what is likely a well-rehearsed speech. “Now, I’m sure they informed you when you gave your notice of intent, there will be a brief private interview before the ceremony begins to confirm personal details, as well as your programme of events.”
Dan nods, glancing around to make sure everyone who needs to be there is there. “Alright,” Dan says. “Do we step out into the corridor, or…”
Richard smiles again, shaking his head. “No, I have a small office just off this room, and it will just take a few moments.” He turns to their guests then, and in a perfectly even and professional tone, says, “I would like to welcome all of you and thank you for coming. If you don’t mind, please decide on your seating arrangements, while I have a brief council with the husbands-to-be.”
Dan feels a rush go through him at hearing that word out loud, especially from a stranger. It scratches that primal part of his brain, that part that thinks of black hair and blue eyes and thinks “mine.”
Everyone begins settling down then, so Richard turns and smiles at both of them before gesturing for them to follow him through a door Dan hadn’t noticed before. It leads to a small but plush office, housing a sleek wooden desk with a high-back office chair behind it, with two smaller, less impressive chairs sitting across from that. Richard gestures to those seats, and Dan leads the way, sitting on the very edge of his and bouncing his knee with barely-contained excitement.
“So, the purpose of this is essentially just fact-checking. If each of you would, please check over this document and ensure all the details are correct and there are no spelling issues.” The registrar slides a sleek iPad over, and on it is the digital version of what is essentially their marriage contract, Dan reckons. He checks his information first, as it’s listed at the top of the page, and hums an affirmation when he sees everything is correct. A glance at Phil confirms this, so he scrolls down to the section with Phil’s information. After both of them have checked it over, Dan glances up at Richard and smiles, handing the device back.
“Everything looks good to me,” Dan says cheerfully.
Richard nods, tapping at the screen for a moment. His computer makes a chiming noise, and he’s quick to switch devices, clicking around for a few moments before Dan eventually hears a printer whir to life. It’s oddly quiet, save for the sound of muffled voices they can hear coming from the other room, and Dan realizes that it’s the first moment of peace he’s really had all day. A little overcome with emotion at the thought, he reaches over to grab Phil’s hand, squeezing gently.
“Alright, it appears that this side of things is in order. Now, for the ceremony itself. I’ll start with a word of welcome, explain the purpose of the ceremony, and then we’ll have the declaratory and contracting vows. You’ve opted for the more modern-traditional versions of both, yes?”
Phil nods, glancing at Dan for reassurance. “Yes, I think so?” His voice lilts up at the end with uncertainty.
Dan smiles, but nods in agreement. “Yes, we did.”
“Perfect,” Richard says, making note of something on what appears to be a script or itinerary of some sort. “I see you’ve opted out of reciting any personal vows for this ceremony, correct?”
Dan hesitates, glancing at Phil, who is already looking back at him with a soft gaze. “I… think so. We’re having a reception sort of thing after this and we wanted to save that for later,” Dan says, almost shyly.
Richard has a kind look on his face when Dan looks back at him, something about it almost fond. “I admire that. When my partner and I did this many years ago, illegally, of course, we did much of the same thing. It’s a beautiful memory.”
The confirmation of a suspicion that had been nettling at Dan surprises him more than he’d expected it might. He smiles brightly at Richard, a new appreciation for this stranger sprouting in his heart already. “Thank you for sharing that,” Dan says as genuinely as he can. “I can already tell this day will be the same for us.”
Richard smiles at him and nods. “I hope it is.” He looks back to his list again, clearly trying to find his place. He hums when he finds it, tapping his pen on the paper before looking back up at them. “Then we will have the exchange of rings. I’m assuming you’ve brought those with you?”
Dan nods. “Our oldest son, Levi, is holding onto them for us.”
Richard looks amused by this. “It’s not very often the older children want to be a part of these things, so that’s refreshing to hear.”
Phil laughs at that. “He was actually the only one of the three that wanted to be involved. When we told them we weren’t going to have a huge ceremony, our twins kind of just gave up on us. I don’t think they realized how boring weddings really are.”
This pulls a loud laugh from Richard, and he swipes at his eye behind his glasses. “Oh, how right you are about that. This is my thirtieth year in the business, and it’s certainly not as exciting as you’d think.”
Phil nods. “I can believe it.”
“So the twins won’t be involved with this ceremony in any capacity?” Richard asks, getting right back to business.
Dan shakes his head. “No, they’ll be doing something for the reception later, instead.”
Richard nods, and makes another note. “Right. So after the rings have been exchanged, I’ll announce you as legally married, and your witnesses will sign the register. You’ll be presented with your certificate at the end, and then you’re done.”
“Great,” Dan says, nearly collapsing in relief already, just at hearing those words.
Richard smiles, and it looks somewhat apologetic. “Just two more things, I’m afraid. One, for the music selection - would you like this to be played after the declaration, or before? I noticed it’s an instrumental piece so if you’d like, it can start at the exchange of the rings, and will sort of carry us through the end of the process.”
Dan glances at Phil before replying. Phil’s got a soft, thoughtful look on his face, and Dan can tell already that he loves the idea.
“That would be perfect,” Dan says.
“Lovely,” Richard nods, jots this down as well, then sets the pen down and looks back up at them, propping his elbows on the desk and lacing his fingers together just in front of his chin. “Now, final detail. Would you like to be introduced as Mr. and Mr. Howell-Lester, Howell, or just Lester? I’m assuming the two of you have a preference?”
Dan chews on his lip in quiet deliberation, studiously avoiding making eye contact with Phil. He knows what he wants, what they’ve already agreed on, but he’s afraid that the answer he’s about to give will offend him somehow.
“Er…” Dan starts dumbly.
“I think we decided on Howell-Lester,” Phil says smoothly.
Dan’s eyes nearly roll out of his sockets in their haste to catch a glimpse of Phil’s lying face. “What?” Dan asks quietly, hoping Richard doesn’t pick up on the panic in his tone. This is not at all what they’d agreed on.
Phil gives Richard an apologetic smile before leaning closer to Dan, quirking an eyebrow. “I know you said you wanted to change your surname, and I’m still fine with that. But, I think since both of our families are here, it might be a nice gesture to have the joint name. Just this once.”
Dan sits back then, surprised yet again that they were on the same wavelength, without having said a word to each other. Dan had been worried about exactly that since his Nan had shown up, and just like always, Phil’s already thought of the solution. “Huh. Okay.”
Richard seems to take this as his cue. “So, Howell-Lester?” he says, double-checking.
Phil nods. “For the ceremony, yes. He’ll be changing his to Lester afterwards, though.” The reminder sends a tiny thrill through Dan, not that he’d ever admit that.
Richard nods, and makes a note. “Perfect. Well, that’s all I needed from you in terms of paperwork and details. Now, just to triple check, both of you are legally single as of right now, correct?” They nod, and Richard does the same after studying them. “I’m not sure why they still make us ask that. At this point in the process, we already know the truth, anyway,” he shares in a stage-whisper.
Dan laughs, at that, relieved to have a moment of comic relief before the serious part begins.
“Alright,” Richard says, getting his papers in order and standing. He gestures to the door with a wide smile. “Let’s have a wedding.”
~~~
The ceremony is short.
Dan hadn’t really expected anything different, but it’s still exhilarating, watching the hands on the clock tick by and knowing that before the hour has passed, he’ll be married to his best friend.
Richard is speaking, and Dan should be processing the words rather than just hearing them, but he’s staring at Phil, and Phil is pretending to look at Richard, even though Dan can tell he’s sneaking glances right back at him. It’s almost like, for just a few minutes, everyone else in the room has just disappeared. They’re the only two people in the world, and that should probably feel lonely. It should feel stiflingly lonely, that Phil could be the only person he’d ever see again.
It just feels like home, Dan thinks.
“Now, moving onto the vows,” Richard is saying. “Are you, Daniel James Howell, free lawfully to marry Philip Michael Lester?”
“I am,” Dan says, almost in a daze. Phil smirks, just a little.
“And are you, Philip Michael Lester, free lawfully to marry Daniel James Howell?”
Phil strokes Dan’s hand with his pinky. Dan’s heart is in his throat. “I am,” Phil says, his voice confident and self-assured.
“Lovely,” Richard says. It sounds like he’s smiling, but Phil’s finally meeting Dan’s gaze head-on, and Dan can’t be bothered to check. “Now, for the contracting vows.”
Dan is aware, vaguely, that those words are his cue to say something, but he blanks, staring at his forever in almost mute astonishment. This is real. They’ve made it.
“Ahem,” Richard clears his throat politely. “Daniel, if you will. The contracting vows begin, ‘I, your full name, take you…’ and so forth.”
There’s a vague smattering of laughter from the room behind them, and the reminder that they aren’t alone is what takes Dan out of his daze.
“Right, sorry,” he says quickly, no doubt flushed with embarrassment. “I, Daniel James Howell, take you, Philip Michael Lester, to be my wedded husband.”
Phil grins, reaching out and squeezing Dan’s hand gently. He glances at the registrar for reassurance, or the go-ahead, and when Richard nods, Phil turns back to Dan, smiling beautifully. “I, Philip Michael Lester, take you, Daniel James Howell, to be my wedded husband.”
Dan’s cheeks actually hurt from grinning by the time he registers Richard’s voice speaking again. “Now, if the bearer of the rings would come forward,” he announces.
Dan glances over to find Levi hovering nearby, a grin on his face as he hands the ring boxes to each of them. “Doing great, Dad,” Levi whispers before stepping back.
Richard moves his hand to subtly click something, and then soft music begins filtering through the speakers in the room. Despite the fact that they’d picked the music themselves, Dan is a little overcome with emotion at actually hearing the song play out, the first song they’d ever bonded over. If baby eighteen-year-old Dan could see him now, actually marrying Phil to the sound of this silly video game soundtrack music, he’d probably curl up into a ball and sob for days. This Dan kind of wants to do the same, if he’s honest.
Richard allows the music to play uninterrupted for a moment before speaking again. “These rings symbolize the bond you share, both emotionally, and now legally. You may exchange rings.”
Phil snaps his ring box open first, taking out Dan’s ring. It’s the same one that he’d worn ever since the fake-engagement charade started, but they’d become so attached to them that he can’t imagine wearing anything else. Except perhaps the beautiful diamond engagement ring that Phil had gotten him for Christmas, but that one stays firmly hidden away and protected unless there’s a special occasion.
But for this special occasion, they’d decided to go with their own rings. The ones that truly meant something to them.
Phil is careful as he slides the ring onto the fourth finger of Dan’s left hand, letting Dan’s palm rest on his own for a moment as if he’s admiring the view. Dan loves him for that, but he also doesn’t quite have the patience for it right now. He pulls his hand away long enough to open the ring box containing Phil’s ring, and repeats the process. As soon as the ring is snug around Phil’s finger once more, Dan lifts his hand, kissing across his knuckles sweetly. There’s an “aww” or two heard from their families, and Dan would place money on the culprits being Phil’s mum and his own Nan.
“It’s my honor to now declare you legally married. If you both, along with your two chosen witnesses, will step forward, you may sign the register.” Richard holds the pen out to Phil first, glancing at Dan with a smile. “Who will be your witnesses?”
“Our mums,” Dan replies, turning around and gesturing for Kathryn and Karen to come forward. Kathryn nearly jumps out of her chair, and Dan has to bite his tongue to hold back his giggle. She’s got misty eyes and a handkerchief in her hand, but he’s never seen her look happier. His own mum is less weepy, but she looks… proud of him, actually. It’s not the expression he’d expected to see, and he knows he doesn’t have the willpower to unpack his feelings about it right now.
“Dan,” Phil says, holding out the pen. “Your name goes here,” he says softly, tapping the paper.
Dan nods, leaning over and signing his name neatly on the line. He relishes in seeing his own surname for what might be one of the last times. He won’t miss it much, he realizes with a start. It’s not like he’s got a father to feel connected to through that name, so losing it won’t feel that much like a loss, he reckons.
“Can I go next?” Kathryn asks, nearly bouncing on her feet.
Phil rolls his eyes, laughing at her good-naturedly. “Sure, Mum. Here.” He hands her the pen, and before she even signs the thing, she pulls him into a massive hug. “Whoa, Mum. Can’t breathe,” Phil jokes.
“I’m so proud of you, love,” she whispers. Dan feels like maybe that wasn’t meant for anyone to hear but them.
Phil pats her back gently. “I know, Mum,” he says softly. He gently guides her away, off towards the register, which she signs with much neater scrawl than Phil.
At last, it’s Karen’s turn. She takes the pen from Kathryn and gives Dan a smile, signing her name quickly and silently in the empty witness spot. She hands the pen back to Richard, who thanks her quietly. When she turns to go back to her seat, she reaches out and squeezes Dan’s wrist. “I love you, Bear,” she tells him with a smile. “And I’m proud of you.”
If Dan thought hearing Kathryn say that very sentiment would have him feeling choked up, he really wasn’t prepared for how he’d feel hearing his own mum repeat it. “Th- thanks, Mum,” he whispers wetly.
She squeezes his hand, then retreats back to her seat.
“I would like to present the two of you with your official marriage certificate, as well as introduce you, for the first time, as Mr. and Mr. Daniel and Philip Howell-Lester.”
Their guests applaud then, and Dan can feel himself flushing with all the attention. Phil’s arm comes up around his waist, dragging him in close to his side, and Dan has a very funny idea. Turning to Richard, he quirks an eyebrow questioningly. “Well, what do you say, Richard? Can I kiss the bride?” Dan jokes.
Richard laughs, but nods. “Of course.”
Phil gives Dan a surprised look, a twitch of his lips and eyebrows as if to say, ‘are you sure about this?’ but Dan reassures him with a silent nod before leaning in and pressing his smiling lips to Phil’s. It’s a short and sweet peck, no worse than they’d share any time in the privacy of their own home, but there is something about kissing in front of all their closest family that makes Dan squirm a little, that childlike fear kicking around in his chest and mind still.
That fear is settled almost instantly by the sweet way Phil cradles his face when he pulls away, the sounds of applause and hooting coming from their enthusiastic guests.
“I love you, Dan,” Phil whispers.
Dan smiles, pulls him into a tight hug. “I love you more.”
~~~
Dan didn’t expect the reception to be such a noisy affair.
And, well. That’s probably his own fault. He should have known that by inviting this many guests, most of which are their family, or at least very close friends, that there would be some level of noise to prepare for.
PJ and Chris had been engaged in a heated debate with Martyn and Adrian for nearly half an hour, about some band or musician Dan had probably never heard of. Louise’s husband was trying his best to follow that conversation, but poor Liam was clearly very lost. Louise thought this was hilarious, a fact she stated every time Bryony or Sophie had suggested they maybe do something to rescue him.
“It’s good for him to be uncomfortable every now and again,” Louise claimed. “Men aren’t forced to be uncomfortable nearly enough.”
The women had laughed at this, and Dan hadn’t been able to tell if it was at his own expense or not. Instead of sticking around to find out, he’d made an excuse to go socialize with the other guests, effectively escaping the conversation altogether.
Now, he finds himself standing under the cherry blossom tree in the garden, watching all his favorite people interacting right here in one place. It was truly remarkable that all these people, who he knew through various different means, would all find so much in common. He watches from afar as Levi and Charlotte toss snacks at each other, trying to catch them in their mouths and missing more often than not. His heart melts when his gaze shifts and he finds Adrian’s girlfriend making flower crowns with Amelia, Darcy, and Pearl. It takes him a second longer to scan for his youngest son, spotting Jaiden and Henry close to the small koi pond that Phil had begged for. Jaiden’s pinky is wrapped around Henry’s thumb, and he’s pointing at the various tiny fish in the water, Henry nodding along as he talks.
“People watching?” A voice suddenly says close to his ear.
Dan jumps, his hand flying to his chest in the most dramatic fashion possible. “Shit, you scared me,” he murmurs when he sees that it’s just Phil. His husband.
Phil smiles, lacing their fingers together and squeezing apologetically. “Sorry,” he says. “Everything okay?” he asks, sounding a little worried.
Dan nods, sighing as he looks back out at their people. “Yeah. Everything’s… Everything’s perfect, actually.”
Phil laughs. “I know what you mean,” he says softly. “Our mums are practically best friends now,” he says, gesturing over to where Kathryn and Karen are sat at the patio table, Dan’s Nan in between them.
“I know,” Dan agrees, smiling fondly. “I don’t even want to know what they’re talking about,” he says, rolling his eyes when Karen sees him looking and winks. “Where’s Dad?” Dan asks, glancing around curiously when he doesn’t see the Lester patriarch.
“Went inside to the loo. I think this amount of people makes him a little nervous. Especially since he doesn’t really know many of them.”
Dan nods. He feels a vague ache, somewhere in his chest, that his own father isn’t there to bond with Phil’s father over their shared hatred of social gatherings. But, to be fair, Dan’s dad is a bit of a cunt, and Dan can’t imagine him and Nigel getting on that well.
“Promise me something?” Dan says softly, his eyes roaming back over to their own children.
“Anything,” Phil says immediately, squeezing Dan’s hand.
Dan smiles. It fades quickly when he considers the promise he needs Phil to make him. “Promise me… that no matter what happens, we’ll be there for them. We won’t ever let our children stand on the outskirts of a moment that belongs to them, wondering why one of their parents doesn’t care enough about them to show up.”
Phil makes a soft, wounded noise. “Dan…” His arms come up to hug Dan close, and Dan lets himself be held as his breath shakes. He didn’t realize how much he was hurting over this, but now that it’s out there, he just needs a minute to… to grieve.
“Promise me,” Dan demands in a broken voice.
Phil shifts, kissing him firmly before pulling away to stare at his face. “I promise. You have no idea how easy of a promise that is to make, Dan. I… I don’t ever want to be apart from you, or from this family. Our kids will never feel like this. I swear.” His voice cracks twice, and Dan has to tug him back in, rubbing his back and shushing him gently as Phil lets out a few tears of his own.
Dan can still feel the party breathing all around them, the talking and laughter, but for right now, it’s just them. It’s just them and this moment of hurt that needs time, and maybe a snuggle, to heal. They stay like that for just a few minutes longer, and then Dan pulls away, knowing they need to return to this party, this moment that belongs to them.
“Love you,” Phil says quietly, kissing Dan’s temple gently.
Dan’s heard it a thousand times, probably. And yet, it still makes his heart soar like it’s the first. “Love you most,” Dan replies, squeezing his hand.
“Is it time for speeches?” A voice interrupts them from behind Phil.
Phil, predictably, startles at first, then turns to glare at his brother. “What?” He asks, even though Dan’s fairly certain he’d heard him.
Martyn rolls his eyes. “Is it time for speeches? You said we could speak, right?” He waves a piece of folded paper impatiently. “I’ve got notes, mate.”
Dan bites his tongue, glancing at Phil to see how he handles it. They had said that it would be nice for this part to feel a little more like a wedding reception, in that their families could say a few words, although nothing so dramatic and structured as a best man’s speech. Martyn, evidently, did not get that memo.
“Mar…” Phil starts, sounding exhausted already.
Luckily, they’re interrupted yet again by some commotion at the back door.
“Look who I found lurking about outside!” Nigel announces cheerfully as he gestures to three new guests.
Phil perks up immediately when he spots them, and while it takes Dan a split second longer to catch up, he follows suit when he realizes who it is.
“Ian!” Phil exclaims, making his way over to his best friend with a giant grin. “I thought you all weren’t going to make it?” He pulls Ian into a hug, and Dan watches with a little smile as Ian squeezes him back, waving at Dan over Phil’s shoulder.
Ian smiles, but shrugs as he pulls away. “Well, it was a little last-minute to me, but Lauren actually orchestrated all the details herself,” he says, shaking his head fondly at his wife. “Surprised me with the train tickets this morning.”
Phil can’t seem to contain his smile, but this time he turns it on Lauren, who looks smug. “Then you’re the one I should be hugging! If you hadn’t gotten on top of things I wouldn’t have my best friend here today,” Phil jokes.
Lauren laughs, accepting the hug with grace, even as Phil practically envelopes her. “Believe me, he wanted to be here, he’s just a bit mental about taking a day off work for anything other than a dying emergency,” Lauren says, rolling her eyes.
“I understand that,” Dan says, gesturing at Phil with his thumb accusingly. “It’s practically orders from the Queen herself to get this one to take off work,” he complains. Mostly in jest, though, considering Phil has done so much better about caring about his life outside of work since they became a family.
Lauren giggles, even as Phil and Ian begin making their excuses. She waves them off, pulling Dan into a tight hug. “Congratulations,” she says to him softly. “I’m sorry we’re so late, Ems was a proper nightmare this morning.”
Dan turns, suddenly, realizing he hadn’t even greeted their daughter. “Where’d- oh,” he says, his voice going soft when he spots her. Amelia is guiding her back over to where she and the other children were playing, their arms linked together as they talk, gesturing wildly. Dan smiles when he sees this, and he can only imagine if his heart is melting at the sight, what Phil’s is doing, considering that’s his child and the child of his best friend. It’s sweet.
“I honestly don’t know how you two manage the three of them,” Ian says, clearly watching the same interaction taking place. He glances at Dan after he says it, looking apologetic. “Not that you can’t handle it, obviously, just-“
Dan laughs. “No, you’re right. It’s a lot,” he supplies, so Ian doesn’t have to feel awkward. “But… between the two of us, we manage.” He smiles at Phil, who seems about ten percent happier now that Ian and Lauren have shown up.
“We do,” Phil says, smiling right back at Dan.
“Speaking of doing…” Martyn’s voice says nearby, sing-songy.
Dan groans playfully, glancing over at him with a look of mock irritation. “We get it, you want to embarrass us,” he teases.
Martyn grins sheepishly. “Well… actually, we’ve got some nice surprises for you.”
At that, Dan is a little confused. “What?” They’d planned most of this reception, and had definitely given Martyn some free reign on what he could say or do for his share, but Dan wasn’t aware of any surprises.
“Yeah… is it time for food, do you reckon? I figured most of this can be done while everyone is eating,” Martyn is saying, but Dan realizes he’s mostly talking to Phil now.
Phil nods. He looks confused, too, but at least he seems to have his bearings enough to work out a plan for whatever is about to occur. “Uh, sure. The catering stuff is-“
“Already here,” Cornelia says, popping up at his side. “I had them set everything up just inside the door, so everyone can go through and select a meal option and come back outside to eat, or they said they can have one of the servers come out and get the orders and bring them out,” Cornelia rattles off these instructions rapidly, and Dan’s head is kind of spinning with all of this new information happening.
“Um…” Dan says, stalling a little, glancing at Phil for help.
Phil glances around everyone, clearly trying to decide. “Uh, maybe have them bring the food out. I’ll try to get everyone seated, and that would probably be less hectic.”
Cornelia nods, retreating back inside to relay the message. Dan is glad, suddenly, that they put her in charge of this part.
“Everyone,” Phil calls, his voice carrying across the garden beautifully. He’s almost lilting into his radio show voice, and Dan can’t help but smirk when he realizes it. “The food’s just arrived, so if you’ll find someplace to sit, they should start serving in just a bit,” he says. He glances over to Martyn, raising his eyebrows. “You mind helping corral people to tables while we check on the kids?”
Martyn nods. “Sure. Don’t forget, pride of place,” he says, gesturing to the table they’d situated on the patio for themselves. Renting the tables and chairs had been Dan’s idea, since he didn’t want to commit to so much permanent garden furniture, and he had to admit it was certainly convenient.
Phil rolls his eyes, but nods and waves him off before leading the way to the area of the garden where their children are still gathered.
“Jai-bird, you okay?” Dan calls when he notices Jaiden sitting off to the side alone, watching Amelia and Henry playing hide-and-seek with Darcy and Emily.
Jaiden has a little pout on his face, and Dan crouches down to get his attention. “Buddy?” He inquires, raising an eyebrow when Jaiden finally glances at him. “Everything okay?”
His son stares past him, an almost-glare on his face as he watches the other children play. Dan shares a confused look with Phil, but before he can say anything else, Jaiden finally answers.
“Henry is supposed to be my friend,” he says, crossing his arms petulantly.
“Oh… okay?” Dan replies, unsure of where this is going. “Is… did something happen, bubba?”
Jaiden huffs. “Not really,” he finally says. “He’s just not playing with me anymore.”
“Hm,” Dan hums, trying not to smile. Jaiden’s attachment to Henry is adorable. “Well… maybe you should join him and the others playing hide-and-seek. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind another player.”
Jaiden shakes his head like the idea disgusts him. “No, Henry said he’d play just with me, but then Mia came over and made him play with her instead.”
Phil makes a considering noise at that, and he and Dan share a secret little smile. If this is the worst parenting obstacle they have today, Dan will consider that a win. “Well… Mia can’t exactly make Henry do something he doesn’t want to do. Maybe Henry thought he should share his time with you and her both instead of spending it all with just one of you.”
Jaiden huffs, like that’s the worst answer he’s ever heard. “Doubt it,” he says glumly.
Dan has to bite his lip to hide his giggle, but luckily Jaiden is too hyper-focused on glaring at Henry that he doesn’t even seem to notice. “Well, maybe you guys should try to patch things up over dinner, huh, buddy?”
Jaiden finally glances at him. “Is the food ready?”
Dan nods with a smile. “Yep. We’ve just gotta go sit down, and they’ll bring everything out to us.”
That seems to be just the consolation prize Jaiden was looking for, as he jumps up and brushes the grass off his trousers like nothing happened. “Henry can sit with Mia, then. I’ll sit with you guys.”
Phil coughs around a laugh, and Dan blinks at him with a look he’s positive is bordering on hysterical. “Er, we’ve actually got a table set up just for the kids, bub.“
Jaiden’s face falls a little at that. “Oh… so I have to sit there?”
Dan’s heart twists a little at that. “Well… we’d like you to, so you can spend time with the other kids. And your dad and I are probably going to be moving around a bit with speeches and things…” he glances around then, like he’s got a secret. “And honestly? I think you’ll have more fun at the kids’ table,” Dan whispers conspiratorially.
It clearly takes him a minute to consider it, but finally, Jaiden nods. “Okay. If you say so.”
Dan smiles, reaching out and taking his little hand. “Alright.” He glances around to where the other children are still playing, although he can see Louise making a gesture at Darcy, and he’s sure that it won’t be long before Lauren comes to find Emily. “Mia! Henry!” Dan calls, waving them over when the look at him. “Come on, dinner!”
The magic word attracts almost all of the kids immediately, and it’s almost terrifying, having a little stampede of children racing towards him, then past him to the children’s table. Jaiden squeezes Dan’s hand once before releasing it, following after the others to join them.
Phil sighs. “I can’t believe how big they’re getting,” he says wistfully. He glances over his shoulder, and Dan knows without looking that he’s looking over at Louise and her youngest, Pearl, who’s practically already a toddler.
Dan reaches out for Phil, squeezing his hand gently and lacing their fingers together. “Soon. They’ve already found someone, we just have to wait for that final approval,” Dan reminds him, his heart racing as he thinks about all the hours of paperwork and interviews they’ve stressed over in the past few months, doing everything they can to solidify this adoption. As it turns out, adopting children you’re already fostering is far easier than adopting a newborn, despite what everyone may think.
“I know,” Phil says quietly. He squeezes Dan’s hand back, a small smile quirking at his lips. “I just hate waiting. I want to meet our baby so freaking bad.”
Dan nods, but glances around to make sure no one hears. This isn’t news they’ve shared with everyone here, and he doesn’t think it’s news they’ll be sharing at all tonight. There’s plans, tentative plans, to host a party sometime soon, after they get confirmation that the adoption will be proceeding, but right now they’re just plans.
“Me too,” Dan says softly before leaning in to press a kiss to Phil’s cheek. “C’mon, love. Let’s go join our party.”
~~~
They’re almost finished with dinner when Martyn stands up, gently clinking his wine glass with a spoon. “If I could have your attention, everyone,” he says with a grin, sounding somehow both sarcastic and genuine. Dan bites back a groan, but Phil makes a noise of displeasure loud enough for both of them. Everyone who notices laughs, and Martyn just flashes him a thumbs-up.
“We’re gathered here today to- god, sorry, I didn’t realize how posh I would sound saying that.” Martyn grins when the guests laugh at him. “Anyway. We’re here to celebrate my little brother and his person. If you don’t already know, Dan has been a part of our family for well over ten years, even when they thought we didn’t know.” He winks over at them, and Dan rolls his eyes. As long as he doesn’t mention the whole fake-engagement bit, Dan doesn’t care what he says.
Martyn looks over to Kathryn and Nigel, a small smile on his lips. “Mum and Dad have always said they just want the best for us, they just want us to be happy. And I think we’ve done them proud, you know?” He glances to Phil then, the smile shifting. “I don’t think everyone here fully understands all the things you two have had to overcome to get to this point, and obviously that’s not my story to tell. But as the older brother, I’m just thrilled that you got there in the end.”
Phil smiles back at him, squeezing Dan’s hand gently. He knows how rare it is for Martyn to show this depth of emotion, especially for his brother, and he knows it means the world to Phil.
“Anyway. Enough with the sappy. If you will, let’s raise a glass to… to happiness. Or whatever comes closest.”
There’s a smattering of laughter then, followed by the clinking of glasses as everyone toasts to them. Dan can’t deny how much he loves the attention, and he grins as he raises his own glass to clink against Phil’s.
“Now, I wanted to talk about something else, for a moment. Something a little more personal to these guys,” Martyn says, gesturing to Dan and Phil where they sit watching. “So, if you’re not super familiar with the situation, allow me to fill you in. A little over two years ago, my brother came to me and told me that he and Dan wanted to become foster parents.”
The guests are silent, and it’s almost as if everyone is holding their breath, waiting for whatever Martyn will say next. Dan reaches over and squeezes Phil’s knee. He’s not sure if it’s to comfort himself or Phil, but he finds that he needs the touch all the same.
“And of course, my first thought was… you’re crazy man!” Martyn grins as the crowd laughs, looking rather proud of himself. “But then… then I started thinking about what kind of people they both were. I thought about how good they were with mine and Cornelia’s own child, and I realized… I realized that any kid would be proper lucky to be part of their lives.” He looks over at them then, making brief eye contact with Dan before holding it with Phil. “And I’ll be honest, I’m ashamed of how long it took me to come around to accepting this choice of theirs. I thought it was too rash, they were too young. Not to mention the risk they’d be taking, allowing themselves to get attached to a child, only for that child to be taken away.”
Dan’s throat tightens at the very thought. His worst fear spoken aloud, even all these months after the adoption, still made him feel sick. He feels a warm hand slide into his own, squeezing his fingers tightly. He squeezes back, and listens.
“But, thankfully, that didn’t happen. And today we get to celebrate not only Dan and Phil’s love for each other, but their love for the three kids whom they got to bring into their lives.” Martyn turns to the kids’ table, giving a subtle nod. Understanding whatever that gesture indicates, Levi stands up, and the twins follow, the three of them making their way to stand behind Martyn. “And if everyone doesn’t mind, they’d like to say a few things now.”
Dan’s breath catches in his throat, and he and Phil share a confused, surprised glance. This wasn’t something they’d planned. He knew Martyn had said that he and Cornelia had worked out a way for the kids, especially the twins, to participate in the ceremony, but he hadn’t expected it to be like this.
They watch in silence, Dan’s fingers still curled tightly around Phil’s, as Amelia steps up beside Martyn. He gestures to someone behind Dan and Phil’s table, and then Cornelia is there, producing the little microphone that accompanied Amelia’s little karaoke machine they’d given her on their first Christmas together. Dan smiles at the memory, his eyes misting.
“Sorry about the audio supplies, everyone,” Martyn jokes into the microphone once they’ve got it turned on. “In order to keep this a surprise, we couldn’t set up the good stuff, so bear with us.”
Everyone laughs, Martyn winning the crowd over yet again. He hands the microphone to Amelia, murmuring something in her ear and squeezing her little hand in what looks like reassurance. She nods at him, smiling as he steps away from her, flashing a thumbs-up.
“Hello,” she says quietly into the microphone. There’s a little squeal of feedback, and she twists her face up, holding the microphone away from her until it stops abruptly. Dan glances back to find Cornelia tinkering with the controls, no doubt adjusting it perfectly before giving Amelia a smile to continue.
“Me and Jaiden wanted to make a speech together, but Jai gets nervous sometimes. But, that’s okay because I like to talk a lot.” The guests laugh, and Dan can’t help but join in, nodding along in agreement.
“So true,” Phil mutters from beside him.
“So, since Jaiden is a little shy, I told him I’d do most of the talking and he could write all my words for me.” Dan can tell by her cadence that most of this part is rehearsed, no doubt in secret with Levi or Martyn. Dan can feel his chest tightening at the thought of them doing something so special without anyone knowing.
Amelia turns then, gesturing Jaiden forward with a little wave. He shuffles forward slowly, tugging what looks like a little card out of his pocket. He holds it out between them, and Dan coos when he sees the way each of them have a hand on the card to hold it steady.
“Dan and Phil,” Amelia starts. A few people in the audience laugh at the use of their real names and she smiles widely. “We don’t really call them that, by the way. We call them dad, or daddy.” She looks back at the card, stumbling over herself for a second in an effort to get the words out. “We didn’t… oops. Wrong line.” She laughs nervously, glancing up and making eye contact with Dan. He can see the anxiety on her face and his heart aches at the sight.
“You’ve got this!” He whisper-shouts to her.
That seems to be the confidence boost she needs, as Amelia smiles, takes a deep breath, and looks back at her notes. “We came to live with you guys two years ago, and we were scared. We didn’t have a mom or a dad anymore. But that was okay, because you guys didn’t have any kids. We fit right in.” She smiles, then nudges Jaiden gently.
He reaches out for the microphone, his hand shaking just a little, and Dan feels the first tear fall at the way Amelia holds it steady for him while he reads his part. “We also didn’t have an older brother at first. But you guys knew what we needed, and you brought Levi home, too.” Jaiden looks up then, his eyes catching on Phil first, then sliding over to Dan. “You guys made us a family again.”
Oh.
Dan’s certain he’s going to be a sobbing mess if they say anything else, but luckily, that seems to be the end of it. That is, until Amelia takes the microphone back.
“We love you very much,” Amelia adds cheerfully, grinning over at them. The guests start to clap, and Jaiden slips away, but before Martyn can reach for the microphone, Amelia says, even louder, “I really would like a little sister, though!”
There’s barely a second of silence to process this before everyone bursts out laughing, including Dan. He swipes at the moisture under his eyes as he tries to control his giggles, but when he looks up to find Phil in a similar state of mirth, he just loses it all over again.
“Right, well… not sure Dan and Phil are taking those kinds of requests this evening,” Martyn jokes, setting everyone off laughing once again. When the laughter finally subsides, Dan watches as Martyn stands smiling at Amelia, shaking his head in disbelief. “God certainly makes you pay for your raising, huh?” He says, glancing over at Phil with a cheeky smile before waving at Kath. “Glad it’s you and not me, mate,” Martyn says to Phil.
Phil waves him off, laughing. “Just wait till Evan decides having cousins isn’t good enough.”
The other parents in the audience are clearly getting a laugh out of the exchange, but Martyn shakes his head, cutting it off to move on. “Now, Mia and Jai summed up their story pretty well, but Levi wanted to share something with his parents as well.”
Dan feels a familiar skip in his chest at hearing someone refer to him and Phil as the parents of these kids. It’s his greatest accomplishment in life, he’s sure of it.
Martyn hands the microphone over to Levi silently, and quietly ushers the twins over to the side while Levi clears his throat, taking out a folded piece of paper.
“Uh, hi everyone. I’m not really much for public speaking, so um… forgive me for how bad I am at it.” Levi glances at Dan and Phil briefly, before glancing over to the kids’ table, where Dan notices Charlotte giving him a reassuring smile. Dan’s chest feels tight, both at the joy in knowing his son has someone to be there for him like that, and also in the recognition the motion sparks for him, of a younger version of himself and Phil.
“Like the twins said, our dads started fostering them first. And later, they explained to me that they heard them talk about me. As soon as they realized I was their brother, they started looking for me.” Levi shares a long look with Dan. “Luckily, it didn’t take them long to figure out where I was at.”
Dan smiles at him. Levi smiles back before looking back down at his notes.
“I moved in with them and had nothing but a duffel bag of clothes and a really bad outlook on life. They gave me this great bedroom, all to myself, and I don’t know if I ever told you guys this, but dad…” Levi shakes his head, his voice cracking a little. “That was the first time I had a room to myself, a room where I wasn’t expected to sleep on the floor or on the sofa.”
Suddenly, Dan is pulled back to a memory over two years ago, of the first day he brought up fostering to Phil. The movie The Blind Side flickers through his memory, Michael’s soft voice saying, “I’ve never had one before. A bed.”
Dan can’t help the way he takes Phil’s arm in a death grip, or the way he chokes on his breath in an effort not to cry.
“And that wasn’t all they gave me. In fact, it sort of just never stopped. They gave me clothes, food, school supplies. They helped me with my homework, and we ate dinner as a family and talked about our days. They came to my room and told me goodnight, every night. Even on the nights when I didn’t think I wanted them to.”
Levi stops for a minute then, and Dan watches, his heart a lead weight in his chest, as Levi wipes his eyes with the cuff of his sleeve. “Sorry,” he laughs wetly. “I’ve wanted to say all this for a while. I could honestly say so much more, all the things they did for me- all the things they still do for me, actually- but… I think the most important thing is that they just… they loved me. From the very first day, even when I was rude or quiet, or when I told the twins not to call them ‘dad.’ They never let any of that get in the way of them loving me.”
Dan has resigned himself to the fact that he’s fully crying now. He’s just letting it wash over him, stroking a hand down Phil’s arm for comfort.
“So that’s really…” Levi says, a conclusive tone to his voice. “That’s really all I wanted to say. I saw a lot of foster homes before I came here. And I think Amelia was right. We did fit right in. Because you guys needed us, and we needed you. And I’m really glad you guys could make space for all of us in your life.” Levi smiles and turns the microphone back over to Martyn before stepping closer to their table.
Dan stands up immediately and pulls him into a hug, squeezing him tightly. “We love you, Levi. So much.” He mumbles before pulling away, letting Phil take his place for a hug. He hears Phil murmur a similar sentiment, and watches with a wet smile as Phil kisses the top of Levi’s head, ruffling his hair afterwards.
Amelia nearly jumps into Dan’s arms then, and Dan has mostly drowned out the sound of the crowd reacting to Levi’s speech until he hears them laughing at Amelia’s antics. “Our sweet, talkative girl,” Dan teases, brushing a strand of wavy hair behind her ear.
Amelia shrugs innocently. “What? I just spoke the truth!”
Dan rolls his eyes, hugging Jaiden where he clings to his leg before passing his daughter off to Phil for his turn. “I’m very proud of you,” Dan says, kneeling to talk quietly to Jaiden. “You and Mia had a beautiful speech. Thank you.”
Jaiden shrugs, but has a little grin on his face when Dan hugs him.
“Alright, as adorable as this has been,” Martyn is saying in a teasing voice. “I believe our last order of business is the vows of the newlyweds.”
Their guests applaud at this, and Dan smiles as he watches his kids go back to their table among the noise and chatter.
“I guess that’s us,” Phil jokes in response to Martyn, standing to get the microphone.
“Wait,” Dan says, catching his shirtsleeve gently. When Phil looks at him in confusion, Dan smiles shyly. “Can I go first?”
Phil smiles back. “Of course,” he replies, gesturing for Martyn to hand him the microphone. He squeezes Dan’s hand before sitting back down.
They’d agreed beforehand that they wanted this to be a little informal, with whoever wasn’t speaking remaining in their seat until it was their turn to give their vows. Dan’s regretting it just a little now that he’s the only one stood up with a microphone, but if there’s one thing he can do, it’s talk.
“Hello again, everyone. First, I want to thank you all for coming tonight. I know this wasn’t a very traditional wedding, but when Phil and I were going through the planning process, there were… several roadblocks.”
Phil snorts at this, and Dan grins, knowing that he’s not even giving an accurate word to how many aches and pains they tried to navigate around in order to make this their perfect ceremony. He decides those details aren’t really relevant here, though.
“While we were planning this wedding, we started with something really ambitious. An outdoor wedding in the country with a reception area with a dance floor, catered food, fancy attire, the whole traditional nine yards. But then, we realized a few things. One of which was how freaking hard it is to plan a wedding and honeymoon with three kids and full time jobs to work around.”
This gets him a few laughs, and Dan smiles, building up his courage a little. “Not to mention we were moving house and doing some other things that required more attention than we could realistically split between this many important life events.” He doesn’t specify, but he catches Phil’s eye and knows he caught the reference to the future adoption.
“In the end, we realized there was no reason to stick to a traditional wedding. Nothing about our relationship has ever been traditional, so we sort of figured… why should we bother? As long as everyone we love is there, then it doesn’t matter what the wedding looks like or where it’s at.”
He glances around at everyone, all their friends and family. Their parents, their children. And finally, his gaze slips back to Phil. “But honestly… and I apologize in advance, but, even if everyone here had cancelled and it just left Phil and I and the kids… this would still be the most perfect day.”
Phil’s eyes are a little glassier than they were just a minute before, and Dan resists the urge to reach forward and comfort him. Dan just gives him a soft look before continuing.
“And I think that’s the point, right? Of marrying someone? Loving them so much that every day feels like a little adventure. Even when we argue over whose turn it is to carry out the bins, or who forgot to close the kitchen cabinet, or whether or not socks go on the coffee table, which they decidedly do not-“
“Getting a bit off-track, aren’t we, love?” Phil interrupts him to joke, much to everyone’s amusement.
Dan laughs along with everyone else. “Right. But even that, those little things, it’s… it’s my favorite thing. And… I know some of you here know the specifics of our relationship and the way it’s changed in the past ten years, but to be honest with you… it hasn’t.” He looks at Phil then, and he’s trying not to cry. “He’s still my best friend. He’ll always be my best friend, and I’m so sorry to Ian, but I’m his, as well.”
Dan hears scattered laughter, and glances over to grin at Ian, who shakes his head in mock disapproval, a paradox to his massive grin.
“I think that’s why we work so well, why it’s felt so easy to start our parenting journey together, and to move house and everything else we’ve done together. He’s just… he’s my person. He’s my best friend, my companion through life…” he trails off, waiting for the people who are in on this particular joke to get it.
Phil starts laughing almost immediately, wiping away some stray tears, and Dan catches Martyn tossing his head back with a near-silent cackle of delight as well.
Dan smiles before continuing in a softer voice. “An incredible partner… an amazing father… like, my actual soulmate.” Phil reaches up then, and Dan catches his hand, pressing a kiss to the palm before collecting his thoughts. “The love of my life. And I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life picking up his bloody socks.”
The applause is louder now than it has been the whole evening, but Dan can hardly hear it with the way blood is rushing to his head as he leans down to kiss Phil’s cheek softly. “Your turn,” he whispers, pressing the microphone into his hand gently before taking his seat again.
Phil stands on shaky legs, catching himself on the table. If anyone notices, they don’t react. He clears his throat, takes some notecards out of his pocket, smooths out his jacket, then begins to speak.
“Okay, I wanted to start off sappy, but funnily enough I also had something about the socks in my notes, if that gives any credibility to Dan’s side of things,” he begins, shuffling the cards in his hands like he’s not sure where to start.
Dan lets out a startled laugh at what he’d said, and Phil grins proudly before continuing. “I’m not really much for public speaking like this, but when Dan asked if we could say our vows in front of everyone, I agreed, because I knew how much it meant to him for his family and friends to hear this. Mainly because Dan is a brilliant little performer and can actually stand before a crowd and be unflinchingly vulnerable, so you’ll have to bear with me while I struggle through this.”
His hands are shaking, and if Dan didn’t know better, he’d say Phil was second guessing all this, as the behavior definitely reflected someone too nervous to be sure of their actions.
But Dan knew this man better than he knew himself. He knew this nervousness, this anxiety of speaking his truth for everyone he loved to hear it. He knew it because he felt it himself, to some degree. So he does the only thing he knows to do, reaching up to take Phil’s hand in a gentle grip.
Phil squeezes back, then looks at his notes again, quiet for a minute. He puts them down and clears his throat. “I wrote them down just in case I got too nervous to speak, but I don’t need a piece of paper to tell me what to say about how much I love this man.”
Dan’s breath catches in his throat. It’s so quiet in the garden, Dan’s certain even the bugs have stopped chirping.
Phil smiles down at Dan with a fond, loving gaze. “He’s charming, clever, and compassionate. I’ve never known a version of him that didn’t possess those qualities, and I promise you in the years I’ve known him, I’ve known many different versions of Dan. But this one… this one is my favorite. This one wakes up early to get our kids up for school when I’ve had a late night and can’t do it. This one does the grocery shop so I don’t have to, and because I’ll get the wrong thing anyway. This one lets our kids pick the movie, even when he’s so tired of watching Moana he could choke. This one can’t do laundry for shit, but he still chases down every stray sock in the house to put in the laundry, after he lets me have it for leaving them in… strange places.”
There’s laughter at this, and Dan rolls his eyes theatrically, gesturing to Phil with a fond “this guy,” comment muttered under his breath.
Phil gets quiet after everyone laughs and then he brushes Dan’s curls back, smiling when Dan leans into the touch. “This one calls in sick when he needs it, instead of running himself to the bone. He double and triple checks my bags for every trip I take, just so I don’t forget something. He offers to take the night shift when one of our kids is sick, and you’ll never, ever hear him complain. This one just… loves. He loves me, and our kids, so much it’s baffling sometimes. He loves me even when I feel like I don’t deserve it. When I’ve been unkind, or when I’ve made a mistake.” Phil’s voice wobbles uncertainly, and Dan feels his fingertips brushing away a tear on his own face before he even realizes he’s crying.
“Sorry,” Dan mumbles, sniffling. He catches the hand Phil used to stroke his face, pressing kisses to the back of it in some attempt to release all this fond energy.
Phil smiles. “This one holds my hand. Always.” A couple people coo at this, and Phil looks around, like he’d forgotten he’s speaking to a group. “I don’t think many people get the chance to know a love like this in their lifetime. I never thought I would. And I promise to never take that for granted.”
Phil doesn’t quite make it back into his seat before everyone is clapping yet again, and before he can even react to that, Dan’s got a hand on his chin, tugging him in for a good proper kiss, right there in front of god and everybody. It’s not as chaste as Dan usually is in front of other people, but he feels like he can be a little extra romantic, given that it’s his wedding day and all.
A few people hoot when they don’t pull away instantly, and Dan feels his face flush when Phil brings a hand to the back of Dan’s head to hold him in place just a few seconds longer. When they part for air, Dan rests his forehead against Phil’s, grinning at him. He could count every one of his husband’s eyelashes like this, easily. Instead he stares into that loving blue gaze, those eyes that haven’t changed in all the years he’s known them.
“I love you,” Dan murmurs softly, brushing his thumb gently over Phil’s cheekbone.
Phil kisses Dan’s nose. “Love you more.”
“I wasn’t ordained for all this,” Martyn jokes into the microphone, completely disrupting their moment. “I wasn’t ordained at all, actually. But I’d like to say it anyway. Introducing, for the first, er, second time… The Lesters.”
There’s a final round of applause before Dan and Phil finally pull away, Phil smiling bashfully as their guests cheer for them. Dan grins, taking Phil’s hand and holding it up triumphantly, as if to say, “look what I got!”
“Now… I think it’s time to party!” Martyn announces loudly, much to everyone’s delight. The guests begin clearing away from the tables, making their way back to the garden space to mingle and dance and drink, as someone begins playing music on the garden speakers they’d had installed when they bought the place. It’s a playlist curated by Martyn, no doubt meant to get people up and dancing, but Dan just hangs back for a second, watching all their loved ones mingling about in the garden, his heart swelled with love and happiness.
“You ready?” Phil asks from beside him, his voice soft.
Dan glances over to find Phil stood, one hand reaching out for Dan, no doubt in order to lead him out to the makeshift dance floor. Dan smiles, slips his hand into Phil’s, and nods.
Hello! (Yes I wrote this fic back in August and it is now December, but I haven't had access to this tumblr or a laptop since July so I'm only now getting the chance to post it to tumblr)
read on ao3
Summary: Apparently some things aren't meant to be chewed on. Who knew?
“I kinda wanna…” Dan murmurs as he presses tiny little kisses to soft, warm flesh.
Phil cards a hand through his hair. “Wanna what?” He asks. He’s still a little too coherent for Dan’s liking, but Dan isn’t bringing out any of his tricks. Yet.
Dan pulls back just slightly, giving Phil’s cock a gentle squeeze. He’s still so soft, almost squishy under Dan’s grip. It’s something he’s felt a thousand times, but for some reason today… today it’s activating some gremlin part of his brain, and he’s not sure how he could possibly stop the urge he has.
“What?” Phil asks, sounding almost annoyed now. “Why are you lookin’ at my willy like that?”
“‘M not,” Dan denies it petulantly.
He is.
“Yes you are,” Phil argues back.
“Hm,” Dan hums back absently. He leans closer, pressing a kiss to the head before opening his mouth, letting Phil guide himself inside. He makes a little noise of appreciation, but Dan can barely hear him over his own epiphany about how soft he is. The urge is right there, his lips already curling away from his teeth as he prepares to bite.
He remembers something quite crucial at the last second, and pulls back with a jerk, looking up at Phil with wide eyes. Phil looks just as startled and confused as Dan feels about what he’s about to ask.
“What?” Phil says for probably the third time since Dan got down on his knees in the lounge, exasperation coloring his voice.
“Can I…” he trails off, smacking his lips as his brain processes how satisfying it would be to just sink his teeth into that soft flesh.
Phil’s voice goes surprisingly gentle when he says an encouraging, “yeah?”
Bless him. He has no idea what Dan is about to ask.
Dan licks his lips. “Can I like… bite him? Just a little?”
“Him?” Phil says, and of course that’s the part he chooses to focus on.
“Yes,” Dan nods, moving his hand to cradle Phil’s prick, nuzzling his cheek against the soft, moist skin. “Him,” he says, fluttering his eyelashes demurely.
Phil blinks. “Bite him?”
Dan nods.
“Uh…” Phil hesitates, a flicker of apprehension on his face. “Maybe? Are you gonna like…” he gestures nonsensically. When Dan just stares at him, Phil takes his hand and gently guides one of Dan’s fingers up to his mouth. “Like this?” He asks, giving Dan’s finger a very gentle chomp. “Or like…” He bites down a little harder, and Dan flushes when it makes his own dick twitch.
“Yeah,” Dan agrees dumbly. Phil blinks at him, then raises an eyebrow. “Er, just a little bite? And then…”
Phil thinks about it for a second, then shrugs. “Okay. But please be gentle, Dan.”
Dan nods quickly, excitement flooding his veins at the thought of finally getting to do what he’s been craving. He opens his mouth, letting Phil help guide his cock back into the wet heat. He’s starting to chub up a little, so Dan knows he’s in a race against time now.
He gives a little lick to the underside first, then gently presses his teeth into the flesh. Phil makes some sort of soft noise, but his hand is petting Dan’s hair, so he takes it as a sign that it’s safe to continue. He bites a little harder, just until Phil hisses, and then he backs off, sucking gently to alleviate the sting of the bite.
“Good?” Dan asks excitedly.
Phil quirks his lips in a little smile, but shrugs. “It’s alright. Biting is more your thing than mine, you know.”
Dan pouts.
Phil rolls his eyes. “You can do it a couple more times.”
The words are barely out of his mouth before Dan’s got his teeth on him again, gently biting, sinking and unsinking his teeth a few times in quick succession.
Phil yelps in surprise, and when Dan glances up at him, his face is red. “It’s not a- a chew toy!”
Dan blinks, then looks down at Phil’s cock, admiring the little teeth marks on the skin. “I wanna chew it,” he says solemnly.
“No,” Phil says. He crosses his arms when Dan looks up at him with wet eyes and a puckered lip. “Hurts,” Phil tells him.
Dan sighs. “Fine,” he mumbles. “Get him hard for me, then,” he says as he stands up, tugging his pants down in the process.
Phil frowns at him. “I thought you were gonna suck me off.”
Dan shrugs, reaching over to the coffee table and pulling out a container of lube. “I want you to fuck me instead.”
“But…” Phil pouts. “That’s so much work. And it’s my day off.”
Dan huffs, settling himself on Phil’s lap. “You don’t get a day off from taking care of me, you dick.”
“But can’t you just… take care of yourself?” Phil says, reaching out to stroke his hip sweetly.
Dan stares at him, betrayed. “No!” He squawks. “What’s the point of being married if you don’t wanna fuck?”
Phil shrugs. “Taxes,” he says seriously.
“Stupid,” Dan says. “You really won’t fuck me? Even if I ride you?”
Phil seems to consider it for a minute, then shrugs. “You can do me, if you want. But I don’t really feel like topping today.”
“Lazy bitch,” Dan mumbles, even as he forms a new plan in his mind. “Fine. I’ll wank us both off, but I want your fingers or something.”
“M’kay,” Phil agrees easily. He holds a hand out, and in Dan’s horny stupor, he just places his own in it. Phil smiles, squeezing his hand gently. “Hand me the lube, bub.”
“Oh,” Dan says dumbly, leaning to the side and scooping it up from where he’d abandoned it on the sofa cushion beside them. He places it in Phil’s hand, then shifts, accidentally squishing their cocks together between their bellies. Phil makes a little noise, like he’s surprised, and Dan mumbles an apology.
“Are you comfy like this?” Phil asks, patting Dan’s hip with the hand not coated in lube.
“Mhm,” Dan hums, shifting up a little on his knees to give Phil plenty of access to his hole.
“I thought you were gonna wank us?” Phil asks, accusingly, pausing where his fingertips are rubbing against Dan’s entrance.
Dan rolls his eyes. “I want fingers first, bub. You got to have a little suck, I want this.”
Phil huffs. “I didn’t have a little suck, you just had a little chew,” he mumbles in annoyance.
“Whatever,” Dan says, sighing a little when Phil finally pushes a finger inside him. “Did it really hurt badly?” He asks, trying to force himself to pay attention to the answer. If not for his own little horny reasons, then just to be a considerate partner.
It seems to take Phil a few minutes to consider the question, which is enough time for Dan to nearly forget he’d even asked one, tilting closer and dropping his head to rest against Phil’s shoulder while Phil works him open.
“It hurt a little bit,” he finally replies. When Dan hums, trying for encouraging, Phil clears his throat, shifting to gently take Dan’s wrist, guiding it to their cocks in a subtle move. “Like, you were biting my dick, so obviously it didn’t feel like, great, but it wasn’t horrible.”
Dan considers this for a moment, wrapping his huge hand around their cocks and wanking them a couple times. His hand is dry, and neither of them are really leaking enough to ease the way, so Dan has to go on a little quest for the lube for a second. “Would you let me do it again?” He asks as he pours the lube out in his palm, coating his fingers.
Phil makes a face, but shrugs. “If you really wanted to, maybe.” He sounds apprehensive even now, though, so Dan just laughs. “I could do it to you,” Phil offers helpfully.
Dan makes a vague thoughtful noise as he shifts his hips, trying to get Phil to press his fingers into him just right. “Maybe,” he says belatedly.
“Ahem,” Phil says, clearing his throat awkwardly after making the noise. “The lube is getting tacky,” he says matter-of-factly.
It takes Dan a second to catch up, his brain focusing on nothing other than the stretch of two fingers inside him. He’s doing most of the work himself, but when Phil begins to pull his fingers out, Dan whines loudly.
“No,” Phil says. “No more fingers until I get some lovin’ too.”
Despite what he’s said, he thrusts his fingers back inside a couple more times before stilling his hand altogether. Dan whines at the almost-there feeling, a dichotomy of pleasure and discomfort as he’s filled but not fully stimulated.
“Just stick it in me,” he pleads. “Please, Phil, I’ll do all the work, I promise.”
“You never do,” Phil argues with a groan. It sounds like his giving-in voice though, so Dan decides to push some more.
“I swear I will this time. I’ll do all the work, and you can even come inside.”
Phil shifts at that, blinking up at Dan with a new interest in his eyes. “Condom?” He asks.
Dan smirks. “Nope.”
Phil groans, a deep, horny thing that sends Dan’s nerves singing with delight. He’s won this one for sure.
“Fine,” Phil mutters, and Dan’s so relieved he could cry. “You little goblin. Budge up,” he says, shoving at Dan’s hips until he’s hovering just right above Phil’s lap.
“Little more lube,” Dan reminds him when he feels that first bit of faint pressure at his hole.
“Alright, pillow princess,” Phil taunts, even as he slathers on another handful of the slick stuff. Dan knows it’s just in jest, Phil would never willingly hurt Dan, unless he asked for it. This time he wants something a little bit softer.
“Mm,” Dan hums as Phil breaches him. It sends ripples of sparks spreading from his ass all the way down each fingertip, and he flexes his hands in Phil’s hair to try and relieve some of the tension. “Big,” Dan whines, mostly put-upon for the sake of winding Phil up. After nearly a dozen years together, they were plenty used to each other’s sizes, but Dan knows how wild Phil goes for this kind of praise.
Sure enough, his eyes flutter shut and he grunts as he shoves himself just a little further inside. “Baby,” he sighs. “Always feel so good for me.” He presses a kiss to Dan’s jaw, mouthing down his neck from there, trailing lots of kisses in his wake.
As soon as he’s settled on the full length of Phil’s cock, Dan pauses, taking a moment to breathe deeply and let himself get used to the stretch. It actually doesn’t take very long, and he clenches around Phil several times, just to be a little tease.
“Oh,” Phil breathes, squeezing Dan’s hips. “Mm, babe,” he whispers against Dan’s throat.
“C’mon,” Dan says, wiggling his hips. Usually, when they fuck like this, it doesn’t take long for Phil to dig his heels into the floor and fuck Dan in earnest, and Dan’s already daydreaming about just that.
“Hm?” Phil hums as he mouths at Dan’s collarbone.
“Fuck me,” Dan whines, swiveling his hips in gentle rocking motions.
Phil laughs. “I fucking knew it,” he says, pulling back and pointing an accusing finger in Dan’s face. “I knew you’d make me do all the work!”
Dan whines. “Baby, please, c’mon. It won’t take much, just…” he rocks a bit more, dragging himself up the length of Phil’s cock just a little before dropping back down heavily. “Just help me out a little.”
Phil huffs. “You said you’d do all the work,” he reminds him.
Dan shrugs, biting his lip to hide his grin. “I lied.”
“You little…” Phil starts to say something else, but then Dan grins and starts riding him in earnest. “Ohh,” Phil moans suddenly, burrowing his face into Dan’s shirt.
“Just teasing you,” Dan murmurs, slowing down just enough to press a firm kiss to Phil’s lips. “Love you,” he whispers.
Phil grunts, rocking his hips gently with Dan’s movements. When it becomes abundantly clear to Dan that this is the most reaction he’s going to get, he frowns.
Slowing his pace a little, he drags his lips down Phil’s neck, kissing gently before baring his teeth.
“Ow! You little shit!” Phil yelps, jerking back after Dan bites him.
“Say it back,” Dan demands petulantly.
“It,” Phil says dutifully, like the smartass he is.
“Phil,” Dan whines. He nuzzles into Phil’s neck, licking the spot he’d nipped, and Phil flinches like he’s bracing for another bite. “Tell me you love me,” Dan mumbles into the warm skin under his mouth.
It’s quiet for a moment, and then Phil is laughing softly, dipping Dan down onto his back on the sofa. Dan whines when Phil slips out of him, but he’s quick to cover Dan’s body with his own, slipping back inside easily as he kisses Dan within an inch of his life. It goes from sweet to blisteringly hot in a matter of seconds, and Dan’s rolling his hips, desperately chasing the feeling.
“I love you,” Phil breathes hotly against his cheek when he pulls away for air. He’s set a deep, slow pace, and Dan keens every time he presses against that bundle of nerves. “I love you so much.”
“Mm,” Dan groans when Phil starts nibbling at his ear. “Touch me, baby. Please.”
Phil snorts. “No.”
“Phil,” he whines. He forces his eyes to stay open, pouting up at his partner as he forces his eyes to water. “Please,” he whimpers, playing it up.
“You already got me to do all the work,” Phil says, his tone conversational. “Touch yourself.”
Dan whines. Phil simply blinks at him, one of his hands slipping under Dan’s head to cradle it, forcing eye contact. The other hand is holding him up above Dan, but Dan can tell he’s getting a little shaky.
“C’mere,” Dan mumbles, wrapping his arms around Phil’s back and pulling him in even closer. Phil all but falls on top of Dan’s body then, and he lets out a little sigh of relief as he does. Dan grins, grinding up against Phil’s stomach gently in the new closeness.
Phil suddenly pulls back, glaring at him. “You’re cheating,” he says, pulling away just enough that there is no longer any friction on Dan’s dick.
“Phil, please,” Dan whines. “I’m so close babe, just-“
“Ugh. Shut up.” Phil reaches down, taking Dan in his hand and wanking him with a quick fist. “You do this every time,” Phil says, his voice chastising. “Every time you’re horny, you convince me to do all the work, and because I’m a dumbass, I do it.”
Dan knows he’s not seriously upset, but part of him wants to console him anyway. He makes a soft noise, like he’s comforting a wounded animal, and reaches up to stroke Phil’s cheek. “Aww,” he says, sarcasm slipping into his tone, even as he’s trying to feign sweetness.
“Shut up,” Phil repeats, leaning in and pressing a kiss to Dan’s temple. “I love you,” he says again. He says it simply, like that’s all he needs to say. He doesn’t stop there, though. “Even if you’re annoying as hell sometimes.”
Dan gasps- partially because of such a rude (but true) sentiment, and partially because of the way Phil has just nudged his legs further apart, the change in friction sparking across his skin like fire, even though Phil is no longer wanking him. “You can’t-“
“Can’t what?” Phil mocks.
“Ugh. Can’t call me annoying when we’re- oh, god, I’m gonna-“ Dan cuts himself off with a long groan as he feels his body tensing up.
Phil kisses him softly. “Sorry,” he mumbles. “Not annoying. My sweet little bear. My good boy, yeah?”
Oh, that definitely does it for Dan. Praise is even higher on his list than mild degradation, and the words, paired with how Phil is drilling into him, gets him exactly where he needs to be.
He comes with Phil’s name and a string of curses on his lips, shouting somewhere in the middle when Phil reaches down to wank him through it. “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” Dan’s gasping when his brain comes back online.
Phil laughs, slowing his thrusting to a stop, clearly preparing to pull out when Dan stops him. “What?” Phil says, pushing Dan’s curls out of his eyes.
“Fuck me,” Dan demands, locking his ankles around Phil’s back. “Fuck me until you come.”
Phil looks skeptical at that. “Dan…” he starts, his voice mildly disapproving. “You don’t like it when I do that.”
“I do sometimes,” Dan argues.
“You want to like it sometimes,” Phil corrects. “That’s not the same thing.”
Dan groans. “Come on, just- just do it before you get soft, I think I can handle it.” He subtly begins grinding back on Phil, watching smugly as his eyes flutter closed.
“Tell me if it’s too much?” Phil requests, clearly giving up on being overly considerate.
“Always,” Dan promises.
Phil rocks into him gently at first, but when Dan makes no indication of pain, he drives in a little harder, a little faster, holding onto Dan’s hips and squeezing like his life depends on it.
It’s over relatively quickly, and although Dan would never admit it, he’s relieved. It actually does hurt a bit, and although his body is lax with the previous orgasm, it still doesn’t feel great. So when Phil gasps and his hips stutter, Dan is pretty pleased with himself.
“God,” Phil mumbles as he slides out and collapses halfway on top of Dan.
“Ugh, get off me!” Dan complains, shoving at his shoulder. “We’re disgusting.”
Phil rolls right back into his space after being pushed away, cuddling up against Dan’s side. “We’ll take a bath in a bit. Use one of our nice bath bombs, yeah?”
Dan hums contently, mouthing at Phil’s jaw gently, letting his teeth scrape just a little. He suddenly remembers how all this started, and pulls away with a grin. “Did you like it?”
“What, coming in your ass?” Phil asks, sounding surprised. “Obviously I did. I love filling you up.”
Dan feels his face heat at how crude that is, but shakes his head. “No, I meant like, the biting. Earlier?”
Phil’s nose wrinkles. Dan knows his face falls, because Phil scrambles for something positive to say. “I loved how into it you were,” he says, stroking Dan’s cheek. “That part was super hot. But, uh… I don’t think I’m a huge fan of having my dick chewed on.”
Dan nods, even though he’s definitely a little disappointed. It’s probably just a phase, just some extreme of his oral fixation that he’s never explored, but he finds that he already misses it, now that he knows he won’t have it again. “So… I can’t do it again?”
Phil pauses. “You know there’s not very many things I’ll say no to, but…”
“This is one of them?” Dan asks.
“This is one of them,” Phil confirms. “You can’t do it again.”
Dan tries not to let that hurt, and really it doesn’t, he just feels a little bad that he liked something Phil didn’t. They’ve experienced this with many kinks in the past, where one of them was into something and the other wasn’t, but there were always compromises, and nothing that was ever a hard no on one side after trying it. Maybe that’s why it feels weird.
“But you know what?” Phil says, patting Dan’s hip.
“What?” Dan asks.
“I do have an idea of something you can chew on.”
So that’s how, ten minutes later, Dan ends up chewing on one of their soft, rainbow-colored dildos. It doesn’t have quite the same give or texture as the real thing, but something about the firmness is actually appealing in itself, giving him more of a challenge. Phil strokes his hair as Dan suckles and chews on it, teasing him gently about being a baby with a dummy. Dan decides that today’s not the day to explore that kink, and instead he mumbles a “shut up,” around the artificial flesh, nuzzling into his wonderful partner who always, always indulges him.
rereading iydlmp I love it so much !! I do have a q tho, in ch 4 Phil says 80% of children in England are in Foster care. Is he misquoting? like I think he means out of kids in care, 80% are in Foster care, as opposed to adoption and connected carers ect. yeah?
I am literally so. so late responding to this. But yes he meant that 80% of children in care other than that of their biological families were in foster care! definitely could have worded that better, and tbh the statistics have probably changed since then, as I wrote that part in 2018.
Fun update! I got a new laptop for Christmas so hopefully I'll be able to write more now! Really excited to have an actual computer to use instead of the notes app of my phone :')
Hii!!! I've got a few days free before my next exam and I was wondering if you would upload that long bonus update you talked about? Or isn't it finished yet? Anyway, that Phil pov was great, so thanks for that!!! Hope you have a nice day/night!!! (Idk your time zone hahaha)
god i am so sorry i'm just now seeing this!! the longer bonus fic is not finished yet because in true unhinged fashion, i had another cute idea to add to it and now i'm having to re-write a little bit to fit the new idea in! also between work and interviews and everything else, i've just not had a lot of time to sit down and write the story the way it deserves to be written, but I promise i haven't forgotten about it!!
Hello all!! back again with some more iydlmp bonus content! if you haven't read the original fic this one will probably make absolutely zero sense, so i recommend reading iydlmp first!
also this turned out a lot shorter than i thought but I just thought you guys would like some phil pov and what better place for it than the part where dan was mad at him :')
read on ao3
Summary: Phil and Martyn have a day out...
This Phil POV bonus fic occurs during Chapter 22 of the main fic, If You Don't Love Me, Pretend. This fic picks up after Phil leaves the apartment the morning after Jaiden's trip to A&E and gives some insight into what Phil was thinking during this chapter.
Word Count: 2.9k
Warnings: none
He’s not sure how it happened, but this whole morning has definitely gone horribly wrong.
Phil sighs, shaking his head as he makes his way downstairs to where the Uber is waiting. He’s trying not to think about the way Dan had turned away from his touch just a moment ago, his stomach churning with the thought that he might’ve made Dan uncomfortable somehow. Despite Phil’s best efforts to push it away, his head is spinning, trying to come up with some explanation for Dan’s behavior, some mistake he’d unknowingly made that set him off. But it doesn’t do more than give him a low-grade migraine and he eventually decides that it’s not worth making himself sick over. He can still fix this.
The look on Dan’s face when Phil had tried to kiss him earlier floats back into his mind, and he swallows hard, his stomach sinking.
He can still fix it. Right?
~~~
“Took you long enough,” is the first thing out of his brother’s mouth when he meets him at the shops.
“Yeah, well,” Phil says, shrugging. He doesn’t meet Martyn’s eyes, instead just scuffs his shoe against the uneven bricks beneath their feet.
Martyn seems to hesitate, like he’s reassessing the situation, and Phil briefly hates him and how perceptive he is. “Are you alright, buddy?” he asks gently.
Phil nods, then shrugs. He finally forces himself to make eye contact, giving Martyn what is likely an unconvincing smile. “I’m fine. Are we gonna go eat? Shop? What are we doing?”
“I’m… I’m not sure. Are you sure you’re okay?” Martyn asks.
“Yep. Just tired,” Phil lies through his teeth.
There’s a beat of silence in which Martyn seems to be studying him closely, narrowed eyes and all. He must be disappointed at what he finds, because his shoulders drop and he sighs. “Alright,” he says, sounding resigned. “You don’t have to tell me, but… I’m here if you need to talk, okay?”
Damn him for being such a good brother.
Phil rolls his eyes despite himself. “I know that. C’mon. Let’s get inside somewhere, it’s bloody freezing.”
Martyn’s spirits seem lifted enough now that Phil’s speaking in full sentences, so he turns to lead them off down the street. “Do you have anyplace specific you’re wanting to go?” Martyn asks. “Because I’ll be honest, mate, I haven’t a fuckin’ clue where I’m headed.”
Phil almost chastises him for the swear, just like he’d do to Dan at home, but with a start he realizes his kids aren’t with him. That’s so unusual these days, unless he’s at work, that it takes him a second to process it. “Er…” he stalls, trying to come up with a response to whatever the hell his brother just said, even though he wasn’t really listening.
Just then, they pass by a familiar sign posted above a shop. Something nudges Phil’s memory and he absently reaches to check that his wallet is in his pocket. It is, of course, and his feet slow in front of the shop.
“Actually…” he says slowly.
Martyn stops, a little belatedly, and he has to backtrack a few steps to remain in front of Phil. “What?” Martyn says, looking around. He spots the sign of the shop they’ve stopped in front of and his eyes go comically wide. “Uh… didn’t you two already get the prop rings, or whatever?” He asks, glaring at the jeweler sign like it’s personally offended him.
Phil twists the silver band on his ring finger of his left hand. “Yes,” he replies simply, eyeing the ring display at the front window.
“Then…” Martyn says slowly.
And honestly, Phil knows he’s already connected the dots, he truly isn’t that daft. But he sees no reason to deprive him of the answer he’s fishing for.
“This isn’t going to be a prop ring.”
There’s a beat of silence, and before Martyn can protest or anything, Phil marches towards the store, a decisive pep in his step.
“Welcome to Goldsmith’s, how may I assist you?” the cheerful sales associate asks as soon as Phil steps inside.
“Phil,” Martyn hisses from behind him.
Phil ignores him. “Hello,” he greets the associate. “I’m looking for an engagement ring.”
The girl smiles brightly. “Well, congratulations, sir! This is a very exciting chapter of your life, so I’d be happy to help you find what you’re looking for.”
“Great,” Phil says with a smile. He ignores the pointed stare Martyn is sending his way.
“We have a wide selection of engagement rings and bands to choose from, but let me show you to some of our more popular sellers,” the sales associate is saying as she leads them to a case towards the front.
Phil stops her with a short laugh. “Actually, I was hoping I could see your more unique styles. My fian- partner-“ he clears his throat. “My partner is very particular, and I know he’ll want something different, something unique.”
The attendant smiles. “It’s great that you know that! Makes my job a lot easier,” she laughs.
Phil smiles, shaking off his brother’s hand when he tries to grab Phil’s arm. The sales associate is showing them to another case when Martyn starts to whisper.
“Are you sure about this? Like, absolutely positive?” He sounds paranoid, and Phil can’t believe someone else is more nervous about this than he is. “This is a huge decision, Phil, and the two of you aren’t even really-“
“Don’t,” Phil says, sharper than intended.
Martyn snaps his mouth shut, but looks at Phil with a guilty frown.
“These are some styles that either aren’t “in-style” right now, or just aren’t very popular,” the sales associate explains, pulling out a jewelry tray for Phil to examine.
“This one is nice,” Phil says absently, tapping on a rather simple one that has three stones embedded in the simple white gold band. He glances at Martyn, who’s studying the rings with something like confused curiosity. Phil nudges him. “What do you think?”
Martyn glances between him and the ring a couple times, then shrugs. “I don’t know… I reckon Dan would like something a bit flashier, actually.”
Phil smiles, relieved that Martyn’s actually helping now and not questioning his decisions. “Yeah, true.” He looks at the others, letting his gaze linger on the more ornate ones a little longer, waiting for some sort of sign to hit him, but it doesn’t happen.
A moment or two passes where none of them speak, giving Phil the quiet time to study the rings carefully. And study is all he can really do, since none of them really stand out to him. “Is there…”
The sales associate must be all too familiar with this, because she’s quick to pick up on his train of thought. “You know, I think I have another drawer in the back, give me just a moment.”
Phil nods, smiling in relief now that he doesn’t have to actually voice his opinion on the rings he’d been shown so far.
She’s barely been gone a minute when Phil feels Martyn’s hand on his arm. He sighs. “Martyn,” he starts, turning to tell him, kindly, to bugger off.
“Hey,” Martyn interrupts him. He’s smiling a little, which wasn’t the expression Phil was expecting to see. “You really love him, huh?”
Phil drops his gaze to the ring he’s already wearing, the one he’s so emotionally attached to now that he can’t bear to imagine ever taking it off. “I… yeah. Yeah, I really do.”
Martyn is quiet for a moment. “Have you always? Or is this like… a new thing?”
Phil levels him with a look, one brow quirked in disbelief. “You’re really going to ask me that?”
“Well…” Martyn shrugs, then laughs when he sees the dumbfounded look Phil is giving him. “Okay, yeah, yeah. I mean… you have been rather obvious from the start.”
Phil has to laugh at that. “God, I know. No idea how Dan didn’t realize it sooner. I guess we were both just so deep in denial that we didn’t know how to deal with ourselves.”
“Does he? Realize it now, I mean?” Martyn asks softly.
Just then, before Phil gets the chance to reply, the sales lady returns with another drawer of rings.
“These are some of our more unique choices, mixed in with some newer pieces that haven’t done as well as we thought they would,” she says, setting the tray down and stepping back to give him the space to survey them.
“Dan would love that,” Phil remarks, mostly to himself.
“Which one?” Martyn asks.
Phil shakes his head, still studying them closely. “No, I just meant like, getting a ring that no one else wants. Adopting it, saving it from the depths of jewelry hell and all that.”
Martyn laughs, and Phil smiles. “Fair enough.”
The sales associate begins explaining some other options she can present if he doesn’t like these, but it’s while she’s talking that he sees it. It’s flashier than he’d prefer for himself, with a somewhat feminine style. It’s white gold, Dan’s favorite, with simple diamonds twisted on the band leading up to the center, where the main diamond sits.
It’s perfect.
“Can I see that one?” Phil asks, pointing to the ring that is absolutely, perfectly Dan.
The sales associate smiles and nods. “This one has been here for a month or so. It’s the only one we’ve got, but we can get it resized if you decide you like it.” She hands the ring to him carefully, then steps back to give him a chance to look it over and consider it.
Phil clutches the ring gently, holding it up close to his face to inspect it. It’s perfect. Absolutely perfect. He can already imagine slipping it on Dan’s lovely digit, the face he’d make when Phil really, properly proposes.
He’s so deep in the fantasy that he doesn’t even realize the sales associate is speaking to him until his brother pinches his arm.
“Ow!” Phil yelps, turning to glare at Martyn with little thought to the other person standing there.
“I’m sorry, but she’s trying to ask you a question, mate. At least pretend to pay attention,” Martyn says with a roll of his eyes, smiling apologetically at the sales lady when he’s done being dramatic.
“I’m so sorry,” Phil says to her immediately. “I was… sorry, what were you saying?”
The girl smiles kindly at him. “I take it this is the one?“ she says, nodding to the ring.
Phil takes one last look at it, then nods. “Yeah, this is definitely the one. He’ll love it.”
She smiles. “Lovely. I was just asking, do you happen to know what his ring size is?”
“Well, actually- oh, here, I guess I shouldn’t be the one holding onto this,” he says, handing the ring back as he starts digging in his pocket. He pulls out his wallet and takes a second to rummage around, finding what he’s looking for in record time. “Oh, here it is. We actually bought some jewelry here not too long ago and we both got a copy of the receipt,” Phil explains, sliding it over to her.
The sales associate picks it up, scanning the information quickly. “Oh, this is perfect. Since you’re already in our system I can look up the purchase and we can figure out his size. I’m assuming we’ll definitely need to resize this, correct?”
Phil glances at the ring again, and nods with a laugh. “Oh, definitely. That wouldn’t even fit on his pinky.”
She laughs along with him, then closes the case, the ring still clutched safely in her hand. “Alright. If you’ll just follow me, I’ll pull your account up on the computer and we’ll get the rest squared away!”
~~~
Less than half an hour later, Phil and Martyn step back out on the streets, a new receipt in Phil’s pocket, the estimated pick-up date circled on it in red ink.
“Is this what you had planned for today?” Martyn asks as they begin strolling off towards some other shops.
Phil laughs at that. “No. What I had planned for today was snuggling my boyfriend and my kids.”
Martyn gives him a look. “Boyfriend, eh? So it’s official, then?” he asks, a mischievous smirk on his face.
Phil can feel his face flush when he realizes what he’s just said. “Well… I call him that sometimes. In my head.”
Martyn isn’t polite enough not to laugh at him. “Oh, so Dan isn’t aware of this new development?”
There’s an awkward pause as Phil tries to think of a realistic lie, but it’s filled with Martyn cackling, then pretending to cover it up with a cough. “He knows that there are… feelings happening. I think.”
“You think?” Martyn basically squawks. “Jesus, man. Why don’t you just tell him you fancy him? You know he feels the same.”
He gestures them towards a candy shop then, and Phil is helpless to refuse. He follows behind Martyn slowly, trying to gather his thoughts.
“Well… I mean, I guess I think I know how he feels, but I… I’m not sure.”
Martyn had stopped to hold the door open for him, but at that he pauses, turning to give Phil a blank stare. “Mate,” he deadpans.
“What?” Phil says defensively. “Open the door, it’s freezing out here.”
Martyn rolls his eyes, but waves Phil through, following behind him closely to continue the conversation. “Don’t be daft. Or, at least be less daft, if you can manage that.”
“Thanks, Mar, you’re such a beaming ray of kindness today. I’ve missed our bonding times,” Phil says, and he hopes his voice is dripping with sarcasm.
“You know you did,” Martyn teases. Phil can’t even deny that. He did.
“Whatever,” he says, mindlessly strolling the store, his hands tucked firmly in his pockets to keep him from buying anything.
“I’m serious, though,” Martyn says after a minute, tucking a box of licorice under his arm, likely for their father. “I think you both would feel better if you just had a conversation about it, yeah?”
Phil’s quiet, thinking about it. Of course, Martyn is right. “I know,” he says, rather than admitting it in so many words. “And, God, I’ve already bought a real ring, haven’t I? I’ve got to say something. Surely he’ll say no if I just propose out of nowhere. And-”
“I doubt it,” Martyn interrupts his rambling, examining some chocolate oranges.
Phil blinks. “Doubt what?” He says, suspicious.
Martyn shrugs. “I doubt he’d say no. Knowing the two of you, he might actually prefer it if you just propose, so neither of you have to actually talk like functioning human beings.”
And this, Phil thinks, is where Martyn clearly doesn’t know Dan very well. “Oh, no. Dan loves to talk. He loves a good serious chat. We have them with the kids all the time.”
Martyn glances at him then, smiling a little. “He’s a good dad?” he asks.
Phil sighs wistfully, wishing again that he’d said no to his brother and just stayed home to snuggle with his grumpy-Dan and their kids. “The best,” he says truthfully. He hesitates then, debating on whether or not he should share this next part with his brother.
“What is it?” Martyn asks, Phil’s anxiety and hesitation far too easy to read for someone who has known him his whole life.
Phil chews his lip in contemplation, but sighs. It would be good to get a second opinion on this, he figures.
“Dan asked me to adopt the kids with him.”
Martyn drops the box of licorice.
Phil winces at the noise, and they both glance at the shopkeep, who gives them a tired once-over before going back to his coffee and tablet.
“He what?” Martyn whisper-shouts, leaning back down to retrieve the box.
“He asked me to adopt-”
Martyn flaps his hand. “Shut up, I heard you. I just…” He stares at Phil, his eyes wide. “That’s a lot, man. That’s a big responsibility.”
Phil knows he doesn’t really mean it like that, but he bristles anyway at the insinuation that he maybe can’t handle that responsibility. He feels like he’s been doing just fine so far, though.
“I know that,” he says, a little defensive. “We know that. I just…” he trails off then. This may not even be something Martyn understands. He and Cornelia have Evan, but… still. This is a little different.
“Just what?” Martyn says, his voice soft.
Phil sighs. “They’re my kids, Martyn. And as odd as it sounds, Dan is my family. With or without them, he’s… He’s my person. And he’s the only person I’d want to have a family with.”
Martyn is silent, glancing at Phil for only a minute before going over to the counter to pay for the candy. Phil trails after him, feeling a little like he’s in trouble, even though he hasn’t even done anything. Martyn can’t crucify him for a crime he didn’t even commit, he thinks bitterly.
They head out of the shop, and Martyn pulls out his phone and glances at the time. “You feel like doing a little bit of Christmas shopping?”
~~~
Later that evening, when Phil is eating dinner at the table by himself, a message pops up from his brother. They’d abandoned the conversation about Dan and the kids at the candy shop, and Phil had honestly thought Martyn was angry with him. The message clears his conscience of that, at least.
Martyn: Talk to Dan. If you guys can ever get your shit sorted out, I think those kids would be thrilled to have you guys as forever parents.
Hey, I saw on Twitter that you were writing another part of iydlmp and I just wanted you to know that I'm really excited about it!! Do you know yet when are you going to post it? (No pressure at all, just to be prepared for it when it happens!!)
I also started your new fic about the teachers (sorry, I forgot the title hahaha) and I love it!!
hi! I'm going to try to post it tomorrow but I realized that I need to post a different bonus fic first to try and keep the chronology of the post-iydlmp/pre-epilogue scenes. so that (much shorter one) will be coming tonight! and the long boi will be (hopefully) sometime tomorrow!
awww thank you!! I'm very excited about that fic but unfortunately I just don't have the kind of time I used to have to write freely :( (also don't worry i keep forgetting the title too dklfs f)
Broke: filler scenes don’t advance the plot, cut them out.
Woke: filler scenes flesh out the characters, provide lore and exposition, and help you control the pacing. In this way, they enhance the plot. Don’t cut them out.
Fanfic writers really said "in any universe, in any scenario, despite any obstacle, these people would love each other" and I think that's very cool of us
the most fun we've ever had @phantasticworks - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
