Long Time Phantomart Employee

[phantomart-employee]

I have to admit something…

I know PvZ portrays zombies as the enemy and is all about attacking them

But it’s also such a fun game to me. Like yes, let me place plants that are good at fighting! I love botany, give my garden self defense classes

[phantomart-employee]

“I asked Koma Pilot” “I asked nyan GPT” well I asked the clown standing menacingly across the street from my work and they chased me around the town.

[phantomart-employee]

Oh my god, I just saw the most beautiful thing! Yesterday one of the customers was with his partner and he bent down to “grab the sugar” and pulls out an engagement ring! People got engaged on my shift, it was amazing to see!

Buuuuuuuut then the red kid came along with his blaster and the newly engaged has to bolt, I hope their safe

[phantomart-employee]

There has been a major outbreak of AI users within the yokai world. It’s infuriating that Yopple auto-installs Yorp AI on all their devices. I had to switch to a Sighborn.

There have even been rumors that they might put a Nyan GPT model in our headphones to “monitor our customer service”

I hate this, it’s exhausting. I even saw the red kids whispy friend using it on his ipad.

A rogue Koma Pilot model even tried to hack the Phantomart database, we’re lucky we caught it in time before serious damage was done

[phantomart-employee]

Now that I’m a zombie my hand muscles are so weak that they cramp up and I can’t use them. It doesn’t hurt, but they do get rigid

This is extremely common, it plagues all the gamers of the zombie community

But controller companies don’t consider zombies in the making of this stuff so we kinda have to suffer

[phantomart-employee]

Today at work there was this regular who was so rude, she kept on complaining about how slow I worked and the color I dyed my wisp she just kept going and going

Anyway, the red kid came in so I ducked behind the counter and his cat just beat up this lady

I still don’t like him but he did kinda just do me a huge solid

[phantomart-employee]

What alive people don’t even think about is what being undead does to your vision. Your ocular muscles start to weaken so you can’t align your eyes as well.

Most of zombies tend to experience double vision!!!

[phantomart-employee]

Zombie safety tips!!!

The most dangerous weapons humans use are bludgeoning weapons! If you’re going out into a human infested area, wear padding!!!

Travel in groups, humans are less likely to attack when you’re in a group!

If you see a human scream! This allows zombies hungry to find food, and other zombies to run away for safety

[phantomart-employee]

Does the Jalapeño popper thing also imply that you like buffalo sauce because I have to know this. Also what’s the manager’s opinion on buffalo sauce.

I LOVE buffalo sauce! It’s really good on the right foods!!! I like it as long as it’s on hot wings or deep fried brains

The manager doesn’t though, he prefers bbq sauce on everything… even on brains, which is a terrible combo!!! (He also can’t handle spice)

[phantomart-employee]

Us zombies don’t JUST eat brains, we also eat normal human food. Personally, I’m amazing at making Jalapeño poppers

And now that I’m dead… undead…? The juices of the Jalapeño cant burn my hands or eyes

[phantomart-employee]

i hope y'all sell venison, or at least good red beef, because i cannot for the life of me find a tsuchigumo in my area and at this point i think big mammal musculature is probably the next best thing. godddddddd i need to sink my forciples into some animal protein and i already munched on my housemate last week... (he's fine don't worry i let him beat the hell out of me with a spatula after)

The urge to munch just can’t be denied, we DO have vension! In limited supply cause it is very popular.

However… my boss wants me to upsell you on human brains as we have a BOGO deal going on shortly due to our reopening

[phantomart-employee]

I just wanted to say I'm a big fan

I just use this to ramble, I completely forgot that was a thing that can occur on this site

[phantomart-employee]

High, local witch here. Can you tell your buddy's to stop shambling onto my lawn?

They keep smashing my pumpkins and every time my cat kills them its a real mess to clean up all that putrid flesh!

Witch, this is a Phantomart… I just work here, I might not even know who’s doing that

[phantomart-employee]

Many people believe zombies just straight up eat brains raw, but that’s not true! There are so many ways to prepare it, Zombie cuisine exists!

[phantomart-employee]

We missed you Phantomart employee. Glad to see you’re back to employment.

- Heartful Yo-Kai Onn-Lynne

Thank you! It’s a mix of emotions for me. I love having a job, but it’s just so diffident than it was.

[phantomart-employee]

Update on Patches:

Been spending a lot of time with him recently, got him a couple cat toys and he’s having a blast

[phantomart-employee]

Okay things are finally calming down… Is that the red kid? Nooooo I forgot about the red kid

[phantomart-employee]

His average looking bum brought ANOTHER kid, this one has orange hair and he is MUCH WORSE than the red kid

He doesn’t have a blaster but he causes a LOT of chaos I should do something about it, but he’s a friend of the red kid so I don’t know if I’m even allowed