What is my perfect crime? I break into the irlmerch booth at Vidcon at midnight. Do I go for the merch? No, I go for the amazingphil cutout. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a man catches me. He tells me to stop. It's his business. He’s amazingphil. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell him to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust him. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Phil to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. He’s been waiting for me all these years. He’s never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the cutout.
