We Have Not Touched The Stars

Nor are we forgiven.

[hockeyfinches]

i love Not to jump the gun here but with rozanov’s permission…? i think shane in that scene was feeling fiercely protective over another person for the first time in his life. so bowled over by the intensity of his own emotions that he stumbled back to his hotel room in a daze and immediately jerked off in the shower about it. “what if rozanov got arrested and i had to use my immense hockey wealth to bail him out of jail and it was winter in boston. so he had hypothermia. and he had to live with me while we sorted out the legal situation and i yelled at journalists for him and helped him with his paperwork and hired the best lawyer in the world and nursed him back to health and he was like “hollander……..you saved my life 🥺” and he fucked me soooo hard every night for stress relief (obviously he couldn’t fuck other people. due to the lawsuit) and we fell asleep in each other’s arms afterwards. because there’s only one bed in my apartment and he’s too tall for the couch” stuff like that. normal fantasies

[hockeyfinches]

top ten shane hollander shower fantasies:

• holding ilya’s hand while they cross a busy street full of hazards (potholes, roadworks, etc)

• rescuing ilya from kidnappers (he kicks down the door)

• rescuing ilya from a burning building (bridal carry)

• fighting in a gladiatorial ice hockey arena for ilya’s hand in marriage

• massaging ilya’s bad knee and ilya says with wonderment “wowww wow. shane you’re so good at this… you are better than every physical therapist on earth probably”

• saying “he asked for no pickles” to the mcdonalds cashier

• carrying ilya’s bags

• washing ilya’s hair

• applying o’keefes working hands cream to ilya’s calluses

• fuck or die

[hockeyfinches]

[thisfeebleheart]

Hollander, you are having panic attack. It's just a plan to fuck.

[alices--angel]

if I were jensen ackles, even if i truly and wholeheartedly did not think destiel was a good ship and i had never intentionally played into it even once. i think i would give it lip service whenever possible. i would be like ‘yep I did that. dean is hella gay for cas. all the purposeful looks? that was me. i made dean stare at cas like that all the time. i played him that way ON PURPOSE from the beginning.’ and not because i wanted to appease the fans or because i wanted them to cheer me on. no. i would do that because if the general consensus was that dean was gay for cas as an intentional acting choice on my part, then everyone would praise me as a brilliant actor with perfectly natural chemistry instead of coming to the conclusion that yes, i, hypothetical jensen ackles, was not in fact making jenius jacting joices but had instead simply been staring at my coworker’s lips for twelve years. because that’s exactly what happened, assuming destiel was actually unintentional.

[hunybody]

“everything shane hollander was afraid of happened” so true. he also got everything he ever dreamed of and wanted. because he was afraid and everything went wrong and then he was BRAVE!!! and he got EVERYTHING he dreamed of!! he got to play hockey and get married and do everything he thought he couldn’t!!! the message CANNOT be that good things don’t matter because you had to fight for them and it was difficult and hurtful. he got everything he dreamed of because HE got it for himself!!

[sineva]

HUDSON WILLIAMS for Timid Magazine

ph. Henry Wu

[hudconers]

[firstprinced]

shane fucking ilya's shit up

[dragon-in-a-fez]

one time I told my therapist "I tend to have issues with people who think of themselves as authority figures" and she burst out laughing and then said "I think we need to pause and reflect on how you phrased that"

[dragon-in-a-fez]

I mean, what, was I supposed to refer to them as if they actually are authority figures? those don't exist

[penandinkprincess]

laughing about the idea of shane who has a vasovagal response to needles because i know in my heart that he would believe in his ability to beat it

he would believe so hard

HE is the master of this situation, and he can BEAT IT

he is MIND OVER MATTERING

he is FOCUSED

he is DETERMINED

he is PASSING OUT IN THE PARKING LOT

[penandinkprincess]

shane comes to, sees The Face and just immediately slides the towel on his head down to cover his eyes

[penandinkprincess]

making this worse is that they have lunch plans with shane's parents, which is one of the reasons shane decided to try and out-willpower biology in the first place so they could get through as soon as possible

and now they're going to be late AND shane now has to convince ilya to not get him in trouble

"you canNOT tell my mom"

"i am going to tell your mother"

"do NOT"

"i am telling her as soon as we get there"

"you tell her, and I'm not fucking you for a WEEK"

"oh, so you are still telling lies?"

[totearup]

One of the things the time jump between Heated Rivalry and Long Game robs us of is seeing the effect coming out to his team has on Shane in real time. And that experience does a lot to inspire his anxiety and responses in TLG.

No one will ever convince me that there's not a connection between Shane coming out to his team, it not going well, and Shane volunteering to start an even more intensely restrictive diet than he was already on, that also punishes his relationship. Just like I will always view Shane's anxiety around Ilya coming out to the Centaurs/his friends as a trauma response based on how badly it went for him.

One of the most heartbreaking parts about Shane's performance diet to me, is how in both My Dinner with Hayden and TLG Shane and Ilya mention how they love to cook together, and it's like a fun couple thing for them. It's a point of connection, something they do together aside from hockey. And, unlike hockey, it's something they don't compete about.

Shane's performance diet robs them of this. There's a scene in TLG where Ilya has done a bunch of research to find a meal they can cook together that fits in Shane's diet. And Shane is delighted by this. But, notably, he puts no effort into finding other recipes they can do this with again. He tells Rose he likes the discipline of his diet, and I don't think he means just in regards to what and where he's eating, I think he also means in his relationship.

There's another major change we see in Shane between books. At the end of Heated Rivalry he's talking fairly optimisticly about both of them coming out to friends.

This is at the cottage. Very soon after they've decided they're in a real relationship. It's hard not to compare this with Shane's sheer panic in TLG when Ilya talks about coming out to Troy - not even about them, just about being bi - and also to the possibility of even meeting the rest of his team.

So, what's happened to Shane in the last three years that makes him go from joking around about coming out to his friends to rabidly controlling his relationship and protecting every small detail of it that he possibly can?

The fucking Voyaguers.

[eemolu]

the idea that hollander "tamed" rozanov is really funny to shane because like. ilya finds it hot and is always going along with it, yes of course my husband is so sexy why do you think i moved to this boring fucking city. for dick. meanwhile shane knows the truth which is that ilya tamed himself. he herded shane like a sheepdog until he was exactly in the right position for ilya to flop down at his feet and say i love you, i am a one man guy, sleep with other people if you want but you are it for me, so shane is always there like ??? ilya. what are you talking about. i was literally prepared to be a secret slot on your roster for the rest of time without even admitting that i was gay until you decided to have me over make me lunch and say my name while you come like a love confession and ilya goes lyubmiyy. shut up. i was untamable you tamed the untamable and so shane has to be like yes, baby, i worked so hard, i used all my tricks but he's rolling his eyes because ilya wants to be a wolf shane coaxed inside to sleep on the hearth but instead he's a cat who snuck through the window and fell in love with his prey. self domesticated. and this is just one of the many perfect games they play

[thatonekimgirl]

Shane being so ecstatic to discover he and Ilya are exclusive is the JUST THE CUTEST.

bonus: the softest kiss

[toneelspeelster]

shane felt dizzy with happiness. to be held like this and kissed like this by the man he loved - the man who loved him back - here at the place he loved more than anywhere else in the world.

[slobonmynov]

Places Shane initiates sexting

At night, in the dark, under his covers, behind a locked bedroom door and a double dead-bolted front door, after checking FindMy three times to triple check that his parents are still in a different city and not somehow on their way to his apartment. His dildo is also there.

Places Ilya initiates sexting

The locker room

On a run

His home shower

The club

Brunch with Svetlana

The Porsche dealership

Lifting weights with cliff

While taking a shit

In the back of an uber

On the other side of the room

The MLH awards

During a live interview

While watching men’s gymnastics

In the refrigerated aisle while trying to decide between brands of yogurt

Etc.

[likematingcall]

@lavenderprose prev wasn’t enough

[liminalmess]

also need to add @fuckrozanov’s tags actually

[mina-logan]

Jock Shane my pookie 💙 ⭐️

[wtf-is-hockey]

Ilya is the type of depressed person who opens the fridge and realizes there’s no milk and is like “Fine, I’ll just kill myself then” and Shane overhears and wears a really exasperated look and says “I told you not to joke about that” and Ilya responds “Wow okay I thought it was healthy to share my feelings but I guess I will just bottle them up then” and Shane gives him a look like he’s got five seconds to run.

[medrawawi]

shane and shanelings🐥🐣