Rise From The Ashes

Training Doctor//Muso//Entreprenuer//Lover of People//Gender Fluid

[phoenixrisinglove]

Puppy. House. Life.

I had a goal when I graduated with my first degree- to be a self-made millionaire by the time I was 30. I set out to do this by starting a business and loved the entire process so much I went on to start a few more. Thinking back, that time probably shaved years off my life, but it also built resilience, a keen sense of adventure, and realising that I could never settle for less.

It also taught me that nothing really ever goes to plan. Because life happens.

The year I turned 25 was one of the most incredibly diverse years in my life. I went from being a closeted full on missionary christian who believed that I was “saving my rewards for heaven” to someone who came out of the closet as bisexual. Much to the dismay of my mother and my best friends, I added in an engagement to a woman in the mix. A woman I had met online, proposed to before I had fully met her in person and who I knew in my soul was not my soul mate. 

Best friend? Yeah, we had a great friendship. And they always told you to marry your best friend, right?

I had gotten into Medical school by then and realised I wouldn’t become that millionaire. My savings dwindled away by the woman I had wrongly chosen and also because I just did not have more than 24 hours in a day to become a doctor and work and earn money. Everything I worked for, depleted, and my last thousand dollars was spent buying a ticket for her to go back to the U.S. 

I wanted to just play the field. Mostly because I had nothing else left to give.

Not long after, I met Sian. 

People thought I moved on too fast, that I had only just gotten out of an engagement, but truth to be told, I was just getting my investment back. I helped someone get their life back on track, in the process derailing my own plans, and no one knew. I kept it all to myself- my disappointments, my hurts, my goals, my dreams. I buried them. I came out of the closet, but I buried myself.

Then Sian brought it all back to life. She didn’t do anything to change my life in any drastic way, she didn’t come into it to heal any wounds. She didn’t stitch my heart back together and it was then I realised why all the previous relationships had never worked. It was because the other person was never meant to add to you, they’re meant to unlock you. 

They come with a set of unique abilities to help you achieve your very best. They come with the invisible instruction books on how to help you switch gears, to see what you needed to work on yourself and to encourage you to do that- all without really knowing they’re doing it. With her by my side, I have achieved more goals in the last year than I thought and I’m slowly getting my mojo back. And I realised that I’m not a broken soul, I just needed the right combination of fire and love. 

At 30, I might not be the self-made millionaire that I wanted to be, but we have bought a house. We have started our family by getting our first furbaby. We have traveled around the world. We have.

Now I’m about to graduate from my 3rd degree and we’re going to grab life by the horns and dominate it. 

[phoenixrisinglove]

Dashboard Confessionals

Who is it that supports our dreams? The ones who love us now or the ones who loved us before the now. The ones who gave up everything for those dreams or the ones who never had to give up a dime, but claim the victory?

Who is it? 

The ones who break our hearts, become the ones who could have been and would have been and will have been. The cycle begins. The cycle continues. It always continues.

It’s okay, she’s got your hand now, I’m not jealous. I’m not even annoyed. I just think you have forgotten that it was me, it was ME, that picked you up when you were at your lowest and invested my whole life into you.

I paid for your damn divorce.

And I’m still waiting for my money back guarantee.

Pity relationships don’t come with those.

[phoenixrisinglove]

Stormy Seas

What occurs when the death inside you, is the very thing that gave life to you? What is one to do, then? Shall I compare you to a nightmare or a daydream, Wishing for the best yet knowing I’m going to get the worst of all you’ve got to offer.

Your bosom, did not sustain me but petrified me when there was no milk to be had- Dripped dry.

The cycle began itself when you were also not sustained- childhood ripped from you, so callously.

But that is no fault of mine, and yet I carry the scars deep in my soul for the wounds of  your past. 

Am I going to forever carry that, or is it wish now to cut the umbilical cord that reaches around my neck, tugging, forever tugging.

When did the life that you give, become the  death that I get?

I can’t let this go, I can’t let you go, I can’t.... breathe.

Do I need this space? How do I ask for it? I’m scared for you- that you’re not strong enough to carry on.

But then that’s not my problem, is it?

Because then I’m just still trying to save someone,

even if that someone 

is

you.

[phoenixrisinglove]

What I still don’t get

When I used to be Christian, I was deeply concerned about people’s souls. I didn’t want them to end up in hell, because that would be eternal separation from God, and that would just be awful, wouldn’t it? Who would ever want to be eternally separated from God? I even once asked God why no one just preached to satan, because surely he longed to be “back in God’s presence”. But also, showing up at church meant that you were still okay with God. It was a physical thing to do to show that you had a “relationship”. Nothing like giving up Sunday morning sleep ins to show God you really still valued his relationship. 

Or the other reason was “corporate worship”. Because I can worship by myself with my guitar, but when other people are also singing to God, somehow that makes it more powerful, and in that power, great things can happen. Heaven comes to earth. His righteousness is revealed. We can touch the hem of His garment. We are transformed by the renewing of our minds as we focus on Him. More of Him and less of us. Blah blah blah.

Another reason was to see if what I had been “hearing from God” that week was truly hearing from God, or whether it was just all made up in my mind. I SOAPed my Bible verses (Scripture, Observation, Application, Prayer) and I prayed in tongues and I prayed to God about the countries that He put on my heart. I did the Lord’s Prayer as I was taught, and applied it like he taught us to. But going to church was special, because then I could hear from the Pastor, and learn something I might not have realised. It was good affirmation.

Then there were the friends. Nothing like sitting with a group of people you know have got your back no matter what (well, except when you decide it’s okay to be gay).

Or iron sharpens iron. 

Nowadays, I often wonder where these questions stem from when people ask:

Are you going to church? It’s important. Yes, your personal relationship with God is great, but it’s still important. I know, you’ve been hurt. I know no church is perfect. I know you don’t really need it, I know going to church doesn’t make you Christian, but it’s still really important.

-Why the fuck is it important?? Can you just tell me something I don’t already know?? Like, what is so important about going to a building, hear a preaching sermon you’ve probably heard a million times and call that important? Did Jesus not do ALL his teaching OUTSIDE of the synagogue? Was he not talking while walking with his friends, and while dining with them over wine at tax collectors and prostitute’s homes? WHEN did you ever find him in a synagogue except to upturn tables? So why the fuck is it so important? 

Why can’t you accept my answer when I say that I find more about Jesus when talking to my non-christian friends, atheists, buddhists, hindus, etc etc over a glass of wine or beer and pizza? Why can’t you see that I can feel “His presence” more in the symphonies of Beethoven and Mozart at an orchestral concert than in more worship songs that have words that don’t make sense? Why can’t you see that when I think about iron sharpening iron, I think about mingling with people of different cultures and faiths and feel that Jesus reveals himself more and more in those because everyone has such a different experience of him? Why must I only have that if I belong in an institution? 

Belonging. That’s the other thing. What if I feel like I belong to my group of friends, not because of one joint belief in one god, but because we just enjoy each other’s company and we enjoy each other’s lives and we enjoy learning and growing together? Why can’t that be where I find my tribe?

Are you still trying to convert me? 

I don’t understand the basis of these questions. 

Or is it because of the sad truth that we have nothing else to talk about now, so the easiest resort is to ask “are you going to church?”

Until someone can tell me something that actually makes logical sense, I automatically tune out. Because all the above reasons that I used to go to church for no longer are reasons for me. 

He said go out there into the world and share love and food and comfort. He said, not all who say “Lord, Lord” will enter into heaven. Did you visit them in prison? Did you give him/her water? Did you give them food and shelter? Love your neighbours as you love yourself and love God. 

Love.

Love.

Love.

Not Church. Church. Church.

[phoenixrisinglove]

Home

We’ve been back in New Plymouth now for 5 weeks- which is insane, considering it feels like just yesterday we were still in London! I miss it: the traveling, the tube, the people. But I’ve come back withe best souvenir from France!

A fiancee! 

There’s an excitement and anticipation for the future that I haven’t experience before; this desire to marry someone because they’re the person you want to marry. Not just because you are fulfilling some social norm or because “god told me to”. Or because you’ve dated for a “n” number of years. Or whatever other reason you people enter marriage. 

I don’t profess to have it right- especially cos I would never consider myself an expert in this arena and the last thing I would want to do is give anyone else advice on their relationships. 

I just know that I am ready for a Fiancee and a wife.

I’m no longer ashamed of who I am with- even if it means tough conversations are always on the cards when you meant someone new and they go “Is your husband Asian too?” Ummmmm...”No, my wife is white”. And sometimes I get sick and tired of having these conversations, as you feel like you spend most of your time doing an analysis on whether that person will then still respect you as a human being or not. 

Anyway. I shant dwell on that.

A deconstruction of my faith values and a subsequent reconstruction of it, especially during our trip, has made me realise how unsafe Christianity (at least the brand of Christianity that pentecostal New Life Majestic Elim churches preach) actually is. Or really, any religion that is so dead set against believing they’re the only ones who are right. 

I was so brainwashed into thinking Creationism is the only thing that is real that it was so difficult for me to appreciate that there were other humanoids that existed, or that dinosaurs existed for a period of time longer than even humanoids have. Or that rocks can be 4 billion years old. 

No! It’s 6000! My inner mind keeps screaming. And the dinosaurs died in a flood! But I was completely fascinated by the skeletal remains of mammals that existed thousands of years ago. I feel like coming out as agnostic has actually increased my faith rather than diminish it.

And then let’s not even talk about the stupid fascination Christians have with healing. I think back to the 3 times I came off insulin (voluntarily, because I was so brainwashed) thinking that God would heal me if I stepped out in faith. My Mum didn’t even stop me doing that- and now I realise that it’s complete neglect. We should all have faith that God can heal people WITHOUT taking them off life-giving medication. I had a phone call with an elderly lady my Mum goes to bible study with just the other day, and she said it again “Well you know Ariel, we’ve been waiting a long time and don’t rule it out, but God might still come through with a complete healing of your diabetes”.

I almost wanted to yell at her. I could feel the anger rising up in me. I didn’t want to yell AT her, mind you, just at her. How can anyone still hold onto that deathly belief? That they would put me in danger? Oh it infuriates me how much religion dumbs people’s brains. Mostly because it belittles God too. It makes him look like he’s some kind of evil taskmaster, who will only give you what you want IF you do death-defying acts. 

What happened to “If you ask me for an egg, would I give you a scorpion?”

I just have no tolerance for religious talk about the moment. All it does for me is make me mad. Make me mad that the god I believed in for so long is so cruel underneath all the “goodness” that Christians say he is. Makes me mad that the god I believed in for so long would demand such stupidity in order to be his follower. 

But what makes me madder still, is that the God I do know, is nothing like the god I did believe in.

Their role in my life now is not some spiritual guidance, but a moral compass that I know is embedded already into everything I do. 

Argh. Just writing about the whole healing thing irks me so much. I need to stop.

Long entry closed with: I have just applied for a job at Base Hospital. So we’ll see if this is going to be our home for the next few years.

[phoenixrisinglove]

We have been in London for almost a month now and time is flying for sure. Every day is full of adventure with this one! I love that we get to experience life together here- walking along places that both of us have visited separately; seeing new places, trying new food and building more and more memories.

Nothing is more life-giving than knowing that I have this person beside me and with me.

I haven’t bothered asking people if they think she’s right for me, because they see it for themselves. I’ve never had a relationship where people have commented on how happy I am or how I make them believe in love; but it’s because I can’t wipe the ridiculous smile off of my face. 

They say you don’t know someone until you’ve travelled with them; if that’s the case, I know her inside-out. But there is still more of each other to discover as we grow and change and evolve. 

And it doesn’t matter whether we are in a small room at a hostel in New Plymouth or seeing places that have existed since 1200, as long as I have her hand in mine, it is home. 

She is home.

All these new places I’ve seen are wonderful, but she is my enchanted kingdom; my magic palace; my happily ever after. 

[phoenixrisinglove]

When You Know

When you know, you know. I wrote a big blog post about this once. On the phenomenon that when you meet The One, you'll know. I hear stories of how other people have gone through this same feeling, yet 4 years after that, I'm weary of using the terminology of The One. It is based on this ideology that nothing changes over time; that our reactions to all situations is predictable and that we are all designed to outwit life. But so often the case is the opposite. Everything changes over time; our reactions to the exact same situation is still circumstance dependent; and life outwits us on a daily basis. We try to eliminate bacteria with antibiotics and they form a new strain. We try to lengthen life with new medications, and the body creates a new diversion by making us react to it. We are never the same. I was so excited 4 years ago, thinking I had met my future partner, my companion for life. But when we actually lived together, our companionship was never going to last a life time. Then I was embarrassed. I didn't know how to go back on my proud and loud proclamation of intent. We didn't get to standing at an altar declaring our love, but we declared war on those who would otherwise have seen our incompatibilities. Slowly, my pride ate away at my life and no amount of medications could fix this situation. Mixed into all that is the bizarre notion that god almighty has some special say in my life- like my life is not my own and my thoughts are not my ways. I fell into thinking this is how life should be lived- one fear at a time. Except in those moments of deep set devotion, I never once labeled it as fear. I labeled it as freedom; as sacrifice upon a cross; as blood shed for me. But blood shed for me became my cross of sacrificed labeled as my freedom which was anything but. I was all about his doing; I was all about what he wanted; I was all about being enslaved by the Highest that he would see fit; me, the lowest. This self depreciation must have been so humiliating to Him that really saves- because He is big enough. He is almighty enough. He is Saviour enough. Without my prayers and my cries and my slashing wrists. He doesn't need my blood, I need his. But this is about Love. And it is about how my quest for eternal love on earth was so intertwined with my quest for eternal love beyond. I thought she loved god, so she was my quest. I thought god loved her, so she must be my eternal love. But what I didn't realize is that the two aren't mutually exclusive. Finding someone who loves God is not the only requirement to marriage. Marriage. It involves 2 beings who are always okay with change; who long for it; who ask for it; who seek it. It involves 2 beings who can wrestle with the toughest questions in life like 'what if I grow out of love with you?' And instead of promising never to do so, promise to each other instead to relook at that question should they stumble their way across it with scrapes on their hands and knees. It involves 2 beings who look at each other longingly; like they want to consume each other with their gaze and rip each other's clothes off across a table- because love should never be tame- it is the most animalistic parts of our humanity. It involves 2 beings who traverse through time and space just for one night with each other; who whisper like wild fire into each other's souls and their twin flames. Marriage. It doesn't take 3 strings to make this happen. It doesn't take god and man and woman. It takes fire. It takes passion. It takes consumption and a consummation of all things holy and righteous. Because in our most naked form, we bare it all. We gasp with pleasure at the knowledge and acceptance that we've given someone else the keys to ourselves. Holy communion. God doesn't keep a marriage together- he is much more in the business that you make your own decisions about whether you stay or go. God doesn't keep a marriage together- because if you had to pray to keep it together, one most wonder how strong it is in the first place. Would you need to pray to keep the moon in orbit in the sky? Or would you firmly believe in the magnetism that keeps it suspended in stardust? This valentine, I haven't found The One. But I have found a girl whose clothes I want to rip off all the time, and that is criterion to wife her.

[phoenixrisinglove]

Trainee Intern.

I’m finally here. At the end of the long long journey to becoming a Doctor. 

I’ve always wanted to do medicine- since I was 7 years old. That seems like an awful long time for someone to want something; but in my pursuit of medicine, I found so many more interesting things to do along the way.

But now, 2017, I find myself a Trainee Intern.

My final year of medical school.

I still love it, thankfully. The thrill of talking to patients; the thrill of discovering mysteries, the joy of figuring out something. But I am so tired from so many years of study. 

In 10 months time, I will be a doctor. 

It seems a little too good to be true, but also in those 10 months, life is bound to change in so many ways.

6 more weeks until we go to London! I can’t wait.

[phoenixrisinglove]

Trip Shenanigans

Last night, we sat down to work out our plans for our big trip to London/Europe and things started feeling so real. Looking at booking flights to Poland, visiting Anne Frank’s house in Amsterdam, going for a Thames River Cruise dinner. 

It wasn’t just the mere thought that this is a dream come true, nor was it a realisation that I’m almost at the end of my degree (holy shit, how did that happen!?) but I looked across at Sian and I realised most of the excitement is because she’ll be with me on this journey.

Nothing can describe the pure joy that I get from spending my life with her and planning all the adventures we are going to have together. 

8 months seems to have zoomed by; and now we’re here.

Bring on 2017!

[thelovejournals]

Your heart and my heart are very, very old friends.

Hafiz (via thelovejournals)

[the-anomalous-infj]

ENTP Females I’ve Met (by an INFJ)

What I noticed and observed about them: (2 FEMALES)

They underestimate their social skills. They don’t think they’re good in socializing and even if they say that they hate it, they’re so annoyingly good at it. They just don’t realize it. They just dislike the thought of forced socialization–when they have to talk to people they’re not genuinely interested in. 

This continues on to the fact that they’ve got good social skills. They know that as long as they’re nice to people, they’ll be nice in return. But they do admit that only the first few hours of meeting people is exciting. If it reaches a certain point, socializing may get tiring and unbearable.

It’s true, they’re smart and they don’t even have to try hard. Genius people. Both of the ones I know are considered as the beauties with brains. One of the ENTPs I know learned in a rather different school environment where teachers would just leave their students in a quiet classroom to self-study– so she got used to learning on her own pace effectively and independently. The other ENTP I know has a curious mind and picks up things quickly–probably because she loves thinking a lot about how things work. I swear, they can study a few minutes before tests and ace them.

They hide their stress or well, they do their best to avoid it from getting to them. They pretty much don’t like dwelling on their problems and they find talking about stress or expressing their stress pointless. 

One ENTP female I know doesn’t appear extroverted at first but then you realize that she can actually thrive well in big groups–even if she says she hates parties. I don’t even know how she does it. But she really does prefer small groups.

The other ENTP female I know appears extroverted and is extroverted. But she really still prefers a small group of people because she tires out in big ones.

They are rebels. They go by their own rules. And they don’t do it to be cool. Their coolness is just natural. 

They two ENTP females I know are fashionable. They’ve got their own style and they pretty much surprise people by what they’re wearing. 

A lot of people like them and they have no idea why–like really, they have NO IDEA. Their ego doesn’t even inflate because of it. 

The two ENTP females almost always have suitors. They just attract people so easily– like they have this magnetism. However, they’ve only had a few relationships (or well, just flings) or even none. They seem to be in love with the idea of being in love, rather than actually being in love. I don’t know, it’s hard to explain but I feel like they feel this way. And well, it’s hard for them to find someone that really attracts them. They want to fall in love with someone’s mind and it’s hard to find those kinds of people nowadays. 

They love arguing in a nice and non-harmless way–just for fun. I guess they just want to see if anyone could try and prove them wrong. They actually do get competitive when it comes to things they believe in though. 

They are so fun to be with and when they’re around, the mood is just so light (they do it to remove the awkwardness–they could actually be really anxious inside but are so good at hiding it).

They tend to misplace and forget things and this trait of theirs may make them seem irresponsible and reckless. But this doesn’t stop them from being witty and intelligent people.  

They can’t be mean, even to the people that they secretly dislike (or even to people that dislike them). They forgive easily and don’t really care about how people perceive them and always choose to kill people with kindness; because they find hating people so tiring. They would rather watch people be slowly killed by their own conscience. They let karma do its work. 

There are days when they just don’t want to socialize and just wanna stay home and play Sims and be around their pet dog. Or binge-watch their favorite series. They can pretty much go both ways: be with people and be alone. 

One of the ENTPs I know gets so disappointed in herself when she doesn’t get a high grade (even if it’s ALREADY HIGH). They’re actually really hard on themselves but don’t show it, which is why they seem effortlessly smart.

When they end up failing though, they may end up bursting into tears because they have such high expectations of themselves. One of the ENTPs I know has an extremely strict parent who expects her to do well all the time; while the other one has a scholarship to maintain. 

Their sense of humor is the best. And their spontaneity. You feel a sense of belonging when you’re friends with them.

The two ENTP females I know get clumsy and it’s just really funny and cute and makes their personality even more real and perfect. 

Both of the ENTPs I know are the ultimate grammar-Nazis. They cringe every time they see wrong grammar and express their disgust for it with their close friends. (But typos are okay for them–probably because they keep making a bunch of them)

They are actually deep people– and they may hide this trait of theirs by putting on sunny and happy-go-lucky facades. But they’re actually really into poetry and they enjoy analyzing things in their spare time.

The ENTP females I know are good and skilled at a lot of things but they don’t even mention them; you have to be the ones to find out for yourself. One ENTP I know can play guitar and has been a valedictorian for years (which I didn’t even know about until people told me), and the other one I know is actually really good at sports and can sing. 

The stereotype of them wanting to do so many things but not actually starting or finishing them is so true. The two ENTPs I know keep sharing their ideas and goals in life and well they do start–but that’s all they end up doing. Starting.  

ENTPs don’t like things just to fit in or just to join the bandwagon. They like things because they truly like them. They aren’t here in this world to impress people–they’re here just to enjoy and express themselves with people that truly accept them for who they are.

p.s. I love ENTPs. (sorry if this post became pretty bias) Two of my best friends are ENTPs and man, I just can’t express how much I love and admire them. I don’t even think this post is good enough for them but well–in the future, I will make a post about why I personally think INFJs and ENTPs get along soooooo well. So watch out for that! :) 

Oh and I never got close to an ENTP male (or I’m just not sure) so this is why I labeled this as an “ENTP Females” post. But if you guys relate too, then well–that’s nice!

[phoenixrisinglove]

This sounds like me!

[beermosa-deactivated20160316]

My desires in a relationship have changed over time. I no longer want someone who promises to always love me and never leave me, I need someone who understands that life happens and sometimes things don’t work out. I don’t want someone who sugar coats things and never gets angry with me, I need someone to tell me how it really is and put me in my place. I need to be able to go five hours without talking to you and not feel lost or incomplete. I am complete without you. But with you, I want to be so much better. I want to be stronger with you. I want us to grow together and help each other grow individually. I don’t need you, but I really fucking want you. And this may not work out, but the fact that you understand all of this and this how our relationship works, makes me think we’ve got a pretty good shot.

(via sunflower-mama)

My kind of relationship goals

(via mysundayfunday)

YES! “And this may not work out, but the fact that you understand all of this and this is how our relationship works, makes me think we’ve got a pretty good shot.”  Baby, we’ve got the best shot in the world. 

[phoenixrisinglove]

Sleeping Beauty

My love; as I watch you in your slumber- I am reminded of fairytales and stories of childhood; and dreams of happily ever afters.

Under the sea- where mermaids do exchange voice for limbs, so as to walk in your presence and to marvel at the beauty of your face. To steal a kiss from you under starlight and meteor showers; to hold onto you and dance with you as moonlight paves the way.

Under the glass- a rose sits perfectly glistening. Majestic; beautiful is each petal so perfectly crafted, awakening the best within to soothe with your love. So that love can heal all wounds and break the curse, before the last petal crumbles.

Under and over- magic carpet rides through this earth. I want to soar through life with its twists and turns, with you in my arms, and your lips upon mine. This adventure that never ends for us, as we discover the world, the people, each other, more love.

My Princess; as I watch you in your slumber- I am reminded of fairytales and stories of childhood;

and dreams of happily ever after.

And the power of your kiss to awaken me- to life;

With you. 

[phoenixrisinglove]

This Beauty sets my soul on fire. She allows me to be whoever I want to be; to pursue all my life goals with the knowledge that she will always be my Number 1 Fan. She comforts me when I need reassurance and pushes me when I get complacent. 

She stays up with me for 3am blood tests; she has bought me more flowers than I’ve received in all other relationships combined and breakfast in bed is now a norm rather than a special event. 

How did I get so lucky? 

[phoenixrisinglove]

Blogging for the Masses

I’ve always kept a blog or two- since I was 14. Most of them have been made private now, but as I grow a little more brave and a lot less concerned about what people might think, I’m comfortable with sharing my words with the world again. 

[oraclesofnorway]

Your body is an incredibly bizarre machine.

“What you see is a myosin protein dragging an endorphin along a filament to the inner part of the brain’s parietal cortex which creates happiness. Happiness. You’re looking at happiness.”

[phoenixrisinglove]

Sometimes, not often, I forget why I love what I do. Then I see this. 

[phoenixrisinglove]

Swipe Right

I didn’t know what I was missing, until I found you. The day I swiped right, I was  adamantly looking for just a quick fuck, and that’s what Tinder is supposed to give you, isn’t it? 

I saw your profile match with mine, and I wondered if I should add you to the “maybe” list. I had met you before. In a holy house, no less and I was no longer holy- I just wanted to fuck. I had met you before. When I was still with her, and she was barely gone and I thought my heart was broken, but I didn’t even realise it was just me that was broken. Not my heart, but my soul. She wasn’t the undoing of me- I had let it happen. I had let myself disappear into thin air and evaporate like mist on a chilly autumn’s day. 

I wondered, whether I should give us a go. 

I was pursuing another- I had my eyes set on another list that fit my criteria- but what’s there to lose, people surprise us, right?

We sat. At that table with our pizzas. Your eyes, bubbling with life and your voice, captivating. Then ice cream. And the walk to my car. And the drive home to yours.

I decided that night that I would give this a go. Try it out a second time, maybe third, maybe fourth...

And you never left.

You healed me- from myself. From the walls I had erected in my search for non-existent love. Except it does exist, and it exists with you. 

Easy flowing conversations that have never stopped. 

Sweet kisses that have never stopped.

This feeling of being the luckiest person alive- simply because we have finally met again in this lifetime.

And now we just have forever to enjoy each other; until I have to find you again in the next life.