Life in focus @photogevans - Tumblr Blog

samtheforceevans:

So far, I’m loving my mini New York vacation. I went ice skating at Rockefeller Center, Saw the big Christmas tree, and went to many restaurants. I’m even confident that interview went amazing.

Hmm... does someone regret not moving to New York years ago? I didn’t know you knew how to ice skate! Double bonus that your confident your interview went well.

#evans:sam

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Back in the city of angels and eating some heavenly sushi. Thank you #MikoSushiDen for having me.

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Text | Samuel

Sam: Will do Jackson. Just let me know when they are home.

Sam: Yes I am. You not forgiving him means that you haven't moved on. You can't move on unless you let go of your anger and forgive him. It's not good to have all of that animosity inside of you.

Sam: He still loves you? That is great news. So did you tell him that you still love him also?

Jackson: I'll give them the heads up, but just show up. That's what surprised visit is for. Let me know if my place is in shambles.

Jackson: You are worse than a therapist, you know this?

[a few minutes]

Jackson: Yes... or so he says. No? Why in the world would I do that Samuel?

#Text:Sam

Text | Samuel

Sam: Okay sure. What do you want me to do when I stop by? Pick something up or just check things out?

Sam: You're not getting it Jackson and as long as you don't forgive Edgar, nothing I say or anyone say will matter and you will always have this negative view about love and relationships.

Jackson: Check in and maybe bring back some more of my clothes?

[a minute]

Jackson: ...What am I not getting? Wait, are you lecturing me? I can talk to him and move on without having to forgive him. Even if he said he still loves me.

#Text:Sam

Text | Samuel

Sam: That would be okay. When I come back, holiday movie and hot cocoa.

Sam: Because you and Edgar's love isn't something that comes by easy. You don't see it everyday. Maybe he isn't your soulmate, but maybe he's something close to it. I get what your saying and soulmates probably don't exist. I get that. I don't think he's hiding anything though. I really think you need to ask him those hard questions.

Sam: It's not gross. Don't fight the urge, embrace it.

Jackson: Sounds great. Would you do me a favor and stop by my apartment? I'll let me tenant know you're coming by even if they'll clearly see we have the same face.

Jackson: ...it was given away so easily. We were also young and naive. Young affections are not hard to come by from my understanding. I'm sorry for being a downer... this is what you believe and your brain is a wonderful place full of hope. Baby steps.

#Text:Sam

Now here you go again You say you want your freedom Well, who am I to keep you down? It's only right that you should Play the way you feel it But listen carefully to the sound Of your loneliness Like a heartbeat.. drives you mad In the stillness of remembering what you had And what you lost... And what you had... And what you lost

#music

Text|| Edson

Edgar: Good afternoon, Jackson, it was lovely seeing you again after o long and having the chance to catch up. I'm sorry about spilling coffee on your shoe on the way out, if said shoe has been ruined, please let me now and I'll pay for a relacement.

Edgar: I'm typing this spur of the moment because I can't trust myself to do it otherwise...Jackson, I know I have no right to but I love you. After all this time, my feelings for you haven't faded in the least and after seeing you again there's no way I can deny it. Not that I'd ever want to.

Edgar: I know it's completely uncalled for, me telling you this and I wouldn't blame you if you never want to speak with me again, I just though you had the right to know and I could think of no other time like the present to tell you.

Edgar: You're extrodinary.

Jackson: My shoe survived through the ordeal.

[30 minutes later]

Unsent: Oh god Eddie, I love you too! I always have and I tried to let you go but failed. Please don't do this to me again.

Jackson: Why are you telling me this? Funny you should saying denying your feelings for me when you called me and our relationship a 'phase' many years ago. Am I no longer a phase to you?

[a beat]

Jackson: It is... it's been YEARS Edgar. YEARS. No, I had the right to know how you felt about me when I begged and cried to you! You threw me away and now you have the audacity to play with my emotions again? I've already been severely broken for the last time by someone. You were my best friend and I trusted you with everything, including my heart.

[a beat]

Jackson: No, i'm not. I'm a shell of the boy you used to know.

#text:edgar

Text | Samuel

Sam: Love you too Jackie.

Sam: I do think he's yours. I don't know who mine is obviously, but now that you put it that way, maybe thinking about soulmates is a bit silly and sad. I don't think he would keep that a secret... I mean he could, but I honestly think you two are meant for each other and he knows that. I'm rooting for you two.

Jackson: Someone is being forced to sit through a holiday movie marathon with me.

Jackson: Of course you do... You don't know who yours is but you're so sure of mine? It is sad. It means out of everyone in the world there's a chance you may never encounter this person and go on to lead separate lives. You go on ending up in shitty situations wishing things didn't have to be that way if only you had met a better person. Little do you know, they exist somewhere else in the world. The concept is heartbreaking. He could be keeping it a secret to spare my feelings, Sammy. I don't think so. If he knew we were he wouldn't have ended things the way he did and before Valentine's Day no less...

Jackson: Do you know how weird it is to watch him talk and then fight the urge to not... get closer to him? I sound gross right now I know.

#Text:Sam

Text | Samuel

Sam: And this is why you're my favorite person.

Sam: I believe in soulmates Jackson. I believe that everyone has their perfect match at there. It isn't cruel, it's hopeful. You're overthinking this. He isn't engaged. You have been keeping tags on him, any mention of a fiance or boyfriend for that matter? You're just assuming the worst right now. You have no evidence to back up anything you're saying.

Sam: Thanks for the words.

Jackson: I love you

[several minutes]

Jackson: And you think he's mine? Who is yours? It is cruel because that means there's one person for you and what happens if that person dies? Or if they end up with someone else? How do you know? It could be a secret that he has been hiding... I mean it's him. He's beautiful and his heart was just... I'm making myself sad.

Jackson: Welcome

#Text:Sam

Text | Samuel

Sam: I'm already expecting that Jackson. Trust me. I am just waiting for the day that he comes and ends our arrangement. My heart will be fine. It will sting and heart a little, but it will pass eventually. I would hope that our friendship stays intact though.

Sam: How do you know that you're not soulmates? It's been ten years and you two are probably still awkward around each other, still you have to forgive him Jackson. It's not cool to just bottle all of that up and hold a grudge. Ask the questions you need to ask and see what he has to say and just find away to drop that wall you have built around your heart. I don't want you to let grudges keep you away from happiness whether it's with Eddie or not.

Sam: I will try to be calm and relax. That's why I'm getting to New York on Saturday. It gives me a few days to just be chill until the interview.

Jackson: If it gets broken we'll have a Super Bro Day to mend it a little.

[a minute]

Jackson: Because there is no such thing. There is not a thing as one person destined for someone... that's cruel. We were always awkward even when we were together. Why should I? He dumped me. And then what after doing all that? Get it dragged through the mud when he does a grand reveal that he's engaged to someone and couldn't fully move on with that part of his life with restoring the balance of the clusterfuck he left behind. Aka ME. I'm not letting it keep me from being unhappy. I did go on a few dates and there's still that strange guy from the party.

Jackson: Just don't overthink it and just be your beautiful self.

#Text:Sam

Text | Samuel

Sam: It's friendly. I have feelings for him. You know that, I know that, and he knows that. It's hard to protect things when I'm so transparent.

Sam: So you don't think you'll ever forgive him? What if he's your soulmate Jackson? You two are clearly not over each other. Why do you think he's single and he's back here? Maybe he wants to right his wrong with you.

Sam: Oh, um I'm going to a job interview and I'm not sure they will like my creativity.

Jackson: How is that friendly if it's one sided? Your heart will get broken eventually or if he starts seeing someone exclusively that isn't you.

Jackson: ...I don't know. We're not soulmates Samuel. I don't believe in that. What do you mean he isn't over me? It's been 10 years. No, he wants to rid his conscience now that we're both in the same place again. I doubt he returned to this show to win my heart over again. Not after how our lives just... I don't want to think about it because then I have to think about things that never happened between us.

Jackson: Oh!! Congrats! Don't think like that. Go in with positive vibes and your head high. You got this brother!

#Text:Sam

Text | Samuel

Sam: I know you are and I shouldn't assume that you're not. I may be too invested in the friendship anyway. I bound to get hurt.

Sam: I think your feelings for him or normal. He wasn't just an ex. He was your best friend and first love, first sexual partner. He was everything. Feelings like that can be suppressed but won't go away.

Sam: I will bring you back something. I don't know, I'm getting cold feet about it and time is running out. Sebastian said I'm just panicking, but I feel it's more.

Jackson: You kind of are which is why I am showing concern because of the fact that you claim it's only a friendly thing. But you clearly have feelings. I'm not the best person for advice on this so just... watch your head and heart.

Jackson: He was my everything... that was the problem. Eddie and I just had this way with each other and I swear i've never been able to find it. But I still can't forgive him. It's petty, I know. But I don't want him to have that comfort to just... move on from me. I feel bad that I didn't move on from him like I thought.

Jackson: More? Like you don't think you'll have a good time?

#Text:Sam

Text | Samuel

Sam: I love your protective nature though. It warms my heart. I care about your opinion on everything Jackson, maybe a little too much. I just want to know that no matter your feelings about Sebastian, I can come to you and talk to you about things. Sometimes I feel like I have to keep everything in. Thank you for trying to get to know him. He's leaving tomorrow anyway.

Sam: Not sure if him looking at me how Eddie looks at you is a good thing or bad thing. How is Eddie? How was your Coffee date?

Sam: I'm leaving Saturday to go to New York. I'll be gone for a week. I was going to ask you to model some of my designs, but I changed my mind.

Jackson: I am always here for you, please don't think i'm not. It isn't fair for me to make you feel like you don't have a place to speak your mind. I'm trying with him.

Jackson: Both. He is... Edgar. I'm still trying to make sense of our encounter but the short story is... I hate myself for the way I still feel about him.

Jackson: Oh? Well have fun and bring me back something! Aww, what changed your mind?

#Text:Sam

Text | Samuel

Sam: I wouldn't peg myself as that also. But I've been in nothing but relationships since I got out of school, and I needed a break from them. It's just something I sort of fell into actually. Unexpected really. I'm not sensitive. I'm sorry he's mean to Helios and I will talk to him about it. I don't want you to erase it, I just want you to see the side I see in him and realize everyone can change. It just seems like you want me to stop messing around him. I don't condone what he's doing to Helios at all.

Sam: That's not what I mean Jackson. I don't want to fight with you at all and I'm sorry that you don't like my friend. He hasn't done anything to you or Helios since he's been here. Doesn't that show that maybe he's changing?

Sam: You're right, him being naked is rude. How does he look at me?

Jackson: That sounds fair. I can't fault you for that and trying to be normal... even if I don't understand the rules that involve that kind of relationship. You are very sensitive, don't lie. I guess but... it'll take time. I don't know him at all. So far he's barely made the greatest impression on me. I just don't want you to be hurt!

Jackson: I'm sorry. We shouldn't be fighting about this anyways. Its your life and we're not kids anymore. I don't need to protect you. I just have so many bad memories of people like him that I never want to see you where I was. I'll try harder to.. get to know him/

Jackson: He looks at you like Eddie would look at me.

#Text:Sam

brakken

Uh oh.

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As a person who was never allowed to own a pet, little moments like this are really sweet. Somehow my niece got away from@htrclar and in my room. #KittyWakeUpCall

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Text | Samuel

Sam: Yes you are very humble, but you can also be the sass king. And being a sass kind isn't bad Jackson.

Sam: I'm not worshipping him Jackson.

Sam: I'm not torturing myself. And he does want something from me. Sex and friendship and that's what I'm willing to give him. And your biased because of how he treats Helios, but why can't you see how he treats me? He doesn't bully me or anything and he's very nice.

Sam: Wasn't he nice company? Helios isn't even complaining about him... but I will talk to him Jackson.

Jackson: Mmm hmm sure

Jackson: I never pegged you as someone who would accept sexual situations from a friend in a casual manner. You're too sensitive for a situation like that. Because he treated my friend poorly in high school and still does? None for nothing but that's YEARS! You only started fooling around with him a few months ago and you expect me to erase that because like him? Why aren't you made that he's a meanie to Helios? He's your friend too.

Jackson: So because there's no consequence for you it's okay for him to hurt other people I love? You're relentless, Samuel.

[a minute]

Jackson: If you count seeing his front business all weekend 'nice' then no. But at least he wasn't aggravating or said anything smart. I don't like the way he looks at you either. It's weird.

#Text:Sam

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