pieces of me.

just a random blog of my random thoughts. my joys, my sadness, my passions, single mom life and just the journey to healing my heart and my soul.

[piecesofnghi]

GEMINI in LEO ENERGY

[piecesofnghi]

piecesofnghi, pieces of me.

I used to have such a passion for writing. 

When I wrote it was like I was able to heal myself. 

It has always been through writing that I was able to connect to the deepest parts of myself. And it’s been years since I have been able to write at all. 

It was as though I had writer’s block for eternity. If there were any regrets in my life, giving up my blog I started in my 20s would be one of them. 

After having kids, it was like life got so hectic, so heavy, that I could no longer write. I wasn’t even able to write out my pain, my hurt, my private suffering. And of course all the joys.

It seems as though the last 20 years has happened in a blink of an eye. And now at 41, I feel as though I am starting my life all over. So I decided that I would start embracing some of the things that I once had a love for. 

This time around, I am back but I’m a little bit more messy. I am totally unhinged and the truth is I don’t give a damn. It’s like in your 20s you feel like you have some sort of façade you have to put on. 

Over time you start wearing so many hats and especially when you become a mom, it’s like you lose yourself. You don’t even really know who you are anymore; what you love, the things that set your soul on fire, or makes your heart race. 

And now......now I decided I am just going to run with it - raw and real, all the pieces of me; the ugly, the pretty, just pieces of me. All the pieces of me that make up this messy life. 

I am starting all over, from nothing once more but with 4 beautiful children. I don’t know exactly what the future holds for me but I know I am in the process of CREATION right now. 

My life, my responsibility. And although right now it looks like a complete mess. I have lost it all. But I know in the deepest part of my soul, that one day I will look back at this chapter in my life and see it as the greatest blessing in my life. 

They often say it is in our darkest times, our hardest challenges, our deepest valleys is the key area in our lives that propelled us into the life that was truly meant for us.

Although some days the truth is, its been hard to even get out of bed, to face the day. Some days I have just cried and the tears seem to not stop but I know there is a calling my soul KNOWING that this isn’t my life.....

I mean yes it is my current situation, it is a chapter in my life but I also know in my heart and soul that this is not how my story ends. It’s not. And that my best days are still ahead of me. 

And so for now, my plan is to be the best mother I can be. I want to nurture the things my children are passionate about. And for myself, I am just going to start doing more of the things I love. I am going to start doing the things that set my heart and soul on fire. 

I am going to go on this next journey in my life without giving a F* what this world tries to sell us on, on how things should be, how we should be, or what we should have. I am going to live from a place that is my most true and authentic self. 

And know that one day, I will only answer to one.

Transformation Tuesday - this is my emancipation. 

Feel free to join me on my messy little journey and read my random thoughts along the way lol.

Happy Tuesday and cheers to you living a life filled with more of the things that you love and giving two shits less about worldly expectations!

[piecesofnghi]

Learning to love me; loving me through all my broken-ess, my weaknesses, and re-creating myself all over again.