Shy But Sly

Gerardo | 22 | Gay | He/Him | Twitter | Mexican | Gamer × D&D Blog × |My Tags| #My Face, #RarePost, #Music, #BGM, #Anime

[the-shy-fox]

I've cried in the bathroom three times and written two poems and it's just Thanksgiving. I can't wait to see how I handle my Birthday 🙃

[the-shy-fox]

"Why won't you talk to me?"

I've heard that question so many times and every time it slicss my heart. It's never that I don't want to. I simply don't know how to. I never learned how to share those parts of myself because I was always the one suppose to listen and then advise but never to bare my heart.

Please don't think my inability to speak as lack of interest or distrust.

[the-shy-fox]

I went to a party for the art studio I've been volunteering for and I think I probably shouldn't have. The art installations were nice and I loved the pictures I took and being in that space.

But I didnt know anyone there. And the other guests were in their groups and mingling amongst themselves. There were some couples too.

And then there was me. All I could do was pace back and forth in the studio.

Being there only reinforced the insecurity of me being alone. And I hated that.

Now I'm home again and I don't know how to feel.

[shmz042]

I should name the series: Sing with me Once More

prints now available

[ntrider]

I love saying "cute..." about stuff. because a lot of stuff is cute...

[inkskinned]

i don't know what else to tell you except to be brave and to be kind. take it day by day. go outside and watch the clouds paint the sky. call a friend.

we are still here, and furious. you are still here, and that matters. you can still do and make and be something important. i promise. stay alive. it matters, and you matter. i know it is easy to succumb to anxiety and exhaustion and defeat.

communities can start with tiny ideas. google "dnd meeting near me" or whatever your interest might be. google "volunteering near me." google "support groups near me." start journalling. start a discord. start a book club.

when you close your eyes and hear hamlet, answer his prayer: it's better still to be.

[darlingfreddie]

I'm tired of It

[darlingfreddie]

Four years later and still

[nudesornaw]

if you’re having a bad day, here’s a cute little marching band

this actually made me cry with joy also one of them is eating noodles

[readsquirrel]

It just keeps going and getting better. *^^*

[involuntaryorange]

Me two minutes ago: “cry with joy? an animation of cats playing instruments made someone cry with joy?”

Me now: (sobs into a tissue) “OH MY GOD THAT ONE IS PLAYING TWO RECORDERS AT THE SAME TIME” (blows nose)

[son-of-a-tenth-place]

CAT PARADE IS BACK

[cricketcat9]

ALWAYS reblog Cat Parade! 💕💕💕

And one of them has a little duck on its head 🤣

[grogusmum]

I’ve been blessed with the kitty marching band! I love them 💚🥰

[whymaige]

📢 Magic and Machina, A witch for the new age!

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⚡️ WICKED THUNDER ⚡️

-Wickedly Divine-

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🥊 "Electrope has many uses, watch and learn!"

[wholeheartedsuggestions]

your first love doesn’t have to be your last. happy fairytale endings can exist without being a childhood best friends to lovers romcom plot.

[ryanlewisandclark]

i cannot hate myself into a version of me i will love.

[ryanlewisandclark]

i cannot punish myself in any way that will unmake the past.

[sylvansleuth]

Murder🤝Be Racist

[the-shy-fox]

I don't think it's healthy for me to be with this new guy. There are certain reassurances that I need that he's proven he can't provide. I crave physical recognition and he isn't comfortable with giving that. I want some type of personal acknowledgment that let's me know I'm genuinely a part of his life and no one knows about me. I don't deserve to be hidden away. Not like this.

[the-shy-fox]

I know I'll figure this out one day. My heart will move on. And these wounds will close once again. I'll be okay once again, just as I always am. I always end up okay.

I will always be just okay

Just okay

[the-shy-fox]

I finally got rid of the things that he'd given me. Our book of polaroids. Holiday letters his mom had mailed to me. Our plane tickets to visit his family. An engraved wallet he'd gotten me. Valentine's cards. My birthday poster with pictures of uss he'd made me when we first met. I couldn't throw them away so I had a friend come take them from me.

I was fine in the moment but as I'm typing this out I'm already breaking down. Because I really really really don't want to let him go. He was supposed to be my everything and The One. It feels so wrong of me to give him up. It feels like I'm cheating on him and it hurts so much.

I know I need to move. I've waited for what feels like forever for him to maybe come back. To realize that we should try again. But I know in my brain that's not going to happen. No matter how much my heart wants it.

He gave me so many signs that he was getting ready to leave me. And I ignored them all. I was so blind to it and I feel so stupid because it was so obvious. He was ready to leave me for a long time.

Everyone is always so ready to leave me.

I just wished he could have been different. He was supposed to be different. I

I hate myself so much for being so stupid

Stupid for letting things get to that point.

Stupid for holding onto someone that doesn't love me.

Stupid for letting go of someone whom I'm supposed to fight for until my dying breath.

I hate this war of Moving on and Holding onto Hope.

It's so fucking stupid and torturous.

I just want to

Why am I so fucked up I don't get it I don't understand it's so easy for everyone else to not care and just get on with their lives. Why do I always have to be the one hurting and fighting and being miserable why so I have to be the one to care so much I'm so tired of being disappointed I just want to be happy that's all I want why can't I just be happy I just want to be loved wholly for what I am and I know that's never going to happen because no one's ever stays long enough

[lockescoles]

@pscentral event 32: MAGIC ↳ AERITH GAINSBOROUGH in FINAL FANTASY VII REBIRTH

[the-shy-fox]

I enjoy this new person that I'm investing in. They make me happy and I love making them smile. But as much as I want to help heal them and their wounds, I know there are places I can't go. It's their own battle they must fight, if they so choose.

If I could I'd fight it for them. Take their place and tell them everything they need to hear. But they aren't ready to start their war just yet.

And I'm worried if this may end up being bad for me down the road. Seeing their struggle and their inability to want to heal it themselves.

I care too much for something that's not my responsibility or within my power or right to heal.

I wish he saw himself how I saw him.