#singlemomdiaries

[piecesofnghi]

GEMINI in LEO ENERGY

[thoughts-in-paper]

Years ago, I was in a foreign country with my daughter. She is almost 3 years old back then. I almost became an overseas worker. Due to legal reasons, she needs to go back to our home country. I chose to go back to my home country with her. And I think that is the best decision I made because I was able to see her grow up and achieved every milestones with her. I am not earning that much, but I get to provide everything that she needs, get to see her and be with her every day, in the flesh.

Cheers to single moms who chose otherwise.

[scillarose]

What I miss most, being out on the bleachers, cheering on my 2 favorite ballers

[scillarose]

The shit has officially hit the fan. I havent heard from my ex husband in a few weeks, which means I can no longer expect to receieve any money for food. Unemployment takes a few weeks to kick in, and my last “real” paycheck will go entirely to rent. April will be our last official month in our house, as I will not be able to afford rent now that my sister has left. The next few months are unknown...and it scares me. Will i be able to go back to working 40 hours? Can I find a second job to help me support J and H? Am I doing enough? The most I can do is stay positive. Focus on their well being and happiness, and be greatful for whatever food I am able to put on the table.

Tumblr is new for me. I am hoping this will be something I can use to vent, in a healthy way...since I dont have anyone else really to be honest about life and its misery.

[unsurebutkicking-blog]

I need more strength for this job haha. I've been feeling a little bit dizzy and lazy because of hormones and it's really tiring to carry Mia all day. Idk what actually happened in the morning, she just starts to cry and whine and glued herself to me. She isn't sick anymore, I guess she's just being cranky today. But good thing she ended up feeling okay in the afternoon so she played by herself beside me and I watch Friends. And tonight I didn't have a hard time putting her to sleep, we just talked and play a bit while lying down and afterwards she falls asleep.

She still whines even at night, when she sleeps she also cries a lot but all I need to do is actually just hug her or let her sleep in my tummy or my chest then everything is good.

I'll go and watch some episode of Friends then I'll sleep.

[unsurebutkicking-blog]

Being a single Mom is a tough job but being a full time Mom is way tougher than I expected.

I am inside the bathroom right now. This is the only place I can think through things and emotions that I hide outside this walls. Later on when I get out of here, I need to be a strong Mom, a happy daughter and a joker sister. I have to act crazy to make Mia laugh, have to sleep whenever she sleeps, eat when she eats and well have fun when she needs me to. I am still thankful though because I have my parents that helps me a bit. The reason why it's just a "bit" is because Mia wants to be glued to me. Wherever I go, she goes and if she's not allowed then there will be a chaos of whining and crying all the time that she's not with me. Now, how fun is that 😅

Funny enough, the bathroom gives me comfort. The past few weeks were miserable to me. Lots of regrets and deprivation occurs. This is the only minutes that I can think of myself and be true to what I feel. It is exhausting and draining. It feels your whole world can only be thoroughly be seen with a microscope and I don't really appreciate it.

There is no tougher job than being a Mom. You sacrifice a lot for the little one. You got stuck on feeding, dressing, and multi-tasking. And you are not allowed to complain because society says so and if you do, people will judge you. Being a young Mom with failed relationships is breaking me to pieces and it's making me have trust issues with everyone. I need self love more than anything else. It seems hard for me to do so.

I don't know when was the last time I lay my hair or had my make up to go out. I also forgot the last time I ever had a real date. My problems been piling up and I can't even reassure myself that things will get better.

Mia's crying right now because I already spent 20 minutes inside the bathroom. Time to go back in my real world and snap out the best smile I have.

[unsurebutkicking-blog]

I also want to have someone who will listen to me, who will give me advice or laugh at my jokes, criticize it or just there listening to me. I am tired of being the one to listen to other people's life when I have no one to talk to about mine.