Dank Memes

Jed. Chemical Engineering PhD student. Golden, Colorado Snap: pasta.monsta Squid parking is in the back

[strawbeb]

yes i am smart. yes i am stupid. it’s called being flexible.

[whitepeopletwitter]

[sachinmandal]

Vampire amoeba

[xbubbledumbbx]

I looked at the reblogs and died laughing

[thecutestlittlebunbunfairy]

Merry Christmas y'all

[fuertecito]

I’ve been laughing for the past two hours

[cobaltdays-deactivated20210208]

Where’s the lie 😂😂

[lotstradamus]

I’ve thought about this scene every day for three months

[celebswhogetslepton]

[swarnpert]

i dont self depreciate anymore. i am hot and sexy and my meat is huge and i dont care about anyone elses opinion on the matter except my own because i am the smartest person on earth

[tiktoks-we-like]

[ayessaitcheleewhy]

[officialunitedstates]

[A cold October afternoon.  4:00 PM.  Mrs. Watson’s office hours.  A small room with four desks, shared with three other professors.  A brick wall interior with carpeted floors]

[Gerald knocks on the half-opened wooden door]

Gerald:  Hi.  Mrs. Watson?  Um, I was hoping we could talk about my latest essay grade. 

Watson:  Sure, have a seat.

[Watson grabs chair and pushes it close to Gerald.  Gerald fumbles in his backpack for the paper]

Gerald:  Okay, so, I got a 99% on it and I was wondering what I missed because all you left for comments on it was “Perfect”

Watson:  That’s right.  I remember your paper.  It was very good.

Gerald:  Thank you.  So, I was just wondering what I did wrong on it.

Watson:  You didn’t do anything wrong.  It was a very good paper.

Gerald:  Then why didn’t I get a 100 on it?

Watson:  I don’t give 100’s. 

Gerald:  But you said it was perfect.  Doesn’t a 100 mean perfect.

[Watson quickly glances towards the brick wall to her left]

Watson:  I don’t give 100s.  In my class, a 99 is perfect.

Gerald:  Why is that?  Why isn’t a 100 a perfect score.

Watson:  Because I don’t give perfects.

Gerald:  But you just said a 99 is perfect.

Watson:  Yes, a 99 is perfect for my class.

Gerald:  I guess I’m not understanding why you don’t call a 100 a perfect score.

Watson:  I do not like to give 100s in my class. 

Gerald:  Okay thank you for your time

Watson:  Keep up the perfect work and you will continue to get 99s in my class

Gerald:  Okay Mrs. Watson.  Thank you.

[A fly buzzes in through the door as Gerald exits the room]

Watson:  You let a fly in.

Gerald:  I don’t think that was my fault.

Watson:  Don’t open doors and it won’t happen in the first place.

Gerald:  Okay, thank you for talking to me about my grade.

End Act I

[travelgurus]

[sixpenceee]

Clouds look like incoming tsunami. From here

[thepowersofthemind]

Earth is really mad at us

[playful-paul]

Feeling cute

[maxofs2d]

[southernsideofme-deactivated201]

[everybidenjusthavegoodtime]

*releases pack of dads into home depot* go……be free

[hotcommunist-deactivated2019032]

invasive species encroach on lesbian territory

[dreaming-shark]

This is a common misconception because they’re such similar environments, but you should be aware that dads are native to Home Depot, while lesbians are actually native to Lowe’s. At this point, however, both dads and lesbians have made themselves at home in both Home Depot and Lowe’s to the point that trying to separate them back into their original ranges would probably do more harm than good to the delicate ecosystem of large chain hardware stores.

[ailithnight]

A properly raised and socialized Dad will be perfectly comfortable cohabiting with Lesbians. Its not really “encroaching on another’s territory”. You wouldn’t say that about foxes in a forest that also homes bobcats, would you? No. It’s just two different species that have both evolved to live in similar/the same environment. As long as they recognize each other as equals, Dads and Lesbians are more than capable of cohabitation.

Now, if you were to release a pack of Lumberjacks into a Lowes or Home Depot, that’s where chaos will reign. Being adapted to a far harsher and more demanding environment, the Lumberjacks would simply push Dads and Lesbians both out and also consume far more than a sustainable amount of resources. It would be like releasing bears at a country club.

[chequerootlurks]

As a former timber-harvester… I feel this is potentially accurate in theory. But highly improbable in actuality.

Lumberjacks, like most megafauna species generally require more space than the average hardware store, even a big box store could provide. The misconception is that Lumberjacks are a social species because of how they often work and live together.

This is a matter of necessity, not preference, and a survival technique for thriving under the LogBoss.

A “pack” of Lumberjacks, if not under the environmental pressure of a LogBoss will naturally disperse until they each have a wide territory.

Lumberjacks rarely fight for territory.

One on one, a Lumberjack could drive out a Dad or Lesbian, however the latter tend to travel in social packs.

Lumberjacks will passively retreat on the presence of large numbers of people. Kind of like Sasquatch.

Getting a “pack” of Lumberjacks assembled would be hard enough unless they were forced into a Hardware Store by a LogBoss. In that case, they would already be in a heightened and potentially agitated state far above their natural behavior. This artificial scenario can be likened to a circus animal running amok. If it had been in the wild, the incident would not have occurred.

Free-roaming Lumberjacks are the cryptids of the Hardware ecosystem. They are surprisingly quiet and unobtrusive.

Please stop labeling Lumberjacks as dangerous roving social predators. They are intermediate level omnivores and remarkably peaceful unless threatened.

[thatdisasterauthor]

As a hardware store worker I can say that this is all 100% accurate.

[swindle94]

now how in the FUCK am i supposed to leave tumblr when a god tier post like THIS is just is just waiting for me daily?!?!?!

[egirlradicalism-deactivated2020]

i just got a rejection for a job i never applied for??????? lmfao???? WHAT

[nutsacktorturer]

we don’t know who you are but we don’t fucking want you

[qualitytimeswithqualitylads]

“just stay the fuck away from us”