Hey there bud! @pikacubetdh - Tumblr Blog

queenoftheimpala-deactivated202

When they said it might sing, this wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.

I think my dinner is possessed.

drtanner-dickery

THAT IS NOT A “HUMMING NOISE”

chrysm-ore-deactivated20200702

Nothing rouses my appetite like the wails of the damned.

godtechturninheads

@infiniteadventureswithyou

dancefloors

the dean from community could wash half these met gala bitches on an off day

dancefloors

serves on serves on serves

fuks

earthybitchywitch

SPITE

taken-for-picking-flowers

This is a man of marriage quality

lexa-kom-skaikru

I’m starting to realize that Killing Eve is basically a more adult more twisted version of D.E.B.S.

(there’s more but I can’t find gifs for it so…)

crystalqueer

My sister said the birds in her town were acting weird and I was like uh-huh whatever and then she sent pictures and

Now I’m terrified.

flowerinaflame

hallogallo

Smug face of a free man

hyperionangel

if i got to ask a genie for a wish i wouldn’t just ask for money i would specifically ask for all of jeff bezos’ money and then use all his money to do all the things people keep saying jeff bezos could do with his money

hyperionangel

pros of this plan:

the genie won’t be conjuring up large sums of money for me, thus inflating the economy by flooding it and lowering the value of the dollar

i could make it part of the deal that the money is transferred to me legally, so it doesn’t just look like i suspiciously came into a lot of money

i looked up the amount it’s $135 billion like yeah that would look suspicious if i just took that money from jeff bezos

contrary to popular opinion i would leave jeff bezos with enough money to support himself and his family, perhaps even thrive, such as $100 000 a year. that way capitalists won’t make him into a martyr and he has nothing to complain about

i distribute a lot of the wealth instinctively to charities that make a difference globally, because Fuck national borders

i leave $100 tips at every restaurant i go to

i will not spend the money on ridiculous things like extra houses or yachts or sports cars because i am a reasonable human being who understands that literally none of that matters

i’ll use my second genie wish to make sure amazon hires a new ceo that is charitable and generous and also believes in human rights

and then i’ll use my third wish to free the genie. i’ve seen aladdin duh

cons of this plan:

i do not know any genies

littlemisspoltergeist

Listen up, this is how you get people to read your articles

relive-the-90s

Some toys from the 90s that I remember.

de-lafayettes

Clickbait Article: You MUST Watch This HILARIOUS Prank!

Ella (from Ella Enchanted): Fuck.

unseelie

i am sitting on the couch, i hear tapping on the door behind me, i turn around and see this

what do i do

unseelie

he is here….

narcissus-thee-squeekual

i still lose it every time i see this post because someone let a fucking goose into their house just because tumblr said to and if that doesn’t perfectly define all of our experiences on this shitty excuse for a website i dont know what does

amkrii

How else would you pet the goose if you did not let him in?

kedreeva

I used to let my turkey free range because she was polite and stuck nearby and liked to eat bugs, and one day I went out and I couldn’t find her in my own yard and so, worried that she’s bothering the neighbors, I walk over to their yard through the little woods between us

And there she is

Standing at their back door

Tapping on the glass

And the lady comes to the door, and mind you I’ve never actually met my neighbors yet, and she starts letting Joslin into her house!

So I yell, and burst out of the trees, startling everyone, and start apologizing for my bird bothering them, and the lady looks absolutely baffled

“Your bird?”

Apparently this wasn’t the first time Joslin had done this

Apparently she’d just been over visiting my neighbor for weeks

And my neighbor just dead-ass thought she was hanging out with a wild turkey

She just let an entire wild turkey into her house without question

And my dumb bird apparently would just go in, inspect everything, and then walk out again

I cannot even imagine what this lady was thinking, she just accepted that she’s getting a house inspection from mother nature a few times a week.

I’m not surprised at all someone let a farm goose in. Humans have no sense of self preservation when it comes to things that we might get to pet.

thecommonchick

At first I felt sorry for the dog, but then..

catlud

She’s perfect

grumpy-soul

This is the cutest thing I have ever seen

bibleforboys

this is a lot

cloudfreed

that baby/young elephant is so cute I love animals

alwaysabeautifullife

trans-shepard

Don’t ignore the baby.

imonlyadumpling

Elephants are so precious ✨

owlinadayswork

I love him

gallusrostromegalus

Please enjoy these insults:

Among many other Talents, my family is good at insults. Please enjoy:

”We promise to return Cousin Scott in as many pieces as we receive him.” “…Pieces, Plural?” “Scott, his artifical leg, and the wee peanut rattling around his skull that he uses for a brain.”

“You’re going to make some some future paleontologist very famous when they discover your solid-bone skull.”

“Professor Ingram has left for the University of Lousiana’s Psych department, thereby raising the average IQ of both departments.”

“Can you believe someone started a rumor that I slept my way to the top?” “No way. You’re nowhere near to the top.”

“You are my sister and I love you but I’m pretty sure if I were to shout directly into your ear canal you’d echo.”

“Some things ferment and improve with age- Wine and Cheese for instance. You’ve just decomposed.”

“Dense doesn’t begin to cover it. People who get close to him get trapped in his Event Horizon.”

“Some people have a devil on thier shoulder that whispers temptations to them. Yours is bellowing that that was over the line.”

“I won’t deny that you have hidden depths, but they’re less like the potentially levithan-filled ocean and more like the secret compartment in the dryer where the socks get lost.”

“I can’t come to your birthday Nina. I’ve scheduled a root canal that day specifically so I wouldn’t have to.”

“She describes her ancestry and it sounds like a fancy cheese platter but in person she’s velveeta.”

“Your inner machinations are a rotating pie display.”