I tried.

I need more friends, life is terrible, I have a keen sense of false optimism and the main reason I leave my house is because there's a chance I'll see a dog outside. I live in MN and it’s the best

[ohmygoodnesslesbians]

https://uquiz.com/RMQZUQ

Take this quiz

men suck

[kaijuno]

[sunderwight]

Early 2010's shippers on tumblr did not work overtime coming up with some of god's most unhinged crack and crossover ships for people in the 2020's to try and claim that smashing together Ryan Gosling and Markiplier's conventionally attractive doomed space men is some kind of absurdity.

[anywhoozles]

[crabussy]

-> listening to a jaunty country style song -> hear the lyrics wrong -> pause. frown. go back a few seconds to relisten -> hears the same fucked up lyrics -> check the actual lyrics to see what it ACTUALLY says

-> oh!

[bewbin]

you were born in 2006? what are you? a Honda Civic?

[2006-honda-civic]

can i fucking help you?

[slimetony]

Haters will see you put on a condom and say he can’t afford to raise a child

[teaboot]

Why would you have sex with your haters randy

[slimetony]

I’m not really in any position to be picky

[an-ambient-girl]

[matobawataru]

omg it’s dr. roberta bobby, author of one of my favorite tweets ever written

[marxistlesbianist]

Omg she wrote one of my favorites also

[tarragonthedragon]

i just got the "see where your blood has gone!" email from giving blood but it glitched and just showed me my current location. which. theyre not wrong. that is where most of my blood is

[paverics]

“my father is a boy and my mother is a girl so i’m mixed” is the funniest possible response to someone asking your gender and it came from 6’5 Viking footballer and notable weird little guy Erling Haaland on a Snapchat

[paverics]

comedians can only dream of writing something this funny

[vintagewildlife]

"I can't believe humans would hunt the thylacine to extinction, humans are fundamentally evil" Hey, did you know that extinction was long thought to be impossible, and within 50 years of humans realizing that extinction via overhunting was a possibility it practically stopped happening? Did you know that humans are so desperate to prevent more losses that they're funneling millions of collective hours and billions of euros into helping other species? Hours and euros that could be spent on humans, and species on whom humanity's own survival does not depend? Did you know that due to an accidental introduction of rats, the Lord Howe Island stick insect population was brought down to 24 individuals and now there are tens of thousands of them?

This bug. This bug that, to most humans, is utterly useless, relatively gross, and completely foreign. Humans saved it because humans do not want to cause another extinction ever again if they can avoid it.

[soup-mother]

Sober as fuck at the back of the club going onto Wikipedia and typing "List of birds"

[zhoudadudugongjin]

Look I love unconditional devotion love stories as much as the next person, but there's really something so deliciously raw about conditional devotion.

I have served you and I have loved you for decades, but I will not give up my principles for you. You cut out part of my heart and took it with you down that path that you insist on walking, but you walk it alone. Even when the bleeding, gaping hole you left in my chest kills me, I will not follow you.

[zhoudadudugongjin]

me everytime one of my seemingly non-specific homoerotic text posts breaks containment

[inthefallofasparrow]

[depsidase]

[nobrashfestivity]

Via amandapourlesintimes

[depsidase]

[iwannabeaswampwitch]

Lots of drama in our household