Thoughts, Words, and Ramblings

A place for my words, poetry and anything else. Always a work in progress.

[pillowbooksofdrabbles]

You are not an imposter

making up your trail.

This road was built by you

sixteen years ago -

and it has been long

but it is almost over.

You are not an imposter

making up your trail.

Keep walking

[pillowbooksofdrabbles]

People are not often kind to themselves - 

but kindness is never a bad idea.

Self-care is sometimes simply allowing your  feelings to exist.

Indulge your anger.  Feed your tired soul whatever you can find.

It will be over soon. 

[pillowbooksofdrabbles]

I’m getting really tired of waiting for someday

I hope someday can’t wait to see me too

[pillowbooksofdrabbles]

gifted

To make up for everything else

the universe  gifted me with you.

[pillowbooksofdrabbles]

wake up

There are few things more reassuring, than waking up next to you. 

I love waking up next to you when we don’t have to get up for a long time.  If I had my way we’d spend all day in bed - just laying there talking and kissing, my skin on your skin, breathing in beautiful familiarity and comfort. 

I feel closest to you when I’m laying next to you - after we’ve kissed every part of one another, and I can kiss you softly and slowly - as if we have all the time in the world, because we do. 

There are so many somedays for us, but sometimes I want someday to take a little longer - and give me more time to just lay in bed next to you. I want you to myself for a little while - I’m not ready to share you with students and somedays. 

I had this moment in class the other day - when all I wanted to do was run my fingers through your hair - except we were doing a group activity and it probably wouldn’t have been the most appropriate despite Alexa’s probable amusement. 

The logical part of my brain knows that time apart is good and healthy - but thankfully I’m not the most logical person and ignoring that part of my brain is frightfully easy - I have little interest in time apart, because why spend time apart when I could just wake up next to you? 

I think my favourite thing, might be waking up to you wrapping your arms around me from behind, hugging me into you, making me feel like waking up is the best thing I could do in that moment - because I get to turn around and kiss you when I’m done. 

I could spend forever waking up next to you. I am thankful that I can. 

[pillowbooksofdrabbles]

These days there is little I can do to stop thinking about you.

Not that I want to, it’s just that sometimes I have things to do and I can’t stop daydreaming.

You’re pretty irresistible that way.

I’ve always had trouble staying in the present. I either live in the past or dream about the future -

And I’m dreaming about you, because you are my future.

You know the phrase, “friends are the family you choose”? Well where do boyfriends land in that? Are they the family that chose you? Can you choose someone so hard that they become the family you were meant to find?

You are so goddamn nice. Honestly, it’s ridiculous how nice you are. I feel like you’ve made me nicer but I also know my mean streak hasn’t gone anywhere.

I hope my mean streak doesn’t influence you like my swearing probably has.

I hope our kids end up like both of us. These weirdo nice kids who love to read and are stupidly smart and are super kind while at the same time swearing at their frenemies on the playground.

Sorry not sorry.

We’ve been together over a year and a half now and if I’m being honest I really saw this coming. I remember talking to my best friend about it on the phone before you officially told me you wanted to try this, and I remember telling her that if we worked out, I was probably going to marry you.

I just knew.

It was a pretty scary thing to recognize, as a person with rather limited experience in the area of romance despite the amount of love poems I had written previously.

I haven’t been writing love poems for you lately because I almost feel like I can’t use words to express my emotions anymore. I almost feel like saying more at this point would be too much. Being naked with just words and feelings and brutal honesty is to be far more vulnerable than those times I’ve actually been naked in your presence.

In any case, I think about you constantly and I never thought I’d feel this deeply about another human being. This is it. You are it.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: loving me is hard.

Thank you for loving me.

I am so ready to be loved by you.

[pillowbooksofdrabbles]

Worth noting

I think it’s worth noting that I plan on marrying you someday.

Neither one of us acknowledges this much,

But the word forever gets thrown around all the time.

The word forever carries more meaning to me than marriage.

I think it’s worth noting that I plan on doing a lot of things with you someday.

I often wonder what our kids would look like.

The future used to scare the shit out of me, but it’s not as terrifying when I know you’ll probably be there next to me.

You are more reassuring than you realize.

I think it’s worth noting that I’ve never been with someone long enough to be this unafraid - this sure.

Love still scares me, but you don’t - and that’s more than I can say for everyone I’ve ever known.

[pillowbooksofdrabbles]

too full

My mind has been too full for poetry -  for real, poetry. 

My mind has been too full, too preoccupied, too busy,  too anxious, for real poetry. 

My soul has been too tired for poetry. My soul has been too tired -  my soul needs poetry. 

You are the only thing that satisfies my soul -  in a time without poetry. 

You are the only thing that makes my mind -  forget about the lack of poetry. 

You are the only thing -  that makes me want to write poetry when my mind is too full,  and my soul too tired. 

My mind has been too full for poetry -  but my mind is never too full - 

for you. 

[pillowbooksofdrabbles]

you’re always there

When I think of someday,

you’re not all I see -

but you’re always there.

When I think of someday,

there’s always a lot to consider -

but you’re always there.

When I think of someday,

there are a few uncertainties -

but you’re always there.

When I think of someday,

there’s always music and good food -

and you’re always there.

When I think of someday,

I know some things may change

but I hope that you’re not one of them.

I know that I can live without you

but I hope I never have to.

Because when I think of someday,

I’d love to have you there.

[pillowbooksofdrabbles]

Sometimes, when the math of your future scares you,

You have to go to the grocery store.

You have to buy condensed milk,

Cocoa powder,

Butter.

You have to listen to your aunt’s favourite singer

And make the birthday desert from your childhood

To share with those you are grateful for.

Sometimes the only way you can think of to express gratitude

Is chocolate.

[pillowbooksofdrabbles]

memories of brand new love

Hearing your voice today reminded me of a different time when I was away and love was brand new.

As magical as it was and as magical as it is it doesn’t beat touch - talking with my head on your chest feeling the rumble of your voice resonate in my soul.  

For now, I live through memories - Just as today filled me with old ones from when I was away And love was brand new.

[pillowbooksofdrabbles]

someday

I’m letting myself think about someday. Someday, but without hypotheticals.

I’m letting myself picture somedays without blank faces - without unknowns - without empty rooms.

It’s terrifying.

I’m not sure what to do, because picturing somedays and believing them - believing they’re not just fantasies,

means you’re letting yourself believe that dreams come true

and I’ve never wanted a dream to come true like I want this one to.

I’ve never dreamed a dream and felt an ache in my chest like I do when it comes to you.

The magnitude of my love hurts

and when I think of someday

all I can do is hope.

[pillowbooksofdrabbles]

Sometimes when you touch me, my mind stops working.

Your hands and lips stop my mind - like a red light stops traffic.

Skin on skin heals.

Who knew you could heal what I didn’t know was broken.

I don’t know how to explain it - I don’t even think I can, but I am experiencing desire like a garden experiencing rain for the first time -

Already ready to grow as I was already ready to love, this rain is feeding my soul and like a garden grows in spring, my love grows stronger

every day.

[pillowbooksofdrabbles]

a demisexual to her love

I want you to know I thought you were cute before I fell in love with you. 

But when I tell you that I love you what you look like has nothing to do with it. 

I don’t love you because I’m attracted to you I’m attracted to you because I love you - 

I fell in love with your blue eyes because if I could see them it meant you were looking in my direction. 

I fell in love with your arms because of how having them wrapped around me makes me feel. 

I fell in love with your smile because I could feel it against your lips when you kissed me. 

I fell in love with your hands because of how happy holding them makes me. 

But I fell in love with you first -  because you are remarkable and I am lucky.  

[pillowbooksofdrabbles]

I miss you.

I miss you even though I see you almost every day.

It’s never enough.

I want to be in your arms - hear your heartbeat, lay down beside you -

Never let you go.

[pillowbooksofdrabbles]

fire

I didn’t know I had this kind of fire.

I didn’t know the match required Was your touch - Your lips, Your hands, Your gaze.

Sometimes I feel like you’re touching me with your eyes.

I had no idea This physical person Lived inside me.

I had no idea I would someday Crave touch - Ache for it - Need it.

Waking up has never been this easy.

How could I have known? When I have never loved As I love now.

I require love. I require so much more To experience this - Irresistible attraction.

Nothing else exists when we’re together.

Waking up Feeling your lips on my skin Sends an electric shock Into my entire body.

Pulling away is impossible - Sometimes I wonder If you know how much.

[pillowbooksofdrabbles]

sunday morning

On Sunday morning, I woke up next to you - the sun was shining through the window and in that moment, everything was perfect. 

Every moment with you feels perfect. 

On Sunday morning,  laying in my bed with you -  I opened my eyes when your mouth was on my breast, and I have never felt more beautiful. 

Knowing I am both loved and desired - feels strange. 

Loving and desiring at the same time -  is like lighting a stick of dynamite in me.  Your mouth the flame and my heart is the explosion. 

I sometimes feel like I can’t breathe. 

Love overwhelms me.  Lately, it’s been hurting - and the only thing that makes it stop is you, and your hands, and your lips against mine, and your eyes. 

I am addicted to you. 

On Sunday morning,  I woke up next to you. Our hearts were open -  and everything was perfect.