impassé @pinkalyst - Tumblr Blog

[ december 6th, 2016 - 21:13 ]

it’s inevitable, nothing has changed, and i want it all to stop in this moment. it’s hard to breathe, i’ve somehow become the end of every joke. i despise the feelings that arise in my chest, that constrict my lungs, and that i can feel at the brim of my eyes.

please leave me alone.

like a fight you had with the rain.

#w

[ october 13, 2016 - 2:25 ]

tonight i feel unapologetic. i’m realizing and understanding my relative place here now. i’m stuck in an unfortunate parallel between two names of different definitions. my mind trembles back into its recluse, hiding it’s face from what we know to be reality.

i think of those words i read, “tonight, i’m dressed up to my best - i feel good - i feel ready.” and those fatal thoughts don’t have a permanent stay in the confines of myself but they do stop in, they say hello. allowing me to remember that they are neighbor to me.

what makes me feel such things is not the idea of the present but that i feel that precious girl cowering back into her corner. fear consuming flesh. choices need to be made, but there is still no result.

i feel pain for her.

cr; Seulgi Duck

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show em babe

#king

fyeahbangtaned

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#king

[ september 9, 2016 - 01:18 ]

If I could help someone by setting an example of pursuing your wildest dreams

If I could help someone with the sound of my voice

I would do it. I would.

If it is your will, Lord. Please guide me.

#w

4-velvets

#adored

yeora

#sight

[ july 22, 2016 - 23;25 ]

and everything held between my ribs, behind my throat, it all came back to me. like a gasp for air - a need for clarity. but was that really love? or is it that falsified feeling we crave to keep ourselves afloat? that feeling that we cannot ascribe a name to other than “foolishness.” those sleepless nights, those swollen eyes - i ache for that girl whose only grip on life was the pillow she held close at night. the same girl who sought to fill the empty spaces between her fingers and inhabit the vacancy of another who would breathe her in.

selfishness. so selfish. and now we look back and see our mistakes, and the roses we chased after only to be wounded by the thorns we were too blind to see. all that’s left are the scars - all that’s left are the reminders of the once loved. their favorite color, song, weather. it haunts us. we carry a part of them in us which we inevitably hate. that trigger our “what if”s. that foolish tenderness which leave us sympathetic to those we loved so much who hurt us.

it leaves us bitter.

why did you do that to her?

#w

[ july 17, 2016 - 22:47 ]

good nights ... i realize now that i can only think of a few of them. those nights where i stop and think to myself how i could live in that moment forever. there is some guilt in my mind as i come to find that they lack in those moments.

i’m stuck in this moment now where everything is hitting me like a bunch of bricks. i was so happy then and if i could possibly be that happy in every recurring moment of my life ... i would take it. i’m silently cursing myself these days for being born so different. i wish that i was similar just so the prospect of happiness would be easier.

i can’t change them i just have to live around them and these sorts of feelings.

i’m tired of picking up the phone only to put it back down for a quiet night. i don’t know where i had left this part of myself or who i’ve fooled myself into becoming. i know that i would be only settling if i stuck to that person. why am i drawn into temporary relief when i know better, when i know my true feelings?

company is good but there are only a few who i’d call good company.

feeling lost but writing has me feeling a part of myself which i have silenced year long. i lost a part of me the moment he came into my life. i was robbed of my adolescence. i grew up too fast and that cherished naivety ... i don’t know what it is.

these nails are too hard to type in.

#w