JVL
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
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Not today Justin
#extradirty
Show & Tell
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Sweet Seals For You, Always
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
d e v o n
One Nice Bug Per Day
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JBB: An Artblog!
RMH
almost home
oozey mess
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@pinkcandyclouds
Hi there! I'm Illyria, 23, she/her, EST, and this is my semi-selective indie. New to indie, but not new to rp in general. Please read my rules before interacting! This blog contains mature themes including nsfw content. Non-nsfw mature content will not be tagged unless asked. All opens are always open, no matter how old or how many notes.
rules - muses (wip, mobile friendly) - wishlist - wanted opps - opens
Hey friends! I really hate to do this, but unfortunately/fortunately my life has changed massively in the past few days and I’m not going to be able to have time for rp. Hopefully one day I can manage to find time again. I had so much fun and I wish everyone the best!
Wyatt nodded when he offered to grab a table, ordering Alex his usual and herself some tea, feeling a little too nauseous to eat just yet. Order in hand, she moved to join him and sat down, taking a sip of her drink before biting her lip as the nerves built. "So um, a few weeks after we broke I found out that I'm pregnant." While saying it out loud didn't entirely take away her anxiety, it did take some weight from her shoulders. "I was going to call you during the week and I know you're planning on moving to Texas. I'm not asking you to change your plans or anything, I just, you deserve to know. Deserve the chance to decide if you want to be involved or not."
It was a good thing Alex had swallowed his sip of sweet tea before Wyatt dropped the news, because if he hadn’t there would’ve been a movie-worthy spit take. Instead, he stayed silent for a good minute as he tried to process the information. Part of him wanted to laugh at the thought of not changing his plans considering this life-changing news.
He had always wanted to be a father ever since he knew what that would mean. It had been all too easy for him to dream of the perfect nuclear family life when that had been what he’d grown up with. He’d never imagined it like this. They weren’t even in a relationship, had literally decided they shouldn't be in a relationship, much less married. Alex was still living in LA, which was not his top choice of place to raise a family to say the least. While LA definitely had its perks, he couldn’t imagine raising a family around the hustle and bustle of the city. There was so much to think about, and he had no idea where to begin. Or how he was supposed to finally let go of the life he had wanted now that this was happening.
He nodded, more to himself than Wyatt, pushing himself to speak. “Okay. Um… okay.” Alex took a deep breath. “I guess that means you’re keeping it, then. How far along does that make you?” he asked.
Diana wasn't like most people in her department, she tried her best to see the good in people. Which was albeit hard enough in her line of work, where everyone assumed you were guilty until otherwise proven. But there was something about Laurence that just irked and fascinated her. It could have been because he had this stuck up air about him she'd see whenever she'd happen to see him, that had left a lasting impression on her. But she was willing to put that aside if it meant they'd get to the bottom of it. When she and her partner were told who was going to handle the Mahoney case, she tried hard not to have her eyeballs roll to the back of her head. She was no stranger to having to work with people she wasn't fond of. She had to work with Dereks everyday. Not a stretch to be professional for the sake of a case. As they waited she fidegted with her left hand, an almost clear sign there were some pent up nerves. Her eyebrows shot up in a semi surprised expression but quickly composed herself. A head nod followed her placing her hands on top of the table as she gave a slight head tilt. "Laurence. I'd say pleasure but then I'd be guilty of perjury." A soft chuckle escaped her wondering if that'd make him break and laugh. "Of course. I'm ready when you are." Although she liked to pull people's chains she also knew when to focus and get to work. The last thing she wanted was to waste his time.
If Diana thought that was enough to make him laugh, he could only hope she had no desire to make him laugh. He would be in for a world of many, many unfunny quips. Laurence’s face made not even a twitch as he sat down across from her at the desk. Pulling out a thick manilla folder from his briefcase, he opened the file and leafed through the papers before finding the one he was looking for. Mahoney’s statement and long-winded version of events. This was the fourth time Mahoney would be on trial, though his other charges were nowhere near the current charge of first-degree murder. Laurence had never had the pleasure of being the prosecutor against him during his other charges - two robbery and one arson - but he vaguely remembered one of his coworkers talking about him a few years back. He’d managed to get off with community service for his first robbery charge when he was a mere 19, but both other trials had resulted in several years of prison time. Mahoney had only been out of prison for a few years before being arrested this time around. The man also had a few misdemeanors and infractions over the years, one more thing on top of the mountain of past mistakes against him. His history of violence and run-ins with the law made him an all-too-easy target to pin things onto. “I know you’ve made statements already, but I’d appreciate it if you could go over the story one more time. From the beginning when you took on the case,” Laurence questioned.
ALL AMERICAN 4.10 "6 'N the Mornin'"
Michiel Huisman as Gunnar Rebel Moon – Part One: A Child of Fire (2023)
@pinkcandyclouds ; for alex
Diana was glad the day's activities were all outside bound. She had been tired of sitting in bed and though she had her husband sitting with her which made it about ten times better, her restlessness was becoming too much. So when the opportunity to get down to the stables for a little bit while Andy took buttercup out for a ride arose she jumped at the chance. With a promise of heading back inside if it became too much she was sat in her favorite chair while Gael sat next to her petting their Labrador mix, nutter.
While she would have chosen to go into the stables, she was content with the goat pen being right in her view. She'd seen Andy go around a few times and smiled as she got back to petting one of their goats, Poe. She had tied one of the ribbons her baby boy had given her inside into a bow and had instructed Poe to bow her head. Nutter's ears perked when Gael squealed out in glee, his natural state when he saw someone he knew. "Hi!" Di figured that since only a handful of people had keys to the ranch gates, it was bound to be family, friend, ranch hands or a mix of all three. They treated everyone who worked for them as family. Her boy only talked to people he felt comfortable with. Plus she was currently focused on getting the bow on Poe. "Alright, Poe give us a turn." On cue the goat had turned around once kicking her hind legs which made Gael laugh and clap.
After finishing up his work in the stables, Alex headed outside to find Diana and Gael sitting outside playing with one of the goats and their dog. He grinned at the picture, happy to see his friends after spending a good portion of the day alone (as much as he loved the horses and other animals, they couldn't replace human interaction). He waved to Gael as the boy greeted him, walking over and patting Nutter. "Hi yourself. You two been having fun out here?" Diana managed to get the bow on the goat, Poe, and encouraged her to turn. As if the goat truly understood her, she did her tiny show. Alex smiled as Gael enjoyed himself. One would be hard-pressed to find someone who couldn't admit how cute the family was. "Looks like Poe is all set for her show, huh? I think she's a shoe-in for first prize."
At Gael's age, Alex had already been following his two older brothers to their 4-H shows and various extracurriculars, albeit he hadn't been able to do anything besides watch when he was that young. He remembered a picture with his family - the first time Nathan's eggs had placed in the county fair - his oldest brother proudly displaying the $20 3rd place check with his two younger brothers and parents smiling by his side, a baby Cass looking unhappy after a full day in the heat in their dad's arms. It was always fun and interesting to watch a child grow up and start to form their own interests. If Gael had any desire to go into agriculture or animal husbandry, he had plenty of people to help him out. Only time would tell. "You been keeping your mom entertained so far? You have an important job to make sure she doesn't lose her mind out here," he teased the younger boy. If nothing else, Diana looked happy to get out of the house for a little bit, not that Alex could blame her one bit.
marie-victoire hadn't expected that to be the first thing out of isla's mouth. "well, i mean... i guess continuing that wouldn't really glue well with the job of being a royal. it is... pretty much full-time, if not more. events, speeches, appearances..." she admitted, "but you could focus on... charities and initiatives that pique your interest, in your field." she added, hoping that would soften the blow. sometimes she forgot that most people got to choose their path in life, had a career that wasn't determined from birth.
the next question was more in line with her expectations and she took a deep breath: "well, you need to brush up on protocol and etiquette for sure. both in public as well as in our household there are... rules, they are strict and quite... ancient, i must admit." marie-victoire told her. "and you'd need to learn the three languages of belgium. dutch, french and german. i can help you a bit to get a start but you'd need formal education." she told her and then continued: "you'll also need to be aware of belgian history, the political and cultural landscape, geography of the nation. if you are to marry the next queen of the belgians, you must know them..." she explained, and hoped this wasn't too scary to the other woman. she just had to be honest. "you'd get ample time to prepare though, while we get everything set up behind the scenes, while we are engaged. at least a year and a half."
as expected, marie-victoire confirmed that keeping her job would be out of the question. the idea of being able to help charities did indeed soften the blow, though. isla perked up at that thought. "do you think i could work with charities that encourage girls to learn coding? or do you think that would be too... unorthodox?" she knew it wasn't the usual charities a royal might focus on, but it was something close to her heart that she would love to get involved in. the thought of helping younger girls find their passion in any sort of stem field was enough to make her forget about having to quit her own career.
her girlfriend's next words were... a lot. isla had done a lot of work to manage her anxiety over the years, but hearing all the work she would have to do was enough to make her stomach churn. she almost laughed at marie-victoire's comment about having ample time. a year and a half to learn three languages, detailed history, a long list of arcane rules, and etiquette seemed like a fairly big ask. even if she did have a group of the best of the best tutors to help her. while she had gotten up to ap french in high school, that only felt like it was solving 1% of the work. she pursed her lips. yes, she had known that marie-victoire was the princess from the start, and she had agreed to everything. that was part of marie-victoire for better or for worse. but isla didn't think she was in the wrong for feeling overwhelmed at the thought of a real future with her, as much as she loved her girlfriend. it was one thing to marry marie-victoire, and another to be marrying the princess of belgium. "it's a lot to think about," isla repeated. "even if i did all of that... i can't help but think i'll feel like an outsider for the rest of my life no matter what." she hadn't been born into this sort of life. "i guess i'd never really thought about how much i'd be giving up." she didn't want to feel like she had to choose between her girlfriend and the rest of her life, nor did she want marie-victoire to feel like she wasn't worthy of sacrifice.
hmm, this wasn't the scared little mouse of a girl she had known in high school. that thought however, was only there for a second before she turned on her heels, though leaving the door open for Kennedy. or well, rather, she wasn't bothered by closing it. no, she had another goal.
marcella rushed towards the living room to grab her phone, and quickly go to her government app. she had been sent DNA results together with her notification that she was matched to someone, but she hadn't bothered to look at them. she had figured that she didn't need confirmation that she was hot, and amazing, and straight. only one of the appeared to be true right now. she tapped and scrolled and then...
"92,3% homosexual?!" she exclaimed, her heart racing as she read that line over and over again. how in the world was that possible? how was she even remotely gay, she liked men. she had sex with men. she only looked at women (all day) because she liked pretty clothes. right? right?!
"this can't be..." she breathed as she read all the other information, which did actually match who she was. these really were her results. she was gay. scientifically gay. and she was now married. to a woman. she had a wife. she wasn't out, because she wasn't fucking aware. now, everyone would know. fuck fuck fuck.
she hadn't noticed that she'd started to shake and that her high bitch in charge attitude had all but faded away. she looked scared, and she was never scared.
marcella was rushing back inside the house before saying anything to kennedy. after a second of deliberation, kennedy decided to follow her into the house, considering it was her own now. she watched as marcella grabbed her phone off the table and made a few quick movements. whatever she was expecting marcella to say, it wasn't '92.3% homosexual'. kennedy couldn't take her eyes off the train wreck that was marcella somehow just finding out she was into girls.
the chance to bite back at her bully during a clear moment of distress was all too tempting... but kennedy stopped herself. she didn't even laugh, despite how ridiculous the situation was. she stood there, blinking in confusion for a moment, arms crossed. "i'm sorry, you're upset because you didn't know you're gay?" kennedy tilted her head, as if to say 'oof'. because oof. it had never occurred to her that she might be matched up with someone who had never thought they were attracted to women. the mere idea was ridiculous, especially given marcella wasn't even just barely attracted to women. how deep in denial did one have to be to ignore over 90% of your attraction? she had never taken marcella for someone with no self-awareness. the woman had always seemed to make it known that she was a raging bitch, and nothing was going to stop her. maybe kennedy's dad had been on to something when he said she only got teased because people 'liked' her. not that it was an excuse. she tried to think of what to say. for most people she might comfort them, since anyone in this situation had to be deep in denial, but she didn't really want to comfort her marcella during her gay panic. yet nothing felt right.
It was ridiculous that Rachel was already failing stats, but now that they were halfway through the semester, she knew she really needed help. Or rather, her professor told her she needed help and all but told her to get a tutor. So that was why she found herself in the school library for the first time ever. Sure she was a little late, by about 10 minutes. "Yea, I guess that's me," she sighed dramatically as she sat her purse down onto the table before sitting next to her tutor. he was cute, but shy. At least not an eyesore for this whole tutoring ordeal. "So, apparently you're my stats savior this semester. Good luck to us both. Do you have a pencil I can borrow?"
While Bennett didn't mind tutoring students, it wasn't always the easiest task. A lot of the students he tutored were undergrads taking prereqs or subject-required classes for graduation that were the harder, less popular ones since the others had all filled up. Which was the say, students that had little interest in the subject material. He had no idea where Rachel fell on the spectrum, but her dramatic sigh indicated towards 'little interest'. Not to mention she was a girl, and a pretty one at that, which always made things... interesting. Not that he couldn't act professional. If anything, he made sure to act extra formal with his femme colleagues. He gave a small smile to her good luck comment. "The goal is to not need luck. I talked with Professor Mowery, and she's open to upping your assignment grades if you redo the work. Obviously you'll have my help, so hopefully getting the assignment score up to at least a B will get you up to a D overall," he said, reaching into his bag to find the small pencil case he kept solely to lend them out to his tutorages. "Do you have any specific concepts you want to go over first?"
lena nodded along with his words, relief from the fact that he hadn't just slammed the door in her face. he had every right to, but she knew he wasn't that kind of person, even if she had earned it. her brow crinkled the more he spoke, it took her a moment, but she realized that she hadn't made her point very well. or he stopped her before she could, she didn't really know to spot the difference but either way, he wasn't picking up what she'd spent all week trying to figure out how to put down. "you didn't push me, alex." lena shook her head, her hands pressing nervously to her lower ribs. "i didn't—you're right but i also hadn't—i needed—" lena's expression gave way to a softer one, one dipped in longing and that pang that took up residence in her chest. weaved between her ribs only to tighten every time she saw or heard something that brought alex to mind. "i'm not here to make you feel better, alex. not that i would—" she cut herself off and clasped her hands together tightly, the pressure as she squeezed almost enough to ground her. "alex. i came here for—" it felt like the world was falling out around her, there was that haunting sting behind her eyes, tears not quite there but creeping ever closer. she took a deep breath, and gave her head one more sharp shake. "i like you, alex. i know i shouldn't be here, after everything i said and everything i did. i tried not to. i walked away, wiped my hands clean of our relationship and i tried to move on." she twisted her fingers, she had to get through it before she turned tail and ran. "i tried, but you were everywhere. in everything, and i didn't know what to do with all of that. i saw a damn therapist because i didn't know what to do with it." she sighed, brushing her hands over her features and through her hair as she allowed herself to look up at him, a hopeful shine in her eyes. "my therapist said i should leave you alone. i didn't think i could sleep if i didn't tell you."
alex wasn't entirely sure what lena was trying to get at. if she wanted to apologize to make herself feel better, great. she had done so. yet she remained on his porch. he wasn't sure what he would say if she outright said she wanted to try a relationship, which is the only other thing he could imagine since she hadn't left.
it was a good thing she wasn't there to make him feel better, because none of her words did. he couldn't help but laugh when she said her therapist had suggested leaving him alone. "sorry - i'm not laughing at you. it is objectively funny that you went through all of that, even got your therapist to tell you to stay away from me, and here you are," he said, the tiniest hint of a smile on his face despite trying not to. the humor of the situation wasn't long-lasting. after another moment, he shifted his body to lean on the doorframe, watching her. "i still don't know what you're trying to get at, lena. i'm tired of the vague shit. if you want something, tell it to me straight." she kept saying all of this stuff, and yet it didn't make all that much sense to him. sure, there were the little details, but none of it told him what she wanted. if she was brave enough to come to him like this, she could say what she wanted outright.
Wyatt had known about his plans to move to Texas, knew he'd stayed in town longer than planned and now she was about to drop news on him that may derail those plans all over again. She couldn't help but feel guilty already but she'd feel worse if she didn't tell him.
"I know a place. It's quiet, just down the street." She offered before setting off, trusting Alex to come with her. Like she said, it was just down the street, they were there in a matter of minutes. "Uh, do you want your usual? My treat."
Alex was content following Wyatt down the street and coming to a small local sandwich shop. He felt awkward next to her, not knowing what to say, much less what she wanted to tell him. His anxiety didn't help matters. "Yeah, sure. Sounds good." Usually he would argue about paying for his own food, but he wasn't in the mood to bicker about a fifteen dollar payment. Alex offered to find a table and get utensils. Soon he had found a quiet place near the corner of the restaurant, bringing utensils and napkins. He gave Wyatt an awkward smile as he waved her over once she had gotten their food. Once they were settled in their seats, Alex popped a straw into his cup of sweet tea and looked over to his ex. "So, uh, what was it that you were wanting to talk about?" His anxiety was getting worse by the minute, and he couldn't take the awkwardness much longer.
"i'm not good at this part!" cobie groaned, shoving her face into her hands as she tried to take a deep breath. god, she should see a therapist. "i am trying, isaac! this is me trying! i am trying to work this out, but i don't know how. i don't know what i am doing." cobie was a cut her losses and run kind of woman, she didn't want to me, especially not with isaac but it was all she knew. "i know i am not good at it, but you have to give me some credit, right?"
it wasn't as if isaac wanted to keep fighting, but for once he felt inclined to not leave something unfinished. why he had chosen now, of all times, was anyone's guess. maybe he could do worthwhile things when there was something actually important on the line. "talking to me instead of shutting me down and running away would be a good start," he attempted. "i know you're trying, and i do give you credit." after all, they were here, weren't they? by some miracle the two of them had let the other in enough to get there. he bit the inside of his lip, trying to push down the part of himself that wanted to run away just like she did. "i'll - i'll start, okay?" a deep breath. cobie wasn't there to judge him. he wasn't less of a man, less of a person, for talking about his feelings. "i thought that things were going good between us, but now i'm getting the feeling that you've been holding back. that maybe i just didn't notice that you haven't been happy. and as much as i wanted this to work... if i can't tell when you're that unhappy, maybe it would be better if you did leave."
@martysrory
The door clicked open, revealing Diana waiting for him at the table. David Mahoney had only been in custody for less than 24 hours, yet the DA had sent Laurence and his team a message reminding them of the importance of the case and to act as quickly as possible. All his other cases were on hold while Mahoney remained in custody, making the pressure all that much worse. On top of that, Diana and her partner had been the main agents on the case, which meant he would be working closely with them. Laurence had a strained relationship with most of his colleagues, both co-workers and the law enforcement he worked closely with, but Diana seemed to have a particular distaste for him. She would have to swallow her pride if she wanted to see Mahoney behind bars. "Diana. Hello," Laurence greeted, not bothering with any fake pleasantries. "As I'm sure you've figured out by now, my team has been assigned to the Mahoney case. I'd like to discuss the timeline of the case." Laurence had briefly spoken with Mahoney. His first encounter with the man had been odd, but he pushed down any potential thoughts of innocence. He was the prosecution, it was his job to act as if the man was guilty. All of his colleagues certainly seemed to think the man was guilty. Perhaps his usual immunity to defendant's pleas of innocence was slipping for this case somehow. No matter what he thought, it was crucial that he acted with care and professionalism.
sipping at her coffee; it strong and heavy on the stomach, she sighed and peered at him over the coffee mug. complimenting her food. it made her heart swell, remembering her ma's cooking where augusta got all of her chef talent from. augusta never really had a stove or anything growing up. her father was the leader of a gang, her mother going along with him while trying to raise a sweet baby girl in a gunslinger environment. growing up she had lots of influence, the camp cook also enjoyed having her help with the stew. one of augusta's fondest memories was getting to skin her first deer. she remembered how the gang was so proud of her. augusta grew up with some mighty fine folks despite what they did for a living.
"i slept alright," a slight smile perked at the corners of her dry lips. she began to eat some of the steak and sighed at the taste. yep, ma would be proud. when alex spoke next about how he appreciated her, she sat her fork down and gave him a small sound from her chest in her own appreciation towards him. "you know," the woman began, "i was definitely lonely and feelin' down and out when my ma and daddy died. and you're right, it was definitely tough coming back home to take care of the farm. i never expected it to be hard like it is." a sniffle. "i had to work really hard to make sure this place didn't get repossessed by the bank. which is why i got you in here and with everything that you do, it's been really great with you here. even if i don't show it."
"before i moved back here i wasn't the best of a person so i don't really trust too easy. but yer good with the horses and you definitely have been keeping me company. i like you being here." augusta finally admitted what she had been thinking all along. "and i want you ta stay as long as you like."
it was the first time augusta had opened up to him, and for that reason alone he felt honored. maybe they could end up forging some sort of friendship after all. alex wanted to share more about himself, something to tell her he could understand losing people (even if their losses were incredibly different), but he held his tongue. the fear that she wouldn't believe his innocence or she would judge him for abandoning his parents and siblings after getting out of prison was too much for him to feel comfortable with even vague mentions of his past. if nothing else, he felt she had have known that he was in a similar situation when it came to being alone.
"sorry to hear about your ma and pa." there had been too many nights alex had stayed up thinking about how he would never know if something happened to his family. his parents could be dead by now for all he knew. eventually there would be spouses and nieces and nephews that he would never meet. alex forced himself to stop going down that road - he was finally getting augusta to open up a little more and he wasn't going to ruin it by becoming too wrapped up in his own thoughts and problems. "wasn't fishin' for any compliments," he said, giving her a small smile. "you've done a lot of amazing work around here. i'm glad i'm here to help, and i hope that you're happy with everything you've been able to do. that's a big accomplishment." she deserved to be proud of everything she's done on her own.
it was a bit surprising to hear her admit to not being 'the best of people' - whatever that meant - and for a moment it gave him hope that maybe their pasts weren't so different after all. maybe not in specifics, but having a past that made them grow stronger. he wasn't going to judge her for any past mistakes. even if he was innocent of any crime, lord knew he'd made his own share of mistakes. he couldn't help the lightest tinge of pink across his cheeks at the compliment. "well, you're stuck with me, so that's good. i don't plan on leavin' any time soon. i like bein' here, and i'm happy to take on the responsibilities you want me to." augusta had him, and she didn't need to take care of everything on her own anymore.
@starlingisms
The university library was quiet as Bennett worked on copying over his near impossible to read shorthand over to his word document. His phone dinged, and he glanced at it to see what the notification was. Another email from his data manipulation professor about the changed office hours for the next two weeks. Just as he was about to go back to his main work, he heard a shuffle of feet beside him and he looked up to see who it was. Finally, the student he would be tutoring. "Oh, hi. You're Professor Mowery's student, yes? I'm your tutor," he greeted, tilting his head to motion to the seat next to him at the library table.
"besides making a fool of myself?" lena said, half hearted joke not quite good enough to make it through the space between them, not when it was thick with disappointment. what are you doing here? she'd asked herself a million times just since she'd woken up. not to mention how many times she had asked it since they'd stopped seeing each other. none of her answers fit any other time before, so she was flying blind now.
"sorry, that was a bad joke." lena sighed, leaning back before she turned on her heel, "i'm sorry. i should—" a half turn and she froze. what was he going to do? say no? she couldn't lose him twice. lena squared her shoulders and turned back. "no." she forced herself to look at him, keep his eye if she could. "i'm an asshole and i might have some serious issues, commitment and trust flavored ones just off the top of my head. i was awful to you. i wanted to come here and tell you that. or." she paused a beat, took a breath, "i wanted to apologize."
there was nothing for alex to say to the joke, the words not nearly enough to ease any of the awkwardness between them. then she was about to leave. alex wasn't sure what to make with any of it. he had listened to her, done what he was supposed to do.
to his surprise, she turned back, making sure to make eye contact with him. it was intimate, which also made it oddly intimidating. nonetheless, he didn't break her gaze. alex had steeled himself for another fight, and his shoulders dropped when he heard her apologies. while it wasn't exactly what he wanted to hear, he appreciated the sentiment. even if he would've preferred if she had left him alone to let him nurse his broken heart in peace. he knew it had to be hard for her to come here and say what she had; alex wasn't going to be cruel or turn her away. he nodded, licking his lips. "i appreciate it. i'll admit it wasn't the best feeling in the world, but i don't blame you either, if it makes you feel any better. we'd said no feelings. i broke that. it's not on you to make me feel better. sure, we could've ended things on a better note, but," he shrugged, trying to find the right words, "i shouldn't have pushed for you to do something you didn't want to do. i'm sorry for that, too. issues or no issues, you didn't want anything romantic. we had set that boundary, and i should've respected it." unfortunately, it seemed anything between them had been doomed from the start. alex knew it was his own fault to agree to a physical relationship despite knowing he probably wouldn't be able to not want to make things romantic.
