You're sitting on the couch when you hear the telltale noise of keys rattling in the hole of the front door; normally you'd freak out thinking of a break in, but what kind of burglar also knows your passcode?
Lo and behold, Xavier appears on the front doorstep, looking as surprised as you are to find you. In your apartment.
"what are you doing here?"
"what are you doing here? This is my place."
He simply shrugs, shutting the door behind him as he marches towards your kitchen corner.
"I'm out of instant ramen. I wanted to see if you have any leftovers."
You roll your eyes.
"still, you said you had plans with your friend tonight. What are you doing here? Aren't you going to be late?"
His questions make your expression drop.
"oh, um. We had to reschedule."
That has Xavier stop rummaging in the fridge and turn around to take a proper look at you.
"did you? Or did she?"
You huff. "Does it really make a difference?"
He nods.
"she did. She told me she was feeling sick. And she had an issue in her flat. And she was tired. And she was going to be late anyways."
"... How many excuses did she give you?"
Exasperated, you jump up from the couch and stomp your feet up to the shoe cabinet, where you take off your shoes and then your coat and then your bag.
"ugh, whatever. I'll go wash up." You point at him. "I know you're basically pacman but I need you to leave me something to eat because there's no way I'm cooking right now."
With that you disappear into the bathroom.
Turning the light on, you immediately catch your own gaze in the mirror and the stark contrast between your fully beat face and the empty look in your eyes makes you gag.
I looked so pretty.
Your eye also catches sight of the new top you're wearing, one you got for special occasions like this one.
So so pretty.
Praying that every bad feeling will wash away along with the cleansing balm and detergent, you strip yourself off of hopefully every reminder of this evening.
You put on comfy pajamas, not even the cute set that you tend to wear when your neighbour is home. At this point he's seen you at your lowest and you don't think you could put in the effort even if you wanted to look unaffected and put together. Not tonight.
You resurface from the bathroom and head for the living room where you find Xavier sprawled on your couch, scrolling on his phone.
"damn, did you eat everything already?"
He barely even looks up from the screen, but you think you see the corner of his mouth lift a little.
"nah, the fridge was empty. I figured I should just order some takeout."
"ah. Shouldn't you be waiting for it in your apartment?"
"no, considering I got you some, too."
Oh. How thoughtful. This is his way of making it up to you, even though it's not his job. Plus you know there's like two tupperware boxes filled with rice and veggies in the fridge.
You're munching on your dinner, transfixed on the TV screen, when you find it in yourself to thank Xavier.
"you're welcome."
"no, really, thank you. I know you took pity on me."
"I didn't. I just don't like when you're sad."
"yeah, I don't like it either." A minute goes by.
"do you think she was lying to me? You know with all those excuses."
You feel his head turn to you and the fear of his judgement spurs you on.
"I know that it's none of my business, she's my friend and I trust her! I'm just. I wonder why this happens so often. And to me, specifically.
I can't remember the last time I cancelled on someone so short notice. Then why do they do it to me?"
Xavier knows that you're not simply referring to tonight, but to a streak of similar circumstances in which different people have given up on their plans with you.
He also knows that it's your biggest insecurity because it makes you feel unwanted and a burden.
You hear him breathe deeply.
"whatever. It's fine. Let's just focus on the movie."
He wishes he could make it better.
The only thing he can do is promise to honour the plans you make together, so that he never makes you feel like this.
You're sitting on the couch when you hear the telltale noise of keys rattling in the hole of the front door; normally you'd freak out thinking of a break in, but what kind of burglar also knows your passcode?
Lo and behold, Xavier appears on the front doorstep, looking as surprised as you are to find you. In your apartment.
"what are you doing here?"
"what are you doing here? This is my place."
He simply shrugs, shutting the door behind him as he marches towards your kitchen corner.
"I'm out of instant ramen. I wanted to see if you have any leftovers."
You roll your eyes.
"still, you said you had plans with your friend tonight. What are you doing here? Aren't you going to be late?"
His questions make your expression drop.
"oh, um. We had to reschedule."
That has Xavier stop rummaging in the fridge and turn around to take a proper look at you.
"did you? Or did she?"
You huff. "Does it really make a difference?"
He nods.
"she did. She told me she was feeling sick. And she had an issue in her flat. And she was tired. And she was going to be late anyways."
"... How many excuses did she give you?"
Exasperated, you jump up from the couch and stomp your feet up to the shoe cabinet, where you take off your shoes and then your coat and then your bag.
"ugh, whatever. I'll go wash up." You point at him. "I know you're basically pacman but I need you to leave me something to eat because there's no way I'm cooking right now."
With that you disappear into the bathroom.
Turning the light on, you immediately catch your own gaze in the mirror and the stark contrast between your fully beat face and the empty look in your eyes makes you gag.
I looked so pretty.
Your eye also catches sight of the new top you're wearing, one you got for special occasions like this one.
So so pretty.
Praying that every bad feeling will wash away along with the cleansing balm and detergent, you strip yourself off of hopefully every reminder of this evening.
You put on comfy pajamas, not even the cute set that you tend to wear when your neighbour is home. At this point he's seen you at your lowest and you don't think you could put in the effort even if you wanted to look unaffected and put together. Not tonight.
You resurface from the bathroom and head for the living room where you find Xavier sprawled on your couch, scrolling on his phone.
"damn, did you eat everything already?"
He barely even looks up from the screen, but you think you see the corner of his mouth lift a little.
"nah, the fridge was empty. I figured I should just order some takeout."
"ah. Shouldn't you be waiting for it in your apartment?"
"no, considering I got you some, too."
Oh. How thoughtful. This is his way of making it up to you, even though it's not his job. Plus you know there's like two tupperware boxes filled with rice and veggies in the fridge.
You're munching on your dinner, transfixed on the TV screen, when you find it in yourself to thank Xavier.
"you're welcome."
"no, really, thank you. I know you took pity on me."
"I didn't. I just don't like when you're sad."
"yeah, I don't like it either." A minute goes by.
"do you think she was lying to me? You know with all those excuses."
You feel his head turn to you and the fear of his judgement spurs you on.
"I know that it's none of my business, she's my friend and I trust her! I'm just. I wonder why this happens so often. And to me, specifically.
I can't remember the last time I cancelled on someone so short notice. Then why do they do it to me?"
Xavier knows that you're not simply referring to tonight, but to a streak of similar circumstances in which different people have given up on their plans with you.
He also knows that it's your biggest insecurity because it makes you feel unwanted and a burden.
You hear him breathe deeply.
"whatever. It's fine. Let's just focus on the movie."
He wishes he could make it better.
The only thing he can do is promise to honour the plans you make together, so that he never makes you feel like this.
The first time it happens you feel so embarrassed that you end up locking yourself in the bathroom.
Sylus is a collected (and sometimes perhaps detached) person. You're not. Let's start there.
A few months into dating you sort of fall into this routine where you go spend the night at his place once to twice a week. You would be done with your daily activities (work/uni) then make a quick trip to your flat to fix yourself up (it's a date after all) grab your bag and then get picked up by your boyfriend either with his car or his bike.
And it's been wonderful.
To be fair there are some days that drain you more than others and, sure, it would feel nice to just go home, get into your pajamas and just lay on the couch watching whatever is on TV just letting your mind declutter.
But still even if you're not 100% in the mood, once you get to his place and he starts treating you so well, you immediately feel better and tell yourself that it was worth it even if you are tired and the day has been rough.
And then it happens.
The day starts off pretty bad because the route of your bus has been changed due to roadwork, and you only find out after having been waiting for that very bus for half an hour, which immediately makes you late for your shift.
So by the time you get to work, the tasks have already been assigned and you're stuck doing what you hate the most but you can't even complain because, again, you were late.
The day is still not done yet because in the afternoon you're due for a presentation and your manager has clearly stated that she's counting on you doing a good job with the commission
And maybe it's because you've just spent the morning looking at all those numbers, or maybe it's the fact that your manager is somehow making you feel even more pressure but it doesn't go as well as you had planned.
You end up disappointing the commission, your manager the most importantly yourself.
5:36 pm Sylus >> remember it's date night kitten
5:37 pm Sylus >> I'll pick you up as usual.
You sigh. Right. Date night. Are you even in the mood for it? No really, no, but what you dread even more than that is the possibility of disappointing someone else today.
5:38 pm you << sure. See you later!
Thankfully though, your shift does come to an end at some point, and you finally manage to go back home, even though it takes you longer than usual because of the bus route change. It even starts raining a little bit and all you can think about is the fact that it would be a perfect evening to spend inside your house, eating warm food in comfy clothes and then go straight to bed curled up with a book.
But because you don't like standing people up you simply go inside, grab your overnight back and get out.
Sylus is already there by the time you're outside, so you just jump in the car and you drive off. during the trip You're unusually quiet and you're almost sure that sylus can pick up on that but even if he does he does not mention it.
At his place there are two bags of delicious smelling take out food waiting on the counter and you do feel a little bit better at the thought of having someone get dinner for you, but the atmosphere shifts once he begins doing small talk.
"so how was work today?"
Shit. It was shit.
"um. Fine. Tiring."
He hums. "I remember you told me you had a presentation, right?"
You feel like you're swallowing stones instead of chewed up food. "Uh huh. That was fine too."
Your phone pings and from the corner of your eye you recognize your landlord's profile pic. Rendered puzzled by the odd timing (it's around 7 pm) you take a peek at his text.
Hey I just passed by the house to take a look at the washing machine but noone was home
What? You've been complaining about the washing machine for almost a month and he finally decides to show up without warning on a wednesday evening?! And then has the courage to be passive aggressive because you weren't there?
But because the universe has decided to go all out today, you get another text from your manager this time. It's the file you spent all morning working on, with the caption "to fix by tmrw"
You feel your patience quite literally snap like a tree branch being stepped on.
Sylus, ever so observant, notices the way you've stopped eating and are staring at your phone screen, so he pops the question: "are you okay?"
Your blood boils and bubbles in your vessels. "Am I okay? Am I okay? No, I'm not okay! Today has been awful! I proved to everyone at my office that I can't do my job! My manager hates me now! I got to work late on the only day they had warned us not to because corporate was there! The washing machine has been broken for a month and I know that my landlord doesn't want to get a new one so I'll be stuck going to the laundromat for the rest of eternity! I stained my good sweater with oil at lunch and I just know that thing is ruined! On my way home I had to walk a bit more and I fell down and scraped my knee and hand! Oh, and I burnt my toast this morning, I turned it into a piece of coal!"
Sylus appears mildly startled by your outburst, but nothing concerning.
You, however, feel a freezing shower pouring over your head and immediately cool you down. You're so cold now that you realize that you've been raising your voice to the only man who did nothing but make you feel better.
Before you even realized it, you've run off and locked yourself in the bathroom.
It's one thing to embarrass yourself in front of your partner once in a while but it's a whole other thing to basically throw a tantrum like a child. You fear Sylus will never look at you the same again.
What's even worse is the fact that you've spent so much time proving to him that you're a grown, mature woman with a career and an attitude and all that. Now what? Is he going to dump you?
Is he going to stop hosting date night because clearly you can't handle it?
You press your head on the door and weirdly enough there's no noise outside. Has he left?
Eventually you come out.
I'll just grab my stuff and call a cab, there's no way I can take the bus at this time of the night.
The kitchen is all cleaned up, like a crime scene at the end of the investigation.
You head to the bedroom to grab your bag and find Sylus inside, freshly washed up and in his disgustingly expensive pajamas, and it startles you.
"oh my- what are you doing here?"
"I thought we were going to turn in early tonight. I'm getting ready for bed."
"o-oh. Right. Okay. Well, I'm just going to- get this. And go. Goodnight then."
"how about you kiss me goodnight later, when we're both in bed?"
"wait, you want me to stay the night?"
"I don't believe I ever asked you to leave."
"well, no. But given what happened at dinner, I feel like-"
"pardon?"
"I feel like sometimes you don't really see me as your partner."
That sentence makes you do a double take.
"sometimes I get the feeling that you don't want to rely on me, that you don't feel comfortable with me. You don't allow yourself to be transparent with me. I still have to convince you that I'm worth it."
Sylus, the most confident man you've ever encountered, appears genuinely hurt and resigned.
"I do rely on you." You insist.
"do you? You were so tightly wound earlier, I thought you were going to pop like a bottle cork. Why don't you just come talk to me when you're feeling like this?
"because I wouldn't be talking, I'd be venting. And I don't want to bother you."
He sighs. "You wouldn't. But I still can't get you to trust me on that. How about you get washed up, now. I want you to get as much sleep as possible tonight."
By the time you're back in the room, Sylus is under the covers with only a lamplight on.
You snuggle in bed on the other side and wait for the room to turn dark.
"I understand that."
Once it does, you speak.
"It's not that I don't trust you. I do, truly. I'm just used to doing things my way, on my own terms."
"I just don't want to take too many liberties, Sy."
"it's not about that. I'm telling you outright that you shouldnt feel shame sharing different aspects of your life."
"yeah but this was date night, it's no place to rant."
"it can be. I don't want you to force yourself to pretend for the sake of the evening. Date night is just another way to say eating together and then watching TV. In fact, if it makes you less comfortable, I'd rather not do date night at all."
Silence dawns on the room.
Sylus turns to you, convinced that you're being quiet to get this conversation over with and is met with your big wet eyes instead.
"I'm sorry. I just don't want you to deal with my stuff too, I know how difficult your job is, you must be stressed out already. But. If me keeping it all to myself makes you feel even worse, I'll share more. Even if it's just complaining that a lady at the bakery cut the line."
He smiles, reaching over to side hug you. "Thank you, kitten, I really appreciate it. Now, what are we going to do about that washing machine?"
The first time it happens you feel so embarrassed that you end up locking yourself in the bathroom.
Sylus is a collected (and sometimes perhaps detached) person. You're not. Let's start there.
A few months into dating you sort of fall into this routine where you go spend the night at his place once to twice a week. You would be done with your daily activities (work/uni) then make a quick trip to your flat to fix yourself up (it's a date after all) grab your bag and then get picked up by your boyfriend either with his car or his bike.
And it's been wonderful.
To be fair there are some days that drain you more than others and, sure, it would feel nice to just go home, get into your pajamas and just lay on the couch watching whatever is on TV just letting your mind declutter.
But still even if you're not 100% in the mood, once you get to his place and he starts treating you so well, you immediately feel better and tell yourself that it was worth it even if you are tired and the day has been rough.
And then it happens.
The day starts off pretty bad because the route of your bus has been changed due to roadwork, and you only find out after having been waiting for that very bus for half an hour, which immediately makes you late for your shift.
So by the time you get to work, the tasks have already been assigned and you're stuck doing what you hate the most but you can't even complain because, again, you were late.
The day is still not done yet because in the afternoon you're due for a presentation and your manager has clearly stated that she's counting on you doing a good job with the commission
And maybe it's because you've just spent the morning looking at all those numbers, or maybe it's the fact that your manager is somehow making you feel even more pressure but it doesn't go as well as you had planned.
You end up disappointing the commission, your manager the most importantly yourself.
5:36 pm Sylus >> remember it's date night kitten
5:37 pm Sylus >> I'll pick you up as usual.
You sigh. Right. Date night. Are you even in the mood for it? No really, no, but what you dread even more than that is the possibility of disappointing someone else today.
5:38 pm you << sure. See you later!
Thankfully though, your shift does come to an end at some point, and you finally manage to go back home, even though it takes you longer than usual because of the bus route change. It even starts raining a little bit and all you can think about is the fact that it would be a perfect evening to spend inside your house, eating warm food in comfy clothes and then go straight to bed curled up with a book.
But because you don't like standing people up you simply go inside, grab your overnight back and get out.
Sylus is already there by the time you're outside, so you just jump in the car and you drive off. during the trip You're unusually quiet and you're almost sure that sylus can pick up on that but even if he does he does not mention it.
At his place there are two bags of delicious smelling take out food waiting on the counter and you do feel a little bit better at the thought of having someone get dinner for you, but the atmosphere shifts once he begins doing small talk.
"so how was work today?"
Shit. It was shit.
"um. Fine. Tiring."
He hums. "I remember you told me you had a presentation, right?"
You feel like you're swallowing stones instead of chewed up food. "Uh huh. That was fine too."
Your phone pings and from the corner of your eye you recognize your landlord's profile pic. Rendered puzzled by the odd timing (it's around 7 pm) you take a peek at his text.
Hey I just passed by the house to take a look at the washing machine but noone was home
What? You've been complaining about the washing machine for almost a month and he finally decides to show up without warning on a wednesday evening?! And then has the courage to be passive aggressive because you weren't there?
But because the universe has decided to go all out today, you get another text from your manager this time. It's the file you spent all morning working on, with the caption "to fix by tmrw"
You feel your patience quite literally snap like a tree branch being stepped on.
Sylus, ever so observant, notices the way you've stopped eating and are staring at your phone screen, so he pops the question: "are you okay?"
Your blood boils and bubbles in your vessels. "Am I okay? Am I okay? No, I'm not okay! Today has been awful! I proved to everyone at my office that I can't do my job! My manager hates me now! I got to work late on the only day they had warned us not to because corporate was there! The washing machine has been broken for a month and I know that my landlord doesn't want to get a new one so I'll be stuck going to the laundromat for the rest of eternity! I stained my good sweater with oil at lunch and I just know that thing is ruined! On my way home I had to walk a bit more and I fell down and scraped my knee and hand! Oh, and I burnt my toast this morning, I turned it into a piece of coal!"
Sylus appears mildly startled by your outburst, but nothing concerning.
You, however, feel a freezing shower pouring over your head and immediately cool you down. You're so cold now that you realize that you've been raising your voice to the only man who did nothing but make you feel better.
Before you even realized it, you've run off and locked yourself in the bathroom.
It's one thing to embarrass yourself in front of your partner once in a while but it's a whole other thing to basically throw a tantrum like a child. You fear Sylus will never look at you the same again.
What's even worse is the fact that you've spent so much time proving to him that you're a grown, mature woman with a career and an attitude and all that. Now what? Is he going to dump you?
Is he going to stop hosting date night because clearly you can't handle it?
You press your head on the door and weirdly enough there's no noise outside. Has he left?
Eventually you come out.
I'll just grab my stuff and call a cab, there's no way I can take the bus at this time of the night.
The kitchen is all cleaned up, like a crime scene at the end of the investigation.
You head to the bedroom to grab your bag and find Sylus inside, freshly washed up and in his disgustingly expensive pajamas, and it startles you.
"oh my- what are you doing here?"
"I thought we were going to turn in early tonight. I'm getting ready for bed."
"o-oh. Right. Okay. Well, I'm just going to- get this. And go. Goodnight then."
"how about you kiss me goodnight later, when we're both in bed?"
"wait, you want me to stay the night?"
"I don't believe I ever asked you to leave."
"well, no. But given what happened at dinner, I feel like-"
"pardon?"
"I feel like sometimes you don't really see me as your partner."
That sentence makes you do a double take.
"sometimes I get the feeling that you don't want to rely on me, that you don't feel comfortable with me. You don't allow yourself to be transparent with me. I still have to convince you that I'm worth it."
Sylus, the most confident man you've ever encountered, appears genuinely hurt and resigned.
"I do rely on you." You insist.
"do you? You were so tightly wound earlier, I thought you were going to pop like a bottle cork. Why don't you just come talk to me when you're feeling like this?
"because I wouldn't be talking, I'd be venting. And I don't want to bother you."
He sighs. "You wouldn't. But I still can't get you to trust me on that. How about you get washed up, now. I want you to get as much sleep as possible tonight."
By the time you're back in the room, Sylus is under the covers with only a lamplight on.
You snuggle in bed on the other side and wait for the room to turn dark.
"I understand that."
Once it does, you speak.
"It's not that I don't trust you. I do, truly. I'm just used to doing things my way, on my own terms."
"I just don't want to take too many liberties, Sy."
"it's not about that. I'm telling you outright that you shouldnt feel shame sharing different aspects of your life."
"yeah but this was date night, it's no place to rant."
"it can be. I don't want you to force yourself to pretend for the sake of the evening. Date night is just another way to say eating together and then watching TV. In fact, if it makes you less comfortable, I'd rather not do date night at all."
Silence dawns on the room.
Sylus turns to you, convinced that you're being quiet to get this conversation over with and is met with your big wet eyes instead.
"I'm sorry. I just don't want you to deal with my stuff too, I know how difficult your job is, you must be stressed out already. But. If me keeping it all to myself makes you feel even worse, I'll share more. Even if it's just complaining that a lady at the bakery cut the line."
He smiles, reaching over to side hug you. "Thank you, kitten, I really appreciate it. Now, what are we going to do about that washing machine?"
The first time it happens you feel so embarrassed that you end up locking yourself in the bathroom.
Sylus is a collected (and sometimes perhaps detached) person. You're not. Let's start there.
A few months into dating you sort of fall into this routine where you go spend the night at his place once to twice a week. You would be done with your daily activities (work/uni) then make a quick trip to your flat to fix yourself up (it's a date after all) grab your bag and then get picked up by your boyfriend either with his car or his bike.
And it's been wonderful.
To be fair there are some days that drain you more than others and, sure, it would feel nice to just go home, get into your pajamas and just lay on the couch watching whatever is on TV just letting your mind declutter.
But still even if you're not 100% in the mood, once you get to his place and he starts treating you so well, you immediately feel better and tell yourself that it was worth it even if you are tired and the day has been rough.
And then it happens.
The day starts off pretty bad because the route of your bus has been changed due to roadwork, and you only find out after having been waiting for that very bus for half an hour, which immediately makes you late for your shift.
So by the time you get to work, the tasks have already been assigned and you're stuck doing what you hate the most but you can't even complain because, again, you were late.
The day is still not done yet because in the afternoon you're due for a presentation and your manager has clearly stated that she's counting on you doing a good job with the commission
And maybe it's because you've just spent the morning looking at all those numbers, or maybe it's the fact that your manager is somehow making you feel even more pressure but it doesn't go as well as you had planned.
You end up disappointing the commission, your manager the most importantly yourself.
5:36 pm Sylus >> remember it's date night kitten
5:37 pm Sylus >> I'll pick you up as usual.
You sigh. Right. Date night. Are you even in the mood for it? No really, no, but what you dread even more than that is the possibility of disappointing someone else today.
5:38 pm you << sure. See you later!
Thankfully though, your shift does come to an end at some point, and you finally manage to go back home, even though it takes you longer than usual because of the bus route change. It even starts raining a little bit and all you can think about is the fact that it would be a perfect evening to spend inside your house, eating warm food in comfy clothes and then go straight to bed curled up with a book.
But because you don't like standing people up you simply go inside, grab your overnight back and get out.
Sylus is already there by the time you're outside, so you just jump in the car and you drive off. during the trip You're unusually quiet and you're almost sure that sylus can pick up on that but even if he does he does not mention it.
At his place there are two bags of delicious smelling take out food waiting on the counter and you do feel a little bit better at the thought of having someone get dinner for you, but the atmosphere shifts once he begins doing small talk.
"so how was work today?"
Shit. It was shit.
"um. Fine. Tiring."
He hums. "I remember you told me you had a presentation, right?"
You feel like you're swallowing stones instead of chewed up food. "Uh huh. That was fine too."
Your phone pings and from the corner of your eye you recognize your landlord's profile pic. Rendered puzzled by the odd timing (it's around 7 pm) you take a peek at his text.
Hey I just passed by the house to take a look at the washing machine but noone was home
What? You've been complaining about the washing machine for almost a month and he finally decides to show up without warning on a wednesday evening?! And then has the courage to be passive aggressive because you weren't there?
But because the universe has decided to go all out today, you get another text from your manager this time. It's the file you spent all morning working on, with the caption "to fix by tmrw"
You feel your patience quite literally snap like a tree branch being stepped on.
Sylus, ever so observant, notices the way you've stopped eating and are staring at your phone screen, so he pops the question: "are you okay?"
Your blood boils and bubbles in your vessels. "Am I okay? Am I okay? No, I'm not okay! Today has been awful! I proved to everyone at my office that I can't do my job! My manager hates me now! I got to work late on the only day they had warned us not to because corporate was there! The washing machine has been broken for a month and I know that my landlord doesn't want to get a new one so I'll be stuck going to the laundromat for the rest of eternity! I stained my good sweater with oil at lunch and I just know that thing is ruined! On my way home I had to walk a bit more and I fell down and scraped my knee and hand! Oh, and I burnt my toast this morning, I turned it into a piece of coal!"
Sylus appears mildly startled by your outburst, but nothing concerning.
You, however, feel a freezing shower pouring over your head and immediately cool you down. You're so cold now that you realize that you've been raising your voice to the only man who did nothing but make you feel better.
Before you even realized it, you've run off and locked yourself in the bathroom.
It's one thing to embarrass yourself in front of your partner once in a while but it's a whole other thing to basically throw a tantrum like a child. You fear Sylus will never look at you the same again.
What's even worse is the fact that you've spent so much time proving to him that you're a grown, mature woman with a career and an attitude and all that. Now what? Is he going to dump you?
Is he going to stop hosting date night because clearly you can't handle it?
You press your head on the door and weirdly enough there's no noise outside. Has he left?
Eventually you come out.
I'll just grab my stuff and call a cab, there's no way I can take the bus at this time of the night.
The kitchen is all cleaned up, like a crime scene at the end of the investigation.
You head to the bedroom to grab your bag and find Sylus inside, freshly washed up and in his disgustingly expensive pajamas, and it startles you.
"oh my- what are you doing here?"
"I thought we were going to turn in early tonight. I'm getting ready for bed."
"o-oh. Right. Okay. Well, I'm just going to- get this. And go. Goodnight then."
"how about you kiss me goodnight later, when we're both in bed?"
"wait, you want me to stay the night?"
"I don't believe I ever asked you to leave."
"well, no. But given what happened at dinner, I feel like-"
"pardon?"
"I feel like sometimes you don't really see me as your partner."
That sentence makes you do a double take.
"sometimes I get the feeling that you don't want to rely on me, that you don't feel comfortable with me. You don't allow yourself to be transparent with me. I still have to convince you that I'm worth it."
Sylus, the most confident man you've ever encountered, appears genuinely hurt and resigned.
"I do rely on you." You insist.
"do you? You were so tightly wound earlier, I thought you were going to pop like a bottle cork. Why don't you just come talk to me when you're feeling like this?
"because I wouldn't be talking, I'd be venting. And I don't want to bother you."
He sighs. "You wouldn't. But I still can't get you to trust me on that. How about you get washed up, now. I want you to get as much sleep as possible tonight."
By the time you're back in the room, Sylus is under the covers with only a lamplight on.
You snuggle in bed on the other side and wait for the room to turn dark.
"I understand that."
Once it does, you speak.
"It's not that I don't trust you. I do, truly. I'm just used to doing things my way, on my own terms."
"I just don't want to take too many liberties, Sy."
"it's not about that. I'm telling you outright that you shouldnt feel shame sharing different aspects of your life."
"yeah but this was date night, it's no place to rant."
"it can be. I don't want you to force yourself to pretend for the sake of the evening. Date night is just another way to say eating together and then watching TV. In fact, if it makes you less comfortable, I'd rather not do date night at all."
Silence dawns on the room.
Sylus turns to you, convinced that you're being quiet to get this conversation over with and is met with your big wet eyes instead.
"I'm sorry. I just don't want you to deal with my stuff too, I know how difficult your job is, you must be stressed out already. But. If me keeping it all to myself makes you feel even worse, I'll share more. Even if it's just complaining that a lady at the bakery cut the line."
He smiles, reaching over to side hug you. "Thank you, kitten, I really appreciate it. Now, what are we going to do about that washing machine?"
The first time it happens you feel so embarrassed that you end up locking yourself in the bathroom.
Sylus is a collected (and sometimes perhaps detached) person. You're not. Let's start there.
A few months into dating you sort of fall into this routine where you go spend the night at his place once to twice a week. You would be done with your daily activities (work/uni) then make a quick trip to your flat to fix yourself up (it's a date after all) grab your bag and then get picked up by your boyfriend either with his car or his bike.
And it's been wonderful.
To be fair there are some days that drain you more than others and, sure, it would feel nice to just go home, get into your pajamas and just lay on the couch watching whatever is on TV just letting your mind declutter.
But still even if you're not 100% in the mood, once you get to his place and he starts treating you so well, you immediately feel better and tell yourself that it was worth it even if you are tired and the day has been rough.
And then it happens.
The day starts off pretty bad because the route of your bus has been changed due to roadwork, and you only find out after having been waiting for that very bus for half an hour, which immediately makes you late for your shift.
So by the time you get to work, the tasks have already been assigned and you're stuck doing what you hate the most but you can't even complain because, again, you were late.
The day is still not done yet because in the afternoon you're due for a presentation and your manager has clearly stated that she's counting on you doing a good job with the commission
And maybe it's because you've just spent the morning looking at all those numbers, or maybe it's the fact that your manager is somehow making you feel even more pressure but it doesn't go as well as you had planned.
You end up disappointing the commission, your manager the most importantly yourself.
5:36 pm Sylus >> remember it's date night kitten
5:37 pm Sylus >> I'll pick you up as usual.
You sigh. Right. Date night. Are you even in the mood for it? No really, no, but what you dread even more than that is the possibility of disappointing someone else today.
5:38 pm you << sure. See you later!
Thankfully though, your shift does come to an end at some point, and you finally manage to go back home, even though it takes you longer than usual because of the bus route change. It even starts raining a little bit and all you can think about is the fact that it would be a perfect evening to spend inside your house, eating warm food in comfy clothes and then go straight to bed curled up with a book.
But because you don't like standing people up you simply go inside, grab your overnight back and get out.
Sylus is already there by the time you're outside, so you just jump in the car and you drive off. during the trip You're unusually quiet and you're almost sure that sylus can pick up on that but even if he does he does not mention it.
At his place there are two bags of delicious smelling take out food waiting on the counter and you do feel a little bit better at the thought of having someone get dinner for you, but the atmosphere shifts once he begins doing small talk.
"so how was work today?"
Shit. It was shit.
"um. Fine. Tiring."
He hums. "I remember you told me you had a presentation, right?"
You feel like you're swallowing stones instead of chewed up food. "Uh huh. That was fine too."
Your phone pings and from the corner of your eye you recognize your landlord's profile pic. Rendered puzzled by the odd timing (it's around 7 pm) you take a peek at his text.
Hey I just passed by the house to take a look at the washing machine but noone was home
What? You've been complaining about the washing machine for almost a month and he finally decides to show up without warning on a wednesday evening?! And then has the courage to be passive aggressive because you weren't there?
But because the universe has decided to go all out today, you get another text from your manager this time. It's the file you spent all morning working on, with the caption "to fix by tmrw"
You feel your patience quite literally snap like a tree branch being stepped on.
Sylus, ever so observant, notices the way you've stopped eating and are staring at your phone screen, so he pops the question: "are you okay?"
Your blood boils and bubbles in your vessels. "Am I okay? Am I okay? No, I'm not okay! Today has been awful! I proved to everyone at my office that I can't do my job! My manager hates me now! I got to work late on the only day they had warned us not to because corporate was there! The washing machine has been broken for a month and I know that my landlord doesn't want to get a new one so I'll be stuck going to the laundromat for the rest of eternity! I stained my good sweater with oil at lunch and I just know that thing is ruined! On my way home I had to walk a bit more and I fell down and scraped my knee and hand! Oh, and I burnt my toast this morning, I turned it into a piece of coal!"
Sylus appears mildly startled by your outburst, but nothing concerning.
You, however, feel a freezing shower pouring over your head and immediately cool you down. You're so cold now that you realize that you've been raising your voice to the only man who did nothing but make you feel better.
Before you even realized it, you've run off and locked yourself in the bathroom.
It's one thing to embarrass yourself in front of your partner once in a while but it's a whole other thing to basically throw a tantrum like a child. You fear Sylus will never look at you the same again.
What's even worse is the fact that you've spent so much time proving to him that you're a grown, mature woman with a career and an attitude and all that. Now what? Is he going to dump you?
Is he going to stop hosting date night because clearly you can't handle it?
You press your head on the door and weirdly enough there's no noise outside. Has he left?
Eventually you come out.
I'll just grab my stuff and call a cab, there's no way I can take the bus at this time of the night.
The kitchen is all cleaned up, like a crime scene at the end of the investigation.
You head to the bedroom to grab your bag and find Sylus inside, freshly washed up and in his disgustingly expensive pajamas, and it startles you.
"oh my- what are you doing here?"
"I thought we were going to turn in early tonight. I'm getting ready for bed."
"o-oh. Right. Okay. Well, I'm just going to- get this. And go. Goodnight then."
"how about you kiss me goodnight later, when we're both in bed?"
"wait, you want me to stay the night?"
"I don't believe I ever asked you to leave."
"well, no. But given what happened at dinner, I feel like-"
"pardon?"
"I feel like sometimes you don't really see me as your partner."
That sentence makes you do a double take.
"sometimes I get the feeling that you don't want to rely on me, that you don't feel comfortable with me. You don't allow yourself to be transparent with me. I still have to convince you that I'm worth it."
Sylus, the most confident man you've ever encountered, appears genuinely hurt and resigned.
"I do rely on you." You insist.
"do you? You were so tightly wound earlier, I thought you were going to pop like a bottle cork. Why don't you just come talk to me when you're feeling like this?
"because I wouldn't be talking, I'd be venting. And I don't want to bother you."
He sighs. "You wouldn't. But I still can't get you to trust me on that. How about you get washed up, now. I want you to get as much sleep as possible tonight."
By the time you're back in the room, Sylus is under the covers with only a lamplight on.
You snuggle in bed on the other side and wait for the room to turn dark.
"I understand that."
Once it does, you speak.
"It's not that I don't trust you. I do, truly. I'm just used to doing things my way, on my own terms."
"I just don't want to take too many liberties, Sy."
"it's not about that. I'm telling you outright that you shouldnt feel shame sharing different aspects of your life."
"yeah but this was date night, it's no place to rant."
"it can be. I don't want you to force yourself to pretend for the sake of the evening. Date night is just another way to say eating together and then watching TV. In fact, if it makes you less comfortable, I'd rather not do date night at all."
Silence dawns on the room.
Sylus turns to you, convinced that you're being quiet to get this conversation over with and is met with your big wet eyes instead.
"I'm sorry. I just don't want you to deal with my stuff too, I know how difficult your job is, you must be stressed out already. But. If me keeping it all to myself makes you feel even worse, I'll share more. Even if it's just complaining that a lady at the bakery cut the line."
He smiles, reaching over to side hug you. "Thank you, kitten, I really appreciate it. Now, what are we going to do about that washing machine?"
The first time it happens you feel so embarrassed that you end up locking yourself in the bathroom.
Sylus is a collected (and sometimes perhaps detached) person. You're not. Let's start there.
A few months into dating you sort of fall into this routine where you go spend the night at his place once to twice a week. You would be done with your daily activities (work/uni) then make a quick trip to your flat to fix yourself up (it's a date after all) grab your bag and then get picked up by your boyfriend either with his car or his bike.
And it's been wonderful.
To be fair there are some days that drain you more than others and, sure, it would feel nice to just go home, get into your pajamas and just lay on the couch watching whatever is on TV just letting your mind declutter.
But still even if you're not 100% in the mood, once you get to his place and he starts treating you so well, you immediately feel better and tell yourself that it was worth it even if you are tired and the day has been rough.
And then it happens.
The day starts off pretty bad because the route of your bus has been changed due to roadwork, and you only find out after having been waiting for that very bus for half an hour, which immediately makes you late for your shift.
So by the time you get to work, the tasks have already been assigned and you're stuck doing what you hate the most but you can't even complain because, again, you were late.
The day is still not done yet because in the afternoon you're due for a presentation and your manager has clearly stated that she's counting on you doing a good job with the commission
And maybe it's because you've just spent the morning looking at all those numbers, or maybe it's the fact that your manager is somehow making you feel even more pressure but it doesn't go as well as you had planned.
You end up disappointing the commission, your manager the most importantly yourself.
5:36 pm Sylus >> remember it's date night kitten
5:37 pm Sylus >> I'll pick you up as usual.
You sigh. Right. Date night. Are you even in the mood for it? No really, no, but what you dread even more than that is the possibility of disappointing someone else today.
5:38 pm you << sure. See you later!
Thankfully though, your shift does come to an end at some point, and you finally manage to go back home, even though it takes you longer than usual because of the bus route change. It even starts raining a little bit and all you can think about is the fact that it would be a perfect evening to spend inside your house, eating warm food in comfy clothes and then go straight to bed curled up with a book.
But because you don't like standing people up you simply go inside, grab your overnight back and get out.
Sylus is already there by the time you're outside, so you just jump in the car and you drive off. during the trip You're unusually quiet and you're almost sure that sylus can pick up on that but even if he does he does not mention it.
At his place there are two bags of delicious smelling take out food waiting on the counter and you do feel a little bit better at the thought of having someone get dinner for you, but the atmosphere shifts once he begins doing small talk.
"so how was work today?"
Shit. It was shit.
"um. Fine. Tiring."
He hums. "I remember you told me you had a presentation, right?"
You feel like you're swallowing stones instead of chewed up food. "Uh huh. That was fine too."
Your phone pings and from the corner of your eye you recognize your landlord's profile pic. Rendered puzzled by the odd timing (it's around 7 pm) you take a peek at his text.
Hey I just passed by the house to take a look at the washing machine but noone was home
What? You've been complaining about the washing machine for almost a month and he finally decides to show up without warning on a wednesday evening?! And then has the courage to be passive aggressive because you weren't there?
But because the universe has decided to go all out today, you get another text from your manager this time. It's the file you spent all morning working on, with the caption "to fix by tmrw"
You feel your patience quite literally snap like a tree branch being stepped on.
Sylus, ever so observant, notices the way you've stopped eating and are staring at your phone screen, so he pops the question: "are you okay?"
Your blood boils and bubbles in your vessels. "Am I okay? Am I okay? No, I'm not okay! Today has been awful! I proved to everyone at my office that I can't do my job! My manager hates me now! I got to work late on the only day they had warned us not to because corporate was there! The washing machine has been broken for a month and I know that my landlord doesn't want to get a new one so I'll be stuck going to the laundromat for the rest of eternity! I stained my good sweater with oil at lunch and I just know that thing is ruined! On my way home I had to walk a bit more and I fell down and scraped my knee and hand! Oh, and I burnt my toast this morning, I turned it into a piece of coal!"
Sylus appears mildly startled by your outburst, but nothing concerning.
You, however, feel a freezing shower pouring over your head and immediately cool you down. You're so cold now that you realize that you've been raising your voice to the only man who did nothing but make you feel better.
Before you even realized it, you've run off and locked yourself in the bathroom.
It's one thing to embarrass yourself in front of your partner once in a while but it's a whole other thing to basically throw a tantrum like a child. You fear Sylus will never look at you the same again.
What's even worse is the fact that you've spent so much time proving to him that you're a grown, mature woman with a career and an attitude and all that. Now what? Is he going to dump you?
Is he going to stop hosting date night because clearly you can't handle it?
You press your head on the door and weirdly enough there's no noise outside. Has he left?
Eventually you come out.
I'll just grab my stuff and call a cab, there's no way I can take the bus at this time of the night.
The kitchen is all cleaned up, like a crime scene at the end of the investigation.
You head to the bedroom to grab your bag and find Sylus inside, freshly washed up and in his disgustingly expensive pajamas, and it startles you.
"oh my- what are you doing here?"
"I thought we were going to turn in early tonight. I'm getting ready for bed."
"o-oh. Right. Okay. Well, I'm just going to- get this. And go. Goodnight then."
"how about you kiss me goodnight later, when we're both in bed?"
"wait, you want me to stay the night?"
"I don't believe I ever asked you to leave."
"well, no. But given what happened at dinner, I feel like-"
"pardon?"
"I feel like sometimes you don't really see me as your partner."
That sentence makes you do a double take.
"sometimes I get the feeling that you don't want to rely on me, that you don't feel comfortable with me. You don't allow yourself to be transparent with me. I still have to convince you that I'm worth it."
Sylus, the most confident man you've ever encountered, appears genuinely hurt and resigned.
"I do rely on you." You insist.
"do you? You were so tightly wound earlier, I thought you were going to pop like a bottle cork. Why don't you just come talk to me when you're feeling like this?
"because I wouldn't be talking, I'd be venting. And I don't want to bother you."
He sighs. "You wouldn't. But I still can't get you to trust me on that. How about you get washed up, now. I want you to get as much sleep as possible tonight."
By the time you're back in the room, Sylus is under the covers with only a lamplight on.
You snuggle in bed on the other side and wait for the room to turn dark.
"I understand that."
Once it does, you speak.
"It's not that I don't trust you. I do, truly. I'm just used to doing things my way, on my own terms."
"I just don't want to take too many liberties, Sy."
"it's not about that. I'm telling you outright that you shouldnt feel shame sharing different aspects of your life."
"yeah but this was date night, it's no place to rant."
"it can be. I don't want you to force yourself to pretend for the sake of the evening. Date night is just another way to say eating together and then watching TV. In fact, if it makes you less comfortable, I'd rather not do date night at all."
Silence dawns on the room.
Sylus turns to you, convinced that you're being quiet to get this conversation over with and is met with your big wet eyes instead.
"I'm sorry. I just don't want you to deal with my stuff too, I know how difficult your job is, you must be stressed out already. But. If me keeping it all to myself makes you feel even worse, I'll share more. Even if it's just complaining that a lady at the bakery cut the line."
He smiles, reaching over to side hug you. "Thank you, kitten, I really appreciate it. Now, what are we going to do about that washing machine?"
not a good person but not a bad person either. I can be a bitch but I’m very kind too. I’ll just never be as kind as I wish I was, but also not as bad as I fear I am
zayne wants to put his head in his hands, but the quivering student in front of him already looks frightened enough.
“h-hey, dr. li. you wanted to talk about my paper?”
“yes,” zayne responds. “while serving as a special lecturer this semester, i’ve been exposed to many writing styles. however, on your most recent assignment, yours doesn't seem quite as human as your classmates’. it reads a bit…artificial.”
it’s an accusation veiled in a cheap mask and a trench coat. the student knows where this is headed; still, they try to hold their ground. “i’m sorry?”
pushing his glasses up on the bridge of his nose, zayne pulls out the offending paper from his oak desk drawer. “well, right here, for example. in your concluding paragraph, ‘you’ seem to write in circles, without ever establishing a coherent point.” he clears his throat and begins reading.
“‘a healthy heart isn’t just a benefit — it’s the key to a good life. why is this? the answer isn’t hard to guess — it’s straightforward. cardiovascular health doesn’t improve fitness. it is fitness. it’s life. it’s longevity. it’s legacy. in the quiet uncertainties of humanity, it’s the thing that never stops beating,’” he recites.
the student fidgets with their hands. “yup! that sums up everything i learned this unit.”
“hm. what especially caught my eye,” zayne adds dryly, “is this bit right before the ending lines. it differs vastly in tone. it’s conversational and strangely reassuring, as though someone forgot to remove it before submission.” he reads aloud once again.
“‘for a three-thousand-word heart anatomy paper, this works as a brief but interesting conclusion paragraph on the impact of cardiovascular fitness. if you want me to edit for tone or clarity, just let me kn—’”
betrayed by their refusal to proofread, the student finally cracks. “okay, okay! i get it. i didn’t realize i left the prompt in there before i hit ‘submit.’” they scratch their neck sheepishly, looking anywhere but their professor. “i just had a busy weekend, dr. li. i was going to write it myself, i swear, but the game on friday went into overtime, and then my roommate got dumped and i had to comfort them, and there was so much traffic on the way back from the bar—”
“i understand.”
the student freezes at zayne’s calm voice, shoulders sagging in relief. “really? so you'll let it go?”
“no.” zayne says simply. “when a patient is bleeding out on the table, your intelligence will need to be anything but artificial. you’ll receive a failing grade for this assignment. however, since you eventually admitted your misdeed, i will open extra credit opportunities to you in the coming weeks. if you continue to seek outside help from anything but the campus tutoring center or my office hours, you may be subject to expulsion.”
the student’s face flashes through the stages of grief. his tone is so crisp, his voice so final, that all that comes out is a feeble squeak. “yes, sir. i’m sorry.”
zayne plucks off his glasses and lays them on the desk. sighing, he gathers the “essay” in his hands and returns it to the student. “apologize to yourself. you’re a bright person, but you severely underestimate your own intellectual abilities by trying to take shortcuts. don’t let it cost you your future.”
DISCLAIMER: I cannot say with 100% certainty that this is true. However, there is enough credible evidence for me to believe it.
To put it in short, we're not just battling Infold. We're fighting the Chinese media.
Here is the post. I will outline the timeline here as well. This is directly from the thread:
As confirmed by a CN native.
"state media commentary acts as a direct warning of incoming government bans."
So, that's it, then. This is what caused it. Valko was being recognized by the state media.
So why did Pro Valko ppl not go after the media for false reporting? On their socials? Why were we not instructed to?
Timeline:
June 22nd, Valko is announced. Fan Rioting pursues for 6 days straight. Company doesn't budge, continues to post normally.
June 28, 1 AM: Apology, 20-pull compensation, and a promise: every male lead's story "will not change for any reason."
It tops the overnight hot search marked 爆.
Then watch the state media pressure.
June 28, 9:08 AM: Beijing News "Six Questions" rejects that apology in print. It was 8 hours old.
June 28, night: the Women's Federation's magazine — enters hours after the PV airs
June 29: China Women's News named editorial
June 29: China Women's News AGAIN, on the 0731 defense: "fails to convince"
June 29, 8:20 PM: Guangming Daily. A central party paper.
June 30: Ban Yue Tan. Xinhua-run.
June 30, evening: Valko is cancelled. Permanently. With a promise to never add a male lead again.
And still, to this day, they are STILL going after him, with Beijing News posting ANOTHER smear article on him JUST TODAY!
Now look at PPG's attitude change. Anti's beginning riot? Didn't budge. Business as usual. Once the state media got involved? Silence. And knowing this... it makes sense. The marketing numbers didn't add up, a large portion of CN population really liked Valko. Obviously the rest of the world liked Valko.
Here is another post. I will include the screenshots from it below.
Here is a news clip posted to Weibo. THIS IS NOT FROM A GOVERNMENT ACCOUNT. On Weibo, the red V is a standard verified account. A gold V is for news, government and verified companies. This is just a random news channel, no government affiliation.
Here is a screenshot from a user on RedNote explaining the situation:
Here is a screenshot of every news outlet that has been running Anti-Valko campaigns (via this post):
So, what do we do?
Not to worry, friends! I never give info without a plan!
GET LOUD about false media in China. I mean LOUD. We have to change the narrative. Everything they are spreading is complete slander. This is where the sexual assault and predator allegations against Valko are stemming from. They're taking clips of his trailer fully out of context and changing the story entirely.
Infold is fully capable of bringing a lawsuit against these media outlets. "Under the PRC Civil Code, companies have a legally protected reputation. If a news outlet, blogger, influencer, or another company publishes false statements that damage a company's reputation, the company can file a civil lawsuit." I am hoping that their current silence is because they are taking legal action. I'm not sure how likely that is, but my fingers are crossed.
Be louder than the media. Fight back. Change the narrative. This is vital if we want to bring Valko back.
This does not mean stop the boycott. We do not need to give any money or support to Infold. We're still posting #bringbackvalko, we're still going after them, and we are still NOT logging in.
Posting under #ValkoWasFramed, as far as I know. As soon as I have more information, you will be the first to know.
nobody will learn anything bc of course not but this entire lads situation is a huge blinking neon sign listing why demanding anything cater to your personal tastes and opinions ruins everyone’s fun but it also requires emotional intelligence to absorb this lesson which just doesn’t exist in a world full of “me no likey so me no WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Also I'm sorry but I've seen people adamant that the update was too big for just those few features and considering it was rushed, it's probably the very same update that contained Valko and the new chapters, meaning it's hidden but still there. Okay. And what if they never release it tho. What if it's just a big ass update and that's it.
Believe it or not this is not my first draft. I've been mulling over my words because I feel like I'll end up overthinking.
But the one fact is that it's currently July 9th and. Nothing has happened. At least not what we were expecting.
The worst part of the silence is that while infold appears to have fired the entire pr team (or maybe they never even had one because what the fuck) they still went on with an update that was very different from what we were promised.
This is big.
I've seen all sorts of reactions on here, from coping to fury to understanding. I myself feel something akin to disappointment and betrayal because I wish it hadn't come to this.
I wish infold's last words hadn't been those right before going completely silent. Because it doesn't give any hope. And it makes us look foolish.
I still don't know whether I'll uninstall it or not. I want to give it time and see if there's any way the game can move on and evolve as planned, although any compromise with the haters and the Chinese government I will consider a loss on our part.
As for this blog, I will do the same thing: wait. Because it's proof of my investment in the game and I don't feel like deleting two of my light hobbies on a Thursday morning in retaliation to a company that has little to no interest in the global community.
Having said that, I wish you well. Stay hydrated. Eat lots of good food. Treat yourself to something nice.
blakekathryn
gummygunk
dailybridgerton
prguitarman
izzy806
