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@pinkstars-jpeg
Still thinking about how one of my future goals is to create a cute little website that has information and resources for women that can guide them through anything and everything like period issues to mental health resources even if there are 90000 of those websites out there.
im having a very very hard time. and im realizing that life can be very hard.
oh i miss my grandma. i miss her bad. she wouldve loved hanging out with me and my fam every christmas. im so deeply sad. but we just have to show love even more to honor who she was.
i just want to fall in love. but not in a desperate I want to have whirlwind romance, but more like...i think i just want to love someone forever.
like.
wow. im not scared of a relationship anymore and i genuinely want one. this is momentous. May 31 2026. 11:40pm.
I want love more than I fear it :) It's taken a long time to get here, but I'm here!
That's so nice.
2024 me would be so proud and so curious as to how i can feel so secure now.
growth really does take time...and effort. I've grown a lot. silently but strongly. I've tried my best to be vulnerable with others close to me. ive put myself out there to explore my interests and meet new people and connections. i've adjusted the way i react to things when i realize ehhhhh wow that doesn't feel good!
oh yeah.
i think i might fall in love sometime soon :) if not that's okay. im okay with spending more time with me.
im just sad. im over it but i feel hollow and i just wanna hold hands and laugh and giggle and feel close to someone. likeeeeeeeeee tFFFFFFFF my toxic self hopes he's also suffering
oh my god that shit was hard. he's such a cute, kind, understanding man. i wonder if im too picky, or im trying to control too much while dating. there will always be uncertainty in dating. idk man. im tired asffffffffffffff.
im tired.
girl- one week later and you're fine. there is a yearning, but you did such a fun run club, saw friends at a dance showcase, watched a kdrama with a friend, and now your room is the cleanest its been all YEARRR.
you'll always be okay.
and you've seen literally so many cute men and had like 2 meet cutes you're FINNEEE
oh my god that shit was hard. he's such a cute, kind, understanding man. i wonder if im too picky, or im trying to control too much while dating. there will always be uncertainty in dating. idk man. im tired asffffffffffffff.
im tired.
i just want to say it's 2026, and my past self would be SO proud of me. I really am the lighter, warmer, and more vulnerable person I've always wanted to be. Connection is coming easier to me and I love it.
Thanks past self for putting in the work!!! you really did that!!
oh yeah im fucking sad im ending this lmao. i'll be fine. im just dissappointed and sad. why does this happen to me.
question for the girlies: should i still keep dating a man who i know our futures won't align (he's leaning towards no kids i want kids in the future). He's kind, and sweet, and i just want a fun summer fling. but i get attached easily. but he's so easy to be around and is not a trash man. what do i do. im torn between being logical, and being a human.
ok now im so moody bc how TF are people finding their partners
im so sad bc my mom keeps talking about how my aunt is really pushing for me to date a family friend who they think is great for me, but i LITERALLY am dying inside bc i know if my mom met the talking stage man i dated for a month she'd absolutely love him but like we're not meant for each other but im gnawing on my insides they wouldve loved him ripriprip. she was worried bc the guy they tried to set me up with was so quiet but this talking stage man is such a damn yapper they wouldve loved seeing it UGH
UGH
future me, when you meet your man mans im so curious to know how he's like lmao
woohoo i'm eating more again!! and i feel better. dating men is like being in a survival show
omg this the worst. I'm packing for philippines and i was about to put a strongly pigmented blush back thinking "ugh no lola would hate this" but then i remembered she won't be there anymore :c
what's odd is my grandma passed, and i've cried the whole week prior to her passing, so I know im sad and im grieving- but everything feels like the idea of her death. because she's so far away it feels like there is a detachment. which i think has helped alot.
i will be seeing the family and hopefully my grandma (not sure when the funeral will be). i dont know if I will be able to handle it. i have a lot of feelings and thoughts.
what i've learned is that grieving alone is very hard. i found out today and i just wanted someone to hang around. my housemates were out all day. i didnt want to drive home bc i feel weak and sick (period pain). i sort of understand it. i just want to co-exist even if its hard on me. i understand that i needed the alone time to process and cry. but i also didnt like it. but i dont have the energy to reach out. blegh, i'll see my fam tomorrow
my heart is so full and im so grateful for the wonderful people around me that truly love and cherish who i am. I love my family, my friends, my coworkers, and youth and families i work with.
but my heart is also simultaneously heavy. being in our 20s is so so hard. its so confusing. its maddening and frustrating and i’ve cried so much the past few months in 2023.
that’s life huh?
who would have thought i would bring this back bc of the LAST month in 2023.
I miss philippines so much. I want to see my grandparents. And sit on the porch and people watch. And i love the noise and smells (well. you know not in the city). The weather. I miss it so much my god
oh my god im going tomorrow. but not for good reasons