Untitled

[piratez-r-cool]

my tumblr!

about me:

autism, adhd

little bit scatter brained

aussie

i try to be nice

about this page:

i jump from fandoms as often as i change aesthetics with no warning

spell check is my saving grace

i wont tolorate any hate speach or bullying on here so @ me i you see any

drop any fandoms or whatever you think i should check out

so yea!

welcome internet randos and let the chaos begin!

[depsidase]

[ciricearts]

so tired..

[depsidase]

[wordpress-blaze-249334535]

“Shark NV352 Navigator Lift-Away Vacuum Review: Why It’s Perfect for Allergy Sufferers.”

🧹 Shark NV352 Navigator Lift-Away Upright Vacuum Review: A Lifesaver for Allergy Sufferers

I just bought this and love it! I was looking at Rainbows but glad I saved thousands of dollars and got this HEPA sealed Shark - Currently on Sale

Disclosure: As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

If you’re looking for a powerful, affordable vacuum that’s kind to allergy sufferers, the Shark NV352 Navigator Lift-Away Upright Vacuum on Amazon is one of the most highly rated options available. It’s designed with true HEPA filtration and Shark’s exclusive Anti-Allergen Complete Seal Technology, making it a top choice for anyone who wants cleaner air while keeping dust and dander under control.

Why HEPA Filtration Is a Game Changer for Allergy Relief

Allergy sufferers know that not all vacuums are created equal. A standard vacuum may pick up visible dirt, but it often releases fine dust, pollen, and pet dander back into the air — exactly what triggers sneezing and itchy eyes. The Shark NV352 changes that with its HEPA filtration system and fully sealed design.

HEPA stands for High-Efficiency Particulate Air. A genuine HEPA filter traps 99.97% of airborne particles as small as 0.3 microns — that includes most allergens like:

Pet dander

Dust mite debris

Pollen and fine dust

Mold spores

The NV352 ensures all air passes through this filtration system before being released, meaning your room air actually becomes cleaner after vacuuming.

Top Features of the Shark NV352 Navigator Lift-Away

Lift-Away Design: Detach the pod for portable cleaning — great for stairs, furniture, and drapes.

Anti-Allergen Complete Seal Technology + HEPA Filter: Locks in 99.9% of dust and allergens.

Lightweight & Easy to Maneuver: Weighs about 13 pounds with swivel steering for smooth navigation.

Brushroll Shutoff: Switch from carpet to hard floors without scattering debris.

Multiple Attachments: Includes crevice tool, upholstery brush, and wide pet tool.

Affordable & Durable: Performs like higher-end vacuums at a mid-range price.

👉 Check today’s price on Amazon: Shark NV352 Navigator Lift-Away Upright Vacuum

How the HEPA Feature Helps Allergy Sufferers

The secret isn’t just the HEPA filter — it’s the sealed system that prevents unfiltered air from escaping through cracks or joints. Many vacuums include HEPA filters but still leak allergens around them. The NV352’s Anti-Allergen Complete Seal ensures every bit of air goes through the HEPA filter before being expelled.

That means when you vacuum pet hair, dust, or fine debris, it stays inside the canister — not floating back into your home. If you live with pets, kids, or anyone with respiratory sensitivities, this makes a noticeable difference.

Maintenance Tips for Peak Performance

Rinse and dry the foam and felt filters every 3 months.

Replace the HEPA filter every 12 months or as needed.

Empty the dust cup after each use to maintain suction and hygiene.

Check seals and gaskets occasionally to ensure airtight performance.

A little maintenance helps the HEPA system maintain full allergen-trapping power.

Real-World Results & Reviews

Across thousands of reviews, owners praise the NV352 for capturing pet hair, dust, and allergens while staying lightweight and easy to use. Many report fewer allergy flare-ups after switching from older vacuums without HEPA filtration. It handles both carpet and hardwood floors without losing suction — a solid all-around performer balancing price, performance, and allergy protection.

Final Thoughts

If you’re tired of sneezing every time you vacuum, the Shark NV352 Navigator Lift-Away Upright Vacuum is an excellent investment. With its true HEPA filtration, sealed design, and strong suction, it’s one of the most allergy-friendly vacuums you can buy — all without breaking the bank.

Breathe easier and enjoy a cleaner, healthier home with the Shark NV352.

https://videopress.com/v/jv5EntAt?resizeToParent=true&cover=true&preloadContent=metadata&useAverageColor=true Don’t laugh! This is my first attempt at recorded assembly. Well, ok…laugh away!

Source: “Shark NV352 Navigator Lift-Away Vacuum Review: Why It’s Perfect for Allergy Sufferers.”

[wordpress-blaze-232596780]

The Erfurt Latrine Disaster: When Dozens of Aristocrats Were Drowned in Excrement

The 1184 Erfurt Latrine Disaster was one of the strangest accidents in medieval European history. Politics, architecture, and human misfortune all combined in an almost unbelievable way to produce a tragedy rife with dark humor. The catastrophe occurred in the German city of Erfurt, and saw dozens of nobles perish when a floor collapsed beneath them and they were plunged into a cesspit. The calamity shocked contemporaries, and became a macabre symbol of the fragility of power and the perils of medieval architecture.

Feuding Aristocrats

By the late twelfth century, the Holy Roman Empire under Emperor Frederick I Barbarossa was a vast and complex entity. It stretched across central Europe, and was bound – often loosely – by feudal relationships. Within that web of loyalties and rivalries, Thuringia and Mainz were key regional powers. Tensions had simmered for years between Ludwig III, Landgrave of Thuringia, and Archbishop Konrad of Wittelsbach of Mains, two powerful princes of the Empire. Their dispute was over territorial rights and vassal obligations – typical issues in the decentralized politics of the Empire.

Such feuds often led to open conflict, but Emperor Barbarossa wanted to impose order among his vassals. So Barbarossa’s son Henry VI, acting in his father’s stead while the Emperor campaigned in Italy, convened a diet, or imperial meeting, in the city of Erfurt in 1184 to mediate between Ludwig and Konrad. The meeting was meant as a forum for diplomatic reconciliation – an attempt to restore peace among the fractious German princes. In such formal political assemblies the emperor or his representative settled disputes, oaths were reaffirmed, and imperial authority was enforced.

A Faulty Floor

Erfurt, one of Thuringia’s major cities, was a neutral meeting point. Its location in central Germany and its significance as a trading and ecclesiastical hub made it an appropriate venue. The assembly was held on July 25th, 1184, in the upper chamber of the episcopal building, part of the church complex associated with the Archbishop of Mainz. The chamber, located above the monastery’s latrines, was large but structurally weak. That soon proved disastrous. Attendees included some of central Germany’s most prominent aristocrats: bishops, counts, and knights from Thuringia, Saxony, and beyond.

Per medieval chroniclers, the room was filled with German elites. All were clad in heavy ceremonial garments and armor, crowded together in the wooden hall to witness the reconciliation. The floor beneath them was constructed of timber beams that spanned the space above the monastery’s latrine vault. As the proceedings began, the floor began to strain under the weight of the assembled aristocrats. Medieval architecture, though often sturdy, could be treacherous in such conditions. The combination of poor structural support, humidity, and the sheer number of armored men proved fatal.

The Erfurt Latrine Disaster

Suddenly, the floor gave way. The entire assembly crashed downward into the open cesspit below – a deep chamber filled with the monastery’s accumulated waste. The heavy wooden beams, furniture, and bodies plunged into the filth, in which many were instantly killed or trapped. Those who survived the fall found themselves submerged in excrement and sewage. They struggled to breathe or escape under the weight of debris and panicking men. Contemporary sources estimate that between sixty to a hundred people perished in the Erfurt Latrine Disaster, though exact numbers vary.

Chroniclers like Arnold of Lubeck and others recorded the event with horrified fascination. They heavily emphasized its grotesque nature – not only the fall itself, but the indignity of drowning in excrement. An indignity enhanced by the victims’ aristocratic status. The degrading manner in which so many nobles and knights died added a moral dimension to the story. Many interpreted the disaster as divine punishment for pride or sin. There was also the sheer dark humor of the tragedy, which was not lost upon contemporaries. Especially as the victims included a Count Heinrich I of Schwarzburg, who often emphasized his determination to do something by stating: “If I fail, may I die in excrement!”

A Grotesque Scene

The few survivors of the Erfurt Latrine Disaster included Henry VI, the emperor’s son. He escaped because he was seated in an alcove supported by a stone structure rather than over the wooden floor. His survival ensured that the tragedy did not evolve into an imperial succession crisis. Ludwig III of Thuringia and Archbishop Konrad of Mainz also survived, though shaken. Many of their retainers and allies perished. The rescue effort must have been horrific, as the cesspit was deep and filled with both human waste and debris. Many victims suffocated or drowned before help could reach them.

Those who tried to rescue others risked falling into the pit themselves. Chroniclers report that the bodies were later recovered and buried, though the scene was described as extremely gruesome. In the immediate aftermath, the imperial court and the local clergy were left in shock. The meeting was, of course, abandoned, and the dispute between Ludwig and Konrad was temporarily set aside. Emperor Barbarossa, upon hearing the news, was reportedly horrified, seeing it as both a human tragedy and a political blow. In a single stroke, many of the Empire’s senior figures had been eliminated.

Our Sources for the Erfurt Latrine Disaster

Information about the Erfurt Latrine Disaster comes primarily from monastic chroniclers writing in the late twelfth and early thirteenth centuries. The event was so extraordinary that it appeared in multiple annals, including those of Arnold of Lubeck and the Chronicon Montis Sereni. Medieval chroniclers often embellished their stories with moral lessons or divine interpretations. The consistency of the accounts about this event, however, suggests that the disaster truly occurred as described. Some chroniclers depicted it as an act of divine justice – punishment for arrogance, greed, or corruption among the nobility.

Others treated it as a warning about the instability of human affairs. In a society deeply shaped by religious worldviews, the symbolism of mighty lords literally sinking in excrement carried unmistakable resonance. While the Erfurt Latrine Disaster was an isolated incident, it reveals much about medieval life, architecture, and symbolism. Architecturally, it underscored the limitations of timber structures in an age before systematic engineering. Large gatherings of armored men in upper chambers were inherently risky, yet medieval society often relied on improvised or adapted buildings for political functions.

Tragedy Dusted With Dark Humor

Socially, the Erfurt Latrine Disaster illustrated the precariousness of aristocratic life. The feudal elite, accustomed to power and privilege, had not met their end in honorable battle or even dishonorable intrigue. Instead, they perished through the collapse of the very floor beneath them, which plunged them into literal excrement. For contemporaries, it served as a powerful metaphor: earthly status offered no protection from sudden death or humiliation. Politically, the deaths of so many nobles had ripple effects in Thuringia and the surrounding regions. Feudal successions had to be reorganized, and the local balance of power shifted.

There are no records of lasting political instability caused directly by the disaster. Nonetheless, it certainly disrupted networks of loyalty and inheritance among the regional aristocracy. The calamity has endured in historical memory in large part because of its sheer absurdity. Medieval Europe experienced many violent and tragic events such as wars, plagues, and famines. Few, however, matched the bizarre and humiliating circumstances of Erfurt. Over the centuries, the story has been retold in chronicles, folklore, and histories as dark humor mingled with tragedy.

Legacy of the Erfurt Latrine Disaster

The Erfurt Latrine Disaster of 1184 was more than an unfortunate architectural failure. It was a moment that captured the irony and fragility of medieval power. A gathering meant to restore peace among nobles instead ended in chaos and death. A moment meant to symbolize political order was suddenly transformed into a scene of grotesque destruction. The tragedy at Erfurt remains a vivid reminder that even the highest lords of the medieval world were, in the end, as vulnerable as the wooden floors on which they stood.

In the moral imagination of the Middle Ages, few events so powerfully illustrated the downfall of pride. In Erfurt, the mighty quite literally fell into the filth from which they had once risen. Modern era historians and writers have cited the event as one of the strangest accidents in history. It is often listed in compilations of unusual historical occurrences, to illustrate the unpredictable hazards of medieval life. Today, Erfurt is a picturesque city in central Germany. It still recalls the disaster as part of its colorful and sometimes macabre past.

________________

Some Sources & Further Reading

Arnold, Benjamin – Princes and Territories in Medieval Germany (2004)

Fort Weekly, Issue 1, April 2018 – The Erfurter Latrinensturz

History Halls – Deaths You’ll Go to Hell for Laughing At: Alexander of Greece, the King Killed by a Monkey

Magnusson, Roberta J. – Water Technology in the Middle Ages (2001)

Source: The Erfurt Latrine Disaster: When Dozens of Aristocrats Were Drowned in Excrement

[psuedofolio]

Hanging out with Ivy too long

[what-even-is-thiss]

Idk if this happens in other countries but in the US at least a lot of high school physics classes have an “egg drop” competition where you try to build a device that’ll help an egg survive a drop off of a 2-3 story building.

Well at my high school we called this event The Drop and all freshmen participated in it.

The difference was that we weren’t actually required to protect an egg. Ideally that’s what we would be doing but we could also pass the assignment if we “got creative with physics”. We also named our creations and an announcer described them over a microphone before they were dropped off of the science building. Names like egg cuddle or the big bounce. Things like that.

Now my physics teacher had a system to encourage us to ask questions which was that when we asked a good question he would say “that’s a starburst question” and then throw a starburst candy at us.

So naturally since I was allowed to get creative with physics I filled a square Kleenex box with starburst and wrapped it in paper and drew on it to make it look like a Mario question mark box.

So when it was my turn the announcer said “this one is called the starburst question” and when he dropped it starburst candy naturally exploded all over the quad.

I got an A.

[rosemaryhoney27]

Dan's Future Flash's Panic

Danny Fenton had lived a life far too strange for someone who wasn’t even twenty.

He’d died at fourteen, come back with ghost powers, fought his own evil future self, and somehow survived high school. By nineteen, he thought the universe had finally decided to leave him alone.

Then Clockwork showed up holding a tiny, furious, three-year-old version of Dan.

A toddler with glowing red eyes. A toddler who could melt doorknobs with a tantrum. A toddler who refused to be put to bed unless Danny lay beside him and hummed off-key lullabies.

Clockwork placed Dan into Danny’s arms like handing someone a baby tiger and announced, “Rehabilitation is most effective with early intervention. Congratulations, Daniel. You’re a father now.”

And just… left.

Danny stood there, a nineteen-year-old ex-ghost hero, cradling a three-year-old who—at full power—could disintegrate continents.

Then the toddler nuzzled into his shirt and drooled on him.

Meanwhile, in the Future

Flash arrived in a timeline of smoldering ash, the sky split and warped like reality had been pulled apart by giant claws. The ruins of cities stretched for miles, scorched down to the bones.

The only name whispered by the trembling survivors:

Dan.

A great evil. A monster in a fake human form.

Flash barely escaped with his life. Glowing red eyes haunted him. He sprinted back to the present, heart pounding, mind racing.

Dan was coming.

He had to warn everyone.

The Justice League Meeting

Flash burst into the Watchtower, panting.

“GUYS—WORLD—ENDING—DAN—EVIL—HELP!”

Batman narrowed his eyes. “Slow down.”

Superman gently placed a hand on Flash’s shoulder. “Take a breath.“

Flash didn’t.

“Some guy named Dan destroys the entire planet in the future! I don’t know who he is—I don’t know what he looks like—all I know is that he’s powerful enough to wipe out the League, several times over!”

“Cause?” Batman asked immediately.

Flash hesitated. “No idea. But… It sounded personal. Emotional. Like something broke him.”

That got everyone’s attention.

A being strong enough to unmake the world… driven by heartbreak?

Not ideal.

The League spread out their intel teams.

They dug through databases.

They searched for the name Dan.

Nothing.

But if there was going to be an apocalypse child, they swore they’d find him.

Protection Detail: Beginning Unknowingly

Danny, meanwhile, was living his best low-budget college life.

He was taking night classes, working part-time at a ghost-free café, and raising a toddler who called him “Dada” in a surprisingly demonic tone when cranky.

Dan clung to him constantly—shirt, leg, arm—like Danny was a portable emotional support human.

Danny didn’t mind.

It was weirdly… nice.

One day Danny stopped at a park so Dan could feed ducks without accidentally overshadowing them. Dan's control over his powers was a bit wonky with the de-ageing.

Flash spotted them first.

And immediately froze when he heard the older black haired man call the toddler Dan. and he saw the todllers eyes flash that terrifying Red.

That’s Dan! That’s the world-ender! And that’s—who is that holding him?

Then Dan stretched his arms out toward Danny and chirped, “Dadaaa!”

And Danny scooped him up with the kind of fond exasperation usually reserved for parents of clingy toddlers.

Flash’s brain did a barrel roll.

Oh god. Oh no. It’s his father. Something happens to his father—that’s what makes future Dan snap!

Flash vanished in a streak of lightning to warn the League.

Screw finding Dan—he’d already found the key.

They needed to protect… the dad.

Within 24 Hours:

—Superman began casually “flying by” Danny’s route to class.

—Wonder Woman “coincidentally” started getting coffee from the shop where Danny worked.

—Batman installed surveillance drones around Danny’s apartment building. (Tim removed the ones Batman missed because they were too obvious, but left the rest. Just in case.)

—Green Lantern offered Danny free rides whenever his car wouldn’t start.

—Martian Manhunter shapeshifted into an elderly neighbor “who needed help carrying groceries,” just so Danny wouldn’t go anywhere alone.

Danny thought Gotham had been weird.

This was weirder.

People were so nice here.

He told Dan, “Wow, buddy. Metropolis is so friendly!”

Dan, perched on his hip and eating Cheerios out of a plastic container, nodded seriously. “Fwiendwy.”

Sure, he still sometimes hissed at Superman (instinct?), but Superman didn’t take it personally.

He learned to carry candy.

Dan could be bribed.

The League’s Strategy

Batman presented the new tactical plan:

Operation Keep-Danny-Alive-So-His-Son-Doesn’t-End-the-World

Superman raised a hand. “Shouldn’t we also… help him? Parent?”

Batman glared. “I am helping.”

“By installing laser grids in his kitchen?”

“He leaves the stove on.”

Flash nodded vigorously. “He DOES.”

Green Lantern sighed. “Guys, we aren’t co-parenting. We’re literally the Justice League.”

Everyone looked at him.

Cyborg raised a brow. “Bro, we already are.”

Danny Notices Something Weird

One morning Danny opened his apartment door to find a basket full of:

diapers

toddler toothpaste

superhero-themed onesies

and a note that read: “You’re doing great.” – A Friend

Danny blinked.

“…Huh.”

Dan climbed into the basket like a cat and declared, “MINE.”

The Big Misunderstanding

The League formed rotating shifts.

Superman covered mornings.

Flash afternoons.

Batman nights (and early mornings… and midday… honestly he never left).

Wonder Woman took weekends and taught Danny self-defense “for fun.”

Danny remained convinced he’d just become very popular.

Dan adored the attention.

His favorite was Superman, because Superman lifted him high into the air and didn’t even cry when Dan bit him the first time.

But the League kept their distance from Dan’s future identity.

Never reveal what he becomes.

Never scare him.

Never show fear.

Flash repeated to himself: He’s just a toddler. Just a toddler. Just a—please stop melting your spoon—just a toddler.

The Inevitable Moment

One afternoon Danny crouched down, fixing Dan’s little red hoodie.

“You okay, buddy?”

Dan nodded, arms already raised to be picked up. Danny lifted him, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

Three tiny ghostly giggles escaped the kid.

Then—

A crackle of lightning. a Boom of thunder and a downpour of rain that had Danny giggling.

Flash froze mid-step.

Batman stepped in front of them instinctively.

Superman hovered, ready to intercept anything.

Because Dan’s eyes glowed red for just a moment.

Tiny, but unmistakable.

Dan looked around at the superheroes who were now half-circling them.

“…Hi,” he said shyly, burrowing into Danny’s shoulder.

Danny waved cheerfully at the crowd of extremely tense heroes. “Oh! Hey guys! Great day for a walk, right?”

Flash’s soul left his body.

He’s so… so… wholesome.

This is the guy we’re protecting? THIS CINNAMON ROLL?

Oh my god Future Dan definitely snapped because this sweet man died horribly—how do we PREVENT THAT—

Superman nodded solemnly. “Beautiful weather.”

Batman didn’t blink.

Wonder Woman stepped forward. “Danny, we’d be honored to… escort you home.”

Danny beamed. “Wow, you guys don’t have to be so nice!”

The League’s unified internal screaming reached the heavens.

And So…

Danny remained blissfully unaware of the global protection detail guarding him 24/7.

Dan remained clingy, chaotic, and weirdly polite to superheroes so long as he had snacks.

The League remained terrified of upsetting a toddler.

And Flash?

Flash prayed daily that whatever the cause of Dan’s future rampage that took his dad from him never happened…

They would never, EVER let anything happen to the cinnamon roll dad who somehow held the world’s fate in his soft, unsuspecting hands.

[anarchistfrogposting]

“The bullying will go away if you just handle it with enough grace and kindness” is a disgusting lie that could only ever be perpetuated by someone who has never been bullied before. Anyone who has ever experienced real bullying knows that bullied respond to one thing and one thing only; consequences.

[depsidase]

[sparrows-stuff-here]

Gossiping about merlin.....

[rumov]

accidental shadow travel gone wrong (right🤔?) passing out edition

[writing-prompt-s]

"My super power isn't actually clairvoyance. I don't see the future, I live it. Whenever I die I can Groundhog Day and wake up the previous morning in a time loop." "Why are you telling me this now?" "Because I've been stuck on today for three hundred years, our team's f*cked."

[robs-your-robins]

I’m back on the wagon but Lex raising Kon from a baby is hilarious to me because imagine if Lex had to deal with a toddler Kon who keeps floating away so he has to wear one of those little kid harnesses and Lex brings him along to an event in Gotham.

Bruce: Why is your kid on a leash?

Lex: It isn’t a leash, it is a safety harness. Do you imagine I would come to your slum of a city and not ensure my son won’t get snatched by local thugs?

Bruce: That is a leash.

Kon: *scratching his head with his foot*

Lex, tugging the lead: Stop that.

Bruce: l-e-a-s-h

Lex: Grow the fuck up, Bruce. Besides, isn’t that your kid?

Dick: *swinging off the rafters while a concerned parent yells for help*

Bruce: He’s up there for his own enrichment. He’s free range.

[roryic44]

Lex brings toddler Kon to Gotham the way a scholar might transport a volatile artifact—contained, catalogued, and one heartbeat away from detonating into chaos. The safety harness—red, padded, humiliatingly adorable—keeps Kon from floating more than a foot off the ground. He drifts anyway, buoyed by some internal joy that refuses to obey gravity.

The gala hall is a cavern of marble and chandeliers, full of Gotham’s usual perfume of money and unease. Bruce sees them enter, Lex gliding with the stiff caution of a man who has anticipated disaster so thoroughly he almost welcomes it, and Kon, humming, weightless, tethered like a wayward balloon.

Bruce steps toward them, face unreadable.

“Why is your kid on a leash?”

“It is not a leash,” Lex replies without turning his head. His tone is a scalpel. “It is a safety harness. Do you imagine I would enter this crime-ridden monument to poor planning without ensuring my son is not abducted by your local fauna?”

Kon scratches the side of his head with his foot, still floating.

Bruce stares. “That is a leash.”

Lex gives the lead a curt tug. “Kon. Feet. Down.”

Kon giggles and rotates midair like a lazy planet.

Bruce spells it out. “l-e-a-s-h.”

Lex’s jaw clenches so hard it could cut glass. “Grow up, Bruce.”

Just then a shriek rings from across the hall. Not fear—outrage. A guest points upward, scandalized.

Bruce tilts his head. One of the enormous velvet drapes is swaying wildly near the ceiling, billowing in a way fabric should not billow unless someone—some small, extremely determined someone—is climbing it like a living mountain.

Lex cuts Bruce a murderous look. “…Is that your child?”

Bruce doesn’t bother looking. “He is enriching himself.”

“You have a child climbing eighty feet of drapery.”

“Self-directed learning,” Bruce says.

Lex blinks once, twice, as if recalibrating the universe. “You called me irresponsible.”

Before Bruce can retort, Kon’s eyes light up—bright, delighted, terminally reckless. “Climb?” he chirps, and rockets upward so suddenly that Lex is nearly yanked off his feet, dragged skyward by the leash he insists is not a leash.

“Kon! Descend this instant!” Lex’s voice goes shrill in a way only terror can produce.

The drapery sways harder. Kon arrives near the top, greets the mysterious drapery-climber with a cheerful “Hi!” and immediately grabs the fabric to join the ascent.

Bruce finally looks up and sighs with the resignation of a man who has accepted that physics will always choose violence in his presence.

Lex is still being dragged upward, shoes scraping against polished floor, dignity dying a slow, agonized death. “Bruce! Help me!”

“I told you,” Bruce says, moving with grim inevitability, “it’s a leash.”

“It is a safety harness and I swear—Kon, if you tear that fabric I will—”

The chandelier groans. The drapes quiver. There is a brief, suspended moment—still, sharp, as if the world inhales.

And then the entire upper fixture gives way.

Two small bodies fall, laughing as if plummeting is a game invented for them.

Two grown men sprint.

Bruce catches Dick. Lex catches the other, barely, collapsing backward with Kon curled against his chest—warm, heavy, safe.

Kon beams at him. “Again!”

Lex closes his eyes. “Absolutely not.”

Bruce dusts off his own kid and murmurs, “At least mine doesn’t need a leash.”

Lex glares at him over Kon’s wild hair. “Say ‘leash’ one more time,” he snarls, “and I will sue the chandelier manufacturer, the drape supplier, this building’s architect, and you.”

Bruce lifts a brow. “In Gotham? Get in line.”

Kon, blissfully unaware of parental warfare, hugs Lex’s neck. “Fun.”

Lex exhales, defeated but holding him tighter. “…This is why I use the harness.”

Bruce says nothing. His silence, somehow, is worse.

Lex scowls. “Not. A. Leash.”

:::

Later—after the adults finish arguing in low, lethal voices about structural integrity, liability, and whether Gotham’s chandeliers are built to code—the two boys are set down on a quiet balcony overlooking the city. It’s meant to calm them.

It does not calm them.

Kon dangles his legs off the stone ledge, humming. Dick sits beside him, bruised only in the way that children are—more exhilaration than injury, adrenaline fizzing through his small bones.

“You climb good,” Kon says solemnly, as if offering a diplomatic commendation.

Dick brightens. “Thanks! You float good. You look like a balloon. But, like… a cool balloon. A superhero balloon.”

Kon beams. “Papa says no floating inside buildings. I forget sometimes.”

“I forget rules all the time,” Dick confesses. Then, conspiratorially: “Bruce says I need supervision.”

“What’s supervision?” Kon asks.

“It’s like… when they stare at you real hard so you don’t die.”

Kon thinks about this, eyes narrowing in concentration. “Papa stares a lot.”

“Yeah, Bruce too.”

They share a small, solemn nod—for the burden of being small and fast and too alive in a world designed for slower creatures.

Dick leans closer. “Hey. When you grabbed the drape with me? That was awesome.”

Kon kicks his feet. “It was fun. You weren’t scared.”

“You weren’t either.”

“I had the harness,” Kon says, matter-of-fact, tugging at the strap around his chest. “Papa hates it.”

Dick grins, wicked and bright. “Bruce hates mine too.”

Kon blinks. “You have one?”

“Yeah,” Dick says. “It’s invisible. It’s called ‘Don’t embarrass me in public.’ It’s worse.”

Kon gasps. “Invisible leash?? That’s terrible.”

“Yeah,” Dick sighs dramatically. “He doesn’t let me swing off monuments unless he’s the only adult watching.”

Kon considers this with the seriousness of a philosopher. “We should trade.”

“Trade what?”

“You get the leash,” Kon says, patting his chest. “I get the invisible one. Papa won’t see it.”

Dick’s laugh echoes over the rooftops—bright, irrepressible. “Deal!”

They bump their foreheads together like they’ve invented a pact.

Below, Bruce and Lex both look up at the sound—two men carved from tension and mutual disdain—and find their respective sons perched shoulder-to-shoulder on the balcony edge, swinging their legs in perfect, uncanny synchrony.

Bruce mutters, “They’re bonding.”

Lex mutters, “This is a disaster.”

Above them, the boys lean closer, whispering like conspirators.

“Next time,” Dick says, “we should climb the outside of the building.”

Kon’s grin goes incandescent. “Yes. And float.”

“Float and climb.”

“Climb and float.”

Another solemn nod. A shared oath between tiny agents of entropy.

Somewhere deep inside the ballroom, a chandelier creaks ominously—as if already aware it’s doomed.

[robs-your-robins]

Headcanon that Tim just grows the tallest out of the Bats almost overnight. Tim is now like an inch taller than Jason. Damian is having a meltdown because he was "catching up" (he was not). Dick keeps chuckling and making "little brothers" jokes. Duke is just enjoying Jason spiralling and adding lifts into his boots. Tim doesn't even clock it, his brothers are just being weird as usual though Damian seems to really be losing it this time because he's walking around in boots that Tim is pretty sure that Sabrina Carpenter would wear on tour.

Bruce, tired as fuck from patrol, just frowns at Tim when the Bats are gathered for post-patrol cereal in the kitchen at 5am and being like "the fuck did that happen?"

[dankmemeuniversity]

[justsomerandomgaynerd]