Pisces Dreams//Borderline Screams

Gender fuzzy birth parent in an all trans/queer polyamorous family. Chronically ill & disabled. Irrelevant obsession with Alien space frogs. Borderline Personality, Bipolar. This is my personal to blog about mental illness and my personal life.

[piscesdreamsandborderlinescreams]

PLEASE HELP

I know I haven’t used this blog in a while, but please help or reblog!!!

We are an all trans/queer polyamorous family of 3 with a one year old and through a series of really shitty events, we’ve fallen on some very hard times over the summer.  

I’m permanently on disability for mental health and as a survivor with PTSD.  I have several chronic illnesses including diabetes, and very painful sciatica and arthritis in my back that greatly effects my mobility.

One of my partners has been dealing with a lot of mental health issues after being fired from a job that caused him to have a breakdown after being singled out presumably for being the only person of color there.  They just got released from an inpatient mental health facility and they’re likely going to have difficulty finding another job quickly in their state.  Their medicine is necessary to their recovery and is only one of the important things that we are struggling to afford.

My other partner is the only one in the household who is able to work.  He has a minimum wage job that he works long hours at and still manages to be my caretaker.

Our ex girlfriend moved out about a month ago and we relied on her heavily financially.  Without her and my other partner’s sudden inability to work we are very quickly sinking.  

Our rent is $900 a month, car insurance $72, bare minimum groceries $250 (that’s feeding 3 grown ups and a baby including a diabetic), bills around $600 and they are all overdo from last month. We don’t know we are going to cover August and it’s halfway over.  Our fridge is almost empty, aside for stuff for the baby.

I have $200 in the bank.  My partners have nothing.  I am the only person with family who can afford to help, but we are estranged and they are unwilling.

Any donations would be help us with the bare essentials: food, rent, medication and bills.  You can send them via paypal to [email protected]

[newusernamepending]

It’s so surreal how there are people who view respect for authority as a positive character trait.

[no-corners-deactivated20160918]

if ur anarchism isn’t pro-shoplifter, shut up

[rhinocio]

Types of Distorted Thinking

This is a shoutout to everyone, but especially those with mental health issues. Everybody on Earth falls into these kinds of thinking habits - they’re ingrained in us through how we’re raised and treated. Persistently hating on ourselves in these ways exacerbates low self-worth and self-esteem, and can make those of us with depressive issues that much more dangerous to ourselves. 

All or Nothing - Everything is black or white, bad or good. You either won or you lost. “I could have had this, but now I have zilch. Nada. Zero.”

Overgeneralization - Any one negative event is part of a constant pattern of defeat. “The party was a flop, but all of my parties are flops. I can’t cook, I can’t decorate, and everyone hates me.”

Mental Filtering - No positives are considered. You went for a jog, and saw cute dogs, had an old friend greet you, and found a five dollar bill. But you tripped in a puddle and skinned your knee, so the entire run was awful.

Discounting Positives - Achievements or positive qualities aren’t legitimate or don’t matter. You didn’t get high honours, but you still made it on the honour roll. Too bad, because you were too stupid to be perfect or win what you aimed for.

Jumping to Conclusions - Assuming the worst and mind-reading. “If I tell my friend they hurt my feelings, they’ll swear at me and think I’m a bitch and never speak to me again!”

Magnification / Minimization - Blowing things way out of proportion or diminishing their significance. “If I don’t pass in this assignment I’m going to fail the entire term and have to drop out of school!” or “40% of my mark isn’t that big of a deal. Studying wouldn’t make a difference. It’ll be fine.”

Emotional Reasoning - I feel this way, so I must be this way. “I feel ill, so I’m coming down with something. I’m upset, so I must be depressed. I’m anxious, so I must be having a panic attack. I can’t think straight, so I must be losing my mind.”

Condemnation - “I should have done this! Why didn’t I think of that? If I had just acted differently, things wouldn’t be this way!”

Labeling - “I am bad, I am stupid, I fucked up.” 

Blaming - Accusing only yourself, or everyone except yourself.

Find which of these - and there may be multiple! - that you do, and make note of them. When you catch yourself saying awful things about your body or assuming you know what’s going to happen, note that you’re thinking distortedly, and remind yourself that your brain isn’t telling the truth. You may even need to ask someone to help you catch yourself in the act - many people are so used to thinking in distortion that they do it reflexively. This is mindfulness, and has been immensely helpful for me in understanding myself and others.

[academicfeminist]

Things I never knew about depression until I finally had a doctor explain the disease to me

Depression can manifest as irrational anger.

My complete and total inability to keep anything clean or tidy for any amount of time is a symptom of my depression. I may never be able to do this. It’s important that I remember that and forgive myself when I clean something out (like my car) and it ends up trashed within a week.

Depression IS A DISABILITY. Requiring accommodations is okay.

Medications don’t make you better, they don’t cure your depression. They serve as an aid. Their purpose is to help you get to everyone else’s minimal level of functioning.

Depression can cycle through periods of inactivity. This doesn’t mean it’s gone away.

The reason I don’t feel like other people understand me is because … well … other people DON’T understand me. They can’t. They don’t have my disability.

Paranoia is par for the course.

Depression can and will interfere with your physical mobility. Forgive yourself when you can’t physically do something.

It’s entirely possible that I may never be able to live by myself. I can’t take care of myself. I need help to do it. And that’s okay.

[apocalypticinsomnia]

when ur friends are insulting something they know ur sensitive about

[piscesdreamsandborderlinescreams]

When people make fun of my sex addiction

[telegantmess]

Omar is an actual angel

[deactivated-blog]

omarrrrrrrrr kitty love!!! 

[piscesdreamsandborderlinescreams]

Oh, my baby! It’s so good to see him so happy. Mutual love and good feelings from cat to cat mama.

[jolie-ruin-art]

“Stab You”

Jolie Ruin

[bey]

reblog if u are currently a mess

[piscesdreamsandborderlinescreams]

me: okay, so my fp reads my blog and I know this 100% for sure. So let's not make myself look like an idi--

brain: POST THINGS FOR ATTENTION

me: What? No! Like what would you-

brain: POST SAD THINGS. YOU GET ATTENTION.

me: why?

brain: you gotta

[deactivated-blog]

Tell someone!! Tell an adult you trust!!

I’ve spent years telling people and really there just isn’t anything people can do.

I’m not sure why all the commercials and anti suicide stuff just preaches telling someone like the moment you say it, everything will be fine.

Telling someone doesn’t fix it. I’ve told doctors and therapists and social workers. I’ve told my husband and my wife and my mother and my friends. I’ve told the entire internet.

Telling someone doesn’t fix it. No one has ever been able to do more than medicate me or distract me.

Telling someone just spreads the misery around. I think I need to learn to Stop telling people.

Stop expecting people to fix it. Stop telling people awful stuff that they don’t know what to do with. Stop asking for help when there is no such thing.

Stop telling people. Just stop.

[hellyeahthomassanders]

Goals 🙇 by Thomas Sanders

[cold-brew-enthusiast]

this is so fucking real

[i-am-the-storm]

[lavatu]

inpatient, 7th week

a small update. I’ve been against my will in the hospital for 46 days now. I was diagnosed with anorexia officially . I had drip infusion for 3 weeks. starting today, I was transferred to a new ward where I can use my phone for a few hours each day. I am for the first time in my life in the internet with my phone, but I ’m learning. certainly will do more updates! I wish you all the best!

[piscesdreamsandborderlinescreams]

I am so glad you’re okay. Oh my god.

[questionableadvice]

~ The Pleasures of Ignorance, by Robert Lynd, 1921

[deactivated-blog]

I’m too hopeless to look for a solution, I’m afraid that if I found one, I’d be out of excuses for the way I waste away in the gutters that I chose, Like fashion accessories to go with my dirty clothes.

“From here ‘til Utopia” - ramshackle glory / pat the bunny (via therealezraye)

[deactivated-blog]

I’m too hopeless to look for a solution, I’m afraid that if I found one, I’d be out of excuses for the way I waste away in the gutters that I chose, Like fashion accessories to go with my dirty clothes.

“From here ‘til Utopia” - ramshackle glory / pat the bunny (via therealezraye)