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[pixies-lettuce]

I think the reason everyone looks the same now is because people aren't customizing their clothes anymore. There's so many options for fit and style that people don't have to make any changes. We have lost our individuality to the convenience of buying items that already fit and are pre styled. Choose to buy things second hand even if they don't fit and put in the work to make them your own.

[pixies-lettuce]

I am part of a generation left to pick up the shattered pieces of a world we didn't break

[pixies-lettuce]

This is the best way I can think of to describe why its so hard to ask for help when it comes to mental health

Okay so your mental health problem (depression, anxiety, ocd etc) is like having an arrow in your leg, obviously it hurts and you want it gone so you can heal. But you know that in order to heal you're going to have to look at the wound, you're going to have to pull the arrow out of your leg and take care of yourself as it gets better. That means cleaning it, changing the dressing and continuing to take care of it. All of that is so scary to do on your own and painful on top of that, so you decide to leave it for a little hoping it will work its way out and heal on its own. Yes it's painful now but if you keep yourself distracted you can ignore it and it will go away right? Well then it starts to get infected and becomes more and more painful, people start to notice you walk slower, talk less because you're in so much pain and just assume you're lazy. So now you know you need to get this arrow out of your leg and that it won't fix itself, you can see its affecting the people around you, they're starting to notice something is off and its hurting more and more no matter how much you try to distract and numb yourself. But now you have a new fear because you know its too much for you to deal with on your own, you need help from a doctor, antibiotics and probably stitches which is scary and you also know that if you show the arrow to anyone they're going to freak out. They're probably going to help you but they're not going to understand why you didn't deal with it sooner, why you waited until it got so bad, they might even tell you its close to becoming life threatening and you know they'd be right. You want the arrow gone. You want to be able to heal. But at this point it almost seams easier to let it get bad enough that other people can't help but notice and take over or it takes your life, either way problem solved. Somehow sitting with it feels easier than reaching out.

[pixies-lettuce]

I heard someone refer to “people experiencing homelessness” and I think that is so much better than saying “homeless people”

we don’t call people with cancer “cancerous people” that would be dehumanizing and awful. People are not their situation, they exist while experiencing their situation and when we say “people experiencing homelessness” we are able to both acknowledge their experience and how difficult that is rather than making it their identity

[pixies-lettuce]

I’ve been thinking a lot about when Dominic Fike says “maybe if you feel out of place it’s because you are” in Double negative

I agree and I don’t think it’s a bad thing to be out of place. Sometimes we need to be out of place to learn how to exist on our own. Apart from a space that is tailored towards us. It can also be helpful when your stuck somewhere you feel out of place to remember that maybe you are and that’s okay, by recognizing that maybe you see it’s time to move on and maybe you decide to own it or make it your space anyway.

[pixies-lettuce]

Art should exist to be created not consumed.

[pixies-lettuce]

”Fail with more effort”

I heard someone say this today and haven’t stopped thinking about this

[pixies-lettuce]

What rushes through my head when having to select "male, female or non-binary"

Disclaimer! This is how I FEEL, it is something I think about all the time and have a very hard time putting into words so here's an ATTEMPT... That said if you relate, find this interesting, or have questions please say something because I am so curious if there are other who have had this thought process before

When I have to select a gender on a form and there's no room for me to explain that... yes I am a woman, biologically and that is how I identify WHEN I am able to define what being a woman is for me, by being the person that I am and continuing to use the title of being a woman, especially when I don't fit into what society thinks being a woman should be. Soooooo because I know that by clicking "woman" there will be preconceived ideas about me, I don't like that option. BUT that leaves me to fit into how some people would define non-binary as I don't fit into either "definition" of man or woman in the way the world uses so theoretically I like the title of non-binary. BUT still only if I can define it in the way that fits me which there is no room to do. So I just select woman because for me this is an act of protest and activism intentionally trying to break stereotypes.

I think if I was confident enough I'd change how I define my gender based on who I'm talking to, because if I'm talking to another queer person who understands what it is to be non-binary or a-gender then yes I would say my sex is female but I am a-gender and that is I think the easiest way FOR ME to express my feelings of the fact that I am proud to be female but I would prefer for people to PERCEIVE me as genderless. THEN you have me in a situation where I'm around straight cis people who look at me and are confused by all that and don't understand that it the easiest for me to express myself when I separate my sex and gender, in this situation I would tell them I am a woman IN ORDER to confuse them and break their ideas of what being a woman means.

For context I have shaved my head and loved it, I already dressed very fluidly changing between very "masculine" and more "feminine" (I have them in quotes because there's no such thing as mass vs fem fabric, it's just a social construct) before I shaved my head but when I did and all through the growing out process and continuing to keep it short, I all of a sudden had people asking me weather I was a girl or a boy and I loved it! I loved being able to answer little kids with "Im a girl! I know I have short hair but that doesn't change anything for me, it's just how I like it." This all became a way even within my own family and friends I was able to challenge traditional idea of men a women is such a simple way!

Please tell me if you relate because I'm so curious and I've never seen anyone put this feeling into words. (if someone has please tell me! I'd LOVE to read their thought)

[pixies-lettuce]

Songs that feel like this

I need more songs that feel like the build of these songs…

The “La La La” are you kidding? And the “Ahhh Ahhh” you’re joking right?

I hear these and feel the urge to jump on a plane to Iceland and I NEED MORE!

[pixies-lettuce]

Questioning My Label

Ok so in the last two years I came to identify as aroace. I realized the people I would have considered crushes were simply people I could recognize their attractiveness and personality not that I was actually attracted TO them. So I settled with the terms sex repulsed aroace and that felt comfortable and right.

I came out to my parents last year in the spring and talked with them about what that might mean my life would look like. However, I recently met someone two months ago who I got to know quite well, I knew they liked me and had many people encouraging the beginnings of a relationship I was convinced I’d never be interested in. But as I got to know them I really did start to feel attracted to them romantically but not sexually, and at this point I hadn’t even taken in what they looked like. Anyway the more time we spent together the more I liked them noticed their presence and appearance in a way I never have with anyone. We’ve now been on some dates and are beginning to see what a relationship might look like, I’ve never felt this way.

It’s both exciting and invalidating because now everyone I came out to has been all over the classic “you just had to find the right person and understand now that your older. ” I really do like them though, I get butterflies and I miss them so much my stomach hurts and I have the desire to hold their hand and maybe kiss and all of this is something I’ve never experienced.

so all that said I don’t know what my label is anymore and it’s frustrating because I just felt settled in it. So any advice on how to process what my identity might be? Or what labels sound like whatever this is? Because I’m definitely not allo but I have no clue what other aspec identities might fit and describe me.