Y’all ever look at couples and think that maybe love wasn’t written for you?
I am a big believer in the theory that someone is made for everyone and the red string theory but I am gonna turn 28 this year and I haven’t had my first kiss yet or even experienced true love.
I see all my friends around me have someone in their lives - a significant other, a crush, someone they’re talking to or even a complicated situation with an ex - but I literally have none of that.
I don’t have someone texting me to talk to me, someone I like, or even a situationship.
It’s not like I’ve not tried dating yk but it never worked out. Every time I talked to a guy hoping that maybe this will go somewhere, it just didn’t.
Even when it was guys who were interested in me first didn’t work out. Like it was all fun and games to talk to me, but when the time came to actually commit to me it was always “I can’t do this anymore”, “I don’t see a future with you”, “what if I find someone better”, etc. It’s like that’s when they realised I not enough for them to commit to me or maybe I am and my personality is too much for them to handle permanently.
I am not the super prettiest in my friend group and I always see guys choose my friends first and that was never an issue up until now because everyone seems to have found their person except me.
I know people are gonna be like “everyone has a different timeline” but the thing is in my society and social circle, this is the time for everyone to get married. But I don’t wanna just get married without dating anyone and I haven’t even dated anyone yet either. So how could I possibly settle for marrying someone when I haven’t even experienced dating a crush or being in love?
I see all these posts on social media where the groom literally has tears in their eyes when they see their bride walk in, because they see the person they have been in love with for years and now finally get to cross the finish line. And it hurts my heart to think that I will never experience that because I won’t ever get to date anyone long enough for them to foster that kind of love for me where they would yearn to get married to me.
Idk if any of this would make sense to anyone but I just wanted to rant here because I can’t talk to my friends about this. I don’t want them to know how desperately I want to be loved by someone instead of always being the one who loves the most. I want to be chosen by someone instead of always choosing others before me. I want to be taken care of instead of being the one always taking care of everyone.
Every year I think that this might be the year I fall in love and find my person, and every year I am disappointed. Every year I am reminded that maybe there is something lacking in me, maybe I am not good enough to be loved, maybe there wasn’t someone made for me, maybe there is no red string connected to me, maybe love wasn’t written for me.
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