The journey is over

"What do you fight for? No matter how much I think, I can't figure out what to do..."

[pkmnmastertouya-blog]

[[ Hi guys... lksdgjf

Just letting you know that I'm still alive. Just haven't really felt like writing lately, but I'll try to write my replies tonight.

Sorry I vanished orz ]]

[knight-of-orre-blog]

Before Wes could say anything, the two ‘eons ran up from behind Wes and ran into Touya’s house as if they owned the place.  Immediately, they began to try to play with Leafeon like they did when Wes and Touya went to the stone.  Wes wanted to stop them, Touya didn’t remember them after all, but he doubted they would listen.

He was stuck here then, with Touya, explaining Beheyeems to him, and Espeon and Umbreon making themselves at home on Touya’s couch.

With a sigh, Wes scratched the back of his neck, shifting the egg in his arms.  ”So you had N erase your memories with a Beheyeem?  I guess you had him take out the part that made you a nervous wreck.  Can’t really blame you, honestly.”

“It’s a little awkward introducing myself again.”  If it was anyone other than Touya, Wes would have already been halfway back to Orre by now.  ”I’m Wes.”  Would it be okay to talk about his titles again?  He hated them and the Touya then understood…He doubted this one would.  He just left it at his name though, and if things came up, he would take them one at a time.  ”Not much else to know.”

[pkmnmastertouya-blog]

Touya watched in surprise as the twins ran past him, watching with some amazement as the Leafeon that had seemed so quiet before perked up and started to play with them over the couch, his tears perking and his tail wagging cheerfully. The little guy was just resenting him, then.

Turning back to Wes, he blinked up at him, confused. Nervous wreck? He hadn't know that part before. "I was a nervous wreck?" He asked, blinking up at him. "Really...? I didn't know that... I mean, I knew I hadn't decided this for no reason, but I didn't know how I was before..." For a moment, he was trying to figure out what could have left him like that before he stopped himself.

One thing at a time. If something had made him break that badly, then he wasn't sure to find out just yet.

^Ah-... It's nice to meet you, Wes!" Touya greeted him, his smile coming back full force. "Come on in...! Make yourself comfortable and-... hm, do you want something to eat? Something to drink? Do your Pokemon want anything?"

[knight-of-orre-blog]

who are you?

Wes blinked in surprise, lowering himself to Touya’s level and trying to make eye contact.  ”Did you hit your head in the last month?”  Geez Touya, way to make him feel like he should be living in the bushes outside your house…again…

Maintaining eye contact, unable to tell if this was some strange joke or note, Wes realized the whole demeaner of Touya had changed.  Last time they had gone out together, Touya was a ball of paranoia and fear. The last time he had met Touya at his house, he was still a stuttering ball of fear and paranoia.  Heck, he got Touya all those pillows for christmas because the guy was too scared to leave his own house.

…This wasn’t Touya.  ”Are you sure?”  The laugh that left Wes was that of ‘what the heck why am I here’ more than anything else.  ”Whatever.  You seem a lot happier, and if it took a mallet to the head, more power to you.”

“And if you really don’t remember me, I should probably leave it at that.”

[pkmnmastertouya-blog]

Touya blinked, tilting his head at the question. Of course, this wasn't the first person he encountered that didn't knew he had lost his memories, but still, he always found himself confused with the reactions that got. "Hm, no, I didn't hit my head," he replied, fidgeting with his sleeves as he looked up at the stranger.

However, the stranger seemed about to leave, and he couldn't let that happen! This was someone he had met after his journey, someone that represented a piece of a life he didn't have, anymore. He couldn't be the person he was before he lost his memories, but he trusted his own judgement. If he had started talking to this man, then he had to be nice, especially if he was so comfortable dropping off like that.

"Wait...! Don't go! Hm, no, I didn't get hit. I-... well, it's kind of confusing, N says that I asked him to help me forget and a Beheeyem erased my memories... I don't really get how that works, but well, I've never seen a Beheyeem outside of TV and books before, so. Well, other than that Beheeyem that was here when-... hm, sorry. Anyway." He didn't ramble this much, did he? It made him embarrassed that he got so nervous with this whole situation that he ended up doing this.

"What I mean is...! I don't have my memories, and... and you know me! So, I want to get to know you! I know I wouldn't have befriended you for no reason. So... who are you?"

[pkmnmastertouya-blog]

It's time for your monthly visit from the criminal. He's not even bothering looking around and keeping an eye out for you being alone or anything this time--He's even holding his egg himself. Still not hatched though. Still, knocking a few times, he called out to the little brother figure. "Touya? You home?"

Sitting on the couch, Touya was trying to reconnect with some of the Pokemon that he didn't remember. The Leafeon in particular seemed bothered by his lack of memory, while the Samurott had quickly adapted and bonded with him.

And there were so many of them, too... How did Touya get so many Pokemon? Brushing the thought aside, he tried to focus on what he was doing - trying to coach a timid Skitty from under the table - when he heard a knock on the door.

Standing up, he opened the door, smiling to the stranger in front of him. The man seemed almost intimidating, but Touya didn't pay attention to that - especially not with that egg in his arms. Besides, the man knew him. Maybe he was like N, someone he had met after his journey. A bit of his lost memory that could be returned.

Giving him a smile, he opened the door a little wider, leaning back on his heels.

"Hey! Yeah, I am! Hm, if you don't mind me asking... who are you?"

[passionnedeau]

Doesn’t this happen like every six months? Whatever. I’m Wallace Beaudreau, billionaire heir blah blah blah rich kid blah huge douchebag blah water pokemon blah my father owns a huge company and I buy out different companies for him whenever I’m bored blah also my mom is an archaeologist in Unova and she’s really cool blah and my stepmom is an electric gym leader/treasure hunter and I used to date your boyfriend like a long time ago and I don’t know what to say about my stepdad because he’s an Italian professor of Norse literature so I think any half siblings I have will be named after Norse mythology and I have a breakdown about this like twice a day also I cannot get over my obsession with the gym leader Winona, it’s like  tragic sitcom where we both love each other but then we can’t be together because of fate or something why can’t she just accept my love??? Also Elizabeth tells me that you need to come pick up your Christmas present, and Eva wants to battle you.

[pkmnmastertouya-blog]

[ Touya finds himself getting lost as Wallace's sentence drags on and on, blinking at him in confusion. Why he says 'blah blah' between things was even more of a mystery. Most of what Wallace says goes right through his head, but a few things stand out, shocking Touya and leaving him speechless. After a few moments of silence, he finally manages to speak, stunned ]

I... I have a boyfriend...? What-... who are Elizabeth and Eva...? I-... I have a boyfriend? Are you serious?

[misguided-king]

“You were always modest,” N began, standing back a little to give Touya and his Pokemon more space. “But you were one of the most skilled trainers I encountered— The first one to defeat me in battle, actually.”

Beheeyem darted closer to him, hiding behind N’s back from the Samurott’s gaze. N glanced over his shoulder at the Pokemon, his smile fading somewhat. “It wasn’t intentional— Don’t be so ashamed, friend.” And it really had been unintentional, and N would place no blame on the Beheeyem. But, then, how had this even happened? Surely it couldn’t have just been a simple fluke on Beheeyem’s part, could it?

He distracted himself from those questions by watching Touya speak with his starter. Painful scenario aside, it was as calming as ever to see the two interact. N had to remind himself that this was the same trainer that had so intrigued him those years ago.

[pkmnmastertouya-blog]

Touya looked back to N, stroking the Samurott's neck. The large Pokemon seemed so at ease around him - which he knew, was to be expected. He had been Touya's first Pokemon, after all. Still, it seemed so strange to think that this was his starter, a Pokemon he had never even imagined he'd see this grown. Miyamoto nuzzled into his cheek as Touya seemed to calm down, and the boy found himself laughing a little, glancing at the water type with a smile, amazement in his eyes.

"This isn't really about being modest, though... I'm just not exactly good with these things. Cheren or Touko are the ones that look like they are going to go far, not me." He stopped for a moment, leaning a little against the Samurott. The Pokemon was a stranger, but he just seemed so happy to be around Touya that the boy couldn't help but relax around him. "... I don't know how I could have been that... skilled trainer you talk about. It seems really... I don't know. I just wanted to travel, you know? The ones who were going to be strong were Cheren and Touko..."

It made him confused. How could he possibly been such a strong trainer was beyond him, but he didn't want to dwell on that. It seemed so strange, and it wasn't helping much with the whole 'focus on one thing at a time' plan.

"Ah-... So, what to do now? I want to understand these things... and about my current life. I'm kind of lost. Did things in Nuvema change much since... well, since I last remember?"

[pkmnmastertouya-blog]

[[ Sorry for the lack of replies today. When I finally got the motivation to write I realized I had typed 'samurott' three times in the same sentence and yeah better type them when I'm actually awake and sane sdlkgf ]]

[pkmnmastertouya-blog]

passionnedeau said: What?

Hm... who are you...? I'm s-sorry, I should know that...! [ or at least he guessed he should, since the man called him cutie ] But, well... who are you?

[whaaaaatabother-blog]

Something in Cheren crumbled when he felt Touya’s hand on his shoulder, dissolved, and he let out a soft, whimpered sob as the boy pulled him into his arms. Cheren clung to him as if his life depended on it, with shaking fingers, pressing his face into his shoulder and trying to breathe him in, absorb some of his strength, his serenity.

It was all right. Touya was happy, and Touya was going to stay here with him… “You can’t,” he wailed, shaking his head. “If you stay with me, you won’t be happy anymore. Please. Go away. Please,” and he let out another sob, splitting the word in three, and despite himself prayed that Touya wouldn’t let him go - that he’d never let him go again.

[pkmnmastertouya-blog]

He found himself blinking in surprise as Cheren clung to him, shaking against him and crying into his shoulder. He had never thought that one day, he'd be in a position where something like this would have happened. What he would have expected would be something like Cheren tensing up and growing silent, not this.

Not that it was unwelcome, not in the least. It was nice to feel like he could do something to help, even if it was just hold him and stroke his hair, shushing him softly. It wasn't much, but it was something, and he let his grip tighten more around Cheren, pulling the boy closer at his words, his head shaking slightly.

"I'm not going anywhere, Cheren! You're my best friend, and I'm not going to lose this. Okay? We grew up together, and I don't care what happened. We're going to continue being friends. I don't want to lose any of you, and I'm not letting go, alright?"

[misguided-king]

“I suppose,” N replied with a slight chuckle. “You have befriended larger, though.” He was referring, of course, to the nine-foot-tall Zekrom. “You don’t have anything to fear.” He briefly wondered if the dragon would obey this Touya— after all, it had remained in its dormant state until the end of Touya’s journey. He would have to assess that later.

In the meantime, he had the rest of Touya’s Pokemon to explain the matter to.

“Miyamoto,” he started carefully, addressing the Samurott. “Touya is… Touya has lost a fraction of his memories. To him, this is your first meeting.” Guilt crept back into his expression, and he fidgeted again nervously with his bracelets. “Do you understand?”

[pkmnmastertouya-blog]

"Larger?" He repeated, slightly dizzy at the idea. "That sounds... hm, really amazing... I never thought I'd be good enough to manage this kind of thing..." He replied distractedly, watching the Samurott curiously. As N started to speak to the Samurott, he watched their interactions, trying to digest that his first Pokemon was a fully evolved Samurott, now.

Miyamoto listened to N for a moment before letting out a small growl, glancing back at the Beheeyem before turning his attention back to his trainer, nodding sharply as a reply to N.

Touya couldn't begin to understand what it must be like for the Samurott, realizing that to him, it was as if he had lost his trainer, but he pushed the thought aside as Miyamoto stepped closer, his head tilting and expression softening. Hesitating for a moment, Touya raised his hand, placing it on the side of the Samurott's neck and starting to pet him, smiling a little as the Samurott nudged his shoulder with his muzzle affectionately.

"Well... It's nice to meet you, Miyamoto."

[pkmnmastertouya-blog]

Hey, cutie. What have you been doing lately?

Cutie...? Me? No, no...! I'm not.

Hm... I'm... fine, I think. Ah-... I'm sorry to ask, but...

Who are you?

[whaaaaatabother-blog]

Cheren shook his head, pressing his lips together and trying hard to swallow the lump in his throat, to will away the awful heat which prickled at his nose and cheeks and threatened to undermine him, to beg Touya for sympathy or affection. No matter how hard he tried to keep his voice from cracking, the shakiness and the slurring wouldn’t stop. “You have no idea,” he replied softly, not looking up. “Everything I could have messed up, I did… every way I could have hurt you, I did… every wrong choice I could have made, I did…”

To his horror, his voice broke and slipped and a tear dropped from the end of his nose, landing softly on the bedspread. Cheren shook his head and hunched himself forward, hiding the shameful weakness. This wasn’t the Touya who’d lain in Cheren’s arms night after sleepless night and trembled as Cheren stroked his hair and told him it was all right; this wasn’t the Touya who’d kissed him outside the castle, said he was sorry when Cheren begged him not to go - this was not the Touya who had feverishly stumbled and fallen and found himself staring up into his best friend’s bespectacled face, who’d hugged him so tightly and told him he wasn’t weak. This wasn’t the Touya who knew Cheren’s shortcomings and his fears. This wasn’t the Touya who got to see Cheren cry.

This was a Touya who had had more than two years of his life wiped clean away, events, places, Pokémon, relationships with his friends - a Touya who was confused and helpless, but naïve, inexperienced, idealistic, happy. A Touya who didn’t need to be sucked into this toxic state of affairs a second time. Not for nothing, Cheren thought, his heart sinking despite himself, had Touya decided to go back - Cheren was and would be alone in this from now on. He swallowed a sob, his shoulders shaking.

“I think you have to,” he managed, unsteadily. “I think you have to go. Otherwise you might as well have stayed like you were… you have to be happy, now, Touya… please…” Cheren curled forward a little more, covering his mouth and struggling to regain some composure. He was very tired. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m sorry I let this happen.”

[pkmnmastertouya-blog]

Touya felt helpless, watching in shock and sadness as Cheren fell apart. This was completely new, and completely unexpected. He was used to seeing Cheren being strong, composed, serious, and not seeing him curling up in his bed, crying into his hands. Cheren was crying. Cheren thought it was his fault that he had decided to do something like erasing his memories, didn't he?

He didn't know what to do. He had never been very good with consoling others, and this wasn't just anyone. This was Cheren. His best friend, whom he had never seen like this, before. Hesitating for a moment, he raised a hand to rest it on Cheren's shoulder, rubbing small circles with his thumb before he just gave up his attempt at keeping the space they usually had and just pulled Cheren into a hesitant hug, holding him as if he would break.

"I'm not going to leave, Cheren!" He insisted firmly, holding the younger boy and hesitantly starting to stroke his hair - much longer than he remembered. "You're my best friend. I'm not going anywhere. I doubt you'd be able to harm me like that even if you tried, and... I don't want to leave. I don't want to. You're my friend, I'm not going to lose this to whatever happened. I know I'm not the guy you're used to, but... I don't want to lose my friends. I don't want to leave. Okay? So calm down, it's alright. I'm happy, and I'm going to stay here with you."

[misguided-king]

N nodded. “Your Pokemon taught me many things— about the bond between human and Pokemon, about trust…” He smiled a little to himself, bitterly amused to find himself explaining that again. “It’s a shame you’ve forgotten them. Even so, I doubt their loyalty to you has dwindled. I’m sure you’ll recognize them as friends soon enough.”

He paused, thinking for a moment before suggesting, “Call Miyamoto. He was your first Pokemon.”

[pkmnmastertouya-blog]

Touya nodded a little, tugging at his sleeves as he tried to take in what N told him. The idea that he had Pokemon that were so close to him that taught someone about all of that seemed amazing, and completely unlikely. He wasn't exactly expecting to be more than a kind of competent trainer, so hearing that he had so many Pokemon that trusted him so much seemed just so strange.

"Miyamoto...?" He repeated, thoughtful. Miyamoto... wasn't that the name of a samurai he had read about in a note in a book? So, he had named his first Pokemon that? He remembered joking about it, after a conversation, but he didn't expect that he would actually go through it. After a moment, he finally called out the name.

He half expected an Oshawott or, at most, a Dewott to show up - he had been considering the Oshawott line since Cheren had suggested them - but he did not expect the large Samurott that poked his head from the kitchen before walking outside, more graceful than he had expected of a Pokemon of that size.

It took Touya a few moments to realize he was staring at the Samurott in shock. A little bit longer to notice that the Samurott was looking at him, seeming confused with his sudden staring.

"Ah-... So... t-this is Miyamoto, then...?"  He wasn't sure why he asked. It seemed obvious, especially as the Pokemon's gaze seemed to change with some sort of understanding, as if he had realized that he wasn't the Touya that the Pokemon had last seen. "Hm... wow... he's really big, huh...?"

[whaaaaatabother-blog]

Cheren smiled weakly, nodding slightly, hardly able to bring himself to meet Touya’s eyes again. He knew it was selfish of him to stay so subdued and unfriendly when Touya was feeling so lost and confused, but it was all he could do, in the presence of a Touya so cheerful and bright, so unaffected, to keep himself together at all.

Besides, he thought to himself, he was the root of the troubles that had forced Touya to wipe out so many memories - wouldn’t it be better for Touya to see him for what he was now, the weak and pathetic and selfish Cheren, and to remove himself from his life before he could ruin everything all over again? He’d gone to such drastic measures to return to a time when he was happy - wouldn’t it be selfish of Cheren to insert himself into that happiness, destroy it all over again?

“Well,” he said, after a short silence, his eyes turned down, “it probably would have been better for you if you hadn’t… if it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place.” He swallowed hard, trying to keep his voice from shaking, and then brought a hand to his face, gripping the bridge of his nose and shadowing his eyes. “Touya… you should go.”

[pkmnmastertouya-blog]

The silence seemed to stretch for longer than it was comfortable, and Touya found his smile fading away as he watched the sadness fill Cheren's expression. His heart clenched and he found himself itching to hold the boy's hand, but he didn't, tilting his head to try to catch his gaze instead.

"Cheren...?" He started, frowning in confusion, but it took him a moment to realize that Cheren seemed to be almost about to cry. Shifting a little closer, he raised a hand, hesitating as he tried to decide if he should reach out for him or not, but his hand fell back to his side, his eyes widening in surprise as the boy started talking.

"Cheren... What do you mean? I doubt you'd do anything to make me want to do... something like this," he remarked, a little bit of bitterness in his voice. Touya couldn't help but resent the him that he had been, a little. After seeing what it had caused on N - and now on Cheren - he couldn't help but think that he had been ridiculously selfish, after all. And even then, he hadn't even been a good kind of selfish, just leaving him - a younger, confused Touya - to deal with everything. "I don't want to go. You're my best friend. I don't know how things are at this time, but well, from what I remember, we were best friends. I'm not going to leave you."

[whaaaaatabother-blog]

“I can’t imagine,” Cheren said, a little dryly, closing his eyes a moment. “I’m sorry if I seem a little strange. It’s nothing you did, I just… don’t feel very well…”

Finally, slowly, with fairly obvious fear, he lifted his eyes to Touya’s face. He was smiling - tentatively, but nevertheless with more warmth and energy than Cheren had seen in what must have been more than a year. Cheren hesitated, then forced a wan, shaky smile, trying to hold Touya’s gaze but not able to manage it for more than a few seconds.

“Things have been going fine,” he replied after a while. “I’m, um. I’m a gym leader now… and before you wiped your memories, we were… as close as ever. Closer.” He took a deep breath. “I don’t think I can do this right now,” he mumbled, pleadingly.

[pkmnmastertouya-blog]

Touya's smile froze in place as he tried to digest the information. Cheren, a Gym Leader. That seemed amazing, but he still found himself looking at the younger - or older? He didn't know anymore - in concern as the tone of his voice became pleading.

"Cheren..." He started, trying to decide what he could say. He felt so lost, so confused, and Cheren seemed so tired... Maybe he really should give him some time, but the thought of doing that seemed to make his blood freeze. Everyone went on their own paths, and he had to figure out what happened in the time he didn't remember, but he had to think of one thing at a time, before he got himself too confused and tired. Right now, he had focused on Cheren. He didn't want to think of the other things that he had to think about.

Touya knew that his motives were selfish, but if he didn't try to hold onto them, he was afraid of getting lost in the magnitude of what happened.

"Gym Leader, huh? That's really impressive!" Touya managed to say, smiling to him again - more brighter than before, looking down at him with his head tilting to the side. "We were close, then? Ah, great...! I was scared that in this time we would have grown apart... I'm glad to know that I still have-... had you in my life, Cheren!"

[whaaaaatabother-blog]

Cheren stiffened again, a lump forming in his throat - ‘you’re my best friend’. He was only fifteen - like he’d been when they begun they journey… he’d wiped out all of it. Every single memory of Ghetsis. Cheren hesitated and then, slowly, sat up and pulled his knees to his chest. His hair fell forward, obscuring his face. Dressed in a t-shirt and sweatpants, the bandages binding his arms - the ones Touya’d applied himself - were clearly visible for the first time.

He hesitated a moment, then spoke up, his voice hoarse and soft. “Well. Thanks. How are you feeling?”

[pkmnmastertouya-blog]

He watched almost hopefully as Cheren sat up, but it was short lived. Cheren seemed exhausted, and Touya almost didn't recognize him for a moment, watching as he pulled his knees to his chest. He seemed older, his hair was longer. The bandages on his arm were clear, and Touya eyed them nervously for a moment before looking up to Cheren, giving him a tentative smile.

"I'm... confused, I guess. Other than that, I think I'm alright...? Ah-... how have things... been going?" Touya asked tentatively, slightly unsure how to even phrase these things. How do you ask someone what happened in the year - or more - that they forgot?

[misguided-king]

N smiled faintly and gave a slight, tentative nod.

“So strange…” he mumbled, more to himself than to anyone else. Absentmindedly, he fidgeted with the gold bracelets on his wrist. Well, this first meeting seemed to be somewhat less hostile than their actual first meeting in Accumula Town… At the very least, they weren’t enemies.

N’s gaze wandered to the Pokemon in the room before settling on Touya again.

“You should meet your Pokemon, too.”

[pkmnmastertouya-blog]

Touya let out a weak chuckle in agreement, shifting on his heels. Everything about this seemed strange, out of some weird novel or movie or something of the sort. Not reality. Not something he woke up to a few moments before.

He followed N's gaze, taking in the strange Pokemon that seemed to be around the house. These were all his, then? Maybe he had ended up being a good trainer, by some sort of miracle. The idea of that happening seemed almost ridiculous, though, so he brushed it aside, nodding distractedly.

"Yeah, I really should. Hm... could you help me...? It's just... I don't know. I never saw them before... it seems weird to get to know them... Are you sure they are all mine...?"