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Hell Bent

Waitress: You been traveling? The Doctor: Yeah. From time to time. {he starts playing} Waitress: Is it a sad song? The Doctor: Nothing's sad until it's over. Then everything is. Waitress: What's it called? The Doctor: I think that it's called "Clara". Waitress: Tell me about her. The President: So where is he? Where has the Doctor gone? Ohila: Back to the beginning, I should think. The General: The Sisterhood of Karn has no business in this chamber. Or on this planet. Ohila: I heard the Doctor had come home. One so loves fireworks. The President: What's his plan? Ohila: I think he's finishing his soup. The General: Suggestion sir. We could talk to him. The President: Words are his weapons. The General: When did they stop being ours? The President: Who the hell does he think he is? The General: The man who won the Time War, sir. The President: What is he doing?! What does he want? Revenge? Ohila: The Doctor does not blame Gallifrey for the horrors of the Time War. The President: I should hope not. Ohila: He just blames you. Waitress: Is this a story or did this really happen? The Doctor: Every story ever told really happened. Stories are where memories go when they're forgotten. The President: Not one more of you moves. That is an order. A direct order of your president! {to the Doctor} You leave me no choice! How may regenerations did we grant you? I've got all night. {more ships arrive} Excellent, General. You sent for reinforcements. The Doctor: No he didn't. I did. The President: I am Rassilon. The Redeemer. Rassilon the Resurrected! Gallifrey is mine! The General: Lord President. With respect. Get off his planet. Ohila: This is no time to play the fool. The Doctor: It's the end of the universe. It's the only time I've got. Clara: I thought you said Gallifrey was frozen in another dimension? The Doctor: Well they must have unfrozen it and come back. Clara: How? The Doctor: I didn't ask. It would make them feel clever. Clara: Why would a computer need to protect itself from the people who made it? The Doctor: All computers do that in the end. You wait 'til the internet starts. Oh, that was a war. Clara: You're monsters. Here you are, hiding away at the end of time. Do you even know why? Because you are hated. You. Are. Hated. By everybody. But by nobody more than me. Ohila: What did you say to him? Clara: Oh, nothing I'm going to tell you. Or anybody else. Except maybe this one part. I said: “Don't worry, Doctor. They'll all be looking at me.” Clara: What if one last heartbeat is all I've got? What if time isn't healing? What if the universe needs me to die? The Doctor: The universe is over! It doesn't have a say anymore! We're standing on the last ember. The last fragment of everything that ever was. As of this moment, I'm answerable to no one! The Doctor: Four knocks. It's always four knocks. And the rest: Doctor Who : Hell Bent

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Heaven Sent

The Doctor: As you come into this world, something else is also born. You begin your life, and it begins a journey towards you. It moves slowly, but it never stops. Wherever you go, whatever path you take, it will follow. Never faster, never slower. Always coming. You will run, it will walk. You will rest, it will not. One day, you will linger in the same place too long. You will sit too still or sleep too deep. And when, too late, you rise to go, you will notice a second shadow next to yours. Your life will then be over. The Doctor: If you think because she's dead I'm weak, then you understand very little. If you were any part of killing her, and you're not afraid, then you understand nothing at all. So for your own sake, understand this: I am the Doctor. I'm coming to find you, and I will never, ever stop. The Doctor: Clara said I shouldn't take revenge. You should know, I don't always listen. The Doctor: What, are you gardeners? I hate gardening! What sort of a person has a power complex about flowers? It's dictatorship for inadequates. Or to put it another way, it's dictatorship. The Doctor: Show me what you've got! I just watched my best friend die in agony. My day can't get any worse. Let's see what we can do about yours! The Doctor: Clearly you can't make an actual psychic link with a door for one very obvious reason. They're notoriously cross. The Doctor: Rule one of dying: don't. Rule two: slow down. You've got the rest of your life. The faster you think, the slower it will pass. Concentrate. Assume you're going to survive. The Doctor: Working hypotheses. We're in a fully automated haunted house, a mechanical maze. It's a killer puzzle box designed to scare me to death and I'm trapped inside it. Must be Christmas. The Doctor: Another spade. Someone wants me to dig. What do you think, Clara? Is someone trying to give me a hint? What would you do? {Same as you.} Yes, yes of course you would. Which, let's be honest, is what killed you. And the rest: All quotes from Heaven Sent All quotes from Doctor Who : Series 9

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The Girl Who Died

The Doctor: It's the best I could do, Clara. I'm not actually the police, it's just what it says on the box. Clara: You're always talking about what you can and can't do but you never tell me the rules. The Doctor: We're time travelers. We tread softly. It's okay to make ripples but not tidal waves. Clara: You are a tidal wave. The Doctor: People talk about premonition as if it's something strange. It's not. It's just remembering in the wrong direction. Villager: They took half the village. Villager 2: Yeah. And it was the good half. Ionhar/Chuckles (Ian Conningham): They went willingly to Valhalla. As would we all. Heidi (Barnaby Kay): I wouldn't. Well I wouldn't! I'm not good with heights. Clara: Go. Now. Go find Vikings on other planets. The universe is full of testosterone. Trust me, it's unbearable. The Doctor: The Mire are coming. For each and every one of you. So what are you going to do, raise crops at them? Limpy: If necessary! Heidi: I think he was being sarcastic. The Doctor: I applaud your courage but I deplore your stupidity. And I will mourn your deaths. Which will be terrifying, painful and... without honor. Ashildr: Stay. You could help us, I know you could. The Doctor: I told you to run. That's all the help you'll need. That's all the help you're getting. Clara: A good death. Is that the best they can hope for? The Doctor: A good death is the best anyone can hope for. Unless you happen to be immortal. View all quotes from The Girl Who Died

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Under the Lake

The Doctor: Tell me. What about those things out there. What are they? Why are they trying to kill us? Bennett: Well they're, uh, they're ghosts. The Doctor: They're not ghosts. Lunn: Cass is saying, uh, one— The Doctor: Thank you, but I actually don't need your help. I can speak sign. {pointing and circling his head} Go ahead. {she does} Wait, no no. Actually I can't. It's been deleted. For semaphore. Someone get me a selection of flags.

The Doctor: So we are fighting an unknown homicidal force that has taken the form of your commanding officer and a cowardly alien, underwater, in a nuclear reactor? Anything else I should know? Has anyone got a peanut allergy or something?

The Doctor: I like adventures as much as the next man—if the next man is a man who likes adventures.

They shuffle through the index cards: “I completely understand why it was difficult not to get captured” “It was my fault, I should have known you didn’t live in Aberdeen” “I didn’t mean to imply that I don’t care” “No one is going to get eaten / vapourized / exterminated / upgraded / possessed / mortal wounded turned to jelly we’ll all get out of this unharmed’

And the rest are here: Doctor Who - Under the Lake

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MISSY: He’s trapped at the heart of the Dalek empire. He’s a prisoner of the creatures who hate him most in the universe. Between us and him is everything the deadliest race in all of history can throw at us. We, on other hand, have a pointy stick. How do we start? CLARA: We assume we’re gonna win. MISSY: Oh. Pity, really. I was actually quite peckish.

The Witch’s Familiar

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Clara Oswald: He’s not your friend. You keep trying to kill him. Missy: He keeps trying to kill me. It’s sort of our texting.

The Magician’s Apprentice at planetclaireTV

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Deep Breath

Inspector Gregson: It's just laid an egg. Madame Vastra: It dropped a blue box marked “Police” out of its mouth. Your grasp of biology troubles me.

The Doctor: I was being chased by a giant dinosaur but I think I managed to give the slip.

Jenny Flint: I don't understand. Who is he? Where's the Doctor? Clara: Right here. That's him. That's the Doctor. Madame Vastra: Well then. Here we go again.

Madame Vastra: ... he is the Doctor. He has walked this universe for centuries untold. He has seen stars fall to dust. You might as well flirt with a mountain range. Clara: I did not flirt with him. Madame Vastra: He flirted with you.

The Doctor: Door. Boring. Not me. {he looks out the window} Me!

Clara: Marcus Aurelius, Roman Emperor. Last one of the five good and stoic philosopher. Madame Vastra: Superlative bass guitarist. The Doctor really knows how to put a band together.

Strax: Ah! Miss Clara. You look better now you're up. Clara: Thank you Strax. Strax: Oh. Sorry. Trick of the light. You still look terrible.

The Doctor: I need, um, I need clothes. That's what I need. And a big long scarf. No. I've moved on from that. Looks stupid.

The Doctor: Have you seen this face before? Barney (Brian Miller): No. The Doctor: Are you sure? Barney: Sir, I've never seen that face. The Doctor: It's funny because I'm sure that I have. You know, I never know where the faces come from. They just pop up.

The Doctor: I am Scottish. I can complain about things. I can really complain about things now.

Barney: What devilry is this, sir? The Doctor: I don't know. But I probably blame the English.

The Doctor: What's wrong? Clara: I don't know, maybe the smell. The Doctor: I know. It's everywhere.

Clara: So where are we now? The Doctor: Factually, an ancient spaceship probably here for centuries. Functionally, a larder.

The Doctor: This is your power source, feeble though it is. And I can use it to blow this whole room if I see one thing I don't like. And that includes karaoke and mimes, so take no chances.

Madame Vastra: The establishment upstairs has been disabled with maximum prejudice and the authorities summoned. Clara: Hang on, she called the police. We never do that. We should start.

The Doctor: SS Marie Antoinette. Out-of-control repair droids cannibalizing human beings. I know that this is familiar but I just can't seem to place this. Half-Face Man: How would you kill me? The Doctor: Sister ship of the Madame de Pompadour. Nope. Not getting it. Half-Face Man: How would you kill me?

Clara: You've redecorated. The Doctor: Yes. Clara: I don't like it. The Doctor: I'm not entirely convinced myself. I think there should be more round things on the walls. I used to have a lot of round things. I wonder where I put them.

Clara: Thank you. The Doctor: For what? Clara: Phoning. {she hugs him} The Doctor: I don't think that I'm a hugging person now. Clara: I'm not sure you get a vote. The Doctor: Whatever you say. Clara: This isn't my home by the way.

View all quotes from Deep Breath

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Marge: I guess one person can make a difference. But most of the time, they probably shouldn't. Lisa: I feel like I'm going to die, Bart. Bart: We're all going to die, Lis. Lisa: I meant soon. Bart: So did I. Sideshow Bob: Attempted murder. Honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for "attempted chemistry"? Sideshow Bob: That was a big mistake, Bart. No children have ever meddled with the Republican party and lived to tell about it. Bart: Oh my god! The dead have risen and they're voting Republican! Marge: I guess we could get more involved in Bart's activities but then I'd be afraid of smothering him. Homer: Yeah. And then we'd get the chair. Marge: That's not what I meant. Homer: It was, Marge. Admit it. More quotes

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Hi! Can you update the Gossip Girl season 6 quotes on your website. Your site is the best source, you've got all the season completely except for S6. Please can you update :-) Thanks!

I promise it's on my short list of website updates. Unfortunately I'm overwhelmed with work for my business, so my little website tends to get neglected. I'm hoping to take some time within the next few months to do a lot of work on the site, including Gossip Girl.

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The Time of the Doctor

Once there was a planet much like any other. And unimportant. This planet sent the universe a message. A bell, tolling among the stars, ringing out to all the dark corners of creation. And everybody came to see. Although no one understood the message, everyone who heard it found themselves afraid. Except one man. The man who stayed for Christmas.

The Doctor: Every ship I go on, they just shoot at me.

The Doctor: Hello, the TARDIS. Clara: Emergency. You're my boyfriend. The Doctor: Ding dong. Okay, brilliant. I may be a bit rusty in some areas but I will glance at a manual. Clara: No no. You're not actually my boyfriend. The Doctor: Oh. That was quick. It's a roller coaster, this phone call. Clara: But I need a boyfriend. Really quickly. The Doctor: Well I hope you're nicer to the next one.

The Doctor: Ha, that's never going to work is it? Clara: What's wrong? Do you not think it's done yet? The Doctor: I think a decent vet would give it an even chance.

The Doctor: I venerate the exaltation of Mother Superious. Colonel Albero (Mark Brighton): Welcome to the Church of the Papal Mainframe. Your nudity is appreciated. Tasha Lem (Orla Brady): Hey babes. The Doctor: Loving the frock. Tasha Lem: Is that a new body? Give us a twirl. The Doctor: Tash, this old thing? Please. I've been rocking it for centuries.

Clara: Boss of the Psycho Space Nuns. So you.

The Doctor: So. Sweet little town, covered in snow. Half the universe in terror. Why?

The Doctor: The old key in the quiff routine. Classic. Okay. Homing in on the mysterious message. Oo! Yes, I like that. "The mysterious message." Clara: You shaved your head. The Doctor: Yep. Clever plan to get us past the shields. Clara: You got bored one night, didn't you? The Doctor: Yeah, tiny bit bored. Clara: Is that what happened to your eyebrows? The Doctor: No, they're just delicate.

Clara: How can a town be called Christmas? The Doctor: I don't know. How can an island be called Easter?

The Doctor seeing the crack: There you are. What took you so long? Clara: What's wrong? It's only a crack in the wall. The Doctor: I knew. I always knew it wasn't over.

Tasha: If you speak your name, the Time Lords will return. The Doctor: If they return they will come in peace. Tasha: It doesn't matter. They will be met with a war that will never end. The Time War will begin anew. You know that Doctor.

The Doctor: How's your father's barn? Barnable: You fixed the leak alright, but he's says it's bigger on the inside now. The Doctor: Sh! They'll all want one.

Clara: It's gone dark. The Doctor: Yeah. Well the sun's gone down. Clara: Already? The Doctor: Everything ends, Clara. And sooner than you think.

Read the rest at planetclaire.org.

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Homer Simpson: This simulation has been brought to you by your brain, a subsidiary of your penis. Season Twenty Five? Really?

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The Day of the Doctor

The Doctor: "No More." Kate Stewart: That's the title. The Doctor: I know the title. Kate Stewart: Also known as Gallifrey Falls. The Doctor: This painting doesn't belong here. Not in this time or place.

The War Doctor: You're the interface? Rose: They must have told you the Moment has a conscience. Hello! Oh look at you. Stuck between a girl and a box. Story of your life, eh Doctor?

The Doctor: I demand to be incarcerated in the Tower of London with my co-conspirators, Sand Shoes and Granddad. The War Doctor: Granddad? Ten: They're not sand shoes! The War Doctor: Yes they are.

Clara: What is that? Kate Stewart: Time travel. A vortex manipulator. Bequeathed to the U.N.I.T. archive by Jack Harkness on the occasion of his death. Well one of them. No one can know we have this. Not even our allies. Clara: Well why not? Kate Stewart: Think about it. Americans with the ability to rewrite history. You've seen their movies.

The General: The Moment is gone. Androgan: I don't understand. What is the Moment? I've never heard of it. The General: A galaxy eater. The final work of the ancients at Gallifrey. A weapon so powerful the operating system became sentient. According to legend, it developed a conscience. Androgan: And we've never used it. The General: How do you use a weapon of ultimate mass destruction when it can stand in judgment on you. There is only one man who'd even try.

The War Doctor: Now... how do you work? Why is there never a big red button?

The War Doctor: Don't sit on that! Rose: Why not? The War Doctor: Because it's not a chair! It's the most dangerous weapon in the universe. Rose: Why can't it be both?

Queen Elizabeth I: What's happening? Ten: We're being attacked by a shape shifting alien from outer space formerly disguised as my horse. Queen Elizabeth I: What does this mean? Ten: It means you're gonna need a new horse.

Ten: We're both reversing the polarity. The Doctor: Yes, I know that. Ten: There's two of us. I'm reversing it, you're reversing it back again. We're confusing the polarity.

The War Doctor: The pointing again! They're screwdrivers! What are you going to do, assemble a cabinet at them?

The War Doctor: How old are you now? The Doctor: I don't know. I lose track. Twelve hundred and something I think, unless I'm lying. I can't remember if I'm lying about my age, that's how old I am. The War Doctor: Four hundred years older than me and in all that time you never even wondered how many there were? You never once counted? The Doctor: Tell me. What would be the point? Ten: Two point four seven billion. The War Doctor: You did count!

The Doctor: See Clara, they're stored in the paintings in the under gallery. Like cup-a-soups. Except you add time if you can picture that. Nobody can picture that. Forget I said cup-a-soups.

The War Doctor: You let this place go a bit. The Doctor: Ah, it's his grunge phase. He grows out of it.

The Doctor: Hey. Look. The round things! Ten: I love the round things. The Doctor: What are are the round things? Ten: No idea.

Ten: You're not actually suggesting that we change our own personal history? The Doctor: We change history all the time. I'm suggesting far worse.

View all quotes from The Day of the Doctor

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The Doctor: Rose Tyler. I was going to take you to so many places. Barcelona. Not the city Barcelona, the planet Barcelona. You'd love it. Fantastic place. They've got dogs with no noses. Imagine how many times a day you end up telling that joke. And it's still funny. Rose: Then why can't we go? The Doctor: Maybe you will. Maybe I will. But not like this. Rose: You're not making sense. The Doctor: I might never make sense again. I might have two heads. Or no head. Imagine me with no head! And don't say that's an improvement. It's a bit dodgy, this process. You never know what you're going to end up with. The Doctor: Rose, before I go, I just want to tell you, you were fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. And you know what? So was I. View more quotes from series one

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This must be Thursday," said Arthur to himself, sinking low over his beer, "I never could get the hang of Thursdays.

Arthur Dent

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Did anyone else notice the Lincoln Hawk poster (Rufus Humphrey's band in Gossip Girl) on the latest IKEA ad? Just me then? D'oh.

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You can't let a little thing like total public humiliation stand between you and a good time.

—TD (Martha Speaks)