Platitudes of Gratitudes

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Bullseye.

I bought Valentines the first week of January. I just wanted to make something cute, and these were cute, and I figured I’d make a little project to go with them. So I put out the APB and 30 of my closest friends and family requested one. Then, I did what I usually do and procrastinated until the last minute to make the project (a resin heart magnet with gold flakes in it). Friday night, 5 days before Valentine’s Day, I opened the box of the resin...only to find I needed more supplies than I had. I gave up, and today I went to Target and bought candy and stickers for everyone. Lame, sure, and it’s going to get to most people late because I’m not mailing them out until tomorrow, but it made me happy and maybe it’ll make other people happy, too. 

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The Finish Line

I just registered for my last two classes. The finish line is approximately 15 weeks away.

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Social Anxiety

I have a touch of social anxiety. I often cancel social engagements because of it. I just feel like I’m not cool enough or charming enough to entertain people, and so I cancel and hide in my hermit hole. But sometimes, just sometimes, I meet people who make me feel like I AM cool enough and charming enough and entertaining enough. Thank you to those friends, I am grateful for you!

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Oh, you, IUD.

So, I have a hormonal IUD. I’ve had it for like 4 years. For the most part, I love it. However, my body is still getting used to it after 4 years, so it does weird stuff like make me go 6 weeks without a period, and then SURPRISE! Four years ago, this would mean days and days of heavy flow, cramps, bloating, sleeping constantly, etc. Thankfully, my IUD means it was just another three days, except I had to pee more often, which was slightly more bloody than usual. So yeah, thanks, IUD!

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Tea and pain killers.

Good LORD, I woke up in pain today. I have a sore spot between my shoulder blades that’s been aching all day, and really HURTS whenever I move. I can’t even reach it to put a Salonpas patch on it. Thank goodness for tea and ibuprofen. 

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Makin’ it rain!

MAN, I am grateful for my W-2 arriving today because that means my tax refund is just days away! The IRS isn’t even processing refunds until 1/29/18 and I don’t EVEN care because I’m getting some coins back, yayyyyy! I’ve already blown like $60 on shit I don’t need (well, vitamins and shampoo, so yeah I kind of do), let’s spend it UP! (I’m actually likely spending the rest on responsible things...after I buy some more pretty pens). 

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A little sugar.

So, I’ve realized that I’ve gotten really deep with this blog. Today is not that. 

So, I rejoined Weight Watchers to lose some lbs, and yesterday was my first day on the meal plan. I found an already made one to start me off, and it involved a. lot. of. food. We’re talking 3 meals, 2 snacks, and dessert. I wasn’t thrilled about prepping or buying that much food, but I’ve been STARVING lately, so why not? So I went grocery shopping on Friday night, and found everything EXCEPT the chocolate graham crackers for dessert. Chocolate graham crackers? I didn’t even know those were a thing. But y’all, NO ONE had them. I walked all over town, to three Safeways before I found them shoved into the corner of a shelf. I don’t even LIKE chocolate, why do I need these things again?

Y’all. Y’ALL. I would walk to every Safeway in town all over again. These. Things. Are. Delicious. I had them with a little whipped cream and strawberries. Seriously best thing I’ve ever eaten in my life. I LOVE YOU, CHOCOLATE GRAHAM CRACKERS. I’ll never doubt you again. 

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Tea time.

Today, I am infinitely grateful for tea. I used to be infinitely grateful for coffee, drinking up to six cups a day. Black, like my heart, thank you. However, I started getting acid reflux (it’s hell getting old), and when cutting back on wine didn’t help, I started suspecting coffee. COFFEE WAS THE CULPRIT. Now I am (mostly) acid reflux free, and I’m getting my caffeine fix from tea. HOORAY FOR TEA.

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Resourcefulness.

I’ve made a LOT of resolutions this year. Like, a LOT. And so far, I think I’ve been doing pretty well one them. Granted, it’s only been like 2 1/2 weeks, but I’m thankful for small victories. That’s not why I’m writing this, though. I’m writing this because these resolutions require a LOT of resources. My new meal plan? Lots of money spent on lots of groceries (and I hope they all fit in my tiny fridge!), as well as lots of time spent preparing meals. Happiness project? More money (today, spent on sending a loved one a small gift. Tomorrow? Nail polish to try nail art, etc.) and more time. Tracking these habits? There’s an app for that...if you have the time to use it. Don’t even get me started on the hours and dollars spent on my handy planner. My point is, I’m lucky enough to have these resources. I *have* the money (usually). I *make* the time (usually). These are luxuries that others may not have access to, and the fact that I do makes me so, so grateful to have these resources. 

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Splish splash...

Today it was raining. I didn’t look at the weather before I left the house, so of course I did so in ballet flats and without an umbrella, so I had to come home at lunch and change my shoes and grab my umbrella. After work, I still had 1500 steps to reach my Fitbit goal for the day, so I took a stroll around my work neighborhood...and got royally splashed by passing cars at least twice. I was pretty much soaked by the time I got home. So, what did I do? I immediately pulled off all my wet clothes, ran a hot back with a yummy smelling bath bomb, put on some Latin jazz on my shower speaker, and grabbed a book. It was pretty much 45 minutes of heaven after a long day.

Now, usually I would just take myself out to an expensive and unhealthy dinner or buy myself something I didn’t need or eat all of the food in the house or drink a bottle of wine by myself. However, I’ve been forcing myself to use healthier coping mechanisms, and after I got out of the bath, I ate what I had planned to eat for dinner, had a cup of tea, and went about my evening. I actually feel better than I would have if I would have done any of the above. I’m grateful once again that I’m learning new things, healthy things. Mostly, I’m super grateful that I have a huge bathtub that I can stretch out in!

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A little life.

I’m grateful today for my little home, the little life I’ve made for myself. I’m grateful for the little lights twinkling over my bed, the little yellow teapot that’s always on my stove, the bubble gum pink chair and tiny turquoise couch that don’t match, the shelves of fancy barware that I don’t use. I’m grateful for the job that I love to go to every day, and the people that I love to work with, and the boss that pushes me to grow professionally. I’m grateful that I’m healthy and happy and rarely go hungry. I’m grateful that I have money in my pocket (most of the time) and a roof over my head, and (usually) the energy to keep the things under that roof clean and then relax and enjoy them. I love this little life I’ve made. 

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Time out.

I’m an all or nothing person. If I’m not immediately great at something, I give up. If I can’t be perfect all of the time, I won’t do it. This is a problem with things like trying to learn a new skill, or trying to lose weight. As soon as a project doesn’t turn out as I envisioned, or the first day I fall off the wagon, I’m done. That’s something I’ve been working on this year. I’m learning two new related skills (drawing and hand lettering) that I’m not exceptionally good at, but I know that if I practice, I’ll at least get better. So, I’ve been trying to do about 10 minutes a day. I’m also trying to lose weight, and I’ve lost about 15 pounds so far. 

However...this past weekend, I didn’t do any of that. I went to a friend’s house where I drank all of the wine and ate all of the food and didn’t do any of the lettering or drawing practice. Not one for one night, but I did this for two nights. Old me would have just called that a failure and given up. However, I’m trying to see it as just a time out, and it seems to be working. Yesterday and today I’m back on track with my eating and (mostly) with my exercising. I also did 20 minutes of lettering and drawing practice. I guess I’m just grateful to know that I can accept setback, and that they’re not all failures, and that I can move forward and life isn’t over if I’m not perfect the first time (or the hundred and first time). I’m also grateful you CAN apparently teach an old dog new tricks!

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No pain, no g--wait. No pain?

I have been walking to work since July. That’s six months of walking 5 1/2 blocks up a hill every day. It takes me about 10 - 15 minutes, but it’s always caused me pain in my lower back. Now, as I’ve been walking more, I’ve realized this pain comes on whenever I’m hiking up a hill or carrying something, no matter how light. I’ve gotten used to it, but it’s still uncomfortable.

Today, I went to a farmer’s market at the other end of the city because I’d always wanted to check it out. Plus, I needed some apples (and a few other items that could only be found at a specific grocery store that happened to be on the way to the farmer’s market). However, the walk from the subway to the farmer’s market was about a mile and a half, and there’s a giant hill in the middle. I know this because I used to live on top of this hill (where I lived when I first got in shape in 2009/2010). So, I walked the 1/2 mile to the grocery store, then, groceries in hand, hiked up the hill to the farmer’s market. I was out of breath and no longer feeling the chill when I arrived, and my calves were letting me know they were there, but you know what was missing? My back pain. Completely just not present.

THANK YOU, body, for getting stronger. Thank you, body, for adapting. Thank you, body, for letting me do things that, while they’re uncomfortable at first, will do us big favors in the long run. Thanks for being my body.

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They just...get it.

I’m so thankful for my friends. They just, you know. Get it. Like today, when I woke up after going to bed at 8:30pm feeling like my body was made of lead, just like I’ve been feeling every day this week. Jess just...got it. Or when I’m irrationally emotional or irritated or twitterpated about something, and DeWitt just...gets it. Or when I tell Kelley Walker that I’d love to see her and spend time with her, but I’m watching my waistline and need to bring my own dinner (not that I don’t love her husband’s cooking) she just...gets it.

Thanks, y’all. You get me.

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Work work work work work work

I am SO grateful for my job. Not just because I’m grateful to be employed, but because of how appreciated they make me feel here. In a meeting yesterday with my boss, he started to say something, and then interrupted himself to say, “You’re always so on top of things, I’m sure you’ve already done this, but...” And I had. Also, I just got stopped in the hallway by a coworker to tell me how amazing my cake was. “AND SHE BAKES!” she exclaimed. I love this place.

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A Moment of Silence

So, last night I went to see The Greatest Showman at the movie theater. It was my first trip to the theater in MONTHS, and while I didn’t love the movie, I didn’t hate it. It was, however, the perfect amount of fluff that I needed to see that night, to forget about any stress and be entertained for a few hours. There were a few moments, though, where a character sees someone and all of the outside sounds and distractions fade away and you’re just there, with that person, in a moment of silence. I want to have that moment, but with myself. I want to be able to connect with myself in such a way that I can just look in the mirror and know that I’m capable and fierce and all of my distractions and stresses just...quiet. 

In the meantime, today, I’m thankful that I had a couple of hours of relaxation and entertainment, and exceptionally grateful that I now have a goal for what I want from my relationship with myself. To know that, as I tell myself each morning, “I’m beautiful, I’m capable, and I’m going to rock. this. day.” 

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Timing is Everything

I was supposed to have a date last night. He asked me when I was free on Friday, and I said, “Sunday” and he told me he’d text me when he got off of work. Obviously, I work on Monday morning, and on nights when I have to work the next day, I try to make sure that I’m getting ready for bed at 9pm since my bedtime routine takes an hour, and I like to be under the covers by 10pm. 

This fool didn’t text me until 10:20pm like, “What are you doing?” “Are you there?” You really think I’m going to go out with some dude I’ve never met at 10pm on a Sunday night? Think again. I didn’t even see the messages until I woke up the next morning.

Funny thing is, I am so grateful that I basically got stood up. You see, when I was journaling before bed last night, I was writing and writing and writing, and when I got to the section about what happened that day, I couldn’t think of anything super significant even though I had just gotten stood up. Obviously, my head and my heart are not invested in dating right now, and it took some inconsiderate jerk to show me that I’m focused on other things, and maybe I don’t need to be dating right now. So, I’m grateful for timing...even if that timing’s past my bedtime.