PlagueThyDemon

I have a perfectly legal age and gender.

[plaugethydemon]

I am once again not dead yet

Much to the dismay of the gods, I continue to persist

[necrowyrm]

I think I should be able to gorily tear open my own flesh and withdraw a blade formed of my own bones. Thats the type of shit I should be doing not applying for jobs on indeed.com

[amygdalae]

It's funny having a very high tolerance for pain but a very low tolerance for other forms of discomfort. Like yea tattoos piercings cramps shots cuts bruises whatever thats nothing. But I better not get nauseous or hear a loud sound. Or I'll die

[cringecorp]

they say you can't pour from an empty cup but i've been doing it my whole life and aside from all of these mysterious ailments it's working out great for me

[valtsv]

when someone asks me what i've been up to lately and i say "just chilling" i mean this

[realhousewivesofnightvale-deact]

Dana survived her radio internship because of her resourcefulness and tenacity, and because she was destined for great things in her future.

Maureen is surviving her internship because she’s too pissed to die. 

[i-am-the-double]

Her salt preserved her. XD

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

every month is Whumptober if you already write whump all year long

[calamitydaze]

they should invent a disproportionate emotional response that goes away when you rationally understand the cause

[somewordsarebiggerthanothers]

[funnier-as-a-system]

[ID: a photo of someone sitting on a bench on a hill. They're looking at a city beyond another hill. Lowercase text reads: i disappear sometimes. it's my thing. / End ID]

[cathartidae]

ⓘ You can Bite your Friends.

[cathartidae]

ⓘ reblog to fuckign BITE your mutuals

[uququ]

before you make a major life decision you should ALWAYS make sure that you are going through something that could be described as an "episode"

[butchfagminotaur]

this is funny as fucking hell actually

[hellish-undeath]

this baby is going to grow up to be a nonbinary road worker

[butchfagminotaur]

[ursulaklegay]

its so scary to put yourself out there but a SINGLE message saying "hi i loved what you made it touched me in some way" makes it all worth it 10000%

[ursulaklegay]

daily reminder that if you like something someone made tell! them! tell them tell them tell them TELL THEM

[plaugethydemon]

I have not been awake and active for months and I return from the grave once more, as I am want to do, only to rediscover that I know absolutely nothing about this space I have cultivated for myself

It's not cultivation anymore, the garden is dead and rotting and I am standing in the wasteland of something that was once alive in bloom

[spectre-squared]

being on tumblr is like being in a car in a parking lot

like it's technically public, but you're also sorta in your own little bubble, and people have to be Actively trying to listen in order to hear you, if they're even aware that you're speaking at all. and then sometimes you accidentally bonk the horn with ur elbow and suddenly the whole parking lot knows you're a virgin

[rimonoroni]

three person poly relationship made up of two people who are already dating trying to coax someone with horrific self worth issues into a loving relationship. stray cat style

[rimonoroni]

they’re all laying together in bed and the couple are both thinking to themselves like good, he stayed the night to cuddle and talk when we offered, he should know that we genuinely care for him and want this to be more then a handful of one night stands. and the stray cat guy is like wow this sure is nice i think i’m falling in love with them. it’s really too bad that they don’t actually give a fuck and hate me and probably want to kill me with hammers for no reason

[rimonoroni]

it has been like. two days

[tlirsgender]

I know “my dear” is just like, normal bro talk for victorians but will my gay ass ever be able to handle it? No

[tlirsgender]

Imagine if like 150 years from now “bro” ends up having Connotations and the Future Tumblr gays are all losing their minds about how tender classical literature sounds

[tlirsgender]

Someone circa 2019: what’s up my mans

Gays in 2205: oh my god his mans…….