[psych2go]

How Social Media Is Ruining Your Life

May sound dramatic, but it’s true!

Think about the very first thing you do in the morning- besides turning off your displeasing alarm, that is. Now what about in the bathroom? At the dining table? While walking to work? Right before bed? If you answered scrolling through your phone, you are amongst the millions and billions of people in the world who cannot spend a day without social media. About 3.96 billion people (or roughly 51%) of the world’s population currently uses social media today. Statistics have shown that global internet and social media users can spend an average of 144 minutes on social media sites every day- that’s almost 2.5 hours. Plus, there are more than 1 million new users who join this club every day. Although social media can contribute positively to our lives (like with those adorable cat videos and hilariously relatable memes), psychologists and data analysts are starting to find an increase in the extremely harmful and negative sides to the virtual world. Here are a few ways in which social media is potentially ruining your life.

1. It Makes You Dependent On Social Acceptance

Continue Reading…

[terrasitic]

yeah, sex is cool and all; but have you tried…

losing all your interests in the real world and feel like nobody will fully understand you, daydreaming for hours at a time completely avoiding all your real life issues, and realizing your paras aren’t real and never will be, but yet have much stronger bonds with them than actual people?

[foxes-and-ghosts]

Reasons to stay alive

Life is not about that one moment when you’re 39 and you stand on a stage and get an award for extraordinary work. Life is not about that one big moment. If that was the only reason to live, at least half of us would be dead before we ever even reached that day.

No. Life is about all the little things, that happen along the way. Those things that seem like nothing while they’re happening, but looking back they stand out like there was a spotlight pointing right at them, permanently. Life is about your favorite movies, your favorite books. It’s about blasting your favorite songs when you’re crying your eyes out until eventually the tears just stop. It’s about that tv show you’ve been following since you were a teenager. It’s the smell of rain and the sounds of a city at night. Life is about your favorite hoodie which is two sizes to big and makes your mum cringe when you wear it outside. It’s about your first guitar, the cheap one with the crappy sound.

Life is about all these things that other people just role their eyes at. But not you. Because it’s those things that feel real to you. And looking back at them they all fit in perfectly, painting a picture of what is your reason to stay. No one will have the exact same picture as you have and that is a good thing. If you don’t follow your own truth the picture won’t have any meaning to you. Don’t doubt yourself if others can’t understand. It was never meant to be that way. Hold onto what feels real to you.

[flowers-n-rain]

life advice for INFJs

*from one INFJ to another 

take charge of your intuitive nature: read into your future and project the version of yourself that comes from constant self-improvement // believe in your capabilities and skills // basically, hold up a positive mental image of yourself

manage your empathy: it is both a blessing and a curse so channel your empathy to pick up cues from other people and work those insights into the conversation

journal/think on paper: even if it’s a random collection of thoughts and words (in general) // take care of yourself and enjoy reflecting as much as you love progressing // use it as a creative outlet as well, there are no rules // great place to practice gratefulness // journal all emotions

stay true to your passions: it’s true, you’re determined, idealistic, and passionate so settling is never an option for you // find happiness in the act of following your heart and staying true to your convictions // find ways to fuel and drive your passions 

don’t let false perceptions ruin your vibe: people will constantly misconstrue and misjudge your nature as being “mysterious,” “too reserved” “stuck-up” and/or “too concerned about what others think” // unfortunately, their misunderstanding only picks up your tendency to believe in and working to ensure the well-being and equality of others // you dream of a better world, so you act according to one–always setting an example of what you value: consideration, respect, and the well-being of others (what can you do, you’re an advocate and not everyone gets that, their loss)

they way you keep your distance is okay: you enjoy your personal space and “me-time”, and you’re cautious of who gets to experience all of your personality quirks because it’s based on comfort // what others won’t see is your attentiveness to: deep connections (that take cultivation and time) & building trust with a very small group of people–don’t let that get you down

hang on to that happiness within you: you need your alone time because you can’t find your inner bliss if you’re distracted by other people and energies around them // even if you could ignore, you can’t–a single person’s bad mood is something you can’t shake off when around them–something must be done, but you must be alone to center yourself and enjoy your inner joy

be mindful of career choices: you have patience, but you do have limits // by now, you’ve probably embraced your innate interest in language, arts, psychology, counseling and such (so use it to your advantage, because resenting things is not your forté) // don’t get dragged to the wrong career only because of money, fashion or past choices (you know your talents/strengths and you have way too much self-respect for that)

[lizamvs]

masterpost of all my self-care tips, ideas, life advice & more i have written!

🌺 self-care ideas 🌺 tips on how to prevent bad breath 🌺 small changes to make to your everyday living 🌺 6 ways on how to grow and be inspired daily 🌺 20 affordable & easy date ideas 🌺 studying tips, organization tips, motivation tips 🌺 65 new year’s resolution ideas for you! 🌺 12 things you can learn in 2018 🌺 how to achieve goals 🌺 10 animal documentaries on youtube 🌺 50 favorite list ideas 🌺 18 self-care & living well tips 🌺 a list of list ideas 🌺 30 questions to ask yourself for self-discovery 🌺 6 powerful self-love quotes 🌺 22 self-care & living well tips 🌺 6 powerful self-growth & self-improvement quotes 🌺 62 self-care ideas! 🌺 skincare tips!!!!! 🌺 apps for self-care!! 🌺 self-date ideas & life advice 🌺 33 documentaries to watch on youtube! 🌺 how to love yourself: 27 self-love tips!!! 🌺 a list of good habits 🌺 music channels i follow on youtube 🌺 apps for productivity / well-being! 🌺 18 self-reflection questions 🌺 healthy foods & beverages to add your diet! 🌺 korean skincare (vegan friendly & cruelty-free) 🌺 fun date ideas for a self-date, relationships, and friendships! 🌺 animations to watch for october / halloween 🌺 skincare for $12 dollars & under 🌺 22 ways to save money! 🌺 18 journaling ideas for self-improvement 🌺 healthy drinks to replace unhealthy ones 🌺 28 life-changing new year’s resolutions!

[callistomist-deactivated2020091]

I decided to create a masterpost that would help you with what you are struggling with. Hopefully any of the links below will help you! Reminder; You’re going to be okay. What you are going through will pass, just remember to breathe. 

————————————————————————————-

Distractions;

Here are some distractions to help keep your mind occupied so you aren’t too focused on your thoughts. 

-Draw something

-This website translates the time into colours.

-Create your own galaxy.

-Play flowing.

-Make a 3D line travel where ever you like. 

-Listen to music.

-Calm.

-Ocean mood, do nothing for two minutes.

Sleep issues; 

- 8 hour sleep music.

-Rainy mood. 

-Meditation.

-Coping with nightmares.

-How to cope with nightmares, 11 steps.

-Calm

-Foods that can affect your sleeping, both positive and negatively. 

 Uncomfortable with silence; 

-Rainy mood.

-10 hours of rain and thunder.

-3 hours of rain and thunder.

-Human heartbeat.

-Rainforest.

-Sound of rain on a tin roof.

-Autumn wind.

-Rain on a tent

-Traffic in the rain.

-Soft traffic. 

-Fan.

-Train.

-Simply noise.

-My noise.

-Rainy cafe.

Anxiety; 

-How to stop worrying. 

-Tips to manage anxiety and stress.

-The 10 best ever anxiety management techniques. 

-Self-help strategies for anxiety. 

-Helping a friend with anxiety. 

-All about worrying.

-8 myths about anxiety. 

Sad, angry and depressed/depression; 

-“I’m always sad”

-Feeling sad.

-Going through trauma.

-“I’m always angry”.

-Anger management. 

-All about anger.

-National helplines and websites.

-Self-help strategies for depression.

-Dealing with depression at work.

-Dealing with depression at school.

Isolation and loneliness; 

-Pets and mental health.

-All about loneliness. 

-“I feel so alone”

-10 more ideas to help with loneliness. 

-How to deal with loneliness.

 Self-harm;

-Alternatives to self-harm and distraction techniques.

-146 things to do besides self-harm.

-More alternatives to self-harm.

-Self-harm alternatives.

-How to take care of self-harm wounds/injuries.

-Getting rid of scars.  

Addiction; 

-How to help a friend with a drug addiction.

-What is addiction?

-All about alcohol and addiction.

-The facts about drug addiction.

 Eating disorders; 

-Helping a friend with an eating disorder.

-Eating disorder treatments. 

-Support services for eating disorders. 

-Self-help tips with eating disorders.

-Eating disorder recovery. 

-Recovering from an eating disorder. 

-100+ reasons to recover. 

-Understanding and managing eating disorders. 

 Dealing with self-hatred;  

-3 ways to ease self-loathing. 

-How to turn self-hatred into self-compassion.

-Self-hatred resources.

-10 step plan to deal with self-hate. 

 Suicidal; 

-International suicide hotlines (1)  (2)

-Preventing suicide. 

-Reasons to stay alive.

-Dealing with suicidal thoughts and feelings.

-Coping with suicidal ideation.  

 Schizophrenia;

-All about schizophrenia.  

-Helping a person with schizophrenia.  

-Understanding and dealing with schizophrenia.  

-Delusions and hallucinations.  

OCD;

-Managing your OCD at home. 

-Overcoming OCD.

-How to cope with OCD. 

-Strategies for dealing with the anxious moments. 

Borderline personality disorder; 

-Helping someone with BPD. 

-All about personality disorders.

-Treatment for BPD.

Abuse; 

-Healthy relationships VS abusive relationships. 

-Emotional abuse

-Overcoming sexual abuse. 

-Hotlines services. 

-5 ways to escape an abusive relationship. 

-Domestic violence support. 

-Signs of an abusive relationship. 

-What do to if you’re in an abusive relationship. 

-Surviving abuse. 

-What you can do if you’re sexual harassed. 

-Sexual assault support.

-What to do if you’ve been sexually assaulted or abused. 

 Bullying;

-How to stand up against bullying.

-How to protect yourself when it comes to cyber bullying.

-How to help stop people bullying you. 

 Loss and grief; 

-How to cope with a suicide of a loved one.

-Grieving for a stranger. 

-Common reactions to death. 

-Working through grief.

(Other loss and grief)

-Moving away from friends and family. 

-Coping with a breakup.

 Getting help; 

-Seeking help early. 

-All about psychological treatments. 

-Types of help.

-All about age and confidentiality. 

Things you need to remember; 

- Don’t stress about being fixed because you’re not broken.

-Remember to remind yourself of your accomplishments. Tell yourself that you’re proud of yourself, even if you’re not. 

- This is temporary. You won’t always feel like this. 

-You are not alone. 

-You are enough. 

-You are important. 

-You are worth it. 

-You are strong. 

-You are not a failure, 

-Good people exist. 

-Reaching out shows strength. 

-Breathe. 

-Don’t listen to the thoughts that are not helping you. 

-Give yourself credit. 

-Don’t be ashamed of your emotions, for the good or bad ones. 

-Treat yourself the same way as you would treat a good friend. 

-Focus on the things you can change. 

-Let go of toxic people. 

-You don’t need to hide, you’re allowed to feel the way you do. 

-Try not to beat yourself up. 

-Something is always happening, you don’t want to miss out on what’s going to happen next. 

-You are not a bother.

-Your existence is more than your appearance. 

-You are smart. 

-You are loved. 

-You are wanted. 

-You are needed. 

-Better days are coming. 

-Just because your past is dark, doesn’t mean your future isn’t bright. 

-You have more potential than you think. 

- Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.

Please remember to look after yourself and know that you are more than worth it and you deserve to be happy. Keep smiling butterflies x

[mentalillnessmouse]

how can I find the strength to go to therapy and take care of myself when I find it so difficult to even see my worth as a human being or believe in the possibility of better days? :/

hey anon, 

my best advice to you is the following: 

develop a routine. sometimes there are entire weeks when i coast by on a routine because my depression is really bad due to me missing some doses of my meds or them no longer working. part of your routine should be a prescheduled/determined therapy appointment whether that is in person or over the phone. 

self motivation and self strength are just that. they come from the self. they come from you. i can point at myself all day long and say ‘i made it and can you’ but that is the least helpful thing i could ever do. i am not you. you are not me. we are never, ever going to function in the same exact way. what works for me isn’t necessarily going to work for you. 

my advice is just that, something that worked for me and that i think might be able to work for you. your routine can be whatever you make it! 

i’m going to link some tips on motivation but know this: it all starts from you. don’t let that overwhelm you, but don’t get frustrated if something that worked wonders for someone else doesn’t work for you. just readjust what you’re doing and try again. you already seem like you have some interest in recovery, so you just have to fan that flame!

Productivity/Motivation/Getting Things Done

7 Things You Need to Stop Doing to Be More Productive, Backed By Science

24 Ways to be Uncommonly Productive Today

21 Tips to Become the Most Productive Person You Know

7 Strategies to be Productive at Work When You’re Depressed

You Thought You Couldn’t Be Productive While Feeling Depressed, Just Wait Till You Read This

Reframe What You Think About Depression

The Silent Tsunami: Mental Health in the Workplace

Consider printing out this guide for your employer: A Mentally Healthy Workplace—It’s Good for Business

12 Steps to Creating Motivation When Depressed

Responding to Unusual Behavior—Low Motivation

When Depression Causes a Lack of Motivation

Finding the Motivation to Recover from Mental Illness

also here’s a masterpost we have on self-care: Self-care. 

stay safe, 

kei 

[dailypsychologyfacts]

6 Signs You May Be Too Hard On Yourself | psych2go

[asurayuuhaven]

This video calls me out to an unbelievably personal level because literally all the points explained are correct and relatable for me

[positive-lesbian-vibes]

How I recognized comp het/coercive heteronormativity

I get a lot of asks about how to tease apart genuine attraction from compulsory heterosexuality/coercive heteronormativity and how I figured it out and all that and the sucky answer is that there’s no cut-and-dry test or yes or no way to figure it out. Ultimately, in the end, you’ll have to decide whether you feel genuine attraction for men or whether it’s been conditioned into you. That doesn’t mean your conclusion can’t change over time, but you have to make the call in the end. No one else can make it for you.

Statements I have that helped me (speaking from my own experience) conclude that I was experiencing compulsory heterosexuality and not genuine attraction to men that might resonate with you:

I like getting attention from men and being validated in my attractiveness, but the moment it goes from attention to an interaction (i.e. from flirting to asking out) I start panicking.

I’m constantly testing my attraction to men. I pick one or more conventionally attractive men in the room, and try to force myself to be attracted to them.

I like the idea of being with a man, but any time a man makes a move on me I get incredibly uncomfortable.

I like the idea of marrying a man/being in a relationship with a man, but I can always pick out a reason to not want to date any man that is interested in me or any man suggested to me. These reasons are sometimes reasonable, but often insignificant (i.e. “I don’t like guys who do their hair like that, he has a weird mole on his face, he’s too tall”).

I can fantasize about men and find men attractive, but thinking about realistically being with a man makes my stomach churn.

The guys I like always seem to be incredibly feminine or gay. (This never happened to me specifically, but it has happened to many friends).

Alternatively, the guys I like are always a hyper masculine man’s man who embodies everything about manliness.

The guys I like are always unattainable.

I get crushes on guys but they immediately disappear the moment they might like me back.

When I think about guys, I think about all the things that I could tolerate doing with them (dating, kissing, sex, marriage) but always in terms of what I could force myself to do, not what I want to do.

Being around guys that are interested in me gives me intense anxiety.

I like male celebrities, fictional men, and men in art, but never men in real life.

All of my fantasies around men are always with faceless, nameless men; the more realistic the fantasy and the more details about my partner I invent, the less excited and into the fantasy I become.

I want to marry a man, be a stay at home, have 2.5 kids and a dog named Spot, live in the suburbs, and have my kids play sports and paint. I have no idea why I want this, I can’t pick out anything about this goal that is appealing to me, but I want this to happen.

Your fantasies about men still somehow turn out to be a little gay. Maybe you’re penetrating him, you don’t have to look at his face/don’t want to look at his face (I had and still have this one big time), you want a threesome with another woman, he’s very feminine, etc. It might be a “straight fantasy” but you’ve altered it in a way straight people might not be totally interested in.

Your fantasies about men give you intense distress or anxiety. They could be intrusive thoughts, forms of self-harm, or otherwise.

You figure you’re attracted to men but don’t really have any evidence for it. (i.e. “I guess I’m attracted to men because I had a crush on Brian in 2nd grade. I don’t hate men and I have men who I am friends with and whose company I enjoy. Why wouldn’t I be attracted to men?”)

This by no means an exhaustive list of how compulsive heterosexuality/coercive heteronormativity affects people, and there are plenty of people who are genuinely attracted to men who may relate and identify with one or more of these bullet points. However, if you relate to or identify with a lot of these things, I’d say it’s worth an investigation into why so many of these things resonate with you. Is it because you have a specific taste in men or because society has conditioned you to want this? Is it because you have bad experiences with men related to trauma or because these kinds of desires have been ingrained into you? I can’t answer those questions for you, and it will probably take some soul-searching but these are things I noticed for myself that indicated to me I wasn’t experiencing genuine attraction to men.

If anyone else has any compulsory heterosexuality/coercive heteronormavitiy signs they’d like to share, feel free!

[fall-and-shadows]

“Because men want women’s sexual services for themselves only, seeing female-female sexuality as taking something from them, men make women’s heterosexuality compulsory. As a result, females view male sexual partners as “good” and female sexual partners as “bad” for women. But compulsory heterosexuality for women means more than that women should simply have sex with men rather than with women. It means also that women should have sex with men no matter how badly we have been treated by men. Consider, for example, the rape victim who is pressured to “return” to men sexually and affectionally through such remarks as “Are you angry at all men now?” with the implication that being angry at men as a group, or at any man other than the rapist, is not acceptable. Consider also the many ways it is communicated to women that we must have sex with our husbands, whether by priests, sex therapists, the family doctor, or one’s own mother. Choosing to give up sex with men or to withdraw from men because men are physically violent toward women is not considered a legitimate option for women. Imagine the responses you would get if you told others you were giving up sex with men or disengaging from men because men are violent toward women. Choosing to withdraw from men simply because men do not relate to us in mutually empowering ways is treated as heresy. Recall from chapter 3 that, as court trials involving allegations of rape demonstrate, it is often difficult for people to discriminate rape from sex. And women and men frequently view sex and rape differently. More specifically, men often see sex where women see rape.”

— Loving to Survive by Dee L.R. Graham

[adviceforwlw]

How do I know if it's comp het?

That is a tough question to answer and the truth is you’re gonna have to figure it out for your self in the end. I can give you some common signs of comp het.

Your crushes on men are all famous or fictional characters that you will never realistically be able to interact with.

You tend to have crushes on men who are seemingly unavailable or unattainable such as teachers, married or older men and you lose all attraction or get extremely uncomfortable if there are any implications that they might like you back.

You don’t find guys attractive until one of your friends express their attraction of a man.

You mistake the desire for male approval as attraction. You don’t necessarily want a relationship with men, but you want men to want a relationship with you.

You have a ‘list’ of impossible criteria in your head that a man must meet for you to be attracted to him, and if you ever meet someone who matches all the criteria you just add more impossible standards.

You view relationships with men as a chore, burden, or just something you must deal with.

Here are some posts I’ve made on my lesbian positivity blog about comp het and figuring out if you’re bi/pan or a lesbian.

What is Comp Het?

Comp Het vs Heteronormativity

Comp Het Struggles (aka am I bi/pan or a lesbian?)

Hope this helped in some way!!

-Mod Abby

[goldenrayosunshine]

How to recognize comphet:

Disclaimer: None of this is automatically comp het, but if you experience all or most of these things you might want to look into it

Your attraction to men is super generalized, you can’t name a specific trait you find attractive in men

You are only attracted to very gnc men

You feel really uncomfortable when you think about the men you are attracted to

You dread the idea of romance

You get a little angry when you see a man dating a woman waaay out of his league but can’t explain why

You have no desire to actually act on your attraction

When you visualize your future, if you have a husband he plays a very small part/is away most of the time

You really don’t want to date or be intimate with men

You find very masculine men boring/scary/dull/just plain hard to be around

You only have crushes on men you are friends with

You feel things about women that you would definitely consider attraction if you felt it toward men, but brush it off

wlw content makes you feel like you wish that were you

Any feelings of “trying to orchestrate a crush”

@tackylesbians can you help me boost this? It’s my experience with comphet and I was hoping it can help other questioning lesbians

[lipglossdyke]

I was wondering, do you have any tips on how to overcome compulsive heterosexuality and internalized homophobia? Because they’re really messing me up sometimes

Hi!

First off I'm sorry to hear you've been dealing with that. Have you ever come across this? I think it's really helpful for identifying comphet and dealing w it.

Probably the best advice I can give you is to surround yourself with other lesbians, most of us have dealt with what you're dealing with and it can be helpful to talk it over with someone who just gets it. There's a subreddit specifically designed for talking about this called r/comphet. Seeing other lesbians living their lives happily can help you get over internalized homophobia.

I hope I was able to help, I'm open to more questions if this didn't answer it well enough.

[pr1nceshawn]

Why Movies About College are Actually Full of Shit.

[senakoko]

This is very important because my brother and I grew up thinking college was like this. Like we would live out a beer commercial.

And when I got to college and it DIDN’T happen, it stressed me out. I thought I was doing something wrong again. I had, apparently, messed up high school according to the media, and now college?! The supposed best time of my life?! It created a big depression, and living far from home made it worse as I had no friends or family I could immediately talk to. It took a long time for me to understand that movies and commercials and shows that portray college like that is complete and utter bullshit.

[aprillikesthings]

Also, a reminder: 

Most Americans don’t have college degrees. Of the ones who do, tons of them don’t finish in four years. 

Lots of people go to community colleges. 

Lots of people live at their parents’ house while in school. 

The TV and movie stereotype of college–even just the “everyone goes to college and lives in a dorm” thing–only a tiny minority of Americans actually live that out. 

[sinfulnoodle]

And of you feel like you should accomplish more or don’t feel like you accomplished enough remember, the previous generation fucked things up for us so it’s taling EVERYONE a little longer to get to where they want to be

[quasi-normalcy]

My dad’s a professor and it never occurred to me that anyone would actually believe that uni was like how it was depicted on TV. Like, sometimes I would go in with him and find the place full of sleepy twenty-somethings with poor personal hygiene, and you know what? That’s what it’s actually like.

[inserqent]

INTERESTING/HELPFUL READS:

19 Ways to Declutter Your Life That Will Prevent Anxiety    

How and Why to Build ‘White Space’ Into Your Day

34 Most Brilliantly Simple Tricks Everyone Needs to Know

According To Science, There Might Be an Upside To Anxiety

Hacks You Can Use to Organize Your Entire Life

6  Easy Ways To Make Extra Money in 2019

Actually Brilliant Advice That Seems Useless Until You Try It

7 Amazing Reasons To Learn A New Language

10 Genius Smartphone Features That Most People Don’t Know About Yet

37 Things That’ll Help You Get. Stuff. Done. In 2019

Crazy Conspiracy Theories That Actually Turned Out to Be True

10 Legitimately Easy Tips for Getting Your Home Decluttered and Organized

The Most Satisfying KonMari Before and Afters

50 Myths About Your Body You Should Stop Believing Right Now

23 Insanely Easy Tips and Tricks Every Driver Should Know           

[mega-otaku]

I don’t know who needs this but you’re welcome

[itsicantbelievethis666]

Thank you! 

[the-lifeof-a-borderline]

Interview with my Fiance about our relationship-

1. What is the hardest thing about being with someone that has BPD?

- “You really never know what mood they’re going to be in.”

2. What is a good thing about being in a relationship with someone with BPD?

- “They’re passionate.. and they understand emotions like no other. They truly get what its like for someone to be going through a hard time.”

3. What is some advice for someone that has BPD and is getting into a relationship with someone that may not understand their mental illness?

- “Be straight forward, and honest with someone. Tell them what you’re going through. If they aren’t willing to understand, then they probably aren't the right one.”

- “Make sure you are putting yourself out there with someone that is patient. Don’t waste your time with someone that is short minded.”

- “Make sure to not give yourself away, you are worth more than that. Not everyone deserves a piece of you.” 

4. What is some advice for someone that is going into a relationship with someone that has BPD?

- “Understand that their emotions are more sensitive than others. If you are not able to be empathetic, than you should not pursue this relationship.”

-” Patience is an important virtue. If you are someone that is easily flustered then I would not recommend being with this person.”

-”They will get angry, and they will say harsh things. You need to know, first off that this is most likely not your fault. There are times that you will not cause anything to happen, and then their emotions spiral. Its okay.”

5. Can you give us some things that work when your partner is going through an episode.” 

- “Sometimes they see things in themselves that aren’t real, but they perceive it to be real. What i do in that moment is to keep my voice calm, and start talking positively to them. Listing strong traits, and speaking life into them.”

-” Learn what makes them laugh, and learn what makes them become set off. Its not that you are walking on egg shells, but certain words– certain things can really trigger their episode.Using what makes them laugh can help them fall out of an episode because this can distract their mind” 

-” Just be patient, sometimes you cant always help. Sometimes being an ear is all they need. They need someone that understands..”

-” When they are having a bad day, i write a letter to her.. So that she is able to keep this with her. Or i will just do something that makes her feel appreciated. Like purchase her favorite drink (etc) to let her know i am thinking about her.”

6. Can you give me a short list of things that seem to ‘Trigger’ them into an episode? 

- “Saying something like ‘Calm Down’ or ‘Chill out.”

- “When she is trying to be serious and i make everything into a joke. She doesn't feel that her feeling/ she is being taken seriously.” 

- “When i tell her how she should feel about something. Like when i tell her she shouldn't let certain things get to her. I know that some emotions are out of her control.”

7. What is something you wish you knew before entering this relationship about BPD? 

- “I had no idea what it actually was until she told me. At first i thought it was some kind of multiple personality disorder. I now know that people really do need to be educated on this. Not many people know about BPD.”

- “Not to sound rude, but a rule book. I really wanted us to work out, but at first i felt like i was walking on egg shells with her. I didn’t know what to say- or do. I guess as i went along i made my own rule book.”

8. What are some things that scare you about BPD? 

- “Their anger and rage does not stop. It takes a lot to calm them back down.” 

- “The possibility that they might harm them self during an episode, and they are so set on conflicting pain on themselves in this time.”

- “When they don’t like someone, even if it’s something minor.. they easily cut that person from their lives. ..I am often afraid that will happen to me….” 

9. Do you see a change in yourself after the start of your relationship with your partner that has BPD?

- “Yes.. I don’t know if its her borderline, but she is very-very honest with me. She can give me the hard truth and help me snap out of certain things. She has a very low ‘Bull shit’ tolerance. This has helped me see things in myself i never have before. Both good and bad.”

- “Due to her borderline episodes.. i have seen a side of me that i never knew was there. I am able to love her, and give her the gentleness she needs in that moment. This has also really helped me with my patience.”

10. Why have you stayed with her through all of her episodes, and hard times. I am sure that this hasn't been easy for you.”

- “When it comes down to it.. at the end of the day; the real her, is the sweetest most loving person i know. She is truly the most genuine person i have ever met.”

- “She is either black or white with things, but never in the grey. Some people say this is a bad thing, i disagree. When she is passionate about something, she gives it her all. She is in full force with this emotion.” 

- “She’s worth everything to me. She’s my best friend and soul mate. The episodes are temporary, but the woman I fell in love with is on the other side of them. The walks downtown, the cuddling while watching movies and the times together dancing to the old records; all of it and more.”

[shoppingstars]

what is BPD?

 Even though I have a blog about BPD, a lot of people have a lot of doubts about it (about the symptoms, terms, etc). So here is a post about BPD and, please, if you are neurotypical don’t comment “wow I have it” just because you read my post.

Borderline Personality Disorder is diagnosed when there is a persistent pattern of unstable interpersonal relationships, mood and self-image, as well as distinct impulsive behaviour, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts. These difficulties are indicated by five (or more) of the following:

frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.

a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterised by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g. spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). This does not include suicidal or self-harming behaviour.

recurrent suicidal behaviour, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behaviour.

affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood - intense feelings that can last from a few hours to a few days.

chronic feelings of emptiness.

inappropriate intense anger or difficulty controlling anger.

transient, stress-related paranoid ideas or severe dissociative symptoms.

What is FP? 

FP means, for someone who has BPD, favorite person. It is a term that refers to the person you most idealize, usually it is someone you have romantic feelings for, but it can be a friend, fictional character, someone in your family, etc. Not everyone who has BPD has a FP, but it is something common. Having a FP is not something beautiful and shouldn’t be romantized, your mood starts depending on that person, on the way they talk to you, you have a lot of mental breakdowns when they’re gone and it’s something that puts you in risk, because you’re willing to do basically anything for that person.

What is “split”?

Splitting is the action of feeling extremely angry at someone who you usually idealize, for example, your fp (but it doesn’t have to be necessarily your fp). Someone who suffers from BPD usually has black and white thinking or feeling, loving or hating someone, doing something all the time or not at all, basically no harlf term. When someone splits, it means that they were from a extreme to another about their feelings to someone. It can happen for big and important reasons, when someone actually does a serious mistake or it can happen when someone does a “small” mistake and we react extremely, due to BPD hypersensitivity.

What is dissociation?

That’s what Wikipedia says: “In psychology, dissociation is any of a wide array of experiences from mild detachment from immediate surroundings to more severe detachment from physical and emotional experience. The major characteristic of all dissociative phenomena involves a detachment from reality, rather than a loss of reality as in psychosis.”. Dissociation is the match of despersonalization (“Depersonalization can consist of a detachment within the self regarding one’s mind or body, or being a detached observer of oneself. Subjects feel they have changed and that the world has become vague, dreamlike, less real, or lacking in significance. It can be a disturbing experience. Chronic depersonalization refers to depersonalization-derealization disorder, which is classified by the DSM-5 as a dissociative disorder.”) and derealization (“Derealization is an alteration in the perception or experience of the external world so that it seems unreal. Other symptoms include feeling as though one’s environment is lacking in spontaneity, emotional colouring, and depth. It is a dissociative symptom of many conditions.”). Basically, it is feeling like YOU are not real + the WORLD is not real. Okay, I’m not sure about what I’m going to say now, please someone correct me if I’m wrong, but I think that there a lot of dissociative disorders, but in BPD people usually suffer just from dissociative symptoms.

Self-Harm?

Self-harm is when you intentionally hurt yourself. Okay, but why? Some people self-harm to relief the pain, a lot of people with BPD also relate they self-harm to feel real during dissociative episodes or to feel something when the emptiness sensations are acting out. For some people, self-harm is when you hurt your body tissue, for example, cutting or scratching yourself, but, personally, in my opinion, thre are different ways or expressing self-harm before it becomes something extreme, for example, starving yourself, triggering yourself, doing something you don’t want to just because you “deserve it”, etc.

“People with BPD are always abusive.”

That’s absolutely not true. A lot of websites make articles about BPD and, because of a lack of information, they mention we are abusive and things like that. The truth is that no one is automatically abusive JUST because their mental illnesses. Abuse is something related to someone’s behavior, regardless if they’re mentally ill or not. “Okay, so why a lot of people say BPD makes someone abusive?” Maybe it’s because PDs are not a very discussed topic and people are always afraid of the unkown, so it’s better if they just judge us. Also, maybe because people with BPD are often seen as “attention seekers”, which is not something bad, in my opinion, because everyone should receive enough attention, since they’re not using bad mechanisms to get it.

About some other symptoms

Mood swings happen when someone goes to an emotion to another. For someone who has BPD, it happens a lot of times during the day. For example, if you got a friend and they have BPD they can talk about suicide and how hopeless they feel and a few hours or minutes later they can talk about future plans and how excited they are about things. It impacts our affective instability too, so sometimes we get lost thinking if we like someone or not. We can easily “get tired” of someone and then becoming totally dependent on them after some time. 

Our instability also impacts our sense of self, sometimes it makes us question even if we are real (going back to the dissociation aspect). That’s why is so hard for us to do things like choosing a career, because today I can feel like becoming an actress and then tomorrow I want to be a doctor. Our decisions and moods are constantly changing.

Our fear of abandonment controls our lives, we can do things that we don’t even want to just to have someone by our sides. Also, some people with BPD can get too clingy or too distant to someone they love, clingy to avoid the abandonment and distant because of a “leave them before they leave me” thought. That’s why our relationships are very unstable.

Compulsion and impulsivity is a form of expressing our confused feelings, like if we need something to rely on. We can drink too much, eat too much, waste too much money, etc. It can happens for a lot of reasons, for example, to fill the feelings of emptiness or to avoid a breakdown, specially when someone leaves.

Quiet and explosive borderlines

Explosive borderline is someone who is the “classical” borderline. They will act out, they may yell at people, they may get involved in fights and etc. Someone who is a quiet borderline will act in, holding their pain agaisnt themselves, for example, with the self-harm. They may not usually yell at people or get involved in fights, but, instead, they will do terrible things with themselves. There is not a “worse or better type of borderline”, they’re just different types. We all suffer a lot.

Sorry if my grammar wasn’t very correct. English is not my native language. I hope it was a helpful post for some help here on tumblr. Stay strong, borderline community!