It was one of those autumn Saturdays when everyone said “I drank too much last night.” However, I did not feel the same way. I always feel vivid when I wake up. Lonely people are empowered by the experience of loneliness. I start the day feeling alive and drain all my vividness during the day. I'm waiting to live another day, by ending my life like a butterfly at night. The only thing that can be considered a hobby; is my dreams, the moments when I take a long break. If you are wondering what I am doing all day, I am only running. Just like other unfortunate adults, running so fast, non-stop.
***
The doorbell rang, and I dared to open it without looking through the hole because I knew who was knocking. It is obvious, my life is a boring routine. I always know what is going to happen. My only friend, Summer, was waiting for me to go to my job. I put on my coat and one of my false faces before I opened the door.
"Good morning, Jim. Let's not miss the bus this time. Shoes, hurry up" she said.
“Morning, Summer.”
I stuck the laces in the shoe because if I tied them, we would miss the bus. It took me milliseconds to look at her face and immediately turn my head away. Looking at Summer's face is like someone who has been falling into a snowstorm for a long time; comes home and puts her or his hand on a stovepipe that's been burning for hours. Both agonizing and soothing experiences. Her grey-emerald terrifying eyes, the eyes that pierce, impossible to meet.
***
Summer and I rarely meet at work. The only place I can spend time with her is at the bus stop. But anyway, I have more painful problems than that. I've been alone for as long as I can remember. It sucks not to have seen your parents, not to remember a moment that would keep them alive in your mind. Fortunately, I have dreams, I witness better things every dream. That's what keeps me running. The most interesting dream I have ever seen; being a handsome knight. On my white horse, over the wuthering green hills, watching landscapes I'd never really see. An orphan boy (due to his look, I feel he was an orphan) was running towards me. He seemed to want to talk to me about something important. I couldn't compromise my attitude. I was not looking at the boy's face, watching the fascinating scene.
"Father, father," the boy screamed.
I continued to not looking.
"Father, where are you going? I ran too fast to catch up with you. Why didn't you wait for me, Dad?" He deserved an answer with that effort.
As soon as I turned my face to look at the boy's face, the poor child evaporated. It was one of those moments when I realized I was dreaming. I woke up, but I closed my eyes again because I wanted to keep dreaming. This dream should not have ended so soon because I had not ridden my white horse long enou —
“Jim, can you come to my office for a quick evaluation?” said my superior, with a crushing voice and spoiled my conservation with you.
“An evaluation, for what? What did I do wrong, Sir?” I could feel the sweat flowing from my temporals.
“I've been watching you for hours, Jim, and the only thing you're doing is looking at that damn wallpaper. We don't want any useless men here. There are thousands of guys who want to be in your shoes. Get your shit together or —"
I left his room. I loosened my necktie and walked to my desk, packed my things, and left the office immediately. All the hard work I have put in over the years, all those runs, is defeated to my boss's ego. When I went out on the street, realized I didn't need any office stuff, so I threw it all away. The laces I stuck, came out of the shoe. I have never even had time to tie my shoe. I finally felt free.
***
I am so alive; I just want to run. I desire to marry Summer. I want to get her out of that shithole, travel every inch of the world, see the beautiful landscapes. Maybe I can live my dreams? Summer and I make a great couple. Besides, a knighthood is better than working in an office. I can run forever. I might answer the orphan child’s questions. How does it feel to be the first person to run around America? I don't know where to begin. I hope that sense of freedom doesn't disappear quickly.
After tying my shoes, I started running at a low pace. One of the great things about living in Harlem was that I was so close to Central Park. I kept running around the park, inhaling the smell of soil that came out after the rain. When my phone rang, I stopped immediately because it was Summer. I was out of breath running, moreover, when Summer called, my heart kind of failed.
"Where are you, Jim? Why did you leave the office all of a sudden? People are worried about you." her voice was nervous.
“Have not you heard? He scolded me out of the blue. He threatened to fire me for staring blankly at the screen, so I resigned before he fired me.”
“Jim, no. You didn't even talk to the boss. The intern said you just packed up your stuff and left the office. Why did you do that? What happened?”
Suddenly my eyes darkened and my whole life flashed before my eyes, Didn't I talk to the boss? How is that even possible? Am I schizophrenic? I've always wanted to live my dreams, and just 15 minutes after I achieve this, the truth hit me in the face?
“I will call you later, Summer.”
***
Every night since my childhood, I have had these wonderful dreams. I have never forgotten the "Knight" dream, and I barely remember the other good ones. However, after the realization of my mind’s status, I remembered the most important dream of my life. We're having a picnic on Long Island where the green shiny grass stretches like a pillow. My parents and a few other people are here. My mom's preparing the food and my dad's drinking his beer and watching the colossal trees in front of him. I'm playing with my wooden horse toy, trying to figure out what my dad's looking at. He must have seen something very interesting. The shapes of the clouds draw my attention, and all of a sudden, the dark clouds surround us and start thundering. The rain comes at such an unexpected moment that everyone is surprised and suddenly begins to gather picnic stuff. My father must have foreseen it was going to rain. All the stuff is packed up and loaded into the cars. No one notices me, they forgot about my existence. My parents leave me in that field that transforms into a mud pool as the raindrops fall. I'm stuck in the mud with a wooden horse in my hand, waiting for somebody to wake me up.
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