Vodka and sincerity

—from your lips I tasted. This is my alternate blog, my personal blog is reallynaomi

[consecuences]

[reallynao]

I guess im finding out if its better to love someone so similar to u that its like loving a reflection or if its better to love someone so different, someone who never carried the same traumas u did. The former is like being loved the way u want to be loved but its also seeing ur own faults and unresolved trauma in the person u love. The latter is like being shown a different way to love but its also not having the same trauma responses n needing to explain when all u want in the moment is to be understood at a glance. I know im being unreasonable n its why i still think, at the end of the day, im alone in this world n i know myself best, no one will know me the way i know myself n its sad but its also comforting to know that i dont constantly need company,, although it’s welcome!

I should paint, read, n write again n generally just give myself more time

[reallynao]

its been a while since i opened this online journal, daily life before this week had a chokehold on me and i’ve only had time to reflect now that the only routine i have is going to the gym, feeling the unemployment bluesss… NOT LMAO im actually enjoying the days before my graduation bc my employed girlies already gave me a heads up abt how hectic and busy life becomes once u do start working… rn im not stressing abt it, but in the near future i have a big life decision coming up and im still not sure which choice i wanna make… should i go work abroad and settle there for a few years (nice pay, i have relatives there to help me adjust, obvi d better option) or should i stay in d ph? easy decision tbh but thats bc i left out a big factor… my social life. there’s my family, my girls, and dan… the most important, kuma ): luv everyone but kuma gets top prio LMAO fr tho… when i feel alone and detached from everyone, even dan bc we dont spend all of our days together, this decision becomes clearer and nicole worded it best: you’re alone in this world, not in a depressed way but in a practical selfless “no one owes you anything, even the ones that love you” way and that’s exactly what i thought too. I still dream of traveling the world and experiencing as much as i can of what the world has to offer and i think practically this opportunity is a great first step towards that, or the beginning of it if it works out well. At the same time, i was thinking “hmm isn’t my outlook (that i’m alone in this world and that i shouldn’t expect from ppl who love me bc they don’t owe me anything) sounding a bit like a trauma response, specifically detachment followed up by apathy?” am still not sure abt this but i noticed that i lean towards starting a new life abroad when i feel alone but when im with friends, family, or dan suddenly i can’t decide. I still have more self-reflecting to do but i know I can’t do LDR so if i do move to a different country, that would mean i can’t maintain the relationships i have here—not that im maintaining them well rn LMAO y do ppl not reciprocate, am tired of initiating, thank god for nic n cj, my lifelines—and so this makes this already big decision even more of a big decision, cant english let’s move on, anw if anyone has a valo discord full of ppl who plei every day pls adopt me, ive been solo q’ing and sometimes its great but most times its bad. thats another thing ive been happy abt, cant believe i went from iron to gold 3 in like a year or more hehe am still inconsistent but am proud, grinding at d gym (2 months consistent btw) n in valo waw,, buff gamer girl is d goal rn,, later it’ll be buff gamer girl w a high paying job!!! ʷʰᵉᵗʰᵉʳ ᶦᵗ'ˢ ᶦⁿ ᵈ ᵖʰ ᵒʳ ᵃᵇʳᵒᵃᵈ ᶦᵈᵏ

[poetryisdelicioxs]

jus wanna add this but not on main HAHAHAHAHAHA UWU

[love]

Do you? lyrics by Mumford & Sons

[escuerzoresucitado]

[reallynao]

Alam q nman tama si daniel when he said i should be the bigger person even tho my emotions were telling me to be otherwise,, my dreams decided to lecture me din tuloy but w nostalgia. my friends n dan joke that im always right but im lowkey certain that he’s the one who’s always right, tho my pride gets in the way of admitting it sometimes

[snowsiren]

[reallynao]

Kadiri nman ang friend group niyo i wish i could unread ur group messages, di na masasalvage ang friendship na to, sobrang hipokrito mo di ko inexpect sayo, akala ko hurt ka lang, and that your friends don’t define u, they definitely do, ure so two-faced that the anger i feel towards u has eaten up the hurt. How does it feel to peak in highschool,, stay friends bc no one else will have ur backs the way u have each others (so funny that one of u shared the convos willingly, some friends u are 🙂)

[reallynao]

Went to keshi’s first concert in MNL w my brother,, balik ka ok ill dress up to match ur album cover agen 🥹

[lovemariaxxx]

anyway,

i just wanna share this to calm my angry soul. look at my friends! my bestie @reallynao planned this along with our other friends. i hope makahanap kayo ng besties like mine. always bringing out the best in you and comforts u during the darkest hours of ur life.

they ordered two cakes for me and they decided to celebrate or cry with me nung board exam results. grabe mahal na mahal ko sila. i cant express how lucky I am to have them in my life. aa sana kayo rin surrounded ng mga ganitong tao.

wait for me na magkawork i promise im gonna spoil you all!

[reallynao]

Abang tlga aq sugababe number 1

[reallynao]

Ang ironic nman, communication kamo ung problem, hanggang dulo wala pa ring lakas ng loob kasi ung peace niya is “i pretend i do not hear” luv that for u,, why did i ever reach out hoping you’d be different this time around

[reallynao]

d aq bigger person, I’ll reciprocate

[reallynao]

i want to scream i want your “i love you too’s” to look like my “i love you’s”. Reciprocate.

[reallynao]

Soft gloss

[lnocencia]

[praying]

[sulfatto-deactivated20241018]

[wolfslambs]

not to gross u out but i daydream abt u resting ur head on my chest and ur completely at ease and ur safe and warm