pinkskies

23 • Naomi • Me (JNH) • formerly @kireides • When i die i want my tombstone to read: I was enough but the world was not

[reallynao]

If i die,

- Make sure to cremate me, it’s the only thing i ask

- Help each other out with the chores please have you not learned anything

- Be less selfish, more considerate because it kills, someone has to carry alone the things u refuse to help them with

- Take care of my dogs please take them on walks

- Don’t worry about me I’m the bravest woman alive, or rather in death now

- Maybe post my poetry, the good ones not the cringey ones

- Take care of my fish, five pellets a day

- I’ve been agnostic for the longest time, it basically means I admit I’ll never know the answer to what comes after until I’m there. Tbh, I’m leaning towards nothing but I’m aware I could be wrong either way I think I lived a good, awkward, spiteful, fun, and loving life

- Give each other gifts, it’ll come back to you

- Always hold your institutions to the highest standard and women to a human standard, not the other way around

- If there’s an afterlife, I’ll try my best to haunt you to prove it’s real

- If it’s not real, I love you, you’re enough proof that I existed

[cache-e]

“I feel very small. I don't understand. I have so much courage, fire, energy, for many things, yet I get so hurt, so wounded by small things.”

Anaïs Nin, from nearer the moon: the previously unpublished unexpurgated diary,1937-1939

[shatteredjuveniledays]

— Me (JNH) // and to draw constellations only we would know

[reallynao]

he’ll never notice, never observe me, never behold me, the only time i get his full attention is if i ask for it or if i worry him, since his worries hold his mind hostage—and my emotions hold mine but im not as justified bc i dont want to name it, i shame it. i look and observe and behold him constantly, i notice, i calculate, without asking, i just stare and study and learn and i can read him until my tears disturb my vision. Even then i apologize for wetting the page. i put the book down to dry, i dont want to ruin it further but i apologize for that too, its me hurting at all thats the problem. Im sorry.

[reallynao]

been wearing red a lot lately 🍓

[reallynao]

I wish i had a soulmate, i just wanna go so many places, and see so many things, and have someone i can drag along and say “do you see this?!” to

[reallynao]

Drama ko, patapos na kasi cebpac sale tapos walang g sa aya ko to the beach hmph

[reallynao]

So your boyfriend is not your soulmate Nao?

No, not yet at least… i’m also not his when i asked him, there’s still so many things that we cant do together or that doesnt match w us, we’re aware of it but i love him and im having fun with him, ive told him from the start that if the relationship is fun for me, i’ll stay and if it’s not, I’ll leave, its not a date-to-marry situation (then i eat my words and i marry him in the end no? that would be funny) im also referring to platonic relationships, i really want someone who wants the same things as me and is like another me, like we’re one soul split into two bodies

[reallynao]

I wish i had a soulmate, i just wanna go so many places, and see so many things, and have someone i can drag along and say “do you see this?!” to

[remanence-of-love]

[poetryforall]

[mournfulroses]

Trista Mateer, from "Aphrodite Made Me Do It," originally published in 2019

[reallynao]

I got a raise, and my request for health insurance got accepted not just for me but for the whole ph team!! Even for the coworkers i dont like 🙄 yall r welcome

[mournfulroses]

Miguel Hernández, from The Selected Poems of Miguel Hernandez "Elegy for Ramón Sijé,"

[reallynao]

I hate that recently, in my dreams, you’re also dead. Even asleep, I grieve you. My grief never rests now.

[reallynao]

Why did you have to go, now i cant help but live to remember you. I dont like living, but if i die then what proof will be left that you existed, it’ll be like a second death and I would have failed to save you twice.

[letsbelonelytogetherr]

— Silas Melvin

[reallynao]

Nothing much changed… im still sad just underneath thicker layers