Poly Playdate

Hello and welcome to Poly Playdate. This is a site where you ask other poly people questions, you can submit "poly problems," submit a personal ad, or do all of the above. This blog is not limited to polayamorous people, but open to all kinds of non-monogamous relationships! We really hope you enjoy having a central hub to converse with the poly (or non-monogamous) people of Tumblr.

[blalilahaj-alt]

You ever just look at a love triangle and just go:

Polyamory is an option

[grandpabug]

life goal: more poly friends

[queer-kid]

you know what I hate, when people find out I’m poly and they have that one poly friend & they think I should become facebook friends with them.

[polypansexualprincess]

Ughh I'd love to see more post romanticizing polyamory the same way monogamy is..

I understand it's wonderful being someone's "one and only"

But sometimes it's also amazing to listen to your partner gush about their new crush.

Sometimes you can be in love with the way your partner loves everyone. 💞

[vicktoryscreech]

i really wanna stop dreaming about being in a triad only to wake up alone

[biandprobablyhigh223]

[biandprobablyhigh223]

[polyplaydate]

LOL

[rexuality]

Part 2 of this post, all requested!

Adding all designs to my redbubble and society6, just need time to get them up there @_@

[polyplaydate]

what juice are you drinking?

[polyplaydate]

Hello! I've just recently discussed with my girlfriend that I'm poly- I think she's monogamous, but I'm not sure- she's said she's uncertain. I've been doing a lot of research lately and I've noticed a lot of mixed things about rules/boundaries? And, I was hoping I could get some insight about what we currently have set up. I told her I really don't mind what she wants to do outside of our relationship and that I'd prefer to be told about it, but it's not a big deal. Hers were that she's okay with me, like, platonically making out with others, but she doesn't want me to have sex with anyone else and if I'm interested in someone else, she wants to know, so she can consider it.

Different strokes for different folks! Boundaries are different for different people. For instance, someone can have a relationship where they only search for partners together, not separately. Or the other way around. I used to be in a relationship which is much like your second part, before moving forward dating label wise, I’d have a conversation with my partner. What I would be worried about in this set up, is when things get hot and steamy and when people tend to..bend the rules. Being able to make out with others is nice but it would take a setup before of letting them know you can’t go further. It also does sound like you need to reassure your girlfriend that you do care for her and this is to enhance the relationship as whole, not just ones needs over the other 

[polyplaydate]

My husband and I recently entered a poly relationship a couple months ago when his ex came back into his life. This is the first time either of us have done something like this and I’m really struggling with the loneliness. Not that they’re together, just that I don’t have someone else also. And it’s a mega secret from everybody in our lives. Not sure how to handle this, advice is welcome!

Well, I would think about what makes me happy and try and pursue. And that it is a secret that might be hard.  Since you don’t have any close friends to share this with. I think that would be the first step, find someone to talk to and even if it is your partner. Because saying it out loud could also help to see if your partner can help your missing needs. 

[biandprobablyhigh223]

[polyplaydate]

What advice do you have for a poly person in love and in a relationship with a mono person? My bf and I recently closed our relationship after I broke up with my gf due to time constraints with school and work, and he told me he doesnt feel happy with an open relationship. I totally respect that. It's just killing me bc I'm stuck between 2 people I love, and she and I talked about getting back together after I got my degree. Now I feel trapped and dont want to hurt anyone or complicate things.

That is very difficult and I’m sorry you’re going through this.

For me, I do what’s best for myself. I’ve had to end relationships because the person realized they were monogamous or not happy being open. It might work, maybe with more transparency and communication about what the other person needs, but sometimes you’re just not meant to be together. and that’s okay. In the end, you might hurt someone, but you’re being honest and that is better than lying to yourself or others. 

[scandalwife]

It’s sad we have a society that punishs people for seeing & loving the beauty inside more than one person. It’s been a hard thing to understand sometimes, how one Love is celebrated & lifted up as pure & noble but a second equal, somehow defiles itself and anything else before it.

It’s one thing to be romanticly possessive & admit to insecurity (we all have those & jealousy is a natural feeling every human experiences) - it’s something else entirely to condemn another persons ability to cherish more because it scares or challenges.

This is different from *how* you act on these feelings. But it’s easy to see how a culture that condemns Love for more than one person *fosters* sneaking around - if Love +1 is shameful, who would want to openly admit to it? ... but here I’m only addressing the root affection, not how one chooses to handle that “problem.” - a problem that doesn’t have to be, we just like boxes & putting people/things in them. Black & white comfort of definition over uncertainty & the effort it requires.

Seems to point to an older vestige - of Love being only tolerable in the first place! A notion supported by how recently marriage-for-love-not-resources, became a standard practice.

Tl;dr

If my cup runnth over with Love how does it make me a monster?

At its core, is Love really a virtue or a vice?

[polyplaydate]

I find amusement in the fact that 90% of asks are just "I'm poly but my partner isn't okay with that but I really love them" and your response is "honey put yourself first and drop the whole partner"

Oh goodness! I try not to be so mean and apoligze if I’m coming off that way! Mono/polyam relationships can and do work but it takes a lot of work and communication. 

[13thpythagoras]

my partner was monogamous, and I am consistently in love with seven to ten women at a time. Things vibed better when we called each other friends, in the end; however that wasn’t enough for her so I had to pack my bags. I know the deep reboot in life can be the hardest thing. But trust me it’s harder to wake up on your deathbed realizing you did not live the life you wanted. 

[polyplaydate]

BPD anon cont. - 1) what does being polyamorous mean to you? 2) how did you know you were polyamorous? 3) I know it's a part of her identity and this thought is irrational, but I can't help but feel I did something wrong and that I'm not good enough (despite what she tells me). Do you have any suggestions on how to combat this? If you choose to answer these questions, thank you so much for your help! If not, no hard feelings, and have a nice day :)

1) what does being polyamorous mean to you? 

To me, polyamory is multiple relationships with the consent of everyone involved. 

2) how did you know you were polyamorous?

I found out I was polyam by happenstance. I was having feelings while in a relationship and Tumblr actually exposed me to the terminology. Once I had the right words, and knew it was a “thing,” I knew it was me. And I’ve been living my life that way ever since (I “came out” as polyamorous at 16). 

 3) I know it's a part of her identity and this thought is irrational, but I can't help but feel I did something wrong and that I'm not good enough (despite what she tells me). Do you have any suggestions on how to combat this?

So my second polyamorous relationship I was still young, around 17 years old. And at that time, my partner had a car and a license and I didn’t. This meant that she went on more dates, had sex with more people, got more contact than I could. I don’t know if I felt like I did something wrong, but I was envious. What I do know, is that you sound very introspective, which is really good. You’re not blaming your partner for your insecurities, but ultimately, they’re just that. Polyamory should enhance all relationships (such as when a primary gets a secondary the primary relationship is still getting benefits from that secondary. ((I know now all people practice hierarchical but this is just one example)) I would take a deep look at my partner's actions. Are my needs still being met? Do they regularly tell me they love or care about me? Is my opinion valued when shared? Do we communicate issues up front? These are some good starter questions to ask yourself. You would be surprised at the answers. If your partner meets your needs and you’re overall happy (except for instances where you feel negatively) then it is more than likely still a good relationship. There just needs to have a re-framing of the mind. This isn’t easy, either. And takes time. If your partner tells you you didn’t do anything wrong, believe them. If they remind you you are good enough, believe them.  

It is tough being mono with a polyamorous person, but that doesn't mean it won’t work. It sounds like you have a person you care about and can be comfortable with them seeing other people, as long as you feel secure in the relationship. That’s all we ever want to feel. Like our efforts are reciprocated. Take the time to talk to your partner and ask these questions to yourself. With those answers, you can decide the next steps. 

You already took the first step by reaching out for more information. You’re on the right path. I’m willing to answer any question you have! 

[polyplaydate]

Hi! I have questions about polyamory. I'm in an open-relationship, I'm fairly certain I am monogamous, and my gf who I love very much is poly. She has two other partners who are very kind. My problem is that I have Borderline Personality Disorder, so I frequently get in my head and react to the situation in negative ways. I want to understand what polyamory is. I have a few questions if you're comfortable answering them (please don't feel pressured to!! I will respect your choice) - BPD anon

(answering in other post)

[polyplaydate]

Casual polyamory?

I've gone through 2 breakups this year and just want to keep things casual until at least 2021..but I'm still willing to get into a relationship with someone if it falls into place. It's a little difficult to explain that to potential partners. I'm just solo right now and seeking low stress situations.

[polyplaydate]

I've recently come to the realization that my ideal relationship is a mostly monogamous thruple, which is freaking me out a bit. I know it's the hardest kind to have, and I have awful social anxiety, but I can't help daydreaming about having two partners instead of one. Is there anything I can do to get more comfortable with this? I also live with my BFF and their boyfriend, and I have no idea how to come out to them wo making it Weird (I don't like them like that)

I’m not sure if it’s the hardest to have -- where did you see that?

I guess I’m a bit confused  about what you want, mostly it sounds like you're nervous to “come out.” For starters, it’s much like other instances. Why would they assume you want to be with them if you said this is the relationship you want? I would focus on doing more research and then talking to more couples. Try and find the community in your area as well and ask for advice, maybe even find a partner or two. Just be true to yourself and what makes you happy and focus on what type of person you want to be with rather than the amount. Things tend to fall in place.