His heart thumps loudly with guilt, heavy thuds in his ears, and when she finally breaks the silence he knows she gets it. The pieces fit together, the ones he’d kept in his back pocket and away from her. She’s starting to see the whole picture, and though there’s so much more to say, it feels like they’ve finally hit a ledge. It’s a place for them to rest upon while they collect themselves, catch their breath. He nods stiffly, eyes on his hands again. They warp together, fingers knotting woodenly, and he inhales, shoulders rising under pressure. He feels his father’s words in his chest, echoes now. You broke my heart. But it still feels as loud as the first time. The blame is laid at his feet, rightly so, and he has no where to go but up. Surely it’s impossible to fall further?
“Yeah – and that’s why I - I got so scared when you said you wanted to be part of this –” he adds quietly, finally looking at her again. Because she still deserves to know why he couldn’t handle it, why he’d felt the need to push her back. Until it sticks. Because it’s his life now. This, the Serpents. The good and the bad come together, and he can’t control what comes down the line to him, because they’re family now, and as much as she is too, he can’t let them be one in the same. And he’s sure, that deep down, she doesn’t really want it either. “I ruined my dad’s shot at getting on the straight and narrow, and the last thing I wanted to do was do the same to you.” Corrupt you, drag you down with me. “I didn’t want to bring Archie into it – Betty, I had no choice.” Or at least that was how it felt. Back into a corner, living minute to minute. If something had happened to Archie, or to her, how could he have ever lived with himself again? Joining the Serpents had been his way of trying to keep the peace. Not start more wars. “I never wanted to hurt anyone.”
finally , she does it . in the faint porch light a dainty hand reaches out , covering his tightly clenched ones . she can’t resist the urge anymore . she can’t stand to see him in pain , to see him struggling with his inner demons . not without helping him , without offering her comfort . despite everything , the break ups and the make ups , she still cares for him deeply . his pain will always be her pain too . even if he isn’t her boyfriend anymore .
she understands . at least she does now . at first she was bitter . she was mad that he gave up on them . for a brief moment she thought , maybe , he was choosing them over her . she knows she was wrong now . ❝ you can’t change what’s happened , jug . ❞ her words probably aren’t helping , he might not want to hear it . yet she carries on . ❝ but you can start to make up for it . ❞ there’s always light at the end of the tunnel .
the mention of archie makes her stomach turns in knots . she feels sick . she has to confess . hands pull away . gaze diverts to the pavement at her feet . he deserves the truth , even if it scares her . ❝ it’s my turn . i have to tell you something . ❞