You'll be there to push me up the hill | Logan Howlett/Wade Wilson, 5.4k, PG-13
@poolvertober: Day 30 – Treasure
Summary: Five times Logan finds out something new about Wade's friendships, and one time Wade finds out something new about his relationship with Logan. Spoilers for Deadpool & Wolverine deleted scenes. Mentions of the extended cut of Deadpool 2. Rated for language. Takes place some time after the movie's events; assume Logan and Wade are back-up X-Men. Read on Ao3
A/N: This was just an excuse to write about Wade's movie friendships because I adore all of them lmao. Un-beta'd and I wholeheartedly apologize—this is a Mess™ y'all. Title is from Aretha Franklin's You're All I Need to Get By.
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My neighbors and my friends / are very dear to me / They are always there / whenever there is a need
We talk to each other / and we borrow and lend / Such treasures they are, / my neighbors and friends
How lonely and cheerless / a place my soul would be / Without such neighbors / and good friends as these
My Neighbors and Friends Edited Poem by Ellen Bailey
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0.
Ever since he moved to Wade’s timeline, Logan takes to his new world with relative ease. There are minor differences here and there—pieces of history that shook out differently, random names of things that are slightly altered, everyone he once knew just smells different here—but by far his biggest learning curve has just been integrating himself into Wade’s life. Deadpool out of his suit is as chaotic as he is in it, just with marginally less violence.
(Only marginally less because Wade never leaves home without at least one pistol and Baby Knife.)
But it’s not that Wade has the eating preferences of a child addicted to hot sauce, or that he can’t function without a quarter of a boner, or that he literally never shuts up (ever) that confuses Logan the most.
It’s Wade’s little mish-mash group that he calls a family.
Individually, everyone is fine. They don’t blink twice at Logan moving in with Wade and Althea, a dog in tow and a teenage quasi-daughter following shortly after. They’re all wonderfully kind people who welcome the three of them into their little fold of found family.
But he is pretty confused by how this eclectic group is friends with someone like Wade. Between Yukio’s bubbliness and Peter’s awfully mediocre lifestyle, half the folks Wade saved his universe for are some of the last people Logan thinks would hang out with Wade.
Willingly, at that.
Much less actually maintain a friendship with him.
It takes Logan a while to figure out that they fit into Wade’s life the same way he does.
Everyone stays because they somehow, some way, really do love Wade Wilson, and he gives them all the love he can possibly give in return.
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1. Dopinder
Dopinder’s driving Logan and Wade to a drop-off point where they’ll meet the X-Men for their next mission. When they first left the apartment, Wade had loaded up with Logan in the back. After about five minutes of highway traffic, the idiot decided to get into the passenger’s seat to sit next to Dopinder.
On the one hand, Logan’s pissed that Wade is pulling this shit. Getting kicked in the face by one of Wade’s boots when he squeezes into the taxi’s partition certainly doesn’t help.
On the other... well, it’s a great view of Wade’s ass.
(He will never admit that he kind of, maybe likes sitting next to Wade; finds his presence comforting before big missions like this one. But he’s not a fool. They may be dating but Logan’s never going to admit anything out loud, lest Wade starts to annoy him even more than he already does.)
Logan tunes out Wade and Dopinder easily, his mind occupied by mentally reviewing the details of their mission. He only tunes back in after another five minutes of traffic because Dopinder says something that piques his interest.
“But why does Peter get to go on X-Force missions and I don’t?” the cab driver whines, and Logan’s ear twitches at the name.
Dopinder can’t possibly mean Peter W—
“Because sugar bear is a bit more insane than you, my little toaster that could,” Wade answers easily.
Which means, yes, the two are talking about Peter Wisdom, Wade’s middle-aged ex-coworker from the Drive Max car dealership. Even though Peter had shown up in an ill-fitting Deadpool suit while fighting the Deadpool Corps, Logan still has no idea what the hell Dopinder’s talking about. He thought Peter’s interference during the Time Ripper fiasco was a random one-off thing. Does that mean Wade lets Peter tag along on missions regularly?
”I can be insane!” Dopinder retaliates. “I ran over than pervy orphanage headmaster, didn’t I?”
Wade nods. “That you did, Dopinder, that you did.”
“He fuckin’ what now?” Logan interjects, because the cab driver did what?
“Don’t you worry about it, honey badger,” Wade waves him off easily. “It was in the second movie—I’ll give you the run down later. It was actually pretty hilarious though, I’ll admit—”
“And I’m great at humour!” Dopinder points out. “You just said it yourself!”
“You don’t need an excellent sense of humour to become a hitman, but it does certainly help, in my very humble opinion,” Wade concedes. He looks out the window. “And yes, I said humble, not honest—you can pry that from my dead body, which is fucking never.”
Logan’s getting whiplash already and their mission hasn’t even started yet. What the fuck are they talking about? Dopinder wants to be a hitman? And is asking Wade for advice?
Logan can’t dwell on his questions for long because Wade turns back to Dopinder with a sigh. “Listen, goose, I already told you what you needed to hear last time: You’re an eagle and you gotta spread your wings! Seize the opportunity! Carpe that diem and all that jazz!”
He catches Dopinder’s confused expression. “I-I don’t recall you ever saying that...?”
“I agree that the metaphor was severely lost when I said it but I did say it!” Wade insists.
“O-okay... But then how am I supposed to seize it, Mr. Pool?”
“Just like you did with that pedophilic shitstain at the orphanage!” Wade pats Dopinder’s shoulder reassuringly. “When the time comes, you’ll know, my young Padawan.”
“I suppose...” he trails off with a nod. “Thank you, DP.”
Wade bows his head regally. “I am but your noble Jedi master.”
Logan almost feels dizzy by the exchange that just flew past him. Between Dopinder admitting he ran over a pedophile and Peter apparently being more insane than that, he almost misses the sincerity in their conversation. Dopinder looks genuinely comforted by Wade’s advice, which itself is surprisingly honest and helpful.
Who would’ve thought?
“Okay, we’re here!” Dopinder presses a button on the fare counter, where Logan catches the $38.19 price tag before Dopinder resets the machine back to zero. Logan’s about to ask why he did that even though they haven’t paid yet when Dopinder says, “Put it on your tab?”
“As always, my favourite cabbie.”
“Your tab?” Logan asks.
“Oh, DP doesn’t bring his wallet on missions,” Dopinder explains. “Ruins the lines of his suit.”
Wade shoots finger guns at him. “You got that right!”
“Are you fucking serio—you’re a dickhead, bub,” Logan sighs, reaching for his pocket. “Dopinder, I’ll cover the fare this time.”
“No, no! It’s okay, Mr. Wolverine, sir!” Dopinder shakes his head. “DP always pulls through when it comes to paying me back.”
“Peanut, I’m insulted you’d think I wouldn’t pay this earth angel,” Wade gasps, hand on his chest. “What kind of man do you take me for?”
“A mooch who also doesn’t pay rent on time.”
“How dare you! I always make things work.” Wade turns to caress Dopinder’s ear, and Logan suppresses the urge to start growling. “Don’t listen to him—our system is perfect and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.”
Dopinder laughs.
Wade unlocks his seatbelt. “High tens until next time?”
Dopinder raises his palms to meet Wade’s. “Until next time!”
As he exits the taxi, Logan wonders if he even wants to know what the hell just happened in front of him. Wade and Dopinder seem content though, so he leaves it be.
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2. Peter
Logan finishes jogging with Mary Puppins for her morning walk when he strolls up to their apartment. He’s not sure why Peter is there, just that the man greets him at the door when Logan comes home.
“Hey, Logan! Miss Puppins!” Peter says cheerfully, opening the door for the two to step in.
“Welcome back, honey badger!” he hears Wade call from the kitchen. “And welcome back to my little princess, too!”
Mary immediately skitters over to Wade’s open arms. Logan hums his hello before heading to the bathroom to take a shower. Once he’s done and changed, he steps into the living room to find Peter and Wade talking over coffee at the kitchen table while Mary naps on her bed in the corner. Logan walks over to pour himself a cup before grabbing the morning paper off the kitchen counter.
“Pfft, you’re such an old man,” Wade teases.
Logan doesn’t even bother dignifying that with a response and simply kisses Wade’s temple to properly greet him now that he’s cleaned up. Taking a seat, he lifts the broadsheet to his face after sipping his coffee.
“Hey, don’t make fun—I read the paper too!” Peter pokes Wade on the arm. “Anyway, did you give Agent B-15 my email?”
Logan isn’t even looking at him, but he can hear the utterly baffled face that Wade is making when he says, “Why the fuck would she need your email?”
He doesn’t expect Peter’s response at all.
“We kissed!”
He nearly drops the newspaper.
“Excuse the fuck outta your beautiful moustache?!” Wade exclaims.
“Didn’t I tell you?” Peter sounds honest in his confusion.
“No, the flying fuck you did not!”
Logan does his best to continue reading, but between the close proximity and Wade being loud as ever, it’s hard to ignore their conversation. He at least tries to make it look like he’s not blatantly listening to them, only peering over the top edge of the newspaper when Wade and Peter aren’t looking at him.
“Oh!” Peter pauses, and Logan catches a sheepish smile crossing his face. “Well, yeah, we kissed.”
Logan can’t describe the high-pitched noise that escapes Wade—he’s not entirely sure there are words in the English language that can.
“I’m so happy for you, sugar bear!” Wade cheers, leaning over to wrap Peter in a hug. If they were standing, Logan’s positive that he’d sweep Peter right off the floor. “Way to land a babe!”
When he releases a now laughing Peter, Wade punches him in the shoulder. Peter’s laughter quickly turns into a yelp.
“Ow!”
“Now, why the hell didn’t you tell me?!” Wade demands.
Rubbing his shoulder with a whine, Peter says, “I really thought I did! I told—oh.”
“‘Oh’?!”
The appalled expression on Wade’s face is so hilarious that Logan has to cover his face with the paper again to hide his own laugh.
“Maybe I didn’t tell you,” Peter agrees. “I forgot I only told two people.”
“Before me?!”
Logan subtly drops his newspaper again just in time to catch Peter’s pinched expression. He takes another sip of coffee while Peter tilts his head side to side in a so-so motion.
“Um, technically you? Kidpool and Headpool live with me now—”
“WHAT.”
“—and I guess I mixed them up with you, ha!” Peter scratches the back of his head with an apologetic grimace. “Sorry.”
Wade takes a very deep breath, resting his elbows on the table to fold his hands together with a dramatic flourish.
He then begins to count with his fingers as he asks, “One: Did you fucking adopt two AU versions of me? Two: Whatever. I’m still so happy for you!”
Peter’s smile returns, growing even wider. “Thank you!”
“Now,” Wade squeals, “spill the tea, sugar bear! I want all the deets.”
He grabs both of Peter’s hands, practically vibrating in his seat like a high schooler listening to the latest gossip about the popular kids at school. It reminds Logan of the students at the X-Mansion back in his old world, way back when.
“Was there tongue? Hand action? Groin action?” Wade waggles his non-existent eyebrows.
“Oh, gosh, Wade, I—”
Wade’s face splits into a scandalized grin. “There was?!” Even Logan’s eyebrows jump at that.
“No!” Peter immediately cuts in. “But, um, she was the one that kissed me.” His smile turns more bashful, red now colouring his face.
Wade nods at him encouragingly. “And...?!”
Peter squirms excitedly in his seat. “And she waved me goodbye.”
“FUCKIN’ SCORE!” Wade reaches a palm out that Peter meets with a high-five.
“Thank you, buddy!”
The two continue to talk about Peter’s apparently budding relationship with B-15, as well as how the hell he ended up with Kidpool and Headpool. All the while, Logan continues to read his paper and drink his coffee, confused but appreciative of Peter’s grounding presence whenever Wade starts going off the rails.
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3. Althea
At first, Wade’s friendship with Althea baffled Logan. But within 24 hours of living with them he realized why they’re thick as thieves: Neither of them takes the other’s bullshit. It’s apparent when Wade steers Althea into making better choices than spending a whole afternoon snorting cocaine, and Althea yells at Wade to act like an adult human being.
“Motherfucker, I wish left your sorry-ass homeless all those years ago,” she had hissed after Wade, yet again, said something stupid. Logan immediately became on edge—was this really happening at his first dinner here?
But Wade didn’t bite back. Instead, he had calmly asked, “Then who would be the one paying for the Hulu account?”
“Bitch, do you think I can’t swap out Disney for Hulu?”
“No, I think you wouldn’t realize that I cancelled your D+ subscription six months ago because you hated the mid-rolls.”
“Oh, right.” Althea had made a face, apparently remembering she said that. “Well, shit. Thank you, baby.”
“Yeeeup, that’s what I thought,” Wade had replied easily, shovelling more food into his mouth. “Also,” he muffled around a mouthful, “you’re welcome.”
“Don’t talk with food in your fucking mouth!” she chided, smacking her hand in Wade’s general direction.
Wade just stuck his tongue out at her with a disgusting mound of chewed up food, making a taunting noise as he did.
“The dipshit is sticking his tongue out at me, isn’t he?”
Logan could only nod. “Yes, he is.”
And that’s how their banter goes.
It especially turns up when they watch reality TV together. Logan doesn’t get the appeal, probably never will, but he does find it amusing to see how passionate both Wade and Althea are over who wins this week’s challenge, or who gets eliminated from the island, or who takes home the grand prize at the end.
“I swear to god,” Althea grouches one evening, “if that bitch Claire gets a rose and Tamia doesn’t—”
“You fuckin’ said it, Al!”
“My ass is blind and I can still see that she’s gonna divorce that boy two months in.”
“Exactly!”
The two argue over the contestants they like, shit-talk the contestants they hate, and argue during commercials over why their favourite deserves to win with an intensity that would probably count as verbal assault in the legal system. Whenever Wade gets up for drinks and snacks, he never asks Althea if she wants anything. He automatically grabs her favourites from the kitchen and sits back down without missing a beat of whatever heated debate they’re in. Althea wordlessly passes Wade the tissue box when he starts pulling down his sleeves to cover his face because a kid/widowed spouse/senior contestant tells their sob story during solo interviews.
Neither of them ever hesitate to lean their head on the other’s shoulder, or hold hands when things on screen get intense.
Once the show is over, Wade allows Althea to berate him for keeping her up way past my bedtime, goddamn it, I’m gonna be late for bingo again. And Althea allows Wade to bid her goodnight by calling her a geriatric cunt who can’t hang out with young things like me anymore!
(This is, of course, regardless of how late they actually stay up, because Althea never gets out of bed before 10am. Bingo starts at 9.)
They do this every night when Wade isn’t on a mission. In fact, Logan eventually realizes that Wade is usually the one who reminds Althea when their programming is on, mostly because when he and Wade are gone for jobs, she’s more than happy to catch up on their shows by herself.
Logan suspects that Wade not only enjoys their routine, but probably needs it more than Althea does.
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4. X-Men
At the next mission, he’s waiting with Negasonic and Yukio at the X-Mansion while Wade runs off to find Colossus. Logan just rips the Band-Aid off.
“Why the hell are you two friends with him?” He jerks his head towards the direction Wade left.
“I’m not,” Ellie says.
“She is,” Yukio says. Ellie rolls her eyes and playfully pokes her girlfriend in the side. “Also,” Yukio continues with a sincere smile, “Wade is always nice to me.”
Logan grunts his acceptance at that—this universe’s Yukio is so friendly to everyone, he’s not surprised Wade took a liking to her. What she sees in Wade, he still has no clue, but he’s less perplexed by their friendship considering that (to Logan’s knowledge) Wade’s interests align with hers.
Eloise, on the other hand, he is still confused over. So Logan presses on, undeterred. “I’m surprised you haven’t blasted him to smithereens,” he says to her.
“I have.” After a pause, she tilts her head with a pinched expression. “Well, kinda.” At Logan’s concerned silence, she explains, “He was on top of a raft and I blew him up to the sky to help him save Vanessa.”
Logan has no idea what to say to that, so he goes back to his original point: “That doesn’t explain why you’re friends with him.”
He and Ellie stare at each other in silence.
“This ain’t an interrogation, bub,” he eventually says, voice soft. “You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t wanna.”
Ellie continues to stare at him, clearly trying to figure out if Logan has an ulterior motive. As curious as he is, he’s honest about not pushing her if she doesn’t want to tell him anything.
Finally, she sighs, crossing her arms. “He didn’t make fun of my codename.”
That... is not the answer he was expecting. “Really?”
Yukio wraps an arm around Ellie’s waist as she says, “From what I’ve heard, it’s actually quite sweet!”
“No, it isn’t,” Ellie refutes. “He just happened to be the first one to tell me it wasn’t weird or stupid.”
Negasonic Teenage Warhead is a mouthful, Logan does not say out loud.
“I thought he called it ‘the coolest name ever’?” Yukio asks with an innocent look on her face. Ellie rolls her eyes again but doesn’t dispute anything.
Then, she adds, “He also changed the labelling system in the kitchen from tape to velcro labels.” She looks away, but Logan can see the fondness cracking through her expression all the same. “But I’m pretty sure he only did that because he saw me bitching about people stealing my shit all the time and ripping off my labels.”
“Wade’s super nice,” Yukio confirms with a nod.
Logan mulls over this information with a quiet hum and a nod of his own.
Later, once the mission is completed and everyone is scattered around to help victims or talk to the authorities, Logan manages to corner Colossus alone.
“NTW tells me you are ‘grilling people’ about Wade, yes?” he asks in lieu of a greeting. Apparently, the Russian has been expecting him.
Logan doesn’t give a spoken answer but Piotr accepts his silence as one nonetheless. He places his hands on his hips, looking away to nod at Wade in the distance. Logan follows his gaze to find Wade with Laura, the two of them sitting with a little boy and girl—siblings, if Logan had to guess. It looks like Wade is trying to teach the three of them a hand-clap game.
“Wade is... not always good man,” Piotr starts, “but he can be. And he always give second chances, even to people who may not deserve it.”
Logan recalls Wade telling him about his misadventures with X-Force after their ride with Dopinder. “Like that Russell kid?”
“Yes,” he concedes, “but also me.”
“Hm?” He turns to look up at the giant again with a raised eyebrow.
Piotr meets his gaze. “He has told you I left him to Ice Box?”
“Hrm,” he grunts in assent. Logan knows better than to comment on that whole situation, even if he did get super pissed when Wade told him that the X-Men punished him and the kid so harshly.
“I did not give him second chance after his first and only mission as trainee,” Piotr admits with a regretful shake of his head, “but he still came to me for help with Russell, even after I betrayed him.
“He believed that I, a hero, could still save someone after I refused to save him.”
Piotr’s eyes wander back over to where Wade is, whose hands are in the air as he enthusiastically elaborates on something to a very patient Laura. The two siblings laugh at something he says.
“Wade is not perfect,” Piotr finally rumbles, “but perhaps what he is doesn’t need to be.”
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5. Vanessa
Civilian life does not suit Wade at all. Logan’s barely been in this timeline for a year and even he knows how goddamn awful Wade is at anything resembling normalcy. However, the one thing he apparently kept from his brief stint at it was game nights.
(Logan supposes there are worse things Wade could’ve continued doing, like using that god awful toupee that Wade still vehemently denies is a toupee.)
The majority of Wade’s game collection is of the tabletop variety. Logan knows the popular board game classics like Scrabble, Trivial Pursuit, Candyland—but there’s also card games with names like Exploding Cats and Cards Against Humanity.
(Wade and Althea have strict rules to never bring Monopoly, Settlers of Catan, or Uno into the apartment. Logan doesn’t bother asking why.)
Tonight they settle on Pictionary, with teams split into pairs randomized by an online generator: Laura and Yukio, Dopinder and Negasonic, Peter and Colossus, Vanessa and Logan, Dermot and Wade. Althea opts to be the referee and time keeper.
It’s unfortunate that Wade isn’t drawn as the pair’s illustrator (he’s surprisingly competent with crayons when given the chance) because that leaves Dermot as their artist, and he starts drawing god knows what as Wade yells nonsense guesses.
“A donkey? A horse riding a donkey! Donkey on a princess carriage?”
“No!” Dermot cries in despair.
Wade puts his hands up in surrender. “Okay, fine! Not a donkey at all, what the fuck—”
Logan doesn’t even try suppressing his fond smile at his boyfriend’s increasing frustration. Wade looks ready to flip a table with each passing second—though, to be completely fair to him, Logan also has no idea what the hell Dermot is supposed to be drawing.
Since he and Vanessa already finished their turn (they got “chess” as their prompt, for which Vanessa drew the board and pieces easily), they sit next to each other on the sofa, watching their struggling partners with amusement.
“Last minute!” Althea calls out.
“Fuck!”
“Oh god, shoot, okay—”
Logan gently nudges Vanessa’s side with an elbow. “Shouldn’t you be saving your boyfriend from this? I think Wade’s about to pull out Baby Knife.”
“Nah,” Vanessa giggles, waving a dismissive hand. “They’re both adults—they can handle a round of Pictionary.”
Logan shoots her a skeptical look. “I disagree with Wade being an adult, but sure.”
Vanessa giggles again, her laughter turning into a cackle when Althea calls time, and Dermot and Wade groan in defeat. Then, Wade looks at the prompt.
“THAT THING IS SUPPOSED TO BE A GODDAMN BICYCLE?!”
“I’m sorry!”
“For fuck’s sake—”
The two argue (more like Wade bitches about losing while Dermot apologizes profusely for his lack of artistic skill) as Laura and Yukio get ready for their turn. Dermot tries to explain the exact parts of the bicycle he had drawn, and Logan lets out a snort at Wade’s appalled reaction.
“So,” Logan says as the next round begins, “Dermot’s okay with this?”
Vanessa turns to him with raised eyebrows. “‘This’...?” she trails off.
“You and Wade still being close enough for game nights?”
(That’s an understatement to say the least. The two meet each other for coffee once every other week and maintain a long text thread filled with gossip and life updates. Vanessa always kisses his cheek hello and Wade never hesitates to hug her goodbye.)
Her expression softens. “Dermot’s the most patient and understanding guy I know. I could never just abandon Wade, and he gets that.” She shrugs. “Game nights are nothing.”
“Hrm,” Logan grunts.
“Besides, Dermot likes hanging out with us,” she says. “I know Wade thinks he’s super boring, but it just means that whatever the fuck is going on in this apartment is already more than enough entertainment for him.”
Logan grunts again.
“What I’m surprised about is how chill you are with me, big guy,” she admits. When he makes a sound of confusion, she bumps her shoulder with his. “I could ask you the same thing, you know? Wonder why you’re okay with me still being close to Wade.”
Ever since he and Wade became official, Logan has managed to keep his simmering jealousy under control, if with a fair amount of difficulty. It’s not like anybody would be okay with their partner being best friends with their ex-fiancée, and Vanessa is still a huge presence in Wade’s life. Perhaps they’re not as inseparable as Wade and Logan are, but they’re still much closer than most would expect. Their casual physicality used to bother Logan to no end, even though both of them have reassured him that they really are nothing more than friends now.
Truthfully, Logan doesn’t know how the two manage to keep such a comfortable friendship after breaking off an entire engagement, but he doesn’t have it in him to worsen their relationship. It’s not just because Wade basically saved the entire universe for her, or that Vanessa is always so kind to him and doesn’t deserve Logan’s ire. He knows that Wade and Vanessa are good for each other in ways that he might never understand. And, at the end of the day, Logan is the one Wade will always come home to.
He doesn’t want to make the same mistakes he made in his old world and lose his family all over again.
Which means letting go of his pride, reigning in his possessive streak, and letting his boyfriend’s ex and her new boyfriend hang out in their apartment on game nights.
“You make Wade happy,” he answers honestly. “That's enough for me.”
Vanessa gently pats his hand, flashing him a small smile, and Logan knows that he’s doing the right thing because she stays in Wade’s life.
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+1. Logan
Wade and Logan are just outside of Who Gives A Fuck Town in It Doesn’t Matter State on a non-official X-Men mission. Charles had let them know about yet another Weapon X branch that popped up, blah blah blah, everyone knows the plot from here. The most important part is that the facility is so small that it technically doesn’t exist—even in a super secret underground government capacity—so dismantling it is out of the X-Men’s jurisdiction.
It’s a good thing Deadpool isn’t an X-Man then.
Wolverine tagging along on a freelance basis just happens to be a lovely bonus. Besides, Wade is all for letting his boyfriend take a much deserved slice of revenge pie against the program that tortured him.
Before they left, Hank gave them everything they needed to shut the shit down. From what X-Men’s intel could gather, the facility is laughably tiny and understaffed, with less than five so-called “test subjects” (gross) being experimented on. Once he and Logan subdue all the baddies and free the patients, all they have to do is plug in a USB to download the facility’s files before activating a trigger that completely corrupts their digital infrastructure. Typical superhero shit.
When they arrive, they’re met with what appears to be an abandoned specialty clinic about half an hour away from the closest town. The building is dilapidated and depressing as all hell—Wade is going to thoroughly enjoy fucking up the place and the shitheads in it.
Once they handle the expected group of gunmen that try (and hilariously fail) to stop Deadpool and Wolverine, they do unfortunately hit one snag: one of the patients apparently mutated into a slightly smaller, femme Juggernaut. Subduing her takes considerably more time than expected. Luckily for them, she isn’t wearing any protective gear—just her Weapon X uniform. After Logan gets thrown into the ceiling, Wade telepathically yells at Charles for help to take her down, and before long she’s passed out on the floor.
(Thank fuck old Chucky-boy can do that, to be honest. Wade almost wishes he could do the same, but he knows he enjoys violence too much to take the easy way out.)
He runs over to where Logan is groaning under the remains of the ceiling. After uncovering Logan from the debris, he’s able to stand up on his own when Wade pulls him up by the hand.
“You good, honey badger?” he asks, patting him down and assessing for any major injuries.
(If he happens to cop a feel of Logan’s giant arms and tits, he’s just trying to be thorough!)
“Yeah,” Logan says, slapping Wade’s hands away before wiping off excess dust and debris. “Just knocked my head a bit.”
Wade lifts his mask just enough to smack a kiss onto Logan’s cheek. Elbowing him playfully, he says, “Good thing your skull is made of metal, huh?”
Logan just shoves him with a dismissive noise in response, making Wade laugh as he pulls down his mask again.
They split up after that, Logan going to the holding room where the other patients are while Wade skips over to the control room to download this shithole’s entire digital existence. He quickly finds a computer and plugs in Hank’s USB, letting the device do its thing. In the distance, he can hear Logan easily taking down another group of armed men, presumably the guards in charge of keeping the patients in their fucked up prison test tubes.
When the computer beeps at him in completion, Wade hums as he pulls out the USB and makes his way over to where Logan and the others are. He’s about to turn the corner when he hears Logan talking to someone.
“I gotta ask,” a male voice (likely one of the guards) says, “are you dating Deadpool?”
Now that makes Wade pause in the middle of his stride. He stops at the room’s entrance, standing in the hallway because he doesn’t want to interrupt the conversation taking place. It’d be rude, after all.
“That’s none of your fuckin’ business, bub.”
“It’s just—I heard him flirting with you the whole time before you walked in here, man.”
“Still none of your fuckin’ business.”
“That’s not a no.”
Nope, Wade readily agrees, it certainly isn’t!
“The fuck is it to ya if I was?” Logan grumbles.
“I mean, really?” the guy says in a tone a little too incredulous for Wade’s liking. “What the hell do you see in that asshole?”
If he didn’t already ask himself the exact same thing a dozen times a day, Wade would be even more pissed than he already is at how disgusted the dickwad sounds. Give him some fucking credit!
He’s about to announce his presence—and extreme displeasure—when Logan growls, “He makes me laugh, you shithead.”
The statement is followed by the familiar sound of someone getting punched, a pained yowl, then silence. Wade stands quietly in the hallway, chest filling with warmth as he smiles to himself like an idiot in love.
(Well, he is an idiot in love. God’s perfect idiot, actually, and very much in love with Logan Howlett the Wolverine.)
“Hey, peanut!” he finally calls out, stepping into the room as he holds up the USB. “I got everything Hank asked for.”
They easily wrap up the mission from there but, to Wade, that’s not the biggest success he walks away with that day.
He makes me laugh, you shithead.
Oh, Wade cannot wait to unleash that tidbit one day.
——————————————
(More notes on Ao3.)
