content warning maybe ⚠️ depressive thoughts
the things you have to do to live as a human in these system... it wants more from you than it gives, and what it gives isn't even promised
i've had a maybe odd life and have been excluded for most of the standard upbringings, but that means i have to find some way to get back into it... and every time i think about it or just try to start, the thoughts about how everything is made, the pros and cons, the future, my lack of compatibility with most people (beyond them just looking at me and making up what i'm like in their head or too intimidated to get closer or just ghosting when there's actual conversation instead of just watching me), the ridgid steps in these systems, my overall place and likelihood of anything and everything considering where i am at and, again, everything- it makes no damn sense
and i lose the will to do anything at all
