Jack Abbot x Michael Robinavitch (Rabbot) Masterlist: Here!
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While I have one or two smutty fics, I generally avoid writing smut. I'm just not into writing it. No smut bashing from me.
I do not ship bash.
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TW: self-harm, blood, razors, self-hatred. Please take care of yourselves
Mia never had an answer when people asked her why she did it. She knew it frustrated her therapist. They definitely thought she was lying. She honestly didn’t know. Not really.
Things just built up and built up until there wasn’t anything else for her to do.
She had been clean from cutting for two years. She had a job that gave her purpose. She had a boyfriend who loved her and took care of her. Her life was, for the most part, going well.
But depression doesn’t care.
It just seeps into every crevice of your brain.
It coats everything in its oily residue.
She sat on the edge of her tub, a razor in her hand. A red drop fell to the tile floor. She watched it spread out against the white surface.
She had stopped crying an hour ago.
The wounds on her thigh pulsed with a warm ache. Maybe she did it so there was physical pain to match her mental anguish, she thought.
“Mia?” Jack’s voice made her jump. She hadn’t heard the front door. She knew she should move. She needed to hide the evidence of her weakness. She couldn’t get her body to move. She couldn’t get herself to want to.
“Honey?” The knock on the bathroom door shook her awake enough to start to panic. He would leave, she was sure of it. She was always too much for people.
“Can I come in?” There was a tightness in his voice, like he was worried.
“I’m fine.” Her voice cracked, giving her away.
“I’d like to see you. I’ve been trying to call you.” Jack always texted halfway through his shift if they weren’t working together. He liked checking in. He liked having a moment to think of her in the midst of the chaos.
“I….um….” She wanted to scream. She wanted to cry out for him to save her. She was scared.
“Mia, I’m going to open the door.” He was firm in a way that told her he was scared, too.
The door creaked open. Jack stood in his black scrubs. His eyes flashed with fear at the sight of blood coming from Mia. He didn’t immediately register the type of wound, just that there was one. He rushed forward, and the light caught the razor in her hand. He flinched back, realizing the situation he was now in.
“Baby…” His voice was soft and quiet.
“I’m sorry.” The words were shy and small as the tears started flowing down Mia’s cheeks.
“No, it’s okay. It’s okay, Honey.” Jack reached up to wipe the tears from her face.
“I don’t…I don’t know why…I just couldn’t stop myself.” Mia shook.
“I’m going to take the razor, okay?” Jack slowly took the offending sharp object from her hand, placing it on the counter.
“I don’t want to be like this!” Mia couldn’t stop the sobs tearing from her chest.
“I know. It’s okay. I’m going to help you.” Jack promised, sitting on the tub next to her. He gathered her in his arms, letting her soak his shirt.
They sat, clinging to each other, for twenty minutes before Mia caught her breath.
“I need to clean those cuts up. I’ll be right back. I’m going to grab my bag.” Jack kissed her forehead as he got up and rushed out of the room.
Mia watched the rivulet of blood stain her skin. The tender flesh was red and angry. Her anguish was turning to anger. She hated that she was like this. She hated herself. Her shaking hands hovered over the fresh wounds before slamming into it. It sent of shock of pain up her leg. She almost felt relieved. In her mind, she deserved the pain. She raised her hand again.
“Hey! Honey, don’t!” Jack ran over, taking her hand in his.
“I hate it! I hate me!” She cried, ripping her hand from Jack’s grip.
“I love you. You hear me? I love you. I’ll love you, even if you can’t love yourself. I’m going to figure out how to get you through this.” He promised without a second thought.
“I don’t deserve you.” Mia couldn’t look at him.
“You deserve me and more. You deserve happiness. We’ll get there.” Jack wanted her to see herself the way he saw her. To him, she was the greatest person on the planet.
“I’m going to clean your legs up. It might sting.” Jack started focusing on the medicine. He knew exactly how to fix that part. He cleaned the wounds, bandaged her legs, made sure she was safe.
“I’m so tired.” Mia mumbled.
“I know.” Jack brushed the hair from her face. “Let’s go to bed. Tomorrow, we’ll figure out what to do.”
“…okay.” Mia nodded. Jack stood up and offered her his hand. She took it and leaned into him as they fumbled toward the bed.
He made sure she was tucked in and comfortable before popping off his leg and climbing in with her. He held her closer, tighter, than he normally would. He was desperate to keep her safe.
i wanted to point out that noah wyle is in fact someone who makes decisions on the show because he is an executive producer. he’s ofc not the only one who has any creative power but he definitely does have a say in what happens with the show. it’s no hate to you or anything but people have the right to criticize the decisions going on behind the scenes when it’s a pattern affecting women of color.
You’re right, he does have power and should be part of the conversation. However, he doesn’t hold sole responsibility for the show. Of the three, he’s the least powerful. John Wells and Scott Gemmill are never mentioned. Those are the two in charge of story decisions.
sometimes i think some of you are allergic to the men of color in the show. you will go to such lengths to avoid including characters like john and crus and mateo in your art and fics despite the fact that they are recurrent characters with good personalities who are also undeniably attractive like ???
I gotta say guys, everytime I see the word 'Dada' used to describe an older man it makes me wanna vomit.
Daddy I get as a kink, I understand the type of relationship it's meant to be portray but Dada... it's way too infantile to be sexy. It literally makes my body want to try heave.
Summary: You wake up in Jack's apartment. Let the embarrassment begin!
TW: none
A/N: I wanted to do a little continuation of this story. I thought it was cute. I wanted to see what would happen in the morning. It was really fun!
Drool soaking the pillow under your cheek is the first thing you notice. You weren’t awake just yet. More becoming aware of yourself. Sleep was still tugging at the edges of your consciousness. The second thing that weaseled its way into your brain was how nice the linens smelled. You were a night shift nurse. You did the most necessary laundry and left the rest for a day in the distant future. You couldn’t remember the last time you washed your sheets. The thought grossed you out and pulled you further awake. The sound of pots and pans clattering together was the final straw. You were awake.
You looked around the room, barely remembering any of the previous night. You stretched out in the very comfortable bed. You grimaced at the pain tugging at your face. That’s when the memory hit you. You and Casey fought. Jack picked you up. You were in Jack’s house.
You shot straight up in bed, immediately regretting it as the pounding started behind your eyes.
You were in Jack’s house.
Your face grew warm as the memories of last night flooded your brain.
“No, fuck!” You whined, burying your face in the pillow. You flinched back at the pool of drool sticking to your cheek again. Just another thing to add to the list of embarrassments.
You decided it was better to rip the band-aid off and get it over with.
You climbed out of the bed and were reminded that you were in his clothes.
“Fuck.” You sighed.
You carefully padded out toward the sounds of dishes. Jack was standing in the kitchen. He was chopping vegetables as something sizzled in the pan. The smell of fresh coffee almost made you weep. A floorboard creaked under your foot, alerting Jack to your presence.
“Morning.” He tried to not laugh at you. “Um…bathroom is down the hall. Might want to freshen up.”
“Huh?” You looked at him confused.
“You have mascara running down your face.” He smirked.
“Oh my god!” you screeched as you ran back towards the bathroom.
Sure enough, when you looked in the mirror, tear tracks of black ran down your face. You looked like you were trying to be a member of KISS. You cursed yourself as you washed your face. The soap stung your chin.
Once you were satisfied with how you looked, as best as you could in these circumstances, you went back out. Jack was plating up two omelets.
“You’re not allergic to anything, right?” He asked as he brought the plates to the dining table.
“Uh, no. Not that I’m aware of.” You mumbled as you walked over. “You made me breakfast?”
“You seemed like you were probably going to need it.” He shrugged as he went back to the kitchen.
You watched him pour two mugs full of coffee. He put cream and sugar into one cup, setting it in front of you.
“You remember how I take my coffee?”
“Yeah. I also know Shen’s, and Ellis’. I know the whole night shift at this point. We drink so much of this shit.” He sat across from you.
“I’m not used to being noticed, I guess.” You sipped the coffee. It was damn good coffee.
“Well, people notice you. Trust me.” Jack started shoving food into his mouth.
“I’m really sorry about last night-”
“If you let that omelet get cold, I’ll be furious. I fucking slaved over that shit.” Jack cut you off. He was uninterested in unnecessary apologies.
“Right. Sorry.” You smiled as you started eating.
“Red, I’m glad you felt safe enough with me to call me. I tell you guys to call me whenever you need anything. I fucking mean it. I’d rather you be drunk and asleep in my guest room than with some stranger.” Jack said.
“I know. I don’t like bothering people.” You shrugged.
“Who’s bothered? Am I bothered? I couldn’t give less of a shit that you slept here last night!” Jack chuckled.
“Point made! I give in.” You laughed. “Still, I definitely asked some personal shit last night. It was out of line. I’m sorry.”
“You need to stop apologizing so much. Like I told you last night, if I didn’t want to answer you, I wouldn’t. You have nothing to worry about.” He sipped his coffee.
“Thank you for saving me. I don’t usually have such crazy nights.” You shook your head, upset by the events of your night out.
“I didn’t do any saving. Just got you to bed. You handled yourself. Wish I could have seen what Casey looked like.” He snorted.
“God, what a bitch. I can’t believe she’d pull that shit. I knew she was kind of dumb, but I didn’t realize how fucking stupid she was.” You growled as you drank more of your coffee.
“Alcohol tends to show people’s true colors. Stupid people get stupider.”
“This is why I don’t go out. It’s never worth it.” You aggressively shoved a forkful of omelet in your mouth.
“Protecting your peace is important. So is having fun. I wouldn’t avoid going out because of one night.” Jack watched as the anger turned to hurt.
“Maybe.” You shrugged.
The table fell into a comfortable silence as you ate. You almost forgot how embarrassed you were. You almost forgot you were still in Jack’s clothes.
“Oh my god, I’m in your clothes!” you squeaked.
“Yeah. I washed your dress, but I don’t think that pink is coming out.” Jack chuckled as he got up. “You can wear those when you leave. Just bring ‘em back on your next shift.”
“Are you sure?”
“You going to walk around Pittsburgh naked?” Jack came walking back in with your ruined dress.
“I’d rather not.” You sighed, taking the destroyed fabric from him.
“Okay then.” He sat back down to his coffee.
“Man, I really liked that dress.” You shook your head, disappointed again.
“It was nice. Looked nice.” Jack mumbled.
“Cost way too much money, too. I should send Casey the bill.” You growled.
“You should.” Jack nodded. “Make her pay, literally.”
You finished breakfast with idle chitchat. Jack kept a close eye on you. It was as if he were waiting for some breakdown that never came. You were fairly decent at regulating your emotions. You’d cry about your friend in the comfort of your own home.
“I’ll get out of your hair. I’ve overstayed my welcome.” You said.
“You haven’t. But, if you want to go home, that’s fine. I’ll drive you.” Jack said, getting up. He took the plate before you could grab it to help him.
“I can take the bus. It’s fine.” You argued.
“Don’t be stupid. I had every intention of driving you.” Jack stood over you with crossed arms.
“Fine. I can see arguing will get me nowhere.” You chuckled. “I should strip the linens.”
“Don’t worry about the linens.” Jack rolled his eyes.
“I…drooled on your pillow.” Your face grew warm with embarrassment.
“I know.” Jack said.
“What?”
“I checked on you during the night. Wanted to make sure you were still breathing and you were drooling all over the place.” He shrugged.
“Oh my god!” You buried your face in your hands.
“It’s just drool! We work in an ER. I have seen and dealt with much worse. Your drool does not faze me.” Jack chuckled, pulling your hands away from your face.
“I never act like this! I never get myself into these situations! Of course when I do, you’re nice about it!”
“Are you mad that I was nice?” He cocked his head to the side.
“No! It just makes the embarrassment worse! You’re so nice! Your house is nice! You made me breakfast! You’re driving me home! I’m a mess!” The emotional regulation was suddenly out the window.
“Take a breath.” Jack put his hands on your shoulders. “You didn’t do anything to be embarrassed about. I’m not upset. I’m not judging you. You need to relax.”
“I feel stupid.” You sighed.
“You’re not. I’m going to grab your things and we can go. Will you be okay on your own for a second, or should I expect another meltdown?” There was a twinkle of mischief in his eye that made a giggle want to bubble up from your chest.
“I’ll be okay.” You smiled. “Sorry.”
“Stop apologizing, Red.” He scoffed as he walked off.
You sat at the table, a swirl of ten different emotions wreaking havoc on your hungover brain. You weren’t sure where to start when Jack came back in, a hand on your shoulder as he handed you your bag. He smelled nice.
“Thanks.” You muttered as you shuffled to the door and pulled on your heels from the night before. It was certainly a look. Your sparkly heels stood out against the basketball shorts and Nirvana shirt.
“Hell of a look.” Jack chuckled as he opened the passenger door of his Jeep.
“I’m never living this down.” You grumbled as you climbed in.
“Never. Put your address into the GPS.” He turned the car on.
“My key! I never found-”
“In your bag. I went looking, figured they were probably buried under something. I was right.” Jack smirked.
“You’re not supposed to go through a woman’s bag.” You scowled as you typed in your address.
“Well, you didn’t seem to have enough of your faculties to look under all your shit in that thing. I made a judgement call.” He shrugged.
You were surprised that you lived so close to Jack. The drive was only fifteen minutes. Your apartment building was on the nicer side of things, not luxury by any means. Jack pulled the Jeep into a parking spot and parked.
“Thanks again.” You smiled.
“Any time, Red. Maybe try some nicer friends next time.” Jack smirked.
“If there is a next time.” You shuddered at the thought.
“Maybe I’ll have to take you out. Show you how to have fun.” Jack said. You turned to look at him, your neck almost cracking with the speed of it. You tried to find some semblance of a joke in his features, but couldn’t.
“Do you want to meet my cat?” You blurted out. You internally kicked yourself. You didn’t know why that was the thing that came out of your mouth.
“Uh…you have a cat?” Jack asked.
“Yeah. He’s a tabby. Found him in a dumpster when he was a kitten.” You gave a nervous chuckle.
“Sure. Why not?” Jack climbed out of the Jeep.
You were very nervous suddenly. The thought of Jack being in your apartment seemed like a bigger event than you were prepared for. You also weren’t sure what the state of your apartment was. It’d been a minute since you’d deep-cleaned.
You opened the door and were grateful that it wasn’t a complete mess.
“I’d say sorry for the mess, but it usually looks like this.” You gave a nervous chuckle.
“Doesn’t seem messy to me.” Jack said.
“You’re such a liar.” You scoffed as you threw your bag on the kitchen counter.
The sound of a bell jingling came from the bedroom. Your tabby cat came prancing into the room.
“Hey, big guy.” You bent down and gathered him in your arms. He rubbed his hand against your chin and you winced.
“He’s fucking huge.” Jack laughed.
“Yeah. Didn’t know he’d be twenty pounds when I found him. He fit in my two hands when I brought him home.” You kissed the top of his head.
“What’s his name?” Jack asked.
“Pickle. His head was stuck in one of those bagged pickles.” You laughed.
“Rough start, dude.” Jack put his hand out and Pickle sniffed it before bumping his head against him.
“He’s pretty affectionate. Likes to get into trouble. All in all, a good guy.” You put him back on the floor.
“At least you have one good guy around.” Jack smiled as he watched Pickle rub against his leg.
“Well, two. You and him.” Your face grew warm again.
“So, I’m a good guy?” Jack cocked an eyebrow.
“Jack, come on.” You scoffed.
“It’s nice to hear.” He hummed. “Well, I’ll leave you be. See you next shift.”
“Sure. Thanks. I’ll, uh, be waiting for that invite. You gotta show me how to fun, remember?” Your body was practically vibrating with anxiety.
“Oh, I didn’t forget.” He smiled. “It is a shame about that dress. You did look good. Though you always look nice. See you later.” And he was out the door. “I’m going to die.” You crumbled into a ball on the floor. Pickle started kneading your butt.
Hi! I just wanted to say - you are like my favorite author for the pitt. I don't come on tumblr often anymore, but when I do, the first thing I do is check to see if you've posted anything new. I love the way you write these characters and I'm a sucker for hurt/comfort, and you write that so well! Thank you for sharing your talents with this fandom. ♥️
You have no idea how much this means to me!! Thank you for such kind words! I love sharing my ideas with others and being able to foster a sense of community through art. I hope to be able to put out good stories for the foreseeable future!
Just people being extreme about their moral high ground and characters on the Pitt. Blaming things they don’t like on Noah Wyle when in reality it was more likely Scott Gemmil and/or John Wells who are actually in charge of the show.
I remember how everyone reacted to Dr. Al-Hashimi before we even knew her. I saw y’all insult her and question her abilities for the entire season. Only recently has the conversation shifted around her. Sepideh Moafi was out there fighting for her life!
Some of you are not the perfect activist you think you are. Guess what? That’s fine! Because you’re human. Maybe think about that while you keyboard warrior around the internet.
some of you rather get recreationally outraged just to seem like some kind of activist than actually examine why you think the way you do and it's kinda annoying
Hey!! I love your Jack x daughter OC fics, do you think you could write one where his daughter has asthma and one night is scared to sleep so goes to Jacks room (on a rare night off) and asks if she can sleep with him, you can decide what happens from there, sending loads of love🫶
Summary: Request: Jack's teenage daughter has an asthma attack.
Jack was sound asleep at night. A miracle. It was a rare night off, and he was happy to sleep like a normal person for once. Normally, he’d need to take a sleep aid to get to pass out at regular hours, but he’d been working overtime and was exhausted. He was sleeping so well that a bit of drool dribbled out of his mouth and soaked the pillow. It was bliss.
But this was the Abbot house. He didn’t get to sleep peacefully.
The banging on the door made him groan. For a second, he thought about ignoring it. But the banging intensified.
“You can open the door, Olivia,” Jack grumbled as he sat up, turning the lamp on his side table on. That’s when he heard the wheezing.
He grabbed his crutches and rushed over. He opened the door to find his daughter hunched over, clutching her chest and gasping for air.
“Where’s your inhaler?” He asked as he brought her over to the bed to sit down.
“In…my…backpack!” Her voice was garbled and strained.
“Okay, sit upright. Nice and tall. Good girl.” Jack forced her to sit up. “I’ll be right back.”
Jack rushed to the front door, where Olivia’s backpack sat in a crumbled mess. He dug through it until he finally found the inhaler. His crutches pounded against the floor as he sped back to the bedroom.
“Here, Baby.” He put the inhaler to her lips. Olivia grabbed it and puffed the medication into her system. “Big deep breath. Hold it, good.”
“Hurts…” She wheezed.
“I know. Your lungs were straining hard.” Jack rubbed her back, watching her ribs flare out.
“Breathe with your belly. Take another puff.” He instructed. “I’ll be right back, I’m going to get the shower going.”
Jack went to the En Suite and turned the shower to the hottest setting, filling the room with steam. He let the steam roll through the room before going back to Olivia. This was their routine. She’d had asthma since she was eight.
That first asthma attack almost killed him. All his years in the ER and combat and watching his baby gasp for air brought him to his knees. He forgot all of his training. Thank God his wife kept her head on straight. Robby still uses that story to teach his students about why you never treat family.
“Alright, come on. Sit on the toilet.” He perched her on the closed toilet. He watched her for a moment, noting that the blue around her lips was starting to dissipate.
He went and threw on one of his prosthetics and went to the kitchen. He turned the kettle on, grabbed a mug, and a black tea bag. He was always impatient for the kettle to boil. It seemed to take longer on nights like these. He never waited for it to whistle. He just let it get hot enough to steep the tea.
Once he was happy with the color of the tea, he brought it back to the bathroom. Olivia was sitting on the toilet, her eyes closed as she took deep breaths.
“Drink the tea, Honey.” He put the mug in her hands. She sipped it.
“I feel better.” She sighed.
“Good. Where’s your pulse ox monitor?” Jack brushed the hair from her face.
“Next to my bed.” She said.
Jack marched into her room, grabbed the device, and marched back. He clipped it to her finger and waited for a reading.
“96 isn’t bad. Not great, but not bad.” He hummed, leaning on the edge of the sink.
“Sorry, I woke you up.” Olivia always felt guilty when she had to disrupt Jack’s sleep.
“Nothing to be sorry for. You couldn’t breathe, Liv. You wake me up for that.” Jack rubbed her back. The soft, soothing circles made Olivia want to fall asleep.
“My chest doesn’t hurt anymore. Can I go to bed?”
“Let me see,” Jack looked at the pulse ox again. “98, I’ll take it. You can go to bed.” He nodded, taking the mug from her. He dumped the tea in the sink and left the mug on the counter to be tomorrow’s problem.
“Can I sleep with you?” She looked up at him with wide eyes.
Olivia had to be a strong person. Loss forces a person to be. But when she was sick, Jack was reminded that she was just his little girl. She still got scared.
“Yeah, of course.” He smiled. “Come on.” He pulled her to her feet and they went back to the bed.
Jack popped his leg off and got comfortable. Olivia wiggled under the covers and crawled over to wrap herself around Jack. He held her close, kissing the top of her head.
Summary: Jack and the reader celebrate hitting the 30-week milestone. But the excitement doesn't last long.
TW: Putting warnings in the tags to avoid spoilers
The days started blurring together from the beginning. You were happy to have a window; some didn’t get that much. You spent a lot of time watching the sun rise and set over the city. It was almost meditative. You had visitors, of course. Dana and Robby would come by before and after shifts. Lena always made sure to come say hi.
Jack was by your side the whole time.
You had told him to go home and sleep in a real bed. The pull-out that was set up by the window wasn’t good for his back. But he refused. Said he needed to be with you.
“If you’re not comfortable, why should I be?” He said one night after you’d argued for thirty minutes about him needing to go.
You were getting very tired of being poked and prodded. You tried to be patient when the nurses would come take your vitals. You’d snapped more than once at Andrews when she did her exams. It was all weighing on you.
“I got you a surprise.” Jack came in, a sly grin on his face as he handed you a paper bag.
“What’s this for?” You asked, taking the bag.
“Open it.” He sat next to you.
You pulled out a small cupcake. It was vanilla with chocolate frosting and purple sprinkles. A toothpick came out of the top with a piece of paper saying “30 Weeks!!!” taped to it.
“Oh, Jack. You big softy.” You chuckled, leaning over to kiss him.
“Only for you.” He beamed up at you. “Proud of you, Sweetheart.”
“Now, if she can wait seven more weeks, I’d be happy.” You sighed.
“One day at a time.” Jack rubbed your shoulder.
“Can we go for a walk? I’m dying for some non-hospital air.” You begged.
“Alright, let me get you a chair.” He kissed your forehead before leaving the room.
You sat up, something that was getting significantly harder to do. You climbed to your feet and stretched out your back. Your walks were the highlight of your day. You felt a little less like a prisoner.
“Your chariot.” Jack came wheeling a chair, a nurse close behind.
“Let me unhook you, Bunny.” The nurse started taking the leads off you, unhooking your fluids.
“Thank you, Andy.” You smiled.
“Of course. You two have a nice walk. It’s a nice day out!” The nurse waved as she left.
“Can we go to the park?” You asked as you climbed onto the chair.
“I think I can make that happen.” Jack started wheeling you down the hallway.
“How was it last night?” The elevator doors closed and it started moving down.
“Same old, same old. There was a high school football game last night. We got a bunch of senior kids in for various drunken injuries. It was kind of funny.” Jack chuckled.
“Ah, to be young and dumb.” You smiled up at him.
“They were pretty dumb.” Jack pushed your chair out of the elevator.
The sun hit your skin and you instantly relaxed. You closed your eyes and reveled in the warmth of the day. There was a light breeze keeping it the perfect temperature.
“How do you feel today?” Jack asked. He asked you every day. Sometimes it pissed you off, but most of the time it was sweet.
“Big.” You huffed.
“You’re growing a human.” Jack corrected as he parked your chair next to a bench and sat down.
“I’m fine. No different than any other day.” You shrugged.
“That’s good. Not worse, is good.” Jack told you. “Robby and I finished the nursery yesterday.”
“Did you take pictures?” You sat forward.
“Of course.” Jack pulled his phone out and showed you the pictures.
The room was pastel green with clouds painted all over the walls. There was a changing table along one wall, stocked and ready. The crib had a mobile of stars and planets hanging over it. A bookcase filled with books next to a rocking chair.
“It’s perfect.” You wiped the tears from your eyes. “I wish I could have helped.”
“You’re busy growing a baby for the nursery. Way more important.” Jack took his phone back.
“I know, I know.” You sighed.
“How is she?” Jack placed a hand on your belly, gently rubbing in circles.
“Just as antsy as her mother. She’s been kicking up a storm today.” You smiled, putting your hand over his.
“I’m in big trouble. She’s already taking after you.” Jack smirked.
“You’re done for, pal.” You chuckled.
“Oh, Ellis wanted me to update you on her…what did she call it? Situationship? Anyway, she’s seeing this girl…” Jack rambled on.
He didn’t notice you get quite as he explained how Ellis was seeing two girls at once and it was biting her in the ass. He was lost in telling the story.
You took a few deep breaths. You were trying to will away the throbbing in your head. You knew it was a losing battle.
“And apparently it’s a good thing to be sickening-”
“Jack, my head hurts.” You looked up at him with watery eyes. “It hurts really bad.”
“Okay. Okay, deep breaths.” He jumped up. He rushed you back into the hospital. He barked at anyone in his way as he got you back upstairs.
“Get Andrews! Now!” He shouted at the nurses, rushing you into your room.
“It was going too well.” You mumbled as he helped you onto the bed.
“Let’s get you hooked back up. We need a blood pressure.” He said to himself more than you. He started putting the leads back on you, wrapping the BP cuff on your arm and pressing the button to start running it.
“It’s so bad!” You cried. The crushing headache was unbearable.
“Stay with me, baby. Focus on me.” Jack held your face in his hands.
The machine beeped that it was finished taking your pressure. Jack looked up and the color drained from his face. He ran into the hall.
“Where is Andrews!?” He growled.
“She’s on her way from a staff meeting.” A nurse told him as she came running into your room.
“Tell her to fucking run!” Jack pulled out his phone and dialed Robby’s contact.
“Jack?”
“Get up here. Her pressure skyrocketed, severe headache.” Jack tried to keep his voice steady.
“On my way.” Robby hung up.
Jack went back to your side. You were crying, one hand holding your head, the other cradling your belly.
“She’ll be okay, right?” You looked up at Jack with a pleading look.
“She’s going to be just fine, Honey. Let’s get you better. I need you better.” Jack was begging you, the universe, whoever would listen. He couldn’t lose you.
“Let me see the vitals for the past day.” Andrews came rushing in with two nurses on either side. One handed her a tablet.
“Beth, her head is killing her. You gotta do something.” Jack said.
“I know, Jack. We’re going to help her.” Andrews nodded.
“Please!” You cried.
“Bunny, you’ve been trending up all day. Your vitals have spiked too high. Baby’s feeling it too. We need to deliver.” Andrews told you.
“It’s too early! J-just up the meds!”
“Honey, it’s past the meds working.” Jack held your face in his hands. “She’ll be okay. She’s big enough.”
“I’m confident that your baby girl will do well. You won’t if we wait.” Andrews was blunt. You appreciated it.
“…okay. Okay.” You relented.
“Prep for an emergency c-section. Get an OR ready.” Andrews started barking orders as she left the room.
“Jack, I’m scared.” You held his hand in a vice grip.
“I know. Me too. But we can do this.” He squeezed your hands back.
“Okay, Honey. Let’s get you prepped.” A nurse came over to you. “Dr. Abbot, we’ll need you to put the OR scrubs on.”
“Sure.” He took the scrubs handed to him and rushed off to the bathroom.
You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to will away the pain. You tried to somehow make it stop. You just wanted it all to stop.
“Bunny!” Robby came screeching into the room.
“Mikey!” You cried as he came running over.
“Jack called me. Told me what’s going on.” He was out of breath.
“Andrews is doing a C-Section.” You didn’t hide the tears, not from him.
“It’s going to be okay. She’s got your genetics, remember? She’ll be as bullheaded as you. I know it.” He smiled.
“Mike, promise me something. Promise to take care of them if something happens.” Your lip trembled.
“Don’t talk like that. I don’t like it.” Robby hung his head.
“I need you to promise me, Mike!” You barked.
“Fine! Fine. I promise.” He tried to wipe away the tears.
“They’ll look after you, I know it. Don’t worry.” You smiled.
“Bunny, stop it. Please.” Robby winced. Jack came rushing out of bathroom.
“We’re taking her to the OR now.” One of the nurses started getting your gurney ready.
“I’ll look after her, Mike.” Jack promised.
“Love you, Mikey.” You held his hand.
“Love you, Bunny. I’ll see you when it’s over.” He held your hand until your hands were forced apart by distance. He watched you get wheeled down the hall and felt like his world was falling apart.
The OR was cold. The lights were too bright. Nothing about it was comfortable. They had placed an epidural and you couldn’t feel below your sternum. It was an unpleasant numbness. You stared at the ceiling, listening to the chatter around you and the beeping of the machines. You were trying to wrestle with the fact that this was it. No matter what happened. You wouldn’t have another child.
“Hey, Sweetheart.” Jack’s voice calmed some of the gnawing anxiety. He came into view in a scrub cap and blue scrubs.
“We never settled on a name.” Your voice was shaking, eyes watering.
“I think we did.” Jack stroked your cheek. “Ilana.” Your tears spilled at the sound of your grandmother’s name.
“Yeah. She’d like that.” You tried to blink away the tears.
“It’s going to be okay.” Jack whispered to you.
You nodded, unable to keep from sobbing if you opened your mouth. Jack kissed your forehead, keeping a hand on your shoulder, making sure you know that he’s always there.
“We’re making the first incision, we’ll have a birthday in the next fifteen minutes.” Dr. Andrews announced.
“You’re already such a great mother. You’ve given so much to her.” Jack tried to distract you, to heal you.
“I wish I could have given her more.” You squeezed your eyes shut.
“One day she’s going to understand what it took to bring her here and she’s going to be in awe of you.” Jack kissed your cheek.
The OR felt like there was electricity flowing through it. Between the anxiety of you and Jack, it was close to lightening bolt. As the minutes ticked by, you got more and more anxious. Nothing Jack said helped.
“You’re doing great, Honey.” Jack told you.
“Is the warmer ready?” Andrews called out.
“All set.” A nurse answered.
“Okay…just a little more….there she is! Get her on oxygen.” Andrews barked orders like a general.
“Is she okay!?” You asked, hysterical.
“They’re working on her. Give her a second. She just needs a second.” Jack said, though his face betrayed his words. His hands started shaking as he watched the team work on his daughter.
“Please, please be okay.” You murmured to yourself, to the universe.
“How we doing over there?” Andrews asked.
“Hold on!” A doctor grumbled.
Then a small, garbled cry filled the room.
“Oh fuck.” Jack gasped, the tears falling down his face.
“She’s crying!” You sobbed.
“That’s what I like to hear!” Andrews chuckled.
“Lung sounds are weak, she needs to stay on oxygen.” The doctor said.
“As expected. Get her up to the NICU for a full evaluation.” Andrews said.
“Can I see her? Please, before she goes up.” You begged.
“Just a for a second.” The doctor wheeled the incubator they had transferred her to, over.
You could see her little, red face, scrunched up. She was so upset at the disturbance of being born. She was small and frail. She was the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen.
“She’s a fighter already.” The doctor said.
“She’s her mother’s daughter.” Jack’s voice cracked.
“She’s perfect.” You cried.
“We’ll give you an update as soon as we can.” The doctor wheeled her off. You felt a part of yourself leave with her.
“You should go with her.” You told Jack.
“I’ll go see her in a minute. I’m not leaving until you’re closed up.” Jack stood his ground.
“She should have someone with her, Jack.” You felt the panic rising in your chest.
“Okay, just give me a second.” He ran over the phone on the wall and started dialing a number.
“We don’t usually let patients use that phone, Jack.” Andrews was clearly annoyed.
“I’m not the patient. It’ll only be for a second.” He waved her off.
“That husband of yours is something else.” Andrews chuckled.
“Robby! Bunny’s okay. They just delivered her. She’s going up to the NICU. Go sit with her until I can get up there. I don’t want to leave Bunny. Great. Thanks.” Jack hung up the phone and rushed back over to you.
“Thank you.” You smiled up at him.
“I gotta protect my girls.” Jack kissed your forehead.
“Get me more lap pads. No, more.” Andrews barked.
“Everything okay?” Jack asked, starting to peer over the blue curtain.
“Stay on your side, Abbot.” Andrews snapped.
“I-I’m cold…” You mumbled. The chill took over your body gradually. It felt like you were slowly draining. Your mind was getting fuzzy.
“Baby? Stay with me, okay? You gotta stay with me!” Jack begged. He held your cheek in his hand and was shocked by how cold you were.
“Get two units of type match going.” Andrews was in crisis mode and didn’t care who knew it.
“Jack…I don’t feel good…” You mumbled, your eyelids feeling too heavy.
“You’re okay. You’re going to be okay. I’m right here.” His eyes were wide with fear.
“She really was beautiful.” You smiled.
“Just like you. You gotta stay awake so we can go see her again.” Jack was losing it.
“I don’t…I can’t….” Your eyes rolled to the back of your head.
“Bunny!? Please, don’t do this!” Jack cried out. “Beth what’s going on!?”
“Get him out of here. He doesn’t need to see this.” Andrews sighed.
“No! I’m not leaving her!” Jack fought the two scrub techs that came up to him.
“Abbot, I’ve got her! Don’t make me call security!” Andrews was elbow deep in your abdomen, blood was everywhere. It was the only time blood ever made Jack feel sick. He let the techs pull him out of the room.
“You gotta trust Andrews. She’ll take care of her. Go see your baby. Someone will come get you with an update.” The tech gave him a pat on the back and rushed back into the OR.
Jack stood for a moment, unsure how to move. He was torn. He wanted to rush back in, to hold you and do everything to protect you. But he knew that he couldn’t. That you were in the best hands. So, he let his feet drag him to the elevator. He fumbled his way out toward the NICU.
“Dr. Abbot, they were just finishing up the exam on your baby girl.” The nurse at the front desk smiled, though it faded as she took in his tear-stained face. “Robby is with her.”
“C-Can I see her?” His voice was raw and frail.
“Of course. Let’s get you gowned up.” She ran around the desk and pulled him into the prep area.
The nurse was experienced. She’d seen this situation before. She knew he was on autopilot. She helped him pull the gown on and put the shoe covers over his shoes. She pushed him through the NICU, his feet dragging.
Robby was standing over the incubator, mumbling something to the baby. He had a wide smile on his face until he looked up to see Jack.
“Dr. Abbot, there’s a chair right next to her. Have a seat.” The nurse pushed him into the chair.
“Jack?” Robby felt a cold sweat start on the back of his neck.
“She…she started hemorrhaging. They pulled me out. I tried to stay, I wanted….she said she was cold.” Jack clenched his fists, trying to stop from crying anymore.
“Fuck. Fuck, not her.” Robby felt his chest caving in.
“What did the doctor say?” Jack asked, looking over at his daughter. She was so small. They had her hooked up to all sorts of wires. The thing that made him gag was the tube down her throat.
“She stopped breathing on her own. They had to intubate. Her lungs are weak; they still need more time. Her heart is strong, though. He said a bunch of other things. I only caught snippets. She’s doing okay, is what the bottom line is.” Robby told him.
“She cried. When she was born, she cried. We got to hear her. Bunny saw her before they took her up here.” Jack wiped the tear from his eye.
“She’ll be okay. They both will. They have to be.” Robby said.
“She gave everything for this baby. She sacrificed everything for our daughter and still wanted to give her more.” Jack was trying to make sense of the situation.
“She’ll survive this.”
The silence between the two men was filled with the sounds of mechanical breathing and soft beeps of vital machines. The soft symphony that let everyone know there was still a fight happening, even if eyes were closed.
Jack watched the harsh rise and fall of his daughter’s chest. It looked wrong. It was forced. Babies' chests didn’t move like that on their own. It was supposed to be gentle, but rushed. She was supposed to wiggle and wrestle against her swaddle. She was too still. The sedative they had her on, so her lungs could adjust and grow, made her look unreal. Like a painting or a video, distant. He lost track of time, watching his daughter breathe.
“Jack?” Andrews’ voice made him jump. He turned to see the woman in fresh scrubs. It made bile rise in the back of his throat.
“Is…” He couldn’t finish the sentence. Robby stood next to him, a hand on his shoulder as they steadied each other for the news they were about to receive. The unknown making both men breathe harder.
“She’s alive.”
“Oh fuck.” Jack gasped, his head in his hands. Robby let out a long-held breath.
“Jack, she lost a lot of blood. We had to take her uterus. There wasn’t any option.” Andrews sighed.
“But she’s okay? She’ll be okay?” Jack only cared that he’d get to see you again.
“She’ll be okay. She’s starting to wake up. I can take you to her.”
“Yes, please.” Jack jumped up and followed after Andrews.
Jack felt a small twinge of guilt that he didn’t care about them having to take your uterus. He didn’t care if you could never have another baby. He only cared that you were alive. The guilt didn’t last long as he walked in and saw you lying in a hospital bed. You were so pale, no color in your cheeks or lips. Your eyes were fluttering as you fought the anesthesia.
“Hey, Sweetheart.” He rushed over to you, grabbing your cold hand.
“Jack?” you mumbled, your eyes finally opening.
“Yeah, it’s me. You’re okay.” He brushed the hair from your face.
“Is she okay? Where is she?” You tried to sit up, but Jack pushed you back down.
“She’s okay. She’s in the NICU. You need to rest, you lost a lot of blood.” Jack’s thumb rubbed soft circles on your hand.
“Bunny, I need to tell you that we had to take your uterus. It was the only way you would survive.” Andrews stood at the end of your bed, arms crossed.
“I…I can’t…” Your eyes stung with tears.
“It’s going to be okay, Love.” Jack tried to comfort you.
“I can’t give you more.” You whimpered.
“I don’t want more. I don’t need more. I have everything. We have everything we need. She’s upstairs. I just need you and her. That’s it.” Jack’s voice was steady despite the tears that threatened to fall.
“I want to see her.” You wiped the tears from your face.
“You need stay in bed. You just had major surgery.” Andrews said.
“I need to see my daughter!” You growled.
“…okay.” Andrews sighed. “I’ve done this long enough to know better than to argue with a new mother. We’ll get you a wheelchair.” Andrews left the room.
“Bunny, her lungs are weak. They had to intubate. You should know that before you see her.” Jack watched the tears start to form in your eyes.
“She’s intubated?”
“Yeah.” Jack hung his head. “Robby hasn’t left her side. She’s got him wrapped around her finger already.” He smiled.
“She wasn’t alone?” You looked up at him with wide eyes.
“No. She wasn’t alone. She’ll never be alone.” Jack promised, tucking your hair behind your ear.
“Alright, we’re going to take this very slow.” Andrews came back in with a nurse and a wheelchair.
“I’m going to get you unhooked.” The nurse started disconnecting your leads and IV.
“Wrap your arms around my neck.” Jack told you.
“Don’t be a hero, Abbot.” Andrews warned.
“I can carry my wife.” He snapped.
“Jack-”
“I’ve got you, Honey.” Jack nodded.
You wrapped your arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms around you and picked you up. You gasped as the pain shot through you for a moment. He got you settled into the chair.
“You okay?” He asked, checking you over.
“Yeah, just hurts.” You readjusted in the chair.
Jack pushed your chair down the halls like it was the most important job he’d ever done. Your anxiety crept up on you with each step. You’d never been intimidated by hospitals. Medicine was always fascinating and joyous to you. Now, the halls felt like a fortress. Now, the sound of ventilators and monitors felt terrifying.
“What the hell are you doing out of bed?” Robby shot up out of his seat at the sight of you.
“I needed to see her.” You said.
“You know how stubborn she is. I wasn’t arguing.” Jack said, parking you next to the incubator.
“Fuck…” You took in a sharp breath. “Jack, she’s too small.” You didn’t stop the tears.
“She’s strong. She’ll grow.” Jack put a hand on your shoulder. You held onto it.
“I hate the tube. I hate it.” Your lip trembled.
“I know. I do too.” He sighed.
“You can touch her.” A nurse came by.
“What?” You looked up to her with hope.
“Here,” she came over and opened the two circular doors on the incubator. “It’s good for them.”
You took a shaky, pale hand and put it into the incubator. You gingerly took your daughter’s tiny hand in yours. Her little fingers splayed out on the pads of your fingers. You didn’t stop the tears at the first touch of your baby. Jack’s hand joined yours. He dragged a soft touch across the top of her hand.
“She’s so soft.” He murmured.
“The second she gets tired, get her back to bed. I’m trusting you, Abbot.” Andrews pointed at Jack.
“I’m taking care of her. Don’t worry.” He waved her off.
“Did you guys decide on a name?” Robby asked.
“Ilana.” You smiled up at him. He was stunned for a moment before he had to look away.
“It’s…yeah, good choice.” He wiped at his eyes, trying to hide his tears.
“I think she’d be happy with it.” You nodded.
“She’d be thrilled. She’d be a blubbering mess.” Robby chuckled.
“Thank you for staying with her.”
“Of course. She’s my niece. I’ll take care of her, too.” Robby nodded.
“I’m sorry to interrupt. You have a visitor, Dana?” A nurse came up to you.
“Send her over. I’m sure she’s been going crazy, not knowing anything.” You nodded.
You watched as Dana came running over to you, her face red from crying. She threw her arms around you and hugged you so tight, you winced.
“Easy, she’s fresh out of surgery.” Jack warned.
“Oh, Bunny! I was so worried! Thank God, you’re okay!” She held your face in your hands. “Everyone was thinking about you three. We were all worried.”
“I’m okay. I’ll be okay. So will she.” You nodded to the incubator.
“Huh!” Dana gasped as she looked down at the baby. “Gorgeous like her mama.”
“I’m in there somewhere.” Jack huffed.
“I think she got the best of the two of you.” Robby smiled.
