FRANKLY, SIMEON HADNโT EXACTLY EXPECTED HIM TO SIMPLY LET HIM WALK AWAY. if heโs completely honest with himself, heโs looking for a bit of a fight, looking for a reason to lose himself in anger, in some kind of manufactured conflict with somebody who probably doesnโt deserve it in order to alleviate his feelings about โฆ well. everything else, to be quite frank. when the idea had first cropped up, when ammon had first approached the entire band to pitch a reunion tour, it had seemed like a much better plan, as though it would somehow be easy, perhaps even healing in its own strange way. simeon has a tendency to be optimistic at the worst possible times, when such optimism is almost certainly doomed from the start, and he supposes anybody could have told him that this was one of those times. he recalls the way his family had exchanged looks when he announced it at dinner, the forced expressions of happiness between carefully worded concerns about whether he was really sure about this. at the time, heโd shrugged such concerns off ; now he sees plainly their purpose. here he is, halfway miserable, homesick, and trapped, picking fights whenever he can to channel whatever existential bullshit heโs stumbling over.
and like the irresponsible little she heโs always been, he refuses to make apologies for it.
fortunately, catching his bodyguardโs slightly amused expression, even as he tries to conceal it, makes it easier for sim not to be sorry for his own petulance. it deepens the frown on his own face, narrows his eyes, tilts his chin. for all the seriousness of his moods, for all of the damage he has been proven to be capable of over the years, he knows perfectly well that his stature does not lend itself well to intimidation. thereโs no doubt in his mind that swanson must think him almost funny at times, given that itโs hardly difficult to cross his thick arms and look down his nose at the pop star, given their deficit in height. typically, sim uses otherโs underestimation of him as a disarmament tactic, often to great effect. the issue here is that not only do his moods in this instance not exactly lend themselves well that kind of control, but heโs never entirely sure that the guard doesnโt take him seriously, at least occasionally. in prague, heโd even complimented him on his right hook, despite having been actively dragged into a fight that simeon himself absolutely started. ( he probably would have been detained by authorities, had aaron not intervened. ) somehow, the idea that swanson might not entirely dismiss him complicates things in ways that sim canโt quite wrap his mind around - and that he doesnโt quite want to.
his eyes flicker to the palm on the door, then back to the bodyguardโs face, molars grinding together in frustration at being foiled, despite having fully expected to be. he puts himself in these situations willfully, knowing the result will not be to his pleasure, knowing it will give him further fuel for his fire, no matter how petty. oh, how he loves his excuses, after all, which couldnโt be clearer in his fired blue eyes, crystalline and cold as ice like tempered glass. he can feel the heat of rage rising on his cheeks, on the skin of his neck - not something heโd wanted, too vulnerable, but an acceptable sacrifice for the confrontation heโd craved after his brief encounter with ammon in the lobby. by now, theyโre nearly chest to chest, and even though simeon knows perfectly well thereโs almost no way heโs making it through that door, he stands his ground. he wonโt be able to convince swanson to take a swing, he suspects, which seems a disappointment, but perhaps he can get him to raise his voice.
โ no, I havenโt forgotten prague, โ he snarls, crossing his arms over his chest, unyielding. โ the guy was a prick. I stood up for myself. โ an exaggeration, but they donโt have to go into that. โ nothing wrong with that. โ maybe, if thatโs what he had been doing, although he suspects they both know otherwise. he intends to continue, intends perhaps to attempt to tread the thin line between argument and nonchalance given the opportunity - but swanson turns position and simeon, on instinct, turns with him until he finds his back to the door and his bodyguardโs arms caging him on either side.
โ itโsโ nobody would want to be spoken to like a child! โ he somehow recovers, after a momentโs hesitation, trying to ignore the additional heat rising into his cheeks the more he focuses on their proximity. it would have been impossible for him to miss the path of that green gaze as it sweeps down over the length of simโs figure in a way that makes him press further against the door, makes him that much more painfully aware of the position of the other manโs substantial hands on either side of him. heโs a bodyguard and heโs hot, simeon scolds himself as he resumes his stubborn expression, thatโs no reason to crumble and lose your nerve.
maybe what that hot bodyguard says next, however, is.
โ I โฆ what ?! who ?! โ the pop star begins defensively, nostrils flaring as he puffs his chest out just slightly. but thereโs no point in denying it ; the knowing gaze on the other man makes crystal clear to simeon that he has every awareness of the strange and uncomfortable dynamic between himself and ammon al-busiri. a silence hangs heavily between them for a moment, throughout which sim manages to hold impressive eye contact until, finally, heโs forced by his own instinct to glance away. heโs given up ground, he knows, and the hatred of that weakness burns in his chest like fire. his hands curl into fists at his sides, his manicured nails digging into his palms painfully enough to pull him back into his body even as he feels himself moving toward dissociation. finally, he manages, โ of course he did. since when does he ever miss a fucking opportunity. โ the bitterness in his tone chills, even though it clearly isnโt directed at the man in front of him this time - a man whose eyes he still wonโt quite meet, now that the direction of the conversation has changed. โ but itโs no big deal. I donโt care what he thinks. and I already know he thinks Iโm embarrassing. canโt tell you how many times Iโve heard him tell me Iโm not funny in my life. listen, heโs a dick, heโs always going to be a dick, Iโm โฆ used to it trust me, I donโt care, I just โฆ โ he sighs, running one hand through his thick hair, certainly making a bit more of a mess of it, ignoring the sudden dryness in his throat. Iโve said too much, he thinks. โ I just need a coffee. itโs vienna. they serve them with โฆ with the little tray and the, uh โฆ l-little treats on the side. I just need a coffee. โ