The pantied one

Hello and welcome! I'm a guy who collects and wears women's clothing. I make memes and randomly share my thoughts. Please like, follow and coment. 

[cracklewalk]

I think I've figured something out

7/26/26 I think I have come up with words to describe my situation that most people would understand without being too clinical: I fell for the gift wrap rather than the "gift". Does that make sense? I love women but I'm more into what they wear. Now, is there a clinical description for that? At the same time I wouldn't say that "cross dresser" is a term that fits me. There are things that I see that I would definitely like to try on on but not spend a ton of time wearing. More like satisfying a curiosity than anything else.

[cracklewalk]

Bummed

3/29/26 This past Friday was my last day working at a good job. I'd been there for nearly 14 months and I really liked it there. My contract didn't get renewed but I know work will be picking up again.

When I started I had no real role outside of helping my coworkers when needed. At first I was just an extra set of hands when needed but then I started some assembly, even though I had no idea what I was building. There were big white steel boxes with several components inside. I stayed over several afternoons and got to know the lead well. He liked me and gave me more responsibility.

In between all of that there were times where I had to build a storage rack, unload a truck in the parking lot or move huge equipment from one part of the building to another. Usually I was working with someone, which made it fun. One of my coworkers I'll call "N" was an easy guy to work with. He was quite a bit younger than me but we usually had something to talk about.

I learned how to do purchasing for our department. Mostly tools and parts we needed for builds. One of my proudest achievements came when my boss needed a certain type of breaker. Our usual suppliers were all looking at three weeks to get one to us. I got on the internet and found a company on the east coast who could have one to us with in a week. Yeah I paid a bit more for it but we got it when my boss wanted it.

As the year progressed and that build ended there were two that were starting up. I was actually on a dedicated build from last August until just as couple of weeks ago. There were two of us and we assembled connectors and housings around large cables. We were the B build. The C build was going to be done at another facility. All of our builds were sent to different groups and locations for abuse and extreme condition testing in climate controlled chambers and real world weather conditions. We sometimes had failures but for the most part things worked like they were designed to.

The engineers made improvements on the parts that wouldn't pass tests and new versions were designed and built. The second build required a bit less prep time and went together better.

I knew from the very beginning that my contract would eventually end. I started writing things down to describe what I did. In January a woman I would pick up from or bring things to asked if I was permanent yet. I said I wasn't. She said to apply for a job that was posted and that would get me into their system. The job that was posted was looking for a more senior role and involved things I didn't know how to do. I did talk to her supervisor and he said the req had been created just not approved yet. He had my resume and contact information so in case my contract ended he'd still be able to get a hold of me. After January my contract was scheduled to end on February 28th. The project manager on the cables said the build would require another month so I got extended to March 28th. We finished our build a couple of weeks ago and focused on shipping the parts to where the C build would be done. N was out sick for a week so I had to step in and take over some of his jobs. I had done these things before but it had been a while so I was a little rusty but I got it done. Last Monday I asked my boss if my contract was going to be extended. He said he'd get back to me. During the week I'd been talking to other people and managers in other departments and dropping off resumes left and right in effort to get hired permanent. My boss got back to me Thursday and said they weren't going to renew my contract. He did say that one of the departments he oversees has my resume and there would be an interview coming. The manager from that department is one of his friends and my boss gave him a glowing review. On my way home I got a phone call from a number I didn't recognize. They left a voicemail and it was a recruiter for the company I worked for. When I got home I called them back. That manager who is my old boss' friend forwarded my resume to them and he was ready to schedule an interview. I filed out the application for the job on my phone and he scheduled the interview for this coming Tuesday at 10am. He said the interview would take about three hours and I would be before a panel. At first I thought of people in suits firing questions off and me struggling to answer them. When I got the email from the recruiter most of the panel was from people I knew at the company so maybe it won't be as intense. The role I'm applying for is a technician. I don't have a technical background and everything I learned was from helping actual technicians. My concern is that I really don't know the basics but if this department is as nurturing as my old one was then I might be ok. If I don't get this job I might go back to working in construction again. Either way I have enough savings to live on for a few months.

[cracklewalk]

Random memories

2/21/26

Memories are funny things, especially random ones. They can pop up at any time. On Thursday I recalled the last four months of a relationship with C. The nagging feeling that something was wrong, all the way up until it became apparent she was seeing someone else. Yesterday I was graced with a far more pleasant memory of the first night I spent with my last future wife. I'm sure I've written about this here already but I still think it was awesome that she let me sleep in her nightie and a pair of her panties.

[cracklewalk]

Sometimes I think my cat knows what I need

2/1/26

I was in the home stretch of my evening walk tonight, listening to a song by the Band called "Whispering Pines (alternate take)". then I started thinking about what was missing in my life. Love. This happens every now and again and usually something triggers it. After a while those thoughts disappear. I wish I could just avoid them altogether. I think I understand reasons why people drink, take drugs or do any sort of "escape" from reality. There's a part of my life that I just can't fix. I can for the most part ignore it but sooner or later it comes back to visit.

I came home, slipped on a pair of panties and my cat decided he wanted get close to me. He does this by draping his body over my chest and shoulder. It was just what I needed. He started doing this I think in November. I think he was cold but even when it's not he still does it. Anyway, it was what I needed in that moment.

[cracklewalk]

I've rediscovered...

That I don't want to be reminded of the things I can't do.

[cracklewalk]

That last post got me thinking...

12/21/25

As I was getting ready for a shower tonight I started thinking about yesterday's post and some of the memories it unlocked. Memories are like a spider web. They can hold a lot. You remember one thing and then you find it attached to some other memories, good ones, bad ones...anyway you get it. Back to what I wanted to share.

So with my oldest panties dating back to 2000 when I met the woman who became my first wife, I started thinking about what I had before then.

When I moved into my first apartment I didn't have much in the way of panties. I think I only had a few at any given time. The first ones I had came from my sister. I swiped a pair of hers and then a little later I reconnected with an old girlfriend who gave me a bag of her old panties, most of which I didn't want but I did keep a couple. Eventually they all fell apart.

At some point I got this bright idea that I'd source them from the dryers at my complex. At that time there was a mix of a few young but mostly older people. The young people wore ones I didn't like and the older ones had ones I liked but some of them were on a fixed income so I didn't want to take much from them. The other problem was that in most cases they were a size or two smaller than I liked. Oh and let's add some suspicion as to who might be stealing panties out of the dryers.

So at this point I had decided that I needed to buy my own. That led me to my first trip to a department store, a story I have in the archives. I think I made a few purchases and then came the internet with it's online shopping. That was the best hope possible. I could buy them totally anonymously and not risk running into anyone I knew.

So those panties eventually wore out and that brings us to 2000 when I met my future first ex wife.

[cracklewalk]

Some thoughts

12/20/25

I'm sitting here on this predawn Saturday morning wearing pink nylon brief panties with a flower applique under my jeans, sipping my coffee with my cat on my lap. I am thankful for what I have and how I'm living. I know that my words will most likely fall on "blind eyes" but I'm ok with that. This blog from the very start was meant as a way for me to vent, get my thoughts out of my head and into the world in anonymous fashion and maybe someone who gives it a glance on the other end could relate. I see that some folks have gone deep into the archives and like and/or commented on things that I shared years ago. I appreciate that you took the time to read what I had to share at the time. Some of the memes I've shared were attempts to "start a fire". Some work some don't. You are welcome to share them and maybe use as fuel to start your own "fires".

I still like to look at the women where I work that are old enough to be my "kids" and appreciate/wish that they will have fulfilling emotional/sexual/goal-oriented lives. I see couples and families out in public, experiencing life and hopefully enjoying "the ride" along the way. Things that have slipped through my fingers or otherwise eluded me. Is that a sign of maturity? To let go of dreams you thought were attainable but unsustainable and perhaps better left to someone else?

"N" is doing well and I'm going to see her today. She's going to turn 65 at the end of the month. She had a cancerous mole removed from her back a couple of days ago and I'm going to change her bandage for her. After that we're going to spend some time together and maybe go somewhere. We have ideas and she's the one who plans and makes them happen.

As this year draws to a close I think about the ups and downs I've experienced and hope for a better year for both you and myself.

[cracklewalk]

How old are the oldest panties you own?

My oldest panties are somewhere between 20 and 25 years old. They include printed nylon Vanity Fairs, Olgas with bows and Maidenform "Wise Buys". What are your oldest panties?

[cracklewalk]

A little update

11/8/25

Nothing really new to report here. Work's going well. My contract will be extended another 4 months, so my boss tells me. I've been working on a project since the end of August and it looks like I'll be on it for the next phase too.

N is doing well despite having a difficult year. She lost three cats in two months. They were getting old and were very sick. I've been encouraging her to use her "freedom" more and give herself some time before she gets another pet. She's moving to a smaller apartment and is hoping to buy a mobile home at some point.

This friendship not 100% what I'd like with her but the reality is that this is the best I can realistically expect. I want a "girlfriend" but I know I can't keep one happy. This feeling never really goes away. It just ebbs and flows. Sometimes it hurts.

At work I've been listening to a bunch of '80s music lately. Some of these songs take me back to my youth and I get a little emotional. I think about how innocent I was, my perceptions, etc. I think about what I could've done better or differently. I know, the past is gone and we can change only what we do in the present.

A few weeks ago I bought a pair of pink size 9 Shadowline nylon "classic" briefs. Normally I wear a size 7 but I like the feeling of wearing bigger panties because it reminds me of wearing my mother's. Shadowlines tend to run a little big and these are huge. Size 8s would've been perfect. I'm hoping with repeated washings they'll shrink a little.

[cracklewalk]

[cracklewalk]

Is this as good as it gets?

6/21/25

I've tried the path I wanted but it turned out to be a dead end. There's this want I have to be accepted for who I am on a personal level but the older I get the less likely something like that seems possible.

I've tried conventional relationships, I'm pretty certain I'm not gay, I have friends that I do things with from time to time. I have my one friend "N" who I am close to. We hold hands and kiss. We keep it at that level because we know it wouldn't work beyond that. There are things she doesn't know about me that I know she wouldn't be able to accept. Like me wearing panties when I relax. I'd love to try on her panties but I know she wouldn't go for that. She can be needy at times and I try to be there for her. Usually we see each other about once a month or once every two months. Last time we were together we went to see a local favorite band. They played closer to where I live so she came down. They played at the local beach town so she picked me up and we went to the beach first. She loves the ocean and visits it frequently. Personally, I could take it or leave it. But it's what she wants to do so I roll with it. Afterwards we grabbed some dinner, had a couple on N/A Coronas and went to see the show.

She dropped me off and we hugged for a while. It's the only time we get to hug and it has to hold us until we get together again. We text every day. We say good morning and good night with a little chatter in between.

Tomorrow we're going to a baseball game together. I drive the 40 miles to her place and we take the train up. I buy the game tickets. She buys the train ride and we split the cost of the food.

I was never a sports fan but it is exciting to go to a game. She gets way into it. We don't watch the whole thing but we'll get up and walk around, grab some food, drink some N/A beer. When I'm with her I have no direction. I pretty much follow her. There are exceptions to that rule though, like when we're looking for food after the game. She'll find a place and we start walking there. Sometimes it's in the wrong direction. We'll find ourselves in this neighborhood with no restaurants and I'll ask "are you sure we're going the right way?" She'll say she thinks so. I'll get the address from her and it appears we're moving further and further away from our target. I'll say "we need to be going this way". There are times I wonder if she does this on purpose so we can spend more time together. Maybe she really doesn't have a good sense of direction when it comes to walking. I don't know for sure but we sure laugh and giggle along the way.

We get back to her place and sit and talk for another hour or two. She does most of the talking and I listen. When we finally do say goodnight we hug each other for a while. I'll grab her ass quickly but gently, casually trying to feel for a panty line. I'll say that I'm just checking to see if it's still there. One interesting thing to note was that even during the brief time we were dating she never touched me in that way. She doesn't try to touch me today either. The lines defining our friendship are blurred. We have feelings for each other but we know not to cross a certain line. For a while, especially after we started talking again after our brief relationship ended I wasn't sure where those lines were. I kept it conservative and let her lead me to where she wanted to be. It's been I think about three years now so I'm certain I know my limits. I stay well within them and let her "drive", if you will.

I've learned that there are many different kinds of love. Some you'd expect and others I've been surprised to know exist at levels I never thought possible. I still ask myself at times if this is "as good as it gets". On this level for me, maybe it is. I'd really like to stop asking myself but is that possible?

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What's left?

1/17/25

I know I've said this before but sexually I'm about as dead as a doornail. This is a small part of who I am but it kind of defines me.

I think it defines my middle age quite well. When I was younger I could fake it but not anymore. I've found myself exploring avenues I never even considered but they do absolutely nothing to help the situation. I guess this what I have to live with.

I can kill half a day trying to spank it and have nothing come from it. I mean the mood is there but the body is not.

I don't talk to women with hopes of getting to know them better anymore. If I do it's just a hello. I have my friend N but she's strictly a friend. I know she wouldn't go for any "weird" shit. She expressed disgust when I suggested that I wear panties and have her rub my dick. In the past she's suggested us living together before but I don't think she could tolerate me. She wouldn't be able to handle my weird habits much less anything else if the mood hit me.

Sometimes it bothers me but I just accept it. Nothing else I can change.

[cracklewalk]

New year, no news

1/10/25

So as of today I've been out of work for just over two months. I did go on an interview Wednesday and have yet to hear back from anyone.

I'm doing ok. I just have to watch what I spend and not buy anything don't really need. I tend to stay home a lot. When I need to get out I go "window shopping" at stores. I'm not 100% certain if this is a good or bad idea but as long as I'm not buying anything I guess it's ok.

I've been looking for a Telecaster Custom body or a rosewood neck. I've seen both but even when I was working I found them to be expensive to buy. A few years ago I started a build that has evolved over time. It's a sunburst Telecaster style body with a replacement rosewood neck that I found separately on Ebay. The neck pickup is a Gibson humbucker. Lately I've been thinking I'd like a sunburst body with the binding that a Telecaster Custom would have. Kind of like Eric Clapton's Tele that he had in Blind Faith minus the Strat neck. Anyway, I was out window shopping in one of my local small music stores and there was a Telecaster Thinline style guitar sitting on the floor with no price tag. I stopped and looked at it. It had a maple neck and a single bound sunburst body with a highly figured top and single coil pickups. Interesting combination. I asked the guy at the counter if it was for sale. He said he was pretty sure it was. He asked the other guys at the counter and they confirmed it was. I asked how much and the guy said he thought it was $299. My curiosity was peaked. I asked them if I could try it out. The guy said sure and handed me a cable. I found a solid state small Marshall to plug into and started playing. Not a bad little guitar. It was used but it had virtually no wear on it. Not even a scratch. It needed a neck adjustment but other than that seemed fine. The guitar was on the heavy side. The guy said it weighed 9lbs. One thing to note though was that that it didn't sound like a Tele. It sounded more like a P90 equipped Les Paul.

So I returned the guitar to its stand and gave the cable back to the guy. He said he looked up the price and said it was $169 not $299. Well that changed things a little and I felt very motivated to buy it. He rung it up and with tax it was going to be $174 and change. I checked my wallet and I was certain I had enough cash to cover it. I started laying out my cash and was looking for another dollar to make the price. The guy said he'd take $173 for it since I was paying cash. Deal. I walked out with a new toy.

My plan is to put the rosewood neck on it and keep the pickups as they are. I'd like to put the three saddle classic Tele bridge on it but the bridge on there now is a top loader not string through body. I'm also considering leaving it as it is.

So it's been almost two weeks and I still haven't regretted buying it. I guess I needed a distraction from being unemployed.