Diary of a Heartbreak

[posiitiivity]

people don't actually care.

They ask you how you're doing but the only right answer is "good" or "fine". because if you say what actually bothers you they will down play it with a "oh no you got this" or some fake motivational shit. They won't take their time to actually listen and understand. They just wanna hear a "good".

Because people don't actually care.

[posiitiivity]

he showed me my self-worth by not seing it himself

#9 of never fall for a Gemini

[posiitiivity]

you told me not to worry, you're all mine and won't leave anytime soon. and then, exactly one month later, you left.

so how am I supposed to ever believe anyone ever again? you didn't just break me or my heart. you also broke the little faith i had left inside of me.

#7 of never fall for a Gemini

[posiitiivity]

I made it through another day. That is all I can do these days. Trying to get to the end of another day, hoping that the next morning it might hurt a little less. But so far, it never does.

#6days of never fall for a Gemini

[posiitiivity]

You asked me how I'm feeling. You wanna know?

It feels like I'm watching the world fall apart infront of me. I can see the buildings I created tumble down, crashing on the concrete causing it to break. The concrete i thought was so strong. The water taking in all the flowers we grew together and the fire burning all the memories. It feels like an apocalypse right infront of me with no hero showing up. Because he's not sure if my world is still worth being saved. But I still stand here, waiting, hoping. Not knowing how this will all go down.

I just know that if he won't show up to safe my world, i will go down with it.

[posiitiivity]

You tell me you never meant to hurt me.

But how can someone go from over the moon happy, calling me perfect to someone who gets annoyed by every single little thing. You tell me that you're too lazy to even think about us now.

I'm starting to feel like somewhere over the moon you got lost in the darkness.

And it kills me to just wait down here, hoping you might come back.

[posiitiivity]

It amazes me how years have passed by and I still haven't learned the art of heartbreak.

I still don't know how to make someone stay. How to not make them lose interest in me.

I still feel so helpless like the first time. And it still hurts as much. Or maybe twice as much?

I don't know what's worse to be honest. The first time when you don't understand how a heartbreak can not only hurt your heart but your whole body.

Or the one that's just one too many. When you know this feeling way too well and you are losing all faith and hope you've had left.

And after all these years, you are still helpless.

[posiitiivity]

Isn't it scary how someone can tell you about how much fun they've got tonight while you've been home crying.... and they have no idea

[posiitiivity]

that's probably the reason I hate most to open up. To share my feelings. Not the fact how vulnerable I make myself. But the fact that the ones I do open up to know exactly how strong I am. So if I really open up and show that I'm hurt, it means I really need someone to hold me. To be there for me. But they don't. They just act like it's nothing. They just walk away and go back to their life. And that's the worst. As if I'm drowning and they're just watching.

[posiitiivity]

somehow so disgusted with everyone. I literally deserve so much better. I deserve the fucking love I always give but looks like no one is capable to do so.

[posiitiivity]

right now i'm hurt. hurt by you.

Because we both agreed that we are in the state of our relationship where we should BOTH be obsessed with each other. spending every free minute with one another and missing the other if we don't.

But right now I can't really remember the exact last time we even spent 24h together. It's been somewhere around Christmas. And you know what? After that time where we spend a couple days together you got so annoyed by me.

You told me after that thing we'd have more time. Then you go and start doing another thing and another. You always find something else to do and I won't hear from you.

Right now, where I'm at a bad place myself and I'd need you, you show no interest in me. I don't care if you organize a few nice hours if you gonna treat me like that's the highets I get and should be grateful for it and then turn around and leave as if I'm some sort of Job. Sorry if right now I can't believe you if you tell me you miss me.

Especially after I told you how down i'm lately. How I got 0 friends. How I told you how i'm like invisible for all of them and no one would show me they care. You said I'd have you. But right now I don't.

I'm hurt. Hurt by the world

[lesbiandomesticity]

you’re sitting across from me in a shitty diner in anywhere, america, and i watch you pour too much creamer in your coffee and i think “i love you.” you look up, catching me staring, and for a moment i think i’m brave enough to say it, but i take too long and the moment passes. i take the balled up straw wraper and flick it at you, pretending that was my plan all along. you laugh. i never want to go another day without hearing that laugh. i think i will have all the time in the world to say it.

[honigimohr]

“Human relationships are strange. I mean, you are with one person a while, eating and sleeping and living with them, loving them, talking to them, going places together, and then it stops”

— Charles Bukowski (via checked)

[posiitiivity]

..

He's so perfectly wrong for me. From those forbidden butterflies and the haunting in my dreams. From the very first day on I was so drawn to him. It's like I get lost in his blue eyes and forget everything.

Everything except for my boyfriend.

But is it really him that makes my heart skip a beat while also feeling save or is it the fact that I can't have him?

Is he honest when he tells me he wants me and would wait on me?

Or are we both lying to ourselfs...

Guess all we can do is wait for time to be on our side.

[melancholymango]

I did the being edgy and self-deprecating thing, it gets old. I wanna be soft and lovely and easily impressed. I wanna appreciate all the little things that make me happy the same way I’ve dwelled on every single thing that upsets me.

[dreamstay13]

!!!!!!!!

[posiitiivity]

[posiitiivity]

Sometimes I look back at all these posts that I wrote about him. And not like any of you would care, but I wanted to let you know one thing: I moved on. For good. I finally found someone who gives me all his love and who I can give all my love to, without feeling like a fool. I am beyond happy. Even after I thought I’d never find happiness again, I ended up finding an even greater happiness and love.

No matter how heartbroken you are, it’ll get better. It took me 2 years. But it ended.

[posiitiivity]

Update: I faild