i’m not strong enough i give up
You absolutely are strong enough.
You’re incredible. You’ve saved your own life over and over again and won battle after battle. You were the one who survived every heartbreak and every horrible day, the one who picked yourself up again and again and took care of yourself and kept moving forward even when it felt like absolute hell and there were so many voices telling you to give up. You, my friend, are mighty.
If by ‘give up’ you mean you’re tempted to give up on life, there are some things I need to tell you.
This part of your life will end. I promise. Even if this feeling is allyou can remember so far. Absolutely everything about your life is goingto change, sooner than you think. Some of it will happen gradually,sometimes you’ll be taken by total surprise. And there are moments here and therewhere you really do FEEL things changing, you feel the depression actually lifta tiny bit more off your shoulders, and you start to understandthings so much more, bit by bit. It happens. And it’s amazing. It’s worth enduring this pain. Your future is worth getting through the present. That is my promise, from myown experience, and from experience of everyone I know who’s gone through this. I remember when I didn’t believe that getting better was going to happen to me either. But I stuck around, and eventually they really did start happening. I’m not just saying that. My life completely turned upside down, and ended up like, exploding outward in all the best ways that I had no idea existed – I’m not even doing a good job of describing that, but you deserve to experience it. There’s so much you have yet to experience and discover and feel and I’m so excited for you.
The truth is that this life, andyour future in it, is WAY bigger than the hopeless period you’re in now. Listento the tiny, trying, strong voice that’s still telling you to power through allthis. That’s the voice that has it right. And if you listen to it,your bright future will be real.
A lot ofpeople love you – a lotmore than you think. A LOT more. I’ve seen way too many familiesand communities absolutely torn apart by suicide. Suicide truly changes everything for family andfriends, permanently. Yours would never ever be able to live or think or breatheor love or laugh the same way ever again. It would ruin them. Even if depression is trying to convince you that you’re unloved or unimportant, please know that that is never the case. People love and need you. Even ifnot all of those people are the ones who are physically around you. Thinkabout all your followers here, and all the friends in your life you haven’t metyet. They all love you and wish they could give you a hug and tell youhow worthy you are. Mostimportantly, in the coming years of your life, you’re going to meet so manynew people and have new experiences that are going to change your perspectiveon everything.
You’re not going to die yet. You’ve got a long way to gofirst. You’re going to recover from this, finish school, travel all over,find a career you love, probably multiple careers, find a person you love and friends who love you, doeverything you’ve always wanted and more, have amazing experiences and surprises and epiphanies, thoughtsand feelings, and all the ups and downs that happen in between. You’regoing to experience this world before you leave it.
You are a human being. That automatically means that your mind is fullof infinite, unique galaxies different from anyone else’s, and that your bodywill keep you alive tirelessly, even when you don’t want it to. You areliterally made from stardust. You are supposed to be here, you were bornfor a reason, and you are a miracle. Dying now would be like setting fireto your brand-new Ferrari just because the gas prices were high one week — anenormous waste and a terrible idea. You are worth your future.
You are smart and loving andbeautiful and important and full of potential. You were meant to be here,we know that because you exist. You deserve to be here, to take up the space that you do,but you don’t deserve this depression that’s been hurting you. It’s amedical illness that’s very real, not your fault, and most importantly, a temporary blip of your life. You need tostay. You are young, too, which means everything. This world isyours, and this world is going to love you.
The depression that’s telling youto believe bad things about yourself is a mental illness, and mental illnesseshave to do with chemical imbalances in the brain. It might easily betriggered by bullying or life events, of course, but it is an actual sickness, and has nothing to do withwho you are or what you’re worth or how tough you are. It’s a sicknessthat happens to attack you in a different way than other diseases. Instead of breaking down a part of the body, it tries to break down yourown mind and sense of self. It hurts and aches on a very deep level, andit tries to tell you lies aboutyourself — lies like “you’re worthless”, ”you’re stupid”, and the worstlie of all, “yeah, you deserve this pain”. You do not deserve any of it. This is not fair to you. And it’s not your fault. Your depression is a bully. And the bullies are wrong, about everything. I believeyou when you say you want to die, that feeling is real, and it’s yourdepression’s fault that that feeling exists in your mind. You have toremind yourself that those voices are all lying, and that you are stronger. <3 They won’t be around forever, and you are going to do amazingthings.
You CAN get throughthis. And you will. I’m here for you. This newyear is going to be yours. There are somany important and wonderful changes ahead that you have no idea about, and that you deserve to see.
Are you getting any professional help? <3
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