Post-traumatic Palindrome

[posttraumaticpalindrome]

I know that, in the present moment, my life is the best it has ever been and I have no current pressing issue to be upset about but that’s the nature of mental illness. When I am at my best, it will remind me of the worst times and make me feel like I’m back there - whether I like it or not. 

I just wish I could explain it properly so that people understand, I’m not voluntarily revisiting my trauma - it’s just not letting go of me and trying to deal with life day-to-day and carrying all of it around is exhausting.

[st-a-y]

[recoverr-a-deactivated20210530]

i hope you remember it’s very human and normal to crave affection, human interaction, attention and love. you’re not “too needy” or “too sensitive” for wanting to have your emotional and social needs met accordingly. 

[posttraumaticpalindrome]

Putting it here cos I don't know where else to put it, today's mine and my ex's anniversary. The first one after our break up and don't get me wrong, I'm absolutely over him but I'm not over what he did.

Very few people know that he raped me repeatedly throughout our relationship and I've still not dealt with any of it.

I took an overdose a few days ago and I can't bear to tell anyone because I'm so ashamed that I'm still here.

I'm not doing so good guys.

[attainablerecovery]

"Traumatized people chronically feel unsafe inside their bodies: The past is alive in the form of gnawing interior discomfort. Their bodies are constantly bombarded by visceral warning signs, and, in an attempt to control these processes, they often become expert at ignoring their gut feelings and in numbing awareness of what is played out inside. They learn to hide from their selves."

“The Body Keeps The Score” by Bessel van der Kolk

[attainablerecovery]

Because traumatized people often have trouble sensing what is going on in their bodies, they lack a nuanced response to frustration. They either react to stress by becoming “spaced out” or with excessive anger. Whatever their response, they often can’t tell what is upsetting them. This failure to be in touch with their bodies contributes to their well-documented lack of self-protection and high rates of revictimization and also to their remarkable difficulties feeling pleasure, sensuality, and having a sense of meaning.

“The Body Keeps The Score” by Bessel van der Kolk

[bpdamn]

I feel like I have wasted what is supposed to be the best time of my life being depressed and I don’t really know how to get over it.

[whorefromipanema-deactivated202]

Is there a delete button I can use to exit this world please? 🌏

[tearsoakedarmor]

When is it going to stop hurting?

[infpisme]

[honeyedsweetheart]

Me: *sees a bunch of triggering things*

Me: it’s okay, I’m okay. Idc about this.

*five minutes later*

Me: *disassociating*

Me: I guess I’m not okay lol

[thelovethatyouhad]

You did it! You broke 2020 down to its bare essentials!

[the-saddest-comedy]

Me: is too depressed to do anything

Me: gets more depressed because I never do anything

My life is a mess

[trauma420]

that weird trauma dichotomy where you’ve always been considered more grown up and mature than your peers but now that you’re an adult you feel like you’re still a child emotionally

[thedistantwallflower]

[thislovethathurt]

“I think we were meant to be but we did it wrong.”

—4:15 PM

[johnnyjoestarrelatable]

you weren’t a “well behaved” child you had anxiety and were terrified of conflict

[mentalhealth]

lol well fuck