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octwiceber-remade-deactivated20

taquito

destinyrush

Today in men assuming they’re wanted

taquito

this one single frame from spongebob is so haunting

itsagifnotagif

I am deceased

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bf: babe come over

me: i can’t, i’m having an existential crisis

bf: my parents aren’t home

me: are any of us really, truly….home?

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Friend: I have a job, a car and I’m doing really well in school, what about you?

Me:

The Lord: *giveth*

me: nice

The Lord: *taketh away*

me: wtf

bumblebeebats

College professor type 1: any email you send them on Friday or after 4pm on a weekday is lost to the void. Gone. A whisper in the wind. Office hours? 7:00-7:15 on alternate tuesdays. My office is in Montana good fucking luck

College professor type 2: responds within 2 minutes at 3am on a weekend but only in single sentences with no punctuation

#the accuracy

brown-nena

How Amazon reviews go:

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ “This is the best thing I’ve ever purchased in my entire life. Customer service rep was like family. Delivery time was 16 minutes, condition is perfect, and it has lasted me 20 years.”

⭐️ “Ordered a bed frame and got a pack of plastic knives instead. Customer service told me to fuck off. Delivery lasted 7 years. Caused a divorce. Lost my house. I am now going to jail.”