Hi! I'm sort of new to Tumblr! I'm passive, mostly a lurker and I love to ramble.
I don't like revealing personal details but I can confirm that I'm 18+ but I don't really post anything NSFW? I will ask those who are minors to be cautious regardless.
I'm a lot more active here than any other site so don't worry about other socials, I suppose.
Here's my ao3 btw
And here are the fandoms I interact mostly with (as of May 2025):
Bungou Stray Dogs
Slay the Princess
Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Oneshot
Town of Salem 1 and 2
SCP Foundation (It depends on my mood)
(I do adore more hyperfixations, fandoms, and other media though!! I will be interacting those above me more...)
either a) nobody tells each other and all suffers on their own thinking others don’t know about it or b) everyone tells eachother and the underground is full of fake joy trying to not have monsterkind fall down into despair or the third secret option) they chill with it
Frisk is Posessed by the Undertale Fandom
every single second, they spout random things that they probably shouldn’t know, something that makes the complete sense of zero, or something that comes out of the blue like a twitch chat
Finally got around to watching a playthrough of Deltarune chapter 3. WHY IS ROULX KAARD IN A TOXIC POLYCULE??? HE IS BISEXUAL??? THE Original Starwalker HAS RIZZ?? WHAAT????
Guys I might just do fic endorsements because oh my god I've been obsessed with Amalgamate for the past few days. You don't understand, I'm actually obsessed because the fic is so insane. I've reread it two times already and I'm stopping myself before I reread it a third time because I don't want the story to be stale or lose its magic. Guys, I wish this fic was actually canon.
You don't understand. I've recently just gotten into DRV3 after ignoring it for so long because of the fandom. I will admit I'm not too much of a big fan and I don't think it'll be in my top fandoms. I'm not even investing in shipping except for just slight shipping because the character dynamics might be interesting or they're cute. But this fic is so beautiful. I see Oumota in this fic as platonic, queer platonic and romantic at the same time its actually nuts. I love the Oumota dyamics in this fic so much oh my god-- I ship them but also not. Each character, introspection, character dynamic and relationship is written so beautifully here I'm actually spinning like a beyblade and tumbling down the stairs.
Okay, I'm stopping myself now. I've already written a 10k character comment on this fic already and the more I type here the more I'm tempted to write more. I'm also tempted to write commentary on each and every paragraph of this fic but I know I need to focus on the fic I'm writing atm. If you are or were invested in DRV3 I highly implore you to read Amalgamate. You won't regret it, I swear.
If you introduce a named character with a relationship to a protagonist, their character arc must be resolved in a way that feels reasonable and satisfying
Which is to say: they can’t just dissappear when they’re no longer a convenient plot device
Thor’s Mum rule – If you’re going to kill a character who’s carried any part of the plot, take a bit to reimagine the plot as if she were the main character, and the story ends when she dies. If it’s unsatisfying, rewrite either her plot points, or her death, to make both more meaningful.
Which is to say – don’t treat side characters as ammo with which to hurt your main guy. ESPECIALLY if they’re women.
don’t understand why we need to make up random scenarios for soukoku angst. it’s already in the canon like.
i love you but i hate you because you betrayed my greatest values and left without a word. now i can think of nothing but how to kill you because i swore that would be exactly what i’d do the moment i got my hands on you again, but you’re back in my life and i can’t seem to do it, or maybe i’m too busy.
you act like nothings happened. you act like nothings wrong. you act like four years apart is no time at all, and everything’s exactly the same, and look - we’re arguing, just like we used to, and i’ll go along with it if only because shouting at you is the only way i can defend myself from whatever disgusting, immoral, manipulative scheme you’re thinking up, because in the end i can’t kill you, even if i want to, because every nerve in my body burns with loyalty, and maybe the reason we still act the same now as we did four years ago is because we’re still the same people as we were back then, maybe i can have you back.
but i don’t want you back. i never want you back, i never want to have to look at your stupid, smug face ever again, because everything’s changed, yet nothing’s changed. you parade yourself as one of the good guys, you act on the side of the light, yet you’ll still kill a man without hesitation, still betray and lie and cheat for your own personal gain, and somehow, i’m the only person in the world who knows it.
every time you call, i still know you want to use me for what i can do for you. you want all of my power without any of the commitment. and i’ll let you do it. i’ll kick, and i’ll scream, and i’ll argue, but i’ll let you do it. and you know i will.
when i left i couldn’t even say goodbye to you, because you sickened me. the precious guard dog, ever loyal to an organisation that would hurt us like that. i couldn’t believe it. it was repulsive. so, i decided i would never have anything to do with you, ever again. any meaning that we shared in days past was entirely dead to me, now. all of you were dead to me, and i left and thought i could quite easily disappear, and i would never have to see you again.
and then, of course, the world leads me back to you, like it always does. i wanted nothing to do with it. so i do what i always do, and hold you at arm’s length, keep you distant and impersonal and tease you for being a hot-headed little fool. you’re an easy target, a familiar one. if you stopped being that, i wouldn’t know how to act around you. i’d be scared of what i’d say. isn’t this sweeter, closer, anyway? this bickering we know so well? surely you’d prefer that, that odd kind of intimacy, to something awkward and strange and new. no matter how you argued, i always knew you wanted to know me, so here i am. in the only way i know how to know you.
still, how it haunts me. i know you better than anyone else, and so i know who i was when i knew you better than anyone else. every step you follow, i can feel the echoes of my past nipping at my heels, biting, pulling me backwards. we were happy together but i was so sad. being with you was not what broke me, but being near you reminds me of what did.
still, i cannot let go. i can argue logic, i can say it is the wisest thing to involve you in all that i do, because you are still the strongest man i’ve ever met, but truthfully, i would find a way on my own, if i despised you enough. so i bring you everywhere i go, let you back in to the parts of my life i remember the fondest, and for a while, we are partners again, even if i know it not to be true.
it is selfish, of course. i let you believe that i still hate you, that i am only using you for my own ends, that i see you as nothing but an inhuman tool to be used. and it hurts you, of course, because you are so giving, so loving, and i cannot reciprocate it. so it is better this way, i think. i don’t think i deserve somebody as pure as you.
don’t understand why we need to make up random scenarios for soukoku angst. it’s already in the canon like.
i love you but i hate you because you betrayed my greatest values and left without a word. now i can think of nothing but how to kill you because i swore that would be exactly what i’d do the moment i got my hands on you again, but you’re back in my life and i can’t seem to do it, or maybe i’m too busy.
you act like nothings happened. you act like nothings wrong. you act like four years apart is no time at all, and everything’s exactly the same, and look - we’re arguing, just like we used to, and i’ll go along with it if only because shouting at you is the only way i can defend myself from whatever disgusting, immoral, manipulative scheme you’re thinking up, because in the end i can’t kill you, even if i want to, because every nerve in my body burns with loyalty, and maybe the reason we still act the same now as we did four years ago is because we’re still the same people as we were back then, maybe i can have you back.
but i don’t want you back. i never want you back, i never want to have to look at your stupid, smug face ever again, because everything’s changed, yet nothing’s changed. you parade yourself as one of the good guys, you act on the side of the light, yet you’ll still kill a man without hesitation, still betray and lie and cheat for your own personal gain, and somehow, i’m the only person in the world who knows it.
every time you call, i still know you want to use me for what i can do for you. you want all of my power without any of the commitment. and i’ll let you do it. i’ll kick, and i’ll scream, and i’ll argue, but i’ll let you do it. and you know i will.
UGHH I'VE BEEN SEEING SO MUCH OF IN STARS AND TIME CONTENT IN MY FEED but I DON'T HAVE THE MEANS TO PLAY IT!!!
(IT'S MY TYPE OF GAME!! ITS AND INDIE GAME WITH POSSIBLY META TIME LOOPS!!! I LOVE INDIE GAMES AND META STUFF!!!)
I've been watching playthroughs of my favorite games but I legit want to EXPERIENCE In Stars and Time!! I was robbed of that inherent personal experience by just watching playthroughs (like for example watching playthroughs of Slay the Princess.)
The problem is I DON'T HAVE THE MEANS TO PLAY EITHER GAME!!! And honestly I'm too stubborn to fold and watch a playthrough.
So now as I scroll through Tumblr, everytime I see In Stars and Time I just quickly scroll past it to avoid any spoilers and just melt into a pile of sad goo. In fact, virtually every game I wanna play gives me that feeling.
Me: Soukoku will never work as romantic partners. Firstly, their care (and devotion) runs so deep that the word 'romantic' cannot articulate it. That in itself is fine, but what is not fine is that they both genuinely hate each other. They've hurt one another over the years and layer, and after layer of constant back-and-forth suffering, they can never work. I wouldn't be surprised if they still hate eachother due to their different outlooks in life. Even if they could harbor romantic feelings, they have too much between them to unpack. They simply cannot discard all the pain their environment and themselves have inflicted upon them. And with things as of the moment, they can rekindle past interactions, but they will remain distant. They both cannot abandon their responsibilities, boh personally and in different factions. Even so, I doubt they're ready to pursue a romantic relationship in general— even with each other. Perhaps in another life, they would've been together in such a way that they wouldn't hurt each other, but in this life, it's too complicated—
Also me, with the parasites in my head: Hehe. Soukoku good couple. Make them kiss and make up, yes.
Atsushi blinked, realising then that he'd been staring blankly at the gravestone in front of him. He hadn't meant to. He had been working on a case, needed somewhere quiet, found himself here, like he usually did. Staring at a name that was losing its face.
Dazai. O.
Distantly, the man knew Chuuya was coming. It was Friday afternoon and the mafioso had come every Friday since, so there was no reason for this day to be the exception. Atsushi just figured he'd be gone by the time he arrived. Oh well. No use worrying now.
The report in his lap and his notes were straightened in tucked into its folder when Chuuya stood at his side, kneeling down with... ah, more flowers. He should ask Kyouka what they were and what they meant. Chuuya didn't seem like the kind of person to make a careless decision.
"Hey, you piece of shit," Chuuya murmured next to him, and Atsushi pretended not to hear. He stood up and brushed himself off, filling his lungs with cool air before making to leave.
It never felt right staying when Chuuya was there. Sure, the mafioso could come whenever he wanted, Atsushi simply felt like an intruder on something that he didn't understand the weight of. If he lingered for too long, the redhead had taken to musing about Double Black's days in the Mafia with far too much yearning for the weretiger to handle on a good day.
It always felt like such a contrast to himself and Akutagawa. Chuuya even said he was proud of them, whatever that meant. Akutagawa said in fewer words that the executive was a dutiful man and felt that he was the new Double Black's keeper in the absence of the one who'd set it into motion. Atsushi might argue that they didn't need one, but they absolutely did.
"Dazai didn't tell you he wanted a grave, did they?"
Ah. Lingered too long watching the man without seeing his mouth move. Chuuya's eyes roved over that gravestone with a fondness he never would've let Dazai see - that no-one would see coming. Atsushi couldn't imagine not breaking down there and then under the weight of unspoken words.
And no, he hadn't. Kunikida nearly violated the truce when Executives Ozaki and Nakahara sat down and revealed Dazai's wishes. They were bare bones at best, vague and hidden surely on purpose to give those around him one last headache. If you listened closely enough in the lull of that conversation, you could hear his distant laughter from wherever he was now.
"No, it was a shock when you both arrived that day." This felt like a conversation that'd already been had.
"Not the Agency. You. He didn't tell you."
Why would he? "Yeah." He didn't feel anything about that. Not anymore. Not really. The thought must've been on his face, because the mafioso's neutral expression shot over his shoulder screamed liar.
Chuuya hummed. "A real piece of work 'til the end."
That was one way of putting it. Atsushi knew enough now to know that if anyone could understand how frustrating Dazai's omissions, were, it was Nakahara Chuuya.
"I was there when he was writing it." Musing again. Chuuya made it sound like it didn't hurt. Atsushi's stomach churned for him, but not for himself. He'd decided that he simply wouldn't grieve Dazai. "Thought it was weird. Up until that point, he'd been pretty fucking adamant about offing himself and letting everyone else deal with the mess."
"Sounds like him," sounded helplessly bitter. Chuuya raised an eyebrow but didn't comment.
"Said it was so his dog had somewhere to curl up hopelessly at night when he was gone."
Dazai really couldn't just say what he meant, but the Mafia was a big part of that. Growing up there must've been... it wasn't for Atsushi to guess. He was tired of reading between the lines. What business was it of his that Dazai couldn't tell his partner that he wanted to leave something tangible for him?
The detective didn't say anything. What was there to say? Chuuya had entertained himself for a few seconds with various emotions painting his face before settling on one. Atsushi couldn't define it if he tried. Wistful?
The air smelled like chazuke on an empty and growling stomach, with the faint undertone of river. He hated it.
"I always thought it was stupid that he was worried the wrong name would be written on his headstone."
Yeah... Seemed counterintuitive to care about something like that if he didn't care what happened to the world after death.
"He told me why later," Chuuya continued, taking a few moments to stare at the grave before settling off his bent knee to sit cross-legged. He could still see Atsushi if he leaned back on his hands. "I always figured he'd been trafficked, used to think it was coincidence that we didn't meet when we were both on the streets here. It was definitely Lady Luck's favour to not meet him sooner than I did."
Chuuya was a liar, of course, but that wasn't for Atsushi to point out. There was something more intriguing about this. "He had no attachment to his old name?"
"Guess so."
To forfeit a name was to forfeit the life attached to it. Had it been a good one? Was it too painful? Did Dazai care? Did it change out of convenience?
"Heard of the Tsushima family?" Vaguely. Rich, on TV, owned a pretty big business, if the detective was remembering correctly. "Apparently he's one of them. I couldn't find anything though. He did say I'd never find anything. Rich people think they can get away with anything."
Sweeping an entire life under the rug to save face. Sounded like Atsushi's orphanage experience. Chuuya didn't sound particularly pleased about it either.
"I think... it was Shuuji."
Tsushima Shuuji...
"It was one of his aliases. Boss made him use it when he pissed him off. They're the biggest brats I know."
Did Dazai ever want someone to call him that? Was there even any point asking such a question when the answer couldn't be known?
They, like both of them are still here. Like one of them isn't rotting under the ground.
Atsushi only felt he was frowning when his phone ringing startled him out of it. Chuuya didn't seem to mind the intensity, shrugging and flicking his hand in lieu of a wave.
"You gotta feel it one day," was what Chuuya offered as Atsushi retrieved his phone from his pocket. "You never know."
You never know when it all might fall apart, when it all might go away - you can prepare but never be prepared when it happens.
Atsushi stared at him a few moments longer. "I'll see you, Chuuyasan."
The mafioso hummed, and the detective turned away just as the executive removed his hat, hold it to his chest and-
