It’s getting harder to find a reason to stick around because it’s just overwhelming how clear it is that he doesn’t like me and doesn’t want me. I feel like I’m just someone he doesn’t know how to be honest with and is too scared to hurt so he just keeps me around despite knowing I’m not the person he wants. And some times I don’t understand why I’m not strong enough to just leave him alone. I try so hard and go through all the feelings and finally get into a place of accepting that it’s over then it’s like he senses that and comes back and I can’t ignore it.
I don’t know why I feel so strongly that he’s in LS with someone else but deep down I know that there’s no other reason to do all that. And part of me feels really crazy for getting so sad and depressed about something I don’t know for sure but I know him enough to know that it’s not unlikely and that he would lie to me about it even if I asked.
He’s lied so many times about so many things and I don’t understand why he can’t just be honest with me. Or why he can’t just leave me alone when he knows this isn’t going anywhere. I think I just thought if we can at least try being in a relationship and break up that all the time and effort and tears would be worth it.
But he’s so horrible to me. And I bc ant for the life of me understand why everyone else gets the good bits of him and get whatever he can muster up on that day. How can you drive three days to see someone but can’t figure out how to spend valentines with me or even text me at a reasonable hour on that day. You’ve never said happ6 birthday to me or asked me on proper dates or planned anything nice for us to do. You don’t ask how I am or let me know you’re think my abou5 me. You don’t ask me anything reall6… you don’t talk to me or wonder about m3. You don’t consider me or see a future. You don’t tell me how you feel sbou5 me.
Idk how you say you think you love me one moment to whatever this is right now.
I don’t know how you can keep stringing me along when you’re doing things with people that you never do with me. Dressing up for dates that you never go on with me. Posting taking picture and being happy and laughing and doing shit you never do with me. All we do in sit on a couch or lie in bed for hours and do nothing
I think at the least if you told a friend about me or your brother or we went out anywhere publicly together maybe that would be something…
I just feel hidden and locked away. I’m only on your mind when you need a place to stay and a place to wash clothes and a need to be back in the city to get more things. You don’t plan or think or wonder or care when it comes to me. And you certainly don’t love me.
Maybe you did once but.. not anymore









