Victim of my choices

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@pranjalsaidso
Victim of my choices
After a while, you should just stop trying.
Unclench your jaw, loosen your grip,
let some air fill your rib cage,
let your mind breathe.
Not everything is God’s plan.
Everyone can’t be saved.
No explanation will bring back your respect
or fully express your plight.
Circumstances and people do change
when you let them be.
Hold them tighter,
and you’ll bruise your fingers,
cut your soul;
your ears will bleed,
your eyes will water.
Ivory towers are often too lofty,
and their dwellers not so magnanimous
The echo of your wailing
falls on curtained ears
muffled, dismissed, unnecessary.
Stop before a real scab forms.
Because once it does,
the wound are pricked again
And are mocked for its grotesquery.
— Pranjal
If you ever wish you return to peace come back to me
What is a beautiful memory if not
the lingering touches of fingertips,
whiff of seasonal fruiting flowers,
sweetness of fruit flesh,
warmth of gentle breeze,
lazy conversation,
stolen glances and everything in between.
-Pranjal
I am way too tender for you
Way too slippery
I slip right through your mind
Into an abyss you never bothered to fish me out of.
-Pranjal
And you think I don't care for you, I do, I did. There was this time where our lives were intertwined and my soul couldn't be distinguished from yours, our bodies constantly rubbed against each other releasing warmth and giggles and guffaws. And then time moved on for me and you stayed there I couldn't take you with me.
My dear time is running faster by me, I'm a decade senior than the young girl you still are. Nothing reaches me except waves of ache from your heart, they pierce through me.
I have kept the promise we made together of always looking forward and I can't see what all I left behind. But, I often hear your laugh in my dreams and I turn on my guard and sleep.
-Pranjal
Poems are abstract and strange.
You fail to understand them;
they remain a head-scratcher.
In school you never fully fathomed
what the poet intended
but neither did Alexander Fleming understand penicillin completely.
I don’t understand how a dialysis machine works,
but it does and it saves lives.
- Pranjal
Sometimes all you need to do is to visit your childhood home and hear the echoes that no longer exist. Wonder how the mirror is still so clean after being locked for months and how you had to clean it everyday when you lived there. Look at the stuff you didn't think would qualify to be taken to the new house. Find an age old journal, read it and laugh at your naivety. Also wonder why you ever left.
-Pranjal
I kill myself a little every day,
’cause they said the world is cruel
and that feelings will weigh you down.
But they didn’t tell me this,
that with grief and anger,
humour and will die too.
— Pranjal
And nothing happens suddenly. Life is a slow-brewed concoction of mirth, failure, ecstasy, and woe.
-Pranjal
Why do we meet people, cats and fall in love.
There is a saying that goes something like this: you like because, and you love despite. You like someone because they are funny, easygoing, and have excellent taste in music; you love someone despite them being messy, loud, and sometimes downright dumb and mean.
In the last week of this fortunate year, I interacted more with cats than with humans. And, to be completely honest, it wasn’t all that bad. I hate losing friends, but just like cats, you can’t always tame them, and most will simply not like you for no apparent reason. Cats and their whimsies.
We meet people to feel jealousy, to learn that our birthstone is garnet and flower carnation and not the other way around. We meet them so we don’t have to pat our own shoulders, so we have one to cry on; so we can laugh while ugly crying; so someone calls us beautiful every single day. So that no two days are the same, and there is someone to share them with. So there is no need to evolve hydra-like self-healing powers. So we can see ourselves through other people’s eyes.
And this is why we meet people, people with varied interests. To learn about football, to develop a taste for foreign music, to learn investing, to fall in love with someone’s strangest laugh. To learn that Kate Moss was the face of Chanel in the ’60s. To take movie recommendations and never watch them. To taste what it feels like to survive in a country other than our own. To make elaborate plans and never follow them. To live each and every cliché. To learn Keanu Reeves' favorite song. To fall in love with one's city. To have a bittersweet relationship with someone's idiosyncratic hobby.
And finally, to sit in the quietest nook possible and casually trauma dumping.
And finally we meet cats to fall in love with.
- Pranjal
And it's January again cold and unforgiving, just like the people born in it.
'A meaningful life can be extremely satisfying even in the midst of hardship, whereas a meaningless life is a terrible ordeal no matter how comfortable it is.'
-Yuval Noah Harari
I know a thousand synonyms for sullen and withered, but only one for joy, and that is you.
You definitely need someone to romanticize your life's downfall.
What are we? If not a total of our favorite distractions.
//My Art//
My art has gone dumb and deaf
The artist within has died.
I can't read or write or create,
All I do is whine, Some words do pop now and then,
But like ephemeral bubble of life they sumblimate in thin air of nothingness.
I do invoke it on melancholic occasions It's been a ritual, so old.
Ah! the numbness of my senses,
Now percieves nothing, just deceives.
I wonder if it is some felicitous days,
That rendered me dull,
Or it's the persistent pessimism playing it's trick.
'Cause my art has gone dumb and deaf
And the artist within has died.
-Pranjal