*stranded

hello my name is Precious.

[preciousworthy]

I figured this call was appropriate since #firefly2017 is over..... maybe he's still in recovery mode (at Clawson, Oakland)

[preciousworthy]

04152017

what happened? 

I’m literally about a month and a half away from the beginning of school starting. I’m a little anxious, overall excited. 

My body is calling for me to turn over a new leaf.  I often fantasized about living a healthier lifestyle for myself and the planet. Since eczema has become a thing in my life, I believe now is the time to stop dreaming. 

It’s strange because I already restrict meat and dairy ( I’ve had a few eggs recently, though). I’ve cut out gluten, and aiming to cut out added sugars. My main struggle is with sugars. I can go a few days without unnatural sugars, but the cravings just come back so strong. I find myself at the store with fruit juices, and vegan icecream knowing I’m supposed to cut this shit out. 

The discipline is not yet there. 

I’m really hopeful that once I get my sugar intake to a bare minimum, my body will start to show improvement. I start an oral antibiotic tomorrow. I’m actually kinda excited for it. I’m well aware that I’m going to have to do a lot of repair work on my gut during and afterwards. 

i’m looking forward to it. 

[preciousworthy]

untitled. #basquiat (at The Broad Museum At Downtown Los Angeles)

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🦁 vs 🐱 kitty always wins (at Oakland, California)

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kitchen vibe

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Tea time

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and it starts 05032017

yesterday marked the start of the new chapter in my life. 

since my brother’s death, i’ve been inquiring within trying to figure out what it is i’m supposed to do on this planet. in my life all of the “careers’ i seen myself possibly doing all revolved around helping people directly in some way shape or form. these past five or six years i’ve run from that calling. i’m not sure why. 

one day while in meditation, i got a visit from myself. my future self. she told me what it is that i must do. she’s somewhere out there healing people, and so my journey begins. my journey to become a healer. 

i’ve been searching for pathways to enter, and what’s calling to me the most right now is massage school. from there who knows where i’m going to end up. i’m welcoming everything with wide open arms. 

last week, i had the worst eczema outbreak i’ve ever had. (i’m totally blaming it on the bag of doritos i ate in one sitting, smh) so, i got it really bad on my back, neck, arms, and my breasts. it got to the point where it was just so painful and i didn’t know what to do. i went to two urgent cares, they both prescribed some type of steroid. it was a mess. 

however, yesterday i visited a friend who’s an amazing holistic healer. i talked with her about my habits, and what’s been on my mind. she spit some traditional chinese medicine philosophy about energy and organs and meridians and stuff. it was great. 

what i walked away with is that a reason why my eczema got worse is because grief is expressed through the skin. i haven’t really been dealing with my feelings about my brother’s death. and it all changes now. besides, in order to heal other folks i have to heal myself first. 

i vow to be fully transparent. i’m committing myself to this transition fully and ready to just be a new. the first step i took in healing myself was finally talking to mom about my love. months earlier my little bro let her know that i have a girlfriend but we never talked about it. yesterday we had the talk. it actually went as i expected it to go. 

it’s quite liberating. i won’t go into the specifics of what was said, but i was finally able to say things that i wanted to say for a while. of course she doesn’t agree with my lifestyle but that’s totally fine. i’m okay with that. 

[preciousworthy]

new chapter brewing

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new chapter brewing

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new chapter brewing

[preciousworthy]

the next steps.

i’m quickly coming to find out that money isn’t really the answer. fulfilling my desires at the click of a button isn’t the answer. it’s not what i’ve been searching for. 

it’s funny how at the moments i was without money, i truly believed money would make me happy. though i don’t have an unlimited amount, i can say at this stage that it is not what i truly searched for this entire time. 

i’m coming to learn that what i truly am searching for is my purpose, my self, my truth, my tao. i’ve come to realize that adding more materials is not the way. just because i have the money to spend doesn’t mean that i should necessarily spend it. however, if i don’t spend the money on the things i desire earned at a job i’m not really into then what is life? 

my time is currency. 

there are things i desire that don’t require money. they require time. my biggest flaw is that i don’t really calculate time as money. i choose to eradicate that way of thinking. 

i could have the hugest library that money can buy, but it takes time to sit down and read the books and attain the knowledge i desire. 

this. this. this. 

i’m not too sure how much longer i can sustain being in an environment i no longer desire to be in. i’m looking for a way out. a way to the next step. 

five years ago, this was just a vision. i wasn’t really clear, but i knew i wanted something else. now most of the folks i knew then are just relics of the past. just as i am to them. why haven’t i ever realized that? 

i’m glad that i was able to make the way, though. i know now that i’m able to do anything i want to do. however, attaining money has spoiled me. i yearn for the instant gratification. since experience has made me a little wiser i desire to have patience and discipline. 

my journey becomes a little more difficult now. i’m aware of this. i’m completely aware. 

[preciousworthy]

14102016:nanowrimo prep

Nanowrimo is upon me once again. This year I actually remembered it's a thing, so I've been planning. So far I only have my character synopsizes. Next I'm going to work on my settings, and then construct the storyline. This is my first time participating in nanowrimo, and my goal is to win (reach 50000 words). I'm doing this because I want a typewriter. I have to prove to myself that I can get this momentum going, and make writing a part of everyday life again. Wish me luck!

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chill

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It just is.

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i know nothing

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it's bittersweet. Cannabis is proving to be quite the homie.

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