SOME BULLSHIT, WHO CARES

tumblr of President Ark, some dude who posts on internet forums

[markrosewater]

What sorts of things do you think players would want to see in a return to Alara?

Why don’t you all tell me what you’d like to see?

[presidentark]

I want to see how these five places interact with each other.

I want to see Bant's attempts at politicking and diplomacy with Esper and Naya. How do you conduct diplomacy with people who think reading minds is normal behavior? How do you engage in politics with people who follow the whims of titanic beasts?

I want to see Nayans introducing matca to Bant and Jund (and having to deal with a bunch of stuck-up paladins and rowdy death-cult goblins getting into drunken fights in the stands)

I want to see Jund goblins that go off to worship the godbeasts of Naya or these cool zombie dragons coming over from Grixis (the best part of being eaten by them is that you can keep doing stuff after!)

I want to see the last vitals of Grixis escape their hell, only to realize that even if they've left it they still carry their hell in their minds. I want to see Esperites who think they can outwit the demonlords of Grixis, only for it to go horribly wrong for them.

I want to see Esper trying to manipulate all of the above to various degrees and failing/succeeding, and I want to see what an Esper that can make Etherium again is gonna do with it. Go back to trying to graft it onto everything and everyone? Sell it? Make the coolest sword ever? Or perhaps the aether-liches steal it all and we get robot zombie wizards.

And I don't want it to be neat. These are five distinct worlds that got abruptly jammed together. Yes, Alara itself is one again. Why should that mean its people just throw up their hands and get along? Bant's politicking and diplomacy as attempts to hold off swarms of nacatl and smug, above-the-law esperites from besieging their outlying territories. Matca as both cultural diplomacy and distraction to try and keep hunters from neighboring provinces eating their gods. Jund goblins causing havoc as they roam. And of course, Esper schemes as always and Grixis is Grixis.

The first Alara was like a big showstopping end-of-the-world action movie.

I want to see what happened after the action movie ended.

The world was reknit anew. I want to see the people of Alara trying to stop their individual societies from fraying to chaos.

[genderfluid-druid]

hurr hurr I'm a human body hurr hurr I'm gonna solve all my problems using mucus

[turing-tested]

"Many species of polychaetes undergo epitoky whereby sexually immature worms transform into pelagic morphs capable of sexual reproduction. After fertilization, they release their gametes through rapid disintegration." worms are out here having insane sex we can't even comprehend

[turing-tested]

"what do they mean by disintegrate?" "oh yeah no he fucking disintegrated"

[turing-tested]

[gunsandfireandshit]

[bogleech]

This skips the best part! The epitoke isn't the "real" or "original" worm. The worm grows an extra body with a simpler brain that only knows how to swim and cum (by exploding) so this part breaks off and the rest of the worm just stays home.

In some species the epitoke, also known as a cummunculus in this post just now, is advanced enough to have its own eyes and everything, though only so it at least knows the right direction to swim (up) because it's so stupid and all

[prokopetz]

When you see a post about a wizard casting Penis Blast without further elaboration, what kind of spell do you picture them casting?

A blast which issues from the penis

A blast which strikes the penis

A blast which conjures a penis

A blast which grants its target a penis

A blast which transforms its target into a penis

A blast which itself resembles a penis

A blast which in some metaphysical sense IS a penis

A blast invented by a wizard named Penis

Other (specify)

Voting ended onFeb 18, 2023

[hollowtones]

FYI

hoping they make Fish metal next 

[presidentark]

[prokopetz]

Random headcanon: the reason that Peach and Bowser don’t seem to get a lot of respect in some Super Mario games is because the Mushroom Kingdom is kind of a rural backwater and isn’t terribly important or influential politically, so people tend to regard Bowser as a C-list villain for being so hung up on such an insignificant conquest. Nobody really expects Bowser to be a serious threat – that would be like expecting a guy whose main claim to fame is repeatedly failing to conquer Wyoming to be a serious threat – so they get taken by surprise every single time.

[gragshash]

So what you’re saying is that Bowser is more or less on the same level of villainy as Dr. Doofenshmirtz?

[prokopetz]

Oh, quite the opposite – point him at any target that isn’t the Mushroom Kindgom and he’s this massive outside context problem that rolls over entire armies and cracks planets in half. It’s just the Mushroom Kingdom in particular he can’t seem to figure out, and that bothers him terribly.

[jadagul]

The obvious implication is that, like, Mario is an A-tier hero who happens to live in a C-tier nation.

Like, if Clark Kent hadn’t moved to the big city for a reporting job, he’d still be Superman. And there’s be some villain who tried to knock over a bank in Bumfuck Kansas and wound up having a very bad day.

(And eventually we have Lex Luthor spending a huge amount of time trying and failing to run some penny-ante scheme in rural Kansas and failing, and no one can take him seriously despite the fact that he’s just as competent as he would be in canon.)

[comatosecartesian]

In Oregon there lives a species of snake capable of surviving tetrodotoxin doses strong enough to kill animals thousands of times their size. This is because they evolved alongside a species of poisonous newt which they consume regularly, which produces ludicrous amounts of a poison thousands of times stronger than cyanide. They got to this point by fighting each other in the same bumfuck nowhere habitat for millions of years. The newts got more toxic to fight the snakes. The snakes got better immunity to keep eating newts. Now we’re left with snakes capable of eating some of the most poisonous creatures alive, and newts so deadly that they are inedible to anything other than these snakes.

What I’m trying to say is that Mario and Bowser are the result of two evenly-matched overpowered idiots fighting the same battle for decades. The consequences only become clear when you square them up to literally anything else.

[2000sanimeop]

“giasfelfebrehber welcome to ICE-E’S P"E"ZZA what can i get for you?”

“yeah can i get a slice of peeperoniss p"e"zza?”

“absolutely, do you want the meal or just the slice?’

“uuuuuh hold on”

*fishes something out of my pocket*

“lancer what do i do?”

“get the crazy bread  . youll need the energy in the coming days”

*stuffs it back in my pocket*

“uhh yes please the meal would be great”

[bogleech]

I know monkeys do a lot of questionable things but what business does ANY monkey have occurring naturally in Japan? That's like if the Canadian mountains had their own poison dart frog or a kind of cassowary lived in like, new jersey

[presidentark]

As a New Jersey native I would not be surprised if it turns out there were giant flightless predatory birds in the pine barrens

[kedreeva]

you take that BACK

[rob-boss]

[prokopetz]

Talking to an Animal Crossing villager while wearing a hat that resembles whatever animal they are must be a surreal experience from their perspective. Imagine a talking bear came up to you and it was wearing a hood with giant rubber human ears on the sides.

[presidentark]

so, like this?

[anneofgreengaybles]

sometimes I tweet about the funny/cute/utterly bizarre shit my 3rd graders do and say

[anneofgreengaybles]

[anneofgreengaybles]

[anneofgreengaybles]

the latest dispatches from room 156

[anneofgreengaybles]

happy monday folks

[anneofgreengaybles]

room 156 is BACK bitches and better than ever!!!!!!!!

[anneofgreengaybles]

a special room 156 update in honor of election 2020

[anneofgreengaybles]

2020 continues to be A Time but at least my 3rd graders continue to be the funniest people on the goddamn planet

[anneofgreengaybles]

have not updated this post in a while so here, enjoy some room 156 content in these trying times

[anneofgreengaybles]

sorry if you find updates to this post annoying but this is my tumblr and I’ll be as annoying as I want baybeeeeeeeeeeee

[anneofgreengaybles]

there are only 7 school days left and I’m feeling Emo™️ about it so here are some room 156 tweets

[notoriousbeing]

is 28°c/84°f too hot or too cold for you?

[iapislazuli]

Whenever you’re talking about time scales of the universe like black holes and stars and whatever it’s like everything either lasts 1.5373x10^-75 microseconds or seventy two billion years can’t these bitches just spend 12 minutes on something

[catchymemes]

[drinkyourjuiceshelby]

[jaspurr]

the best thing about this is that when there’s plenty of resources, domesticated cats will naturally form colonies. in these colonies female cats raise their kittens communally with their kin. so you get situations where moms will raise kittens with their daughters from a previous litter, cats from the same litter will raise kittens together, etc. so not only does this little old kitty see her human as family, she is also excited to help her with her kitten.

[bogleech]

Sometimes a grandma is a little creature that lives on the floor

[prokopetz]

You know what the crowning irony of the whole NFT fiasco is?

Okay, so: what an NFT purports to provide is a provenance for digital assets – a documented chain of curatorship or ownership, going all the way back to the piece’s original author.

Like a provenance for physical art, an NFT isn’t going to do anything to prevent anyone from duplicating the associated digital asset; all it does is provide a public, theoretically non-falsifiable documentation of who notionally “owned” that digital asset at any given point in its history.

Leaving side the question of whether establishing provenance for digital assets is a sensible thing to want, there’s also a more basic issue here.

Namely: how can you establish that the stack of documentation you’ve got in your hands actually pertains to the piece of art you say it does, and not some other piece of art?

Well, ideally, you’d want that documentation to contain some uniquely identifying information about the piece itself, right?

And there’s the problem; remember when I said that NFTs purport to provide a provenance for digital assets?

To be 100% clear, NFTs totally could provide such a provenance, if they were competently structured.

Most NFT exchanges are not, in fact, competently structured.

Rather than documenting any uniquely identifying information about its associated digital asset, your average NFT merely documents the public-facing URL at which that asset is located.

For example, suppose you purchase a piece of art that’s been uploaded to the URL https://example.com/my-nifty-art.jpg, with an associated NFT.

If you examine the chain of ownership documented in the NFT, you’ll find that the only fact it records about your digital art is that it resides at the URL https://example.com/my-nifty-art.jpg.

That’s it.

Basically, what you’ve purchased is a provenance of the URL itself, not what’s located at it.

Somebody could sell you an NFT, then overwrite the associated digital asset with a photo of their ass, and you could never prove that it wasn’t always a photo of their ass, because all your shiny new blockchain-backed provenance documents is that you own whatever file happens currently to be located at the recorded URL.

And the hell of it is, the vast majority of artists who are selling NFTs probably don’t even realise that they’re ripping people off in this way, because it’s never occurred to them to check what their NFTs are actually documenting.

It’s clowns all the way down.

[teathattast]

[glumshoe]

hi I’m sorry but what the fuck is the statement being made here:

[thepleasuregoblin]

Look out liberals! My dog is RACIST

[glumshoe]

I would agree if it were the dog being pulled aside to reveal the flags. Symbolically, that would suggest the flag reflects the dog’s inner values. But since it’s the flag being pulled aside to reveal the dog...? It reads more like “at the core of right wing racist ideology is chihuahua”, which is just. Incomprehensible. 0/10 symbolism.

[glumshoe]

obsessed with this one ‘cause it is unintentionally reminiscent of a certain viral shock image from 1999 that rhymes with “stoatsy”:

I also like that there is another flag behind the dogs, suggesting that they are trapped between layers of confederate flags like some kind of dogmeat sandwich of racism

[instantmonkeysonline]

this one has to be intentional, right?

[glumshoe]

SFJSUWIDHDNSJKYF

[awesome-blossom]

godse, now feat. aslan

[presidentark]

i worked at a place that printed tshirts on demand and this dreck is 100% generated by bots. i read later that they actually target specific people with facebook; so it’s literally “we scraped someone’s facebook and saw they liked RELIGION and LIONS and are PATRIOTIC” so they slapped those together and bought ads to target someone they think will buy it