should i stay or should i go now @pressl2pee - Tumblr Blog

gqstyle

sometimes i forget i have this blog

ok im still moving back here

#le p2iigh

ok going through the arduous process of changing blogs again

#le p2iigh

pressl2pee

i was right i was fucking right

ok u know what? im going back on this tumblr. because i was fucking right. i was R I G H T ALL ALONG MOTHERFUCKERS!!! AND I CAN PROVE IT!!!!

A masterpost of the drama of my Manic Summer 2017 and everything behind why i was in such a bad place

- i didnt realize it at the time but i was an anti and all my friends were antis and thats why i separated from that group. bc they were fucking toxic as hell.

ESPECIALLY fuck you ERIDAN and ALGO you guys were assholes and im glad i finally realized that so i can be mad at you instead of myself. AND MAKE SURE THIS POST GETS TO THEM.

- i never said that satanist cults were ok, and i said thats not what the fuck satanism is in the first place, but that asshole refused to listen and just used the "im an abuse victim!!!" card over and over to paint a strawman of what satanism actually is.

- the reason i said i hate Christianity?

I LITERALLY WENT TO A CONVERSION CAMP FOR 6 WEEKS WHEN I WAS 15 AND I KNEW IT WAS FUCKED UP BUT I DIDNT REALIZE IT WAS A CONVERSION CAMP UNTIL I HAD MY FIRST GOOD THERAPIST AARON ILY FOREVER YOU TAUGHT ME SO MUCH

ive talked about it before and you can look it up its called house of hope and its in orlando and its pretty much exactly like the tiktok memes

and i remember having a crush on this guy clifford (feel bad for that name) who had anger problems and i related a lot to him and also this girl nia and also one of the "big sisters" i forget her name but anyway you know what the deal is i was obviously bi + transmasc and obviously in a mixed episode and obviously autistic + adhd so i literally had everything stacked against me!! and i still made it!!! because of the awesome people i met there. so literally i am not afraid of going to a conversion camp with president pence because literally, been there, done that

i have my journal from there that im still using today and this blog has also been an online journal + info source for me and im so ready to come back guys

happy 2020 im moving back

pressl2pee

AND THE KIN DRAMA? AND ABOUT ALGO FUCKING GATEKEEPING ME ABOUT NOT BEING A SYSTEM WHEN I WAS PROBABLY ON THE RIGHT FUCKING TRACK ANYWAY LIKE???

ABOUT KINNING THE DEVIL? BAM. LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR. HIS NIGHTCLUB NAMED LUX. EDGELUX. I REALLY NEED TO WATCH GOOD OMENS SO I CAN FUCKING KIN AZIRAPHALE ALREADY.

pressl2pee

and even if this all turns out to be delusions of grandeur like i got gaslit into believing was the case LAST TIME, it just means im already confirmed psychotic and therefore prone to DID and schizophrenia anyway so take THAT YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES!!!!!

like i have C-PTSD thats a given. Adhd is a given. everything else ive listed is speculation but its based on real facts and events that have happened to me and its all comorbid with everything i know for a fact that i DO have

im only beginning to unravel everything that was done to me so who knows what repressed memories i will uncover this year!!!! i literally didn't have a childhood!!!! my 20s and THE 20s are going to be the first time i actually have a life!!!!

pressl2pee

i was right i was fucking right

ok u know what? im going back on this tumblr. because i was fucking right. i was R I G H T ALL ALONG MOTHERFUCKERS!!! AND I CAN PROVE IT!!!!

A masterpost of the drama of my Manic Summer 2017 and everything behind why i was in such a bad place

- i didnt realize it at the time but i was an anti and all my friends were antis and thats why i separated from that group. bc they were fucking toxic as hell.

ESPECIALLY fuck you ERIDAN and ALGO you guys were assholes and im glad i finally realized that so i can be mad at you instead of myself. AND MAKE SURE THIS POST GETS TO THEM.

- i never said that satanist cults were ok, and i said thats not what the fuck satanism is in the first place, but that asshole refused to listen and just used the "im an abuse victim!!!" card over and over to paint a strawman of what satanism actually is.

- the reason i said i hate Christianity?

I LITERALLY WENT TO A CONVERSION CAMP FOR 6 WEEKS WHEN I WAS 15 AND I KNEW IT WAS FUCKED UP BUT I DIDNT REALIZE IT WAS A CONVERSION CAMP UNTIL I HAD MY FIRST GOOD THERAPIST AARON ILY FOREVER YOU TAUGHT ME SO MUCH

ive talked about it before and you can look it up its called house of hope and its in orlando and its pretty much exactly like the tiktok memes

and i remember having a crush on this guy clifford (feel bad for that name) who had anger problems and i related a lot to him and also this girl nia and also one of the "big sisters" i forget her name but anyway you know what the deal is i was obviously bi + transmasc and obviously in a mixed episode and obviously autistic + adhd so i literally had everything stacked against me!! and i still made it!!! because of the awesome people i met there. so literally i am not afraid of going to a conversion camp with president pence because literally, been there, done that

i have my journal from there that im still using today and this blog has also been an online journal + info source for me and im so ready to come back guys

happy 2020 im moving back

pressl2pee

AND THE KIN DRAMA? AND ABOUT ALGO FUCKING GATEKEEPING ME ABOUT NOT BEING A SYSTEM WHEN I WAS PROBABLY ON THE RIGHT FUCKING TRACK ANYWAY LIKE???

ABOUT KINNING THE DEVIL? BAM. LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR. HIS NIGHTCLUB NAMED LUX. EDGELUX. I REALLY NEED TO WATCH GOOD OMENS SO I CAN FUCKING KIN AZIRAPHALE ALREADY.

#le p2iigh #what if im not even a mage??? what if im a muse???#could a fully realized mage be as powerful as a muse?#if im a muse of doom i literally have the same classpect as the actual devil #if im a system that would explain why i have so many self contradictions all the time. and why i sometimes feel like im not alone in my head #and why im so good at writing dialogue and why i feel so connected to the sign gemini despite me being a libra sun???#it would explain a lot of things #i was supposed to be a twin and my mom miscarried.#what if the twin's soul inhabited my body?#and then theres just been this evil guy that represents my inner demons #he showed up around sophomore year of high school #hes where my intrusive thoughts come from #and he takes over when im manic #while me and my twin are helpless to watch #this makes the most sense to me #why 2 and 3 are my lucky numbers #and 23 #oh and i might have ocd too??#it would also make sense.....#especially pocd #which is literally the exact opposite of being a pedophile #i think i have reached the goalpost for most time spent doing mental gymnastics not to self dx bc we were gaslit into thinking im crazy #this is the last straw i refuse to be beat down by life anymore!! 2020s bring it on im ready this time!!!!

tomatograter

jake lately

#big ass mood #dirkjake is such a top tier ship bc they are both aromantic and they work so well together and gahhhhh

i was right i was fucking right

ok u know what? im going back on this tumblr. because i was fucking right. i was R I G H T ALL ALONG MOTHERFUCKERS!!! AND I CAN PROVE IT!!!!

A masterpost of the drama of my Manic Summer 2017 and everything behind why i was in such a bad place

- i didnt realize it at the time but i was an anti and all my friends were antis and thats why i separated from that group. bc they were fucking toxic as hell.

ESPECIALLY fuck you ERIDAN and ALGO you guys were assholes and im glad i finally realized that so i can be mad at you instead of myself. AND MAKE SURE THIS POST GETS TO THEM.

- i never said that satanist cults were ok, and i said thats not what the fuck satanism is in the first place, but that asshole refused to listen and just used the "im an abuse victim!!!" card over and over to paint a strawman of what satanism actually is.

- the reason i said i hate Christianity?

I LITERALLY WENT TO A CONVERSION CAMP FOR 6 WEEKS WHEN I WAS 15 AND I KNEW IT WAS FUCKED UP BUT I DIDNT REALIZE IT WAS A CONVERSION CAMP UNTIL I HAD MY FIRST GOOD THERAPIST AARON ILY FOREVER YOU TAUGHT ME SO MUCH

ive talked about it before and you can look it up its called house of hope and its in orlando and its pretty much exactly like the tiktok memes

and i remember having a crush on this guy clifford (feel bad for that name) who had anger problems and i related a lot to him and also this girl nia and also one of the "big sisters" i forget her name but anyway you know what the deal is i was obviously bi + transmasc and obviously in a mixed episode and obviously autistic + adhd so i literally had everything stacked against me!! and i still made it!!! because of the awesome people i met there. so literally i am not afraid of going to a conversion camp with president pence because literally, been there, done that

i have my journal from there that im still using today and this blog has also been an online journal + info source for me and im so ready to come back guys

happy 2020 im moving back

escaped

we all joke about tumblr being a hell-site but the reality is that its extremely toxic, and removing myself from this site to the extent i am (i.e. abandoning this blog) is probably the 2nd wisest decision i could ever be making rn.

#the first is leaving my mom's house bc she's a drain on everyone that actually wants to get their life together #anyway

re: the apology post

I’ve done some self-reflection on my behavior and thinking, and I’ve recognized that the entire religious thing as a concept was a hypomanic episode with grand delusions (I have professionally-diagnosed Bipolar II disorder).

Again, I'm sorry for all the trouble I have caused, but I’m grateful for this as a learning experience. I have now learned to better recognize when I am in a hypomanic state, and I’m glad I learned this sooner rather than later. From now on, I’ll work to better myself without putting excessive amounts of religious beliefs/delusions into it.

Thank you for reading and listening to my apology.

so i ended up deleting every original/personal post of mine for the entirety of july bc my anxiety has been Severely Triggered by.. that Thing i just posted about like an hour or so ago

final mood for this blog:

#end.

traumathoughts

i am nothing but the mistakes that i’ve committed

#BIG MOOD HUGE MOOD ETERNAL MOOD

traumathoughts

#still a mood.

A formal apology for everything I’ve said regarding religious discourse in the past few days. (7/29/17)

It took very harsh and hurtful criticism (a huge thank-you to a decent friend of mine) for me to get the underlying point that im not informed enough to talk about specific issues in religions other than Christianity.

I apologize deeply for believing that I had a right to talk as an equal to someone with personal experience where I don’t, solely on the fact that I have considered myself to be a self-aware and open-minded person with a good intuition and a well-established vocabulary.

I’m now aware that I have been heavily overcompensating for the fact that I have had an extensive history of being conditioned to believe that my experiences and opinions are always less valid than someone else’s, regardless of the situation.

I will stop talking about this issue altogether until and if I become sufficiently informed about the intricacies of the religions that I intend to criticize in a complex manner, and I’m comfortable with the fact that it might take several decades to reach a level of appropriate comprehension.

The lessons that I’ve learned is that knowledge and experience always have more weight than pure intuition, and that it is possible for me to be hurt by criticism and still have it be just as valid as if it was riddled with euphemisms to make me feel better about myself.

I don’t expect anyone to forgive me, but I hope that you will be able to accept this heartfelt and sincere apology.

I will now remove every post and theory where I believed that I had a right to speak over people clearly more informed than me.

#Maybe I'm not yet cut out for as big of a job as completely changing human thought and perception.#and by 'maybe' i mean definitely.