Since the day I met you, I only ever wanted to be with you. How easy it is to fall in love and yet so difficult it is to live knowing you love someone so very much that you would die a thousand deaths for them.
I had a wall built higher than soul can hope or mind can hide and then somehow you managed to find a crack in that hole. Now that wall has been reinforced and I never wish to be without it. I never want to love again if it hurts this much to lose it. The happiness of love is not worth this pain.
When I started that job, before I had even met you, I felt you. There was something in that building drawing me in, tempting me with something I could have only dared to dream of, a love so beautiful that it would take my breath away. And you did, I couldnât breathe. I saw you and instantly my heart knew what it had waited so long for. I knew more about you in a few short months that I would about anyone else in a lifetime. I traced every part of you and memorized every freckle, forever burned into my head.
Itâs always funny to me, matters of the heart. My heart that still continues to beat even when itâs been shattered in pieces. My heart that still has the ability to love even after its love has been ripped from it. The heart can be torn and thrown around, ripped, and shredded, and yet it still remains, there in our chest, forever beating against our skin, reminding us that we are alive and that a broken heart kills you in a much different way than death. My heart breaking has brought unbearable sadness to my life. A sadness that is so overwhelming that it has crushed my spirit and kills me ever so slowly. Every day it yearns for him, and every day that separates my from him it breaks a little more. Soon there will be nothing left of me but a shell of what I once was. A shell without the ability to love or feel or live.
They say that the heart that loves withstands the test of time, but the heart that loves and loses only has the strength to withstand what is left in the bitterness that follows a heartbreak. Time has only weakened me and brought about more sadness then I ever imagined.
My love, you have no idea how much I love you. No one on this earth has any idea how much. Every single love in this world is different and everyone loves differently. Never does the same love happen twice. Never will anyone love you the way I do, and for that, I am sorry. I did not chose this, and I would never chose for you to live the rest of your life with a mediocre love. I have loved you more than the sun, the moon, and the stars, and baby, you know how I feel about those damn stars. I am sorry that you may experience a love for someone similar to the love I have for you, but that that someone will never love you back with any of the same similarities.
This love is mine, never to be shared, and I will carry it for the rest of my life because I have been too much of a coward to tell you that I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night. In that, I mean that I have loved you too much to be afraid of whatever life has to throw at me, for none of it matters and nothing is as terrifying as loving someone. The depth of my love is infinite and I never told you.
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