After an excruciatingly long week off from the box, I am back home. Yesterday was my first WOD in over a week. Was it pretty? Not particularly. Was it adjusted for my injury? Absolutely. But, I did it. It was AWESOME and I was home. I use that word very specifically. Aside from the fact that I practically live at my box during the week (I have been known to show up at 4:30 for 5 pm WOD and not leave until 8 pm on rampers show up), I am also back at home base. I am starting off slowly and using less weight than before. I am not allowed to go near my PR’s for a few more weeks as I continue to heal. I need to admit – this was not the best part about being back. I am a Taurus, a bull, and when I want to do something, I damn near always do it. Being told by my coach that I needed to pull it back, adjust movements and rest more was painful to hear. Is he right?! Of course, but no, I will never admit that in person to his face – sorry Felipe. There’s something about feeling caged, limited, impotent that just doesn’t do it for me. I know some people who don’t mind that feeling. I am not one of them. I speak my mind (sometimes loudly) and have no shame. So then why do I feel guilty about playing around with a friend and deadlifting with him at 185# (no where near my 1 rep max of 230#)? I got home and actually worried about having overdone it – after getting an earful for training more than I should have. Where does this new fear come from? I am still strong, still able to do things I did before. This is not the worst injury I have had, and CERTAINLY not the worst injury possible. But then, the familiar feeling of exhaustion and peace swept over me. I WOD-ed! I saw my friends, my crossfit family. I am still capable of doing things that most people don’t bother trying. So what if I have to take a few steps back. I am not derailed. As a good friend put it; “Sarah, you are recovering from and injury and we are in this for the long haul.” I am sometimes the stupidest person I know. Don’t I know this? Don’t I tell my friends to take it easy when they hurt themselves? So why don’t we ever take our own advice?! I got to see a few of my favorite CFS people (those that will be in my camp, in my corner when I go to the games in a few years – you know who you are). I can’t tell you how much I missed the community and family that I have created at my box. I am picky. I cut people out of my life who are emotionally or physically toxic influences (yes, you can find toxic people even in the crossfit community). So to say I was back with family is HUGE. This is a big part of why I crossfit. If you’ve read my previous blog posts about getting in my own head, you will know I like home. Home is grounding, a safe base to hide from the world. It’s fitting that I find home at my box. A huge, industrial, cold space filled with warm smiles, great achievements and loud cheers. There I am safe. I fall, I fail, I try again. There I can make a TOTAL fool of myself and no one seems to care. There I am empowered to reach for more, do better, be better. Is there magic in that space? No. Is there something in the water fountain? No, we don’t have one. It’s the people that make the difference. It’s my fellow crossfitters at all levels who make it home for me. Cheering each other on, pushing each other to always try harder. Maybe being injured isn’t hell on earth?! Trust me, negotiating WODs with my coach needs to stop. But, I guess I have to give in and wait it out. I feel like a race horse at Belmont waiting for the gates to open, when I can jump back in full force and go after more PRs. But for now, I’m happy to be home, cozy in my routine surrounded by family.
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