Henry Wotton's letterbox

Boredom is the enemy of the mind or something of the sort so please, don't be afraid to write. The tag "paradoxposting" will be used for in-character posts.

[princeparadoxe]

Welcome to all

To know how to converse is perhaps the most impressive of skills, but to know how to write is for sure the most gratifying. I, for one, indulge in both.

Rules are reserved for the monarchs and the delusional. I shall therefore only give you guidelines, since this is apparently something that people expect from others.

♤ Any format of ask is accepted: Letters, questions (though unsollicited advice is the only advice worth giving), accusations, gossip... Whatever you wish to say to me.

♤ Mentions of violence, vulgarities or anything of the sort are also welcome. Censorship and dullness are the only true plagues of our times.

♤ Just do as you please. Seriously. There is nothing unworthy of being talked about, just as there is nothing worth being serious about.

Perhaps this will keep me occupied during those dreadfully silent periods between social gatherings. Most importantly, I hope this will entertain you. There is nothing I dread more than leaving people indifferent. Apart maybe from labels and unflattering colour combinations.

I look forward to finding your notes in my mailbox,

– Henry Wotton

[stoned-perregrin]

Henry Wootton is that you? (He would kill me for associating him with “fat little legs”)

Crime and Punishment

[princeparadoxe]

My fat little legs are none of your business, thank you very much.

[princeparadoxe]

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my good wife gave to me: a letter opener. A perfectly sharp letter opener. A very beautiful and ornate object, made of silver of course, but I nearly cut myself unwrapping it. Her reasoning? Since I am constantly wounding people with words, I might as well commit the deed with an appropriate weapon.

This is the only time of the year during which I am grateful for having a wife.

[princeparadoxe]

What's your view on labels, specifically in regards to relationships and sexuality?

I despise them! They are my main grievance against the younger generations. Romance and sexuality must be experienced rather than talked about using such shallow terms. Besides, even the people who do use those labels are unable to agree with each other on their specific definitions. They get lost in insignificant details and forget how to simply be their authentic selves — if there is such a thing as an "authentic self".

A waste of brain power, that is what those labels are.

[princeparadoxe]

How would you adress the accusations of somehow having taken Dorians soul in exchange for giving him eternal youth (so basically, the interpretation that you might be the devil)?

Those accusations are simply ridiculous. What on Earth would I make of a soul? I already have one of my own — although I am highly doubtful of the soul's existence as some kind of spiritual thing — and that is largely enough as it is! No, Dorian's youth is, unfortunately, as much of a mystery to me as it is to everybody else.

However, I must say that it always brings me much pleasure to be compared to the devil. It must mean I am doing something right.

[princeparadoxe]

what if I told you I pegged basil

I would tell you that I am surprised, as I thought he favoured the real thing.

[princeparadoxe]

Can I peg you

I don't know, darling. Can you?

[princeparadoxe]

Good evening Lord Henry

You:

- claim that women have no sense of art

- your bestfriend (from university mind you universities are fucking gay especially in that era) is an artist who loves beauty

- his other bestfriend is so beautiful he kinda is a literal piece of art

dude… just say you’re gay…

Good evening, my dear.

I fail to understand how any of those points can be taken as a confirmation of my own sexual preferences. And as for women's sense of art, believe me, you would have agreed with me had you lived in my era.

[princeparadoxe]

Uhm... Were you and Basil ever roommates in your college and university days? Your answer will be a subtle indicator to the answers of a much different question, however, I will not elaborate.

Basil and I have never lived together, I am sorry to disappoint. We had our own dormitory rooms, as well as very different schedules — that is to say, he studied with relentless determination, and I missed every lecture I could without risking being expelled.

One thing I will tell you, though, is that he seldom refused my visits. I provided cigarettes, and he, his dull commentary on life and on my habits, which he deemed irresponsible. It was a convenient arrangement for both of us, as I took a lot of pleasure in finding new, inventive ways to provoke him.

What is the other question to which you allude? Is it about the nature of my relationship with Basil? Another redundant topic, if that is the case.

[princeparadoxe]

Cause you’re hot and gay.

If you weren’t we wouldn’t be asking.

Ah, well, that explains everything then.

Tell me, do you also ask my dear friend Basil those kinds of questions? Or Dorian?

Or am I special?

[princeparadoxe]

crude question: what kind of role do you take on during sex? (submissive, dominant, etc.)

Another one of those questions, I see. To this, I answer: Why must I limit myself by associating a term to my behaviour? The roles which I play, both in and out of the bedroom, are not to be defined by the shallow nomenclature favoured by the younger generations.

But, if you really must know, there are a few people, some friends of mine, who might be willing to offer you some insight on the matter — however inaccurate or inconsistent their answers may be. But I shan't be the one to do it, my dear friend.

Besides, why is everybody so desperate to know about my sexual preferences? It is quite flattering, I must admit, but there is a decided redundancy in those questions.

[princeparadoxe]

Are you a top or a bottom?

Would you not desire to know, forecast fellow?

[princeparadoxe]

i want you vro

Vro? Do you believe that the chances of you having me are made more favourable by your use of nonsensical language? Is this how today's youth woos their conquests?

This so-called "Gen Z language" is both confusing and incredibly fascinating. I must educate myself about it.

[princeparadoxe]

dear Wotton,

forgive me if this is a bit crass to you, but opinions on lesbians and lesbianism? do you happen to know any per chance or perhaps suspect that you do? (no need to name names of course, I’m not the police)

If there is one thing more tedious than a woman alone, it would be two women together. I have nothing against lesbianism as a concept — it is a refreshing alternative to the horrible tendency women have to marry creatures who look more like boars than men — but I simply do not expect anything particularly interesting to come out of such an arrangement.

I indeed know a few "Sapphic" women. Of course I do; I live in London, my dear. And while I admire the practicality of their lifestyle, I could never personally commit to such austerity. I believe I have already stated how awfully limiting homosexuality can be for the poor souls who practice it.

I know for a fact that a dear friend of mine, one whose name would surely sound familiar to you, has had her fair share of experiences with other women in her youth. Perhaps she still does to this day.

I must ask her about it the next time we dine together.

[princeparadoxe]

My darlings,

I come back from the dead tonight to offer my apologies—a practice close to foreign to me—for my absurdly long hiatus. Did you beautiful people believe I had important business to attend to? God, I hope not! That would be awfully out-of-character, wouldn't it?

But worry not; I have not yet forgotten about you, or all your wonderful messages, which I have regretfully neglected and left sitting in my mailbox for the last few weeks. Or months. How long has it been anyway? I try not to think about the passage of time,

Regardless, I have missed this pointless endeavour. I shall now take the time to answer your enquiries in my best capacity, lest they somehow begin to whither and rot.

Yours truly,

H. W.

[princeparadoxe]

Do you have religious trauma?

Trauma? My dear fellow, I have never taken religion seriously enough for it to affect me at all! Perhaps my lack of belief has given me some trouble in my past – and it still does now, as some people insist that I am some sort of devil – but that is the only extent which my relationship with religion has ever reached. It is quite wonderful, to be so unbothered by something which takes such an absurd amount of space in our society.

Basil, on the other hand... Well, that is a different story.

[princeparadoxe]

all you do is aura farm bcs when you yap you only speak of vanity, sir!

All I do is what, now?

Farming is quite the dirty job, my friend. The best you shall see me do is cultivate – cultivate intellect, that is!